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A simple, easy, Girl Thread. I swear.
The Last Gent
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
I never thought I'd need one of these, but what the hell, this is really simple. First a little explanation about myself: I'm no stranger to relationships, it's just that mine have always begun in unusual ways. Now I don't mind this at ALL (I like being different from the norm on this stuff), it's just that I'm a bit lost now in trying to do the conventional thing.
So here's the scenario, briefly. Meet Girl. We've had classes together since last year, (in university btw) chatted in them, but never really knew each other, until last semester. We had lunch like twice a week, due to us really being the only people in the class we knew. Also, towards the end of the semester, we began taking trips to the mall Monday mornings (I had no class until the afternoon) and having lunch there. In retrospect, I likely could have asked her out, as I was 99 percent sure she liked me, but I was coming off another relationship. Anyway, it's been a month since I've seen her (holidays and such) but we MSN'd, and we're getting together to swap presents in a couple of days, meeting at the same mall as before. I'm not 100 percent sure what we're going to be doing, but I figured i could ask this place the following:
Seeing as I've never managed to start a relationship in a conventional way, what's a good method of suggesting you're interested in taking the next step, whilst leaving yourself the friendship-window if not? (I make friends with girls easily so that's no big deal.) Like I said I've never done it normally, what can I say/do? Any advice would work, the normal route is something completely foreign to me, which is ironic.
I suppose I should throw in is a month of little contact long enough to make a feeling go away? I doubt it, and I still feel I should go after it, but I'll add this as a precaution.
So here's the scenario, briefly. Meet Girl. We've had classes together since last year, (in university btw) chatted in them, but never really knew each other, until last semester. We had lunch like twice a week, due to us really being the only people in the class we knew. Also, towards the end of the semester, we began taking trips to the mall Monday mornings (I had no class until the afternoon) and having lunch there. In retrospect, I likely could have asked her out, as I was 99 percent sure she liked me, but I was coming off another relationship. Anyway, it's been a month since I've seen her (holidays and such) but we MSN'd, and we're getting together to swap presents in a couple of days, meeting at the same mall as before. I'm not 100 percent sure what we're going to be doing, but I figured i could ask this place the following:
Seeing as I've never managed to start a relationship in a conventional way, what's a good method of suggesting you're interested in taking the next step, whilst leaving yourself the friendship-window if not? (I make friends with girls easily so that's no big deal.) Like I said I've never done it normally, what can I say/do? Any advice would work, the normal route is something completely foreign to me, which is ironic.
I suppose I should throw in is a month of little contact long enough to make a feeling go away? I doubt it, and I still feel I should go after it, but I'll add this as a precaution.
The Last Gent on
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It's the same with your situation -- you're meeting her in a routine place doing a routine thing. So push for something more -- ask her out for dinner or to hang out at her/your place.
Is there any need to mention the word "date" if you asked someone over to watch a movie?
I, too had a friend that i started to hang out with and eventually I really liked her and thought she liked me too. I made the mistake all guys do and I assumed that she was romantically interested in me just because we had great times together and hung out a lot. More on that later. Here's how I asked her out.
Coincidentally enough, it was at the mall, about 2 weeks ago. We had lunch and did some Christmas shopping, etc. and we were walking and I just said to her "Look, I really don't want to make things complicated between us, and I know you said that you don't have a lot of free time, but... Can we go on a date sometime?"
I know exactly what you mean about not starting relationships in conventional ways, I am the same way (except this time). Her response was "Um, sure I think we could work that out." Of course, a week later she decided that she's gonna change her mind on me and tell me she can't go out with me because she has too much going on and can't have that in her life. I was pretty upset about it and the next morning when I woke up I thought (for some reason) that it'd be a good idea to send her an e-mail laying out all the feelings that i had for her and that i have little relationship experience and things wouldn't be the same between us, etc.
Needless to say, it turned out to be a BAD idea... However, I talked to her about it a little and was able to save our friendship. I'm still pretty embarrassed about that email though because I said some pretty stupid stuff and made the classic mistake of letting my emotions take control. I had to resist the urge to send her another one apologizing because that would just be crossing the line from friend to creepy guy. Whoops I totally just hi-jacked this thread. Sorry.
Anyway my point is, you want to tell her that you understand the risks of asking her but at the same time, don't build up to it. You want to ask her quickly so that she doesn't have time to think about it first. That's not meant to sound rude, but trust me it's for the better. Think of something clever but just get to the point fast.
If they're already friends? Um, yes, because friends can watch movies with each other totally platonically. Now, if he asked if she wanted to see his etchings or something, it might be more obvious.
What's "date" mean? Some people feel that, once they're going out with someone, that only then are they "dating" and when they do things those are "dates." Other people feel that after being exclusive, all the times they were hanging out as just friends were "dates" too.
You don't have to call it anything. if you call it a date, you'll probably give the impression "Hey, do you want to come over and 'watch' a movie, and by 'watch' i mean 'kiss me a few times and not actually watch the movie.'" Which may send the wrong message.
I'm a fan of making it much more organic by making the "new" event obviously different. If you're having someone over for a movie, but they've come over before, what do you normally do? Do you just watch the movie and talk a bit afterwards? Maybe make popcorn, clean up more, have a snack together before the movie or after (not during), etc.
Movies typically make bad dates, by the way, because it's 2 hours of sitting there in silence. If you're talking it's either a bad movie or you're distracting the person, and unless you've seen the movie before it can be really easy to get a "bad" date movie. For instance, I met up with a girl and we ended up doing things for like 6-7 hours that day, including a movie -- we watched "The General's Daughter," since we had heard things about it. Little did we realize that it was about rape and bondage. Not exactly a good movie to set the mood for, well, anything.
So if you've got a movie buddy that you're into, expand the evening -- make dinner, talk after the movie, etc. If you're having the person over for the first time, clean up and be flirty with her. The flirting is what, more than anything, makes "getting together" into a date. If you treat her like "one of the guys" she'll think that you feel the same way about her as you do your guy friends. It's a bit different when it comes down to "This person is at my place, and at some point I wouldn't mind seeing them naked." Even if it's not that night, you should react at least somewhat differently.