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Tips on how to stop worrying about everything?
LifeVirusZERO
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
This has been a problem for me for many years. Something will happen (for example, I do something embarrassing) and for a while I will constantly think and think about it and it will bother me for so long. I will just sit there and assume whoever saw me do whatever it is that I did (using the same example as above here) is forever thinking that I'm this horrible person. I'm just talking about something minor like accidentally bumping into someone at a store or accidentally screwing up while you're talking to someone. I will just worry about it for the rest of the day. That's only one example though.
The most recent incident is; last night I went out to dinner with a friend of mine (who I plan on asking on an actual date soon) and since then this has been the ONLY thing on my mind. It actually went very well. I didn't screw anything up and we both had a great time, but all that is going on in my mind is me worrying about how I did. Maybe I shouldn't have told her this, or maybe I shouldn't have asked her that. It hasn't really hit me this bad before (at least in a while), which is why I'm making this thread. What I don't get is, I've already told myself that everything went great and that I have nothing to worry about. I still however keep thinking about it.
It's not even just that though. I just worry about anything that might not have the outcome that I want. I know everyone does, but I don't think it gets this bad for everybody. Maybe it just all boils down to me caring too much about what people think about me. Maybe it's something that goes deeper than that. I've always been that way though. Maybe this is just what anxiety is?
Should I see a doctor about this? Or is there an easier way to deal with it? Or IS there no way of dealing with it other than, well... just dealing with it?
I'm probably gonna post this topic and then worry about if i said everything the right way, or if I gave relevant details. /sigh
The most recent incident is; last night I went out to dinner with a friend of mine (who I plan on asking on an actual date soon) and since then this has been the ONLY thing on my mind. It actually went very well. I didn't screw anything up and we both had a great time, but all that is going on in my mind is me worrying about how I did. Maybe I shouldn't have told her this, or maybe I shouldn't have asked her that. It hasn't really hit me this bad before (at least in a while), which is why I'm making this thread. What I don't get is, I've already told myself that everything went great and that I have nothing to worry about. I still however keep thinking about it.
It's not even just that though. I just worry about anything that might not have the outcome that I want. I know everyone does, but I don't think it gets this bad for everybody. Maybe it just all boils down to me caring too much about what people think about me. Maybe it's something that goes deeper than that. I've always been that way though. Maybe this is just what anxiety is?
Should I see a doctor about this? Or is there an easier way to deal with it? Or IS there no way of dealing with it other than, well... just dealing with it?
I'm probably gonna post this topic and then worry about if i said everything the right way, or if I gave relevant details. /sigh
LifeVirusZERO on
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Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. Kinda depends on how big a fuck-up it was to me. Really, being able to look critically at yourself can be a useful skill, as long as you are able to tunnel your criticism in a useful way.
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On a related note: this thread title reminded me Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb. Woohoo
Part of this is about being insecure, which usually gets better with age and experience. So yes just dealing with it may be one part.
If you honestly think you have an anxiety disorder, then you should probably see a professional. Your doctor is a good place to start. If you are in college they should have mental health services that will offer counseling either for free or for a reduced price.
As far as specific tips, that depends on what you are anxious about. Is it mainly social, as the situations described, or more generalized?
It really sounds like you're just socially awkward or at least think you are, and that's all you worry about. You're overanalyzing how you do in social situations, but I mean, do you bitch at yourself every time you forget to turn on a blinker or do your homework?
I may've missed where you dropped your age, but if you're in high school, I mean hell, I was like that in high school, and I think many people are. My friend would make fun of me 'cuz I'd misspeak and panic while at a drive-thru or be afraid to talk to girls, and really the things that broke me of all that were just age and getting a job. Basically experience. The very last vestiges of it were gone when I got braces in COLLEGE, and was sooooooooo embarrased for WEEKS. Except, you know, lots of people had braces when younger and were like "oh man that sucks, don't you hate when they get tightened?" or at the boldest were like "why're you just now getting them?" Nobody actually CARED that I had braces and being as self-conscious as I had been was so incredibly stupid
You have to realize that people aren't THAT damned different. If you see someone do something stupid do YOU think less of them or judge them? Or are you just sympathetic or at worst amused? Obviously the latter(unless you're a jerk!)If someone bumps into YOU how long do you remember the incident? 8 seconds?
Hell, the other day I didn't realize some chick in a wheelchair was behind me and I went through the door and it closed on her ass. You think she thought that I was like FUCK CRIPPLES and closed it on her? No, I was like "oh damn, my bad" we chuckled, and moved on, likely to never see each other again and both forgetting it almost as soon as it happened
And yah, maybe she could've been a jerk and gotten mad, but you can't go through life caring what assholes and idiots think(unless they're your boss!)you'll worry yourself to death. Assume people are understanding and sympathetic, and don't even care about their existence if they show otherwise
And now I close my long rambly disjointed post with something my dad said: I wake up every day and know I'm gonna piss someone off, someone's gonna piss me off, I'm going to do something wrong, and everyone else is gonna do something wrong
Your date isn't sitting there thinking about the things you should have said... But rather sitting there thinking (potentially) about how great you were last night.
Also, get some perspective. We're on a rock traveling through space in a universe that we believe to be infinite. Almost everything in our lives is a social construct.
Stop worrying, do what you want, and try to have as many positive experiences as you can.
If you're heading into your early/mid twenties however, its not always entirely normal. Your mind should have made those connections some time ago and naturally become more stable. You could try meditation, good ol' exercise, cutting out stimulants etc, or talk to your doctor about your symptoms. Classicly, this sort of thing is treated with a mild dose of anti-depressants. If you have more depressive symptoms than just the worrying, it may indeed go deeper into anxiety issues and you can talk to a counsellor or psychologist (behavior modding) or a psychiatrist (meds) - each one will have their own veiw on what you can do, with tendancies to prescribe something in their respective fields.
Or y'know, learn how to lighten up.
If you're going to worry about something, worry about the future and be aware of the present. It's fine to reassess your behavior every now and then. In fact, it would probably be a better world if more people did it. But just remember when you're self-analyzing, that isn't the same as worrying.
I think this whole issue I'm having now is a result of those kids making me feel so self-conscious about my looks, that I sub-consciously feel that I need to find other reasons to get people to like me. I realize now though, that not everyone judges you based on your looks, and that those kids were just being dicks.
Oh, and I'm 19. Not in high school anymore. In case it's relevant.
I actually started working on that in August. Even though I wasn't really "Fat", I was still bigger than I wanted to be. Since then I've lost 40 lbs, 4% body fat, and 2 pants sizes. That itself has been a pretty good confidence booster, but still not enough.
Holy crap, this would be driving me insane right now!
Good to hear you lost some weight on that! Just keep it up. I'm working on that myself... After seeing my dad's weight it kinda hit me like a sack of bricks. I need to work on it now before it becomes a huge problem in the future.
However, having been that I've worried for a long time over things. It's turned into negativity. It's so frequent that I don't even notice I'm saying negative things. But after thinking back on it, I know that it just comes from me worrying about stuff. A friend of mine actually pointed out that almost everything I say is negative. For instance, we were walking to the store for some things and in the middle of conversation I said, "Watch.. We're going to walk all the way to this store and they're not even going to have what we're looking for.." and she bit my head off. I've sat and dwelled on it a bit (worrying obviously) and assessed that the only reason I'm so negative, is because I'm worried that things won't ever go well for me. Thus, I never expect them too. So it comes out negative.
The thing that's so bad is: I could be jovial and laughing, but I'd still spout out negatives. It's not even a case of being depressed or not either.
So just try not to worry too much. People's opinions of you really doesn't matter if you have lots of friends and you get a long with the majority of the people you know. You can only do the best -you- can do, you know? Just don't get to the point to where you're spitting negatives all the time. It's no fun getting hit in the head because you "instinctively" blurt out negative comments every two seconds.
Those two things are the main reasons how I turned from a suicidal pessimist into a happy optimist who just seems to get more and more succesful in lots of area's in life.
Also, don't worry. Nothing matters. Sooner or later, everyone ends up dead, so just have as much fun as possible between now and then. If you're not having fun, or can't see how what you are doing leads to fun, reconsider what you are doing.
This is the advice of a drunken Brit about your age (bad luck with the US's age laws on alcohol, assuming you are American, it's a wonderful drug).
Careful; if your self-worth is intimately tied to your appearance - or rather, your appearance as perceived by others, you're in for a lifetime of disappointment.
This is a huge problem for a huge number of people. It is very dangerous to let other people dictate your self-image. It seems to work fine as long as everybody likes you and you're popular, and it all goes to hell as soon as someone gets mad at you or disappointed in you. And this will happen. A lot.
You may need a self-image adjustment. Everyone needs (or should have) self-worth that's totally your own. Everyone needs to be able to say "I am valuable because X," where X doesn't involve what anybody else thinks. If you can't do this, any confidence you have is an illusion, just waiting for the whims of change and chance to blow it away.
Now it's not easy at all to just wake up and change your self-image and value system. It helps if you have something specific to hang on to. Here are some ideas:
This is different than setting goals. A goal is usually something you plan to do, or worse, an aspiration of some sort. If your goal is to become an NBA player, then you're probably going to end up disappointed. If it's to write a book, that's fine, but you really need to be OK with yourself even if you never finish the book. That's why I think a purpose should be more abstract. If you're going to pick an activity, pick something doable. Don't say "my purpose in life is to write a book." Start with "my purpose in life is to write." Anybody can write. Don't bet on outcomes either. Don't say "my purpose in life is to make other people's lives better." You can't do it. It's not possible, because that outcome is dependent on other people. Say "my purpose in life is to try to help other people."