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Problems with a Friend of Mine
Revolutionary
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
TLDR at bottom.
Does anyone here have the dramatic, over-reactive friend who exaggerates stories or simply makes them up? The type who gets angry just because he can and then calms down about 5 minutes later after some melodramatic ordeal?*
Does anyone have a solution?
Calling him Jerry, he's my age (15, although he acts maybe 12 in the regard I described) and is generally nice and a fun person. But he has these flaws that can really kill the experience sometimes.
I'd bring it up with him, but as I said he's over-reactive. I'd get a friend of ours and talk to him about it but frankly I don't think the other one cares that much (although he agrees with me) and Jerry might see it as some sort of betrayal. He once got up and left silently when everyone but him thought a rule in a card game was x when he though it was y.
Another friend of mine used to be like him in some aspects but he's good now. Am I to assume I should just wait it out? So far when he makes these stories (they sound downright exaggerated, it's very hard to believe) I sort of say 'yeah, cool.' I thought this would be a hint, but it isn't working.
Help? I'm typing this late at night, so I may add more later.
*Examples: claiming he nearly 'got lucky' with a girl, was in love with her (and a dramatic story on how it ended, somehow making him sound experienced in life... It's almost like he invented an interesting fictional character and made it him in reality), claiming that he physically fights back against his parents when they beat him (other story but its fixed up now), saying he does a martial art that he isn't allowed to name (what a hardcore?)
TLDR: Over-reactive, story-telling friend who is otherwise good. What do I do?
Does anyone here have the dramatic, over-reactive friend who exaggerates stories or simply makes them up? The type who gets angry just because he can and then calms down about 5 minutes later after some melodramatic ordeal?*
Does anyone have a solution?
Calling him Jerry, he's my age (15, although he acts maybe 12 in the regard I described) and is generally nice and a fun person. But he has these flaws that can really kill the experience sometimes.
I'd bring it up with him, but as I said he's over-reactive. I'd get a friend of ours and talk to him about it but frankly I don't think the other one cares that much (although he agrees with me) and Jerry might see it as some sort of betrayal. He once got up and left silently when everyone but him thought a rule in a card game was x when he though it was y.
Another friend of mine used to be like him in some aspects but he's good now. Am I to assume I should just wait it out? So far when he makes these stories (they sound downright exaggerated, it's very hard to believe) I sort of say 'yeah, cool.' I thought this would be a hint, but it isn't working.
Help? I'm typing this late at night, so I may add more later.
*Examples: claiming he nearly 'got lucky' with a girl, was in love with her (and a dramatic story on how it ended, somehow making him sound experienced in life... It's almost like he invented an interesting fictional character and made it him in reality), claiming that he physically fights back against his parents when they beat him (other story but its fixed up now), saying he does a martial art that he isn't allowed to name (what a hardcore?)
TLDR: Over-reactive, story-telling friend who is otherwise good. What do I do?
Revolutionary on
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It's not something you can easily bring up without making him go buck wild on you. He needs some self realization that he's acting like a chode when he does stuff like that.
So you don't know any way to speed this up?
It's just how some people cope with having an otherwise boring life. It's mildly delusional but mostly harmless, and if it really bugs you, you can respond with "sure sure" and other sarcastic comments when he starts talking about these things, or you can get into the conversation and see how far he wants to go with it. If you're mean about it, it's unlikely that he'll still want to hang out with you guys because at this point in his life that's who he is. And he'll want to hang around people who buy into it, even if deep down he knows he's making it up -- he wants to be "big," so he makes shit up as if he were. Delusions of grandeur are common in high school.
'I so beat my mom last night. I sez 'Gemme sum cookies biatch' and then 'POW!' rightup side th'head.'
'Oh yah? Did you wear a big pinky ring to leave a mark? I hear thats how its done.'
'Wha? No mang, ain't no pinky ring, just the back of my hand.'
'Wow, thats pro, did you make her cry? You get extra points for making your mom cry.'
'Whatever, them were some good cookies...'
'Yes. I also like cookies, for they are tasty and delicious. Lets go, already.'
Weak dialogue, but hopefully it conveys the point. He's just trying to make conversation and project himself in order to look a certain way - he wouldn't be doing that if he didn't want to seem cool. Unfortunately 'cool' is often a steaming pile of bullshit brought on by too much media consumption, and needs to be tempered by what the people around him actually think is cool. Don't forget to comment on his stuff in a positive way when he's just being himself.
People forget about doing that when theres something negative blocking the way, but its important. One says 'don't do that', which is weaksauce, the other says 'we like it when you do this', which gives the boy somewhere to go with his actions. Combine at will for maximum results.
Be careful how you call him out. Try to be tactful and respectful when you do choose to call him out. Don't do it in front of anyone else, do not mention to anyone else that you are doing it. As well don't let him know that other people find it annoying. If you truly feel the need to call him out on something like this, it needs to be between you and him.
I called out a buddy of mine on his constant lying and exaggerating a long time ago. He is a great guy and fun to hang out with and game with, but his constant BS stories drove me up the wall. I made the mistake of calling him out and involving others opinions too. It has strained our friendship, and we don't hang out basically at all anymore. I wish I had done things a lot differently, so that we could still be as close of friends as we were. I wish I could have communicated to him privately, that I felt his stories were bullshit and annoying, and that he doesn't need to make things up as he already fit in with everyone.
I made the mistake of just ignoring whenever an old friend of mine would do this, and it only got worse.
Way worse.
Like, he started doing ridiculous shit to live up to this character he'd created. Cocaine, etc etc
Also, apparently, has a swiss bank account because he inherited a giant business, and has to split his money up in halves. Half here in the US, the other half in the swiss bank account for tax purposes.
Unfortunately it's too late. We call him out on it all the time, and all it does is makes him get angry that we don't believe him. I think his parents were the type to want him to be something more than he is now, and he struggled to impress them.
He's a good kid. Just... Messed up.
*continue previous conversation*
I also second Gihgehls suggestion. Tell him you don't hang out with him for the stories, just be himself. He obviously wants attention, and that's not a bad thing. He just needs to realize that his friendships aren't dependent on the BS. He doesn't need to impress his friends.
The harder the rain, honey, the sweeter the sun.
Apart from hearing some other funny stories (the emp cannon one's funny) I don't think I've got any solutions other than to call him out when can.
Thanks anyway, guys.
I guess the other option is to say either "Stop bragging, it doesn't become you", or "Tell us about it when you actually bone one, until then we don't care"
The harder the rain, honey, the sweeter the sun.
Mind you, this was like, *cough*mumble years ago, when I was the same age as the OP. I grew out of it, it's likely your friend will as well. For my part, with the benefit of hindsight I can say with certainty that I grew out of it directly in response to people calling me on it. I'd recommend calling him on it, but do so gently, and not in front of other people. If it's clear that you're a) not trying to be malicious, and b) not trying to publicly humiliate him, the message is more likely to be viewed positively.
You say "man I almost bone girls all the time, that's not news. Shit I almost boned your mom! good thing I didn't!"
If he starts talking about bagging the most popular girl in school, when he's obviously just been playing video games in his room, you can push the subject by asking things like "oh she's hot, what color underwear was she wearing, what kind, etc." Shit like that. People who come up with stories like this don't think about the details, they think about the overall impact -- the WOW factor.
He's basically trying to get a response; he wants people to be impressed. He expects you to say "Wow dude, I wish I could have [girl]." He doesn't expect to get needled for more information, because he's not actually telling a story. It does mean you need to keep it fresh and not ask the same questions, though, cos next time he'll be prepared.
Or if he's obviously exaggerating, you can just call him on it like Gihgehls says, just be like "dude you're my friend for who you are, you don't gotta make stuff up, the stuff you actually do is why we hang out anyway."
Woah. Wait? Australian? Shit. That changes everything.
I know its hard to call someone out like this because you don't want to hurt their feelings and make them feel silly, but honestly its better that you call him on it now, than leaving it to someone in the future calling him out very publicly or him suffering in his career or something.
I'd do it.
Oh wait I forgot to mention something.
The martial art he claimed to know was from Singapore, apparently. There maybe are several martial arts originating from there(ish), though.
So the fact that he is Australian further casts his story in doubt.
Do you know why you used to do it? That might help solve the problem.
Ahaha I know, I was just kidding. I just wanted to imply that there WAS a secret martial art that only some kid in Australia practiced.