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Wedding planning and panic mode! Was: wedding rings, and the purchase thereof
Shadowfire
Vermont, in the middle of nowhereRegistered User regular
Vermont, in the middle of nowhereRegistered User regular
My fiancee and I are getting married in May, and we're getting a lot of things finalized. One of these things is, obviously, the rings themselves. We really don't know how to go about getting them, what we should be looking for, and the like. We don't have tons of money, but we want something special... we've actually been looking at damascus steel, since they're a bit different and quite beautiful.
Do you folks have suggestions on sites I should look at? Our local options are a bit limited, unless we drive several hours.
Do you folks have suggestions on sites I should look at? Our local options are a bit limited, unless we drive several hours.
PSN: Bradcopter | Steam: Shadowfire
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Congratulations Shadowfire!
Congrats!
I sold rings for years, and I can tell you that the only way to do it is to look at everything you can in person. Take a day and go to the mall. Tell them you've just started looking and you are just looking at everything because you don't know anything. You shouldn't get much pressure, and the good folks out there will give you a quick lesson in things that matter, (Karet gold, the 4 Cs of diamonds, etc.). This is forever if you do it right, so invest the time.
I'm happy to answer any questions over PM, too.
Shogun Streams Vidya
I'll second everything LaPuzza said. Go out and meander the stores, don't let them pressure you, but find out exactly what you like.
Then buy it online
(PS- Do the same thing for the dress. Go to all the bridal salons, find the dress she wants, and find an online retailer. They order the same way the salons do (direct from the manufacturer), it's the same dress, and a fraction of the cost because of the lower overhead.)
If so, you may have an abundance of antique stores in your area that could prove useful for this sort of thing. You can find fantastic antique jewlery that (A) might actually cost you less than new jewlery (and in many cases definitely will), and (B) might have a unique style/flair that you wouldn't find in a mainstream jewlery store.
When I lived in a Rural area in New Hampshire, there were Antique stores everywhere that carried darn near everything. I'm not sure if the area you live in is as Antique store-laden, but if so I say give it a look.
Actually, she has my grandmother's ring. As I said, money's tight, but we have talked about getting our own engagement ring, and she does not want real diamonds if we do, so that's all set. And yea, we want to find rings that match the engagement ring.
The dress is taken care of, or will be... her parents are paying for that, and as the groom, I obviously don't want to know anything about the dress until she's walking down the aisle. ;-)
And VThornheart, yea, we live in rural Vermont, but I'd never thought of going to antique shops. That's a good idea... we may try that.
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I just got married this summer and got my ring from this site:
http://www.boonerings.com/ (I got the one with the flames)
Anyway, it was pretty cheap, something like 185.00 with shipping.
Make sure you go to a jewler and get properly sized if you are gonna order from the internet though.
I have titanium, and it's great. Super-light, and looks nice. A very brushed-steel look. Tungston is shinier.
Just a warning about titanium and tungston-carbide; they can't be re-sized. So your finger getting significantly smaller or bigger = new ring.
edit:
Do this!
In addition to this, buy from the people who are most helpful and not the ones who are more pushy. If for no other reason than the pushy ones are aholes. Also, it's good to have a local jeweller who you are happy with because you might want to go back and get rings resized and so forth afterwards. The place we bought ours from are really friendly, give you lots of advice and don't push you. They helped me pick out an engagement ring that my wife loved and it was a no-brainer to go back there for the wedding rings (and various engraved wedding gifts for our bridal party). They also have no problem with us dropping in now and then and getting the rings polished for free.
Also, Titanium and tungsten carbide rings cannot be cut off from your finger in the event of an emergency. If the ring has to come off (say inflammation from a finger injury causing loss of circulation), you will lose the finger.
[I heard this from the jeweler I use. Google showed varied opinions on the topic, and advertisements for electric ring cutters that could do the job.]
If you can get to an estate jeweler, he'll have books with thousands of rings you can look at. The guy I used could get a loaner of most rings so I could look at it before buying.
Well, titanium can be cut, if you have the right tools. Tungston can't be cut, but can be shattered. True neither are as easy as gold or silver.
my advice is for each of you to get the wedding band that you like. my band doesn't match my wifes, but its ok, since i wear mine not hers.
definitely shop around and see what stands out. tungsten is not that expensive and it looks pretty cool and different from standard gold bands. make sure you actually try different bands on. there are different styles (e.g. comfort fit or not). i couldn't stand the non-comfort fit bands i tried.
look for a jewelry exchange type place. basically a huge mass jewelry shop with different jewelers all in one place. it might be worth a drive if you have one near by as it will give you options
The harder the rain, honey, the sweeter the sun.
Anyway, hers is a thin white gold ring with a small crust of diamonds over the top rim (tiny stones), and mine is a tungsten carbide ring with a central ring of silver.
We're pretty excited to get them tomorrow, and I wanted to post a note in here to thank you folks for the suggestions. Now I just have to keep her from wearing her wedding band early (she wants to wear it right away
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Good luck!
We'll be expecting our invitations in March.
I'm gonna change the topic a bit. I need more information on the wedding itself! Ack, it's 4 months away! Panic mode, etc...
We have the reception hall booked (which includes the reception and catering), as well as the DJ. We've ordered invitations. I have my address list together, she is almost done with hers. She bought her dress today (as did her Maid of Honor).
Uh... we need a JP still, which I'll be talking to the reception hall about, and I need to look into tuxes ASAP. What else am I forgetting, folks?
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-Are you doing any flowers for the aisle/tables/etc, plus bouquet?
-Bridesmaids/groomsmen, if you're having them, will need to know what to buy and where to buy it (dresses, tuxes, shoes -- also, I think you need to let the places know sizes beforehand, especially if your wedding party can't go in for fittings)
-Have you made sure the location of the actual wedding is open? The dates and times often overlap, and you don't want a Bride Battle (as awesome as that may be)
-Register for gifts! It makes it way easier on any guests, and that way you won't be getting the same throw pillows eighteen times over. Also, most places will include some little slips that you can put in with the invitation so people know where to look (Target, BB+B, etc)
-Marriage license!
-Have you decided on cash or open bar? Many people don't bring cash to a wedding, and you'll want to let them know on the invitation
-If it's important to your fiancee, she might want to start looking into working with a hairdresser (I dunno, some girls want really complicated hairdos), and making sure she can get an appointment the day of the wedding
I can't really imagine making a wedding more work than all that, but if all else fails, watch a couple episodes of the wedding shows on We! for an idea of absolutely everything you could possibly think of to do for a wedding.
Congratulations, by the way!
Some ring makers use "aircraft grade" titanium. And every site that I've read about that for rings says that it can not be cut off in an emergency. If they are titanium, but not the aircraft grade, then they can likely still be cut off.
And have you tried cutting/shattering them with standard equipment while they're actually on a finger? Without damaging the finger?
- My parents are taking care of the bouquet and the boutonnieres/croisages, and the wedding hall takes care of the flowers for the ceremony. The reception we were planning on using mirrors in the middle of each table, with a candle in the middle and flower pedals around it. Also, disposable cameras on each table, that people can throw in a bag at the end, so we have scrap-book material.
- Bridesmades/Groomsmen are taken care of, but yes, we need to find a local tux place ASAP. Gotta get things ready and reserved for the day of.
- The location is set... we've already put the deposit down for the day and time, so the room is reserved.
- We're not registering for much for gifts. I mean, we've been living together for 3.5 years, so we don't need much of anything. We will register for some stuff, but we'd rather money to help pay for the honeymoon.. and in the end, we're just happy people show up.
- Fucking license..
- open bar for the wedding party, soda is free for everyone, cash bar for alcohol. We'll encourage the DDs, but fuck free beer. ;-)
- I'll talk to her about the hairdresser.
Oh, and one thing we hadn't mentioned, but the cake is all set too. :P
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Good to let people know about the cash bar for booze -- the DDs are there for all the people who brought cash!
Doing anything exotic for the honeymoon? Eh, eh?
I've used a thing that looks like a pair of wire cutters that has a more crescent blade that was diamond edged (that's what the box said, I have no idea what this means) that you just slide the curved section under, squeeze the handle, and it snapped the titanium without much force. No damage to the finger at all.
The other kind we had in the ER was this thing that you dragged across the ring to score it, then took a pair of pliers, put them over the score, squeezed, and it cracked the ring open.
I'm not saying that there are not materials out there that a typical ER couldn't get off, but in my experience 'titanium' or 'tungsten' vanilla rings are nothing to worry about.
For you, the bride, the bridal party and the guests.
You may or may not want limos/horsedrawn carriage etc to get you, the bride and the bridal party (ie bridesmaids, parents, best man etc.) to the ceremony and/or onward to the reception but you should at least arrange taxis.
If the ceremony and/or reception are difficult to get to, it's great to put on coaches to get the guests there if your budget can stretch to it. Have them leave from a central, easily accessible location and potentially have them do a round trip of two or three hotels where out of town guests are likely to be saying if necessary. You can basically hire them for the whole day as well, so you can use them to get everybody from the city center to the ceremony, then from the ceremony to the reception (consider a second coach to bring evening guests if you are inviting more people to the reception than are invited to the ceremony) and then to bring them all back to the central location again at the end of the night.
Also, your bride might want a make-up artist in addition to a hairdresser.
The OP said he was going to do the disposeable snapshot camera thing. The one wedding I went to where this was done, the wedding party was not happy with the results. Many of the cameras were unused or had only a few snaps taken, forcing many pictures to be taken to get the few snaps that were on the cameras. If you have a bunch of amatuer photogs at your wedding maybe this won't be an issue for you, but if you are attached to having some nice pics of your wedding then hire a pro.
If your budget is lower, I recommend trying to find a photography student to do the wedding pictures. Obviously get a portfolio to judge them on just like you would for a professional photographer, but you should be able to get one cheaper. This is what we did last summer at our wedding and we're quite happy with the results (of course in our case, the student photographer also happened to be my younger sister
It's not really devaluing the industry. There will always be people willing (and wanting) to pay the premium for professional photographers (and other fields). But for those who have budget constraints there is the option of taking a slightly higher risk by using a less proven, student photographer. I don't think it's in any danger of destroying the professional photography field.
Oh dear. I had thought this would just be an extra bit of fun for the guests. Surely you'd still need a real photographer to supplement the 3 or 4 useable shots you might get off of a pile of disposables? At the very least get one to do the formals.
as far as tuxes go. if you have a mens warehouse type place go there. if you have groomsmen from all over they can go to the branch closest to them and pick it up at the location closest to the wedding if they want. plus its like rent 3-4 and get the next one free.
Indeed. Same arrangement here. From our experience the adults greatly ignored the disposable cameras, whereas the kids loved them. The result? Lots of crotch shots because, well, kids are short.
The disposables made for some good laughs, but I wouldn't want to go back to my wedding album in 25 or 50 years and see maybe 5 good pictures and a bunch of blurry crotch shots. What kind of family heirloom is this?
Professionals (or even the aforementioned photo students on a dime) are well worth the money. Skimp elsewhere. In 25 years (or, hell, even by your first anniversary) no one will remember if you had minimal beer and wine selections, or if the table centerpieces were just confetti on mirrors, or if the menu was limited. The photos are what will be important for years.
That's the plan. We have a photographer, as well. Sorry I wasn't clear on that one.
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And FWIW, probably the biggest reason our reception was such a blast was that we had an open bar for everyone. We didn't have to worry about DDs because we had a shuttle taking everyone back to the hotel, so our guests just went buck wild.
Just saying. One man's "fuck free beer" is another man's big awesome party that also had a wedding.
We ended up doing homemade cookies as our wedding favors. We both picked our favorite two types of cookies from childhood, and our mothers/families prepared them before the wedding. Then we had them on a table in some nice looking, cheap glass serving dishes. Then we had chinese takeout boxes with ribbon and printed date stickers for the guests to put cookies in. Most people we talked to definitely recommended edible favors, as most people will just end up throwing up the little trinkets that people sometimes use.
back on disposable cameras, most people use them to take pictures of you, which while nice is not really what we wanted. though one table all took self portraits which was fun
edit. we also made up giftbags for anyonen staying in a hotel we had rooms blocked off for. you should do this if you have a lot of out of town guests
Giftbags for the hotel guests are a good idea. Our's was full of granola bars, bottled water, high altitude tips (wedding was in Breckenridge, CO, with the majority of the family from either the midwest or California coast), a list of things to do in the area, schedule of happenings, and a "thanks for coming" note. Pretty skimpy, but definitely appreciated. Could easily be done either right now or at the last minute.
I think the guest gifts might be a regional thing (not unlike Groom Cakes in the south), but I think it goes beyond the east. It's also fairly prevalent in the midwest. And from my experience it's also seen in northern California. YMMV, of course. Went to a wedding in the Tahoe area where they gave out wine stoppers shaped as hearts. Very cool gift, as we use it frequently.