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AvP: Retarded

sdrawkcaB emaNsdrawkcaB emaN regular
edited January 2008 in Debate and/or Discourse
So, I saw this...thing....this...abomination recently, called Alien vs Predator: Requiem.

In all honesty, given my altered state of mind, it was a pretty enjoyable movie in its own right -- absurd, over-the-top gore, a Predator killing a fuckton of Aliens, all in all surprisingly watchable (if you’re in the mood for a so-bad-it’s-good kind of flick).

My real beef with this movie is the way it degrades the two franchises (Alien and Predator) into common horror-movie monsters. I guess this is hardly the first film to erode the reputation of either franchise (or that of the eponymous creatures), but at least even the first AvP tried to maintain a certain sense of scope and mystery from the earlier flicks.

AvP:R -- well, it really isn’t crucial to the film at all what kind of monsters were used.

Addendum: Also wtf Predalien. I get that you’re some kind of super-xenomorph but that is no excuse for you to be laying eggs in people and whatnot. non-canonical

sdrawkcaB emaN on
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Posts

  • VoodooVVoodooV Registered User regular
    edited December 2007
    I haven't seen it yet. so please spoiler stuff. But I've heard enough so far that tells me that Requiem sucks too.

    I mean WTF? AvP should be a slam dunk. But we now have TWO AvP movies that totally blow? and one is even rated R. What the hell man?

    VoodooV on
  • sdrawkcaB emaNsdrawkcaB emaN regular
    edited December 2007
    VoodooV wrote: »
    I haven't seen it yet. so please spoiler stuff. But I've heard enough so far that tells me that Requiem sucks too.

    Nothing I posted is at all plot-critical.

    Mostly because there really isn’t much of a plot to begin with.

    sdrawkcaB emaN on
  • Dance CommanderDance Commander Registered User regular
    edited December 2007
    Yeah, I feel like it would have been more interesting if there were a finite number of aliens that had to play things a little more carefully.
    Also, if the only human characters you can include are absurd cliches, don't include any at all. In a related note, political commentary has no place in a movie like this at all, let alone with such a spiteful attitude.

    Dance Commander on
  • emnmnmeemnmnme Registered User regular
    edited December 2007
    So how do they seclude the townsfolk in this movie anyways? I'm not going to watch this trash but I am curious how the writers cut off a small American town from the rest of the world. The first Predator movie had dudes lost in the jungle. The first Alien movie had dudes trapped on a freighter space ship. Is there a quarantine or something equally stupid in this movie? Actually, I vaguely remember Critters 2 taking place in a little town, too, and all the good ol' boys tried to make a stand.

    emnmnme on
  • jungleroomxjungleroomx It's never too many graves, it's always not enough shovels Registered User regular
    edited December 2007
    I'm just waiting for Terminator vs Matrix or some equally silly shit.

    I mean, 2 seperate futures where mankind is made the bitches of machines, someones had to put 2 and 2 together.


    If this merger happens, I'd like to apologize...

    jungleroomx on
  • VeegeezeeVeegeezee Registered User regular
    edited December 2007
    suilimeA wrote: »
    Addendum: Also wtf Predalien. I get that you’re some kind of super-xenomorph but that is no excuse for you to be laying eggs in people and whatnot. non-canonical

    Could it maybe have picked that up from the predator? I just figured it had something to do with the way the Preds reproduce.

    Veegeezee on
  • Al_watAl_wat Registered User regular
    edited December 2007
    Im convinced that I could come up with a better idea for an AvP movie.

    I Still enjoyed the movie somewhat just for the gore and.. like has been said before... the whole "its so bad its good". Except that its only kinda good. Kinda. Not really.

    Al_wat on
  • sdrawkcaB emaNsdrawkcaB emaN regular
    edited December 2007
    Veegeezee wrote: »
    suilimeA wrote: »
    Addendum: Also wtf Predalien. I get that you’re some kind of super-xenomorph but that is no excuse for you to be laying eggs in people and whatnot. non-canonical

    Could it maybe have picked that up from the predator? I just figured it had something to do with the way the Preds reproduce.

    Maybe so. Still kinda pissed me off

    sdrawkcaB emaN on
  • DracomicronDracomicron Registered User regular
    edited December 2007
    I was hoping nobody would post anything about it here. Honestly it should not be seen for various reasons:

    The plot:

    They reduced it to the same plot as Jason vs. Freddy. Only not as appealing and with dumber humans.

    The characters:
    Bland and colorless. Introduced only to die a few moments later. Nobody does or says anything insightful. They want us to root for a petulant teenager, his ex-con brother (who has none of the awesome ex-con qualities that exist in John Carpenter movies), an annoying blonde slut (and I tend to like sluts...), and a female soldier/daughter combo so obviously copped from Ripley and Newt that I'm surprised Sigorney Weaver doesn't sue.

    The aliens:
    Completely screwed their metabolic cycle. The "queen" predalien injects chestburster fetuses directly into babies and pregnant women, and they exist as chestbursters for perhaps a few minutes before becoming full-size aliens. Very few eggs are needed or seen.

    The predator:
    Possibly the only slightly entertaining thing about the movie, it's still screwed. Just one predator, and not from the downed ship... he comes in all the way from the predator homeworld in less than an hour. His technology doesn't work like in previous installments, and he murders a nonthreatening human in the first hour on Earth... compare to all previous predators who wouldn't kill noncombattants.

    The directing:
    The film is so dark that you can't even tell what's going on. Several times I thought, "hey, the predator just killed the hybrid!" But no, it was just a normal alien and it was too dark to see clearly. The final matchup between the main baddies was... uninspiring and annoying, since everyone already knew the outcome by that point.

    The ending:

    Oh god, they want to make another one with an unlikely tie-in to Alien.

    The PR:

    Look on IMDB. As of friday, the score was still well above 6 despite all the negative reviews, since there were exactly 800 10 out of 10 reviews. Out of 1,200 at that point. All the positive reviews were slight variations on how much the movie kicked ass and how much better it was than the first installment (they always went out of their way to remark on how this one is rated R instead of PG-13). Someone (or perhaps an entire PR firm of someones) sat there and made over 700 accounts so they could give it 10 out of 10 to combat the inevitable bad reviews that would come out as time went on.

    Dracomicron on
  • PlutocracyPlutocracy regular
    edited December 2007
    Why are folks even trying to legitimise this monstrosity's plot?

    Plutocracy on
    They fuck you up, your mum and dad.
    They may not mean to, but they do.
    They fill you with the faults they had
    And add some extra, just for you.
  • Al_watAl_wat Registered User regular
    edited December 2007
    this movie was barely better than the first one, i would say the first one could even have been better.

    Which is fucking pathetic.


    At least I can always go back to Alien and Aliens....

    Al_wat on
  • jungleroomxjungleroomx It's never too many graves, it's always not enough shovels Registered User regular
    edited December 2007
    Alien 3 was a good movie, as well.

    It's better to forget Resurrection.

    jungleroomx on
  • cj iwakuracj iwakura The Rhythm Regent Bears The Name FreedomRegistered User regular
    edited December 2007
    My hopes were reduced from the moment I heard W.S. Anderson wasn't involved.

    I liked the first for what it was.

    This makes three times that Anderson's been detached from a sequel, and it turned out terrible(and he wrote RE: Apocalypse, so most of that was still his fault).

    I haven't seen AvP:R yet, but I'm not optimistic.

    And I'm not looking forward to the nature of deaths I've heard described. Ech.

    cj iwakura on
    wVEsyIc.png
  • Al_watAl_wat Registered User regular
    edited December 2007
    Alien 3 was a good movie, as well.

    It's better to forget Resurrection.

    I never liked the third one. Meh, to each his own.

    Al_wat on
  • sdrawkcaB emaNsdrawkcaB emaN regular
    edited December 2007
    cj iwakura wrote: »
    And I'm not looking forward to the nature of deaths I've heard described. Ech.
    I straight up had to look away from the pregnant woman getting all chest-bursted. Except more stomach-bursted. Totally gross

    sdrawkcaB emaN on
  • ZonkytonkmanZonkytonkman Registered User regular
    edited December 2007
    i got a kick out of this

    but i wasn't expecting much

    Zonkytonkman on
  • DracomicronDracomicron Registered User regular
    edited December 2007
    cj iwakura wrote: »
    My hopes were reduced from the moment I heard W.S. Anderson wasn't involved.

    I liked the first for what it was.

    This makes three times that Anderson's been detached from a sequel, and it turned out terrible(and he wrote RE: Apocalypse, so most of that was still his fault).

    I haven't seen AvP:R yet, but I'm not optimistic.

    And I'm not looking forward to the nature of deaths I've heard described. Ech.

    Save yourself the trouble, c.j. Don't see it. Honestly. If you do see it, and pay more than matinee prices, I will personally hunt you down and destroy your shoes with the hydrochloric acid in my blood that appeared after seeing this movie.

    The first AvP was way better. By a long shot. And that thing was terrible in and of itself.

    Dracomicron on
  • ZonkytonkmanZonkytonkman Registered User regular
    edited December 2007
    oh yeah

    this movie hates pregnant women

    like.

    really really hates them

    Zonkytonkman on
  • Al_watAl_wat Registered User regular
    edited December 2007
    suilimeA wrote: »
    cj iwakura wrote: »
    And I'm not looking forward to the nature of deaths I've heard described. Ech.
    I straight up had to look away from the pregnant woman getting all chest-bursted. Except more stomach-bursted. Totally gross

    Pussy

    Al_wat on
  • KungFuKungFu Registered User regular
    edited December 2007
    Anytime the Predator was doing something, it was entertaining.

    Sadly this was maybe 20% of the movie at best. Way too much shitty human character-interaction and following around. No. one. cares. about. humans. in. Aliens. Vs. Predator.

    KungFu on
    Theft 4 Bread
  • The Black HunterThe Black Hunter The key is a minimum of compromise, and a simple, unimpeachable reason to existRegistered User regular
    edited December 2007
    Guys, when predator accidently killed that girl with the spinner, hilarious

    The whole movie seemed more based on the writers screaming "OH LOOK WHAT WE JUST DID! DID WE DO THAT? OH SHIT YEAH WE DID!"

    The Black Hunter on
  • GooeyGooey (\/)┌¶─¶┐(\/) pinch pinchRegistered User regular
    edited December 2007
    I've said it before: All AvP needs is some motherfucking space marines with pulse rifles and smart guns.

    Gooey on
    919UOwT.png
  • KalkinoKalkino Buttons Londres Registered User regular
    edited December 2007
    I still don't see how AvP was good enough to get a sequel

    Kalkino on
    Freedom for the Northern Isles!
  • SoggybiscuitSoggybiscuit Tandem Electrostatic Accelerator Registered User regular
    edited December 2007
    i got a kick out of this

    but i wasn't expecting much

    I was expecting lots of blood, gruesome deaths, and the like.

    I got what I payed for, so I am happy. I actually got more than I payed for, actually - I expected an hour of shitty written story, but only got like 30 minutes. The rest of the time was filled with blood and gruesome deaths, which was awesome.

    If you went in expecting a masterpiece of cinema you are a fucking idiot.

    Soggybiscuit on
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  • Something WittySomething Witty Registered User regular
    edited December 2007
    Man I hate the very idea of this movie. And I hate it when film makers put buckets and buckets of over the top gore on screen to pacify the audience. I'm tired of listening to people who will watch the film equivalent of dog shit if it has tons and tons of violence.

    Because that's all a movie needs right? Lot's and lot's of death that get's more and more horrible as you go?

    "Yeah did you see that pregnant woman getting stomach bursted? So awesome. MotY."

    Or maybe I'm being too harsh and actually need to watch it first....nah.

    Something Witty on
    IMWithDentToo.png
  • SentrySentry Registered User regular
    edited December 2007
    Kalkino wrote: »
    I still don't see how AvP was good enough to get a sequel

    If it made it into a theater, or went to DVD... or a cat accidentally got sick on it... then it's good enough for a sequel.

    Sentry on
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  • KalkinoKalkino Buttons Londres Registered User regular
    edited December 2007
    Sentry wrote: »
    Kalkino wrote: »
    I still don't see how AvP was good enough to get a sequel

    If it made it into a theater, or went to DVD... or a cat accidentally got sick on it... then it's good enough for a sequel.

    Well I guess I'm partly to blame, I did go around to a friend's house to watch it after he was given a free review copy

    Kalkino on
    Freedom for the Northern Isles!
  • emnmnmeemnmnme Registered User regular
    edited December 2007
    Sentry wrote: »
    Kalkino wrote: »
    I still don't see how AvP was good enough to get a sequel

    If it made it into a theater, or went to DVD... or a cat accidentally got sick on it... then it's good enough for a sequel.

    They could have added a small hospital wing to NY Presbyterian on the $40 million budget for the sequel and had enough bucks left over to build a dozen orphanages or animal shelters. ;-)

    emnmnme on
  • ZzuluZzulu Registered User regular
    edited December 2007
    I want an Alien 5. But make it good


    and include soldiers in space with pulse rifles somehow


    please


    pretty please?

    The xenomorphs need a fitting movie to end the franchise. Ressurection was too bad to be the last one

    Zzulu on
    t5qfc9.jpg
  • jkylefultonjkylefulton Squid...or Kid? NNID - majpellRegistered User regular
    edited December 2007
    I'm watching the "cocky space marines get fucked in two minutes" part of ALIENS right now.

    jkylefulton on
    tOkYVT2.jpg
  • Fallout2manFallout2man Vault Dweller Registered User regular
    edited December 2007
    suilimeA wrote: »
    So, I saw this...thing....this...abomination recently, called Alien vs Predator: Requiem.

    In all honesty, given my altered state of mind, it was a pretty enjoyable movie in its own right -- absurd, over-the-top gore, a Predator killing a fuckton of Aliens, all in all surprisingly watchable (if you’re in the mood for a so-bad-it’s-good kind of flick).

    My real beef with this movie is the way it degrades the two franchises (Alien and Predator) into common horror-movie monsters. I guess this is hardly the first film to erode the reputation of either franchise (or that of the eponymous creatures), but at least even the first AvP tried to maintain a certain sense of scope and mystery from the earlier flicks.

    AvP:R -- well, it really isn’t crucial to the film at all what kind of monsters were used.

    Addendum: Also wtf Predalien. I get that you’re some kind of super-xenomorph but that is no excuse for you to be laying eggs in people and whatnot. non-canonical

    Honestly I can't see how it can be much worse than the first AVP, which pussified the predators and for no good reason changed all of their vision modes, changed how the cloak works and so on with no explanation.

    Also, in some cases movies can establish Canon. Remember Ridley Scott never intended for there to be a queen Alien, that was all James Cameron. In the director's cut of the first Alien you can see Scott's drone had no trouble building a nest or laying eggs.

    Fallout2man on
    On Ignorance:
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    Then honestly you're not coming out of this looking great either.
  • Mr BubblesMr Bubbles David Koresh Superstar Registered User regular
    edited December 2007
    I'm watching the "cocky space marines get fucked in two minutes" part of ALIENS right now.

    That was another awesome thing about Aliens, the buildup was so slowly done when the Aliens did appear among the pipes etc. it really makes you jump

    Mr Bubbles on
  • KungFuKungFu Registered User regular
    edited December 2007
    I hope some good comes of this though. Maybe this will get someone to make a new AvP game.

    That was good fun.

    KungFu on
    Theft 4 Bread
  • Something WittySomething Witty Registered User regular
    edited December 2007
    Man I hated those space marines. They looked so stupid and acted like dumbasses. Their deaths amused me.

    Something Witty on
    IMWithDentToo.png
  • cj iwakuracj iwakura The Rhythm Regent Bears The Name FreedomRegistered User regular
    edited December 2007
    KungFu wrote: »
    I hope some good comes of this though. Maybe this will get someone to make a new AvP game.

    That was good fun.

    There's an official game based on the movie out for the PSP.

    I'm afraid to look.

    cj iwakura on
    wVEsyIc.png
  • PlutocracyPlutocracy regular
    edited December 2007
    Man I hated those space marines. They looked so stupid and acted like dumbasses. Their deaths amused me.

    That was the point.

    ;-)

    Plutocracy on
    They fuck you up, your mum and dad.
    They may not mean to, but they do.
    They fill you with the faults they had
    And add some extra, just for you.
  • KungFuKungFu Registered User regular
    edited December 2007
    cj iwakura wrote: »
    KungFu wrote: »
    I hope some good comes of this though. Maybe this will get someone to make a new AvP game.

    That was good fun.

    There's an official game based on the movie out for the PSP.

    I'm afraid to look.



    Well see, I mean not based on the movie.

    And on the PC so I can play with people instead of the six mutants who bought PSP's.

    KungFu on
    Theft 4 Bread
  • LondonBridgeLondonBridge __BANNED USERS regular
    edited December 2007
    Wow, this film is so bad that I must see it just to say, 'wow, those PA guys are right... it does suck!'

    Anyways, why is it called the Predalien? Why not just call it an Alienator?

    LondonBridge on
  • KungFuKungFu Registered User regular
    edited December 2007
    Anyways, why is it called the Predalien? Why not just call it an Alienator?

    Because that's just silly.

    KungFu on
    Theft 4 Bread
  • Torso BoyTorso Boy Registered User regular
    edited December 2007
    KungFu wrote: »
    Anyways, why is it called the Predalien? Why not just call it an Alienator?

    Because that's just silly.

    But sadly appropriate.

    Torso Boy on
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