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Movie Release Awareness for January '08
Gim
a tall glass of waterRegistered User regular
a tall glass of waterRegistered User regular
Alright, let's get this going again! Where was I?
Movies for September 2007
What do you mean it's not longer 2007? Oh.
Movies for January 2008
January 4:
One Missed Call (imdb, wiki, apple trailer)
This, surprise surprise, is a remake of a Japanese horror film. The hell you say!
Dear Japanese,
Move onto making films about people with guns or something.
Kissies,
Gim
Dear Hollywood,
This isn't funny or novel anymore. Scary films work so less often than other genres, especially bad Japanese remakes. Start working on those gun movies I suspect the Japanese will start working on. Or else.
Smashies,
Gim
The poster looks like ass as well. At least the one for The Descent was referencing something good.
The Killing of John Lennon [LA/NY] (imdb, wiki)
An IFC-backed indie film about everybody's favorite Mark David Chapman. Dunno how much wider it will open.
January 11:
First Sunday (imdb, wiki, apple trailer)
It's been far too long for me to expect much good coming from a movie starring Ice Cube. Perhaps if someone could tell me what kind of material the director has put out previously I'd have a better idea of what to make of this.
In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (imdb, wiki)
Oh shit, really? This movie is just now getting released? Ha-HA! This makes me happy to start up the movie release thread again. Alright, you have all heard about this before, I assure you. Uwe Boll directs a movie based on Dungeon Siege that stars a mixed bag of reputable actors including Jason Statham, Ron Perlman, John Rhys-Davies, Ray Liotta, and Burt Reynolds. The amount of cocaine that must have traded hands to make this movie possible must be staggering. Drug planes were shot down by the FBI. Balloons swallowed and popped. Men crawled through tunnels between borders to secure the drugs needed for this movie. Sensational! Apple doesn't even have a trailer up for this, yet it reportedly has a budget of $60 million and is opening on something like 2,500 screens. Uwe Boll. Wow.
The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything: A VeggieTales Movie (imdb, wiki, apple trailer)
True story: someone posted a few YouTube VeggieTales music videos on my MySpace as comments. I'll admit, they were kind of charming (thankfully they weren't faith-tinged). Don't get me wrong, I'm still going to hunt that person down and slaughter them horribly. But I can see the appeal in this franchise, especially if you're some kind of slightly off-kilter Christian parent. This is kind of pointless as I know no one here will go and see it. Except for Jeffe because he got suckered into having children, the poor sap. He's probably standing in line right now for tickets, his progeny yelling into both of his ears, his eyes glazed over and his mind contemplating how quickly a gun could bring sweet, sweet release.
January 18:
Cloverfield (imdb, wiki, apple trailer)
Remember that trailer about the party and camcorders and something happens in the New York City skyline and people start freaking out and there was a big wild thread and everything? That's this. So, in true J.J. Abrams style, I imagine it will star a bunch of pretty young people I've never heard of before and have some decent action.
Mad Money (imdb, wiki, apple trailer)
Diane Keaton, Queen Latifah, and Katie Holmes in a movie together. Huh. And they're all janitors. Well, okay.
27 Dresses (imdb, wiki, apple trailer)
Dear Katherine Heigl,
Stop doing movies and television shows where you are in love. Like, for three or four years. Make some movies about how you are on drugs and everybody gets sad. Or something about how you're on a ship in the Arctic circle and you feel alienated. Just no love. Capiche?
Smooch'ums,
Gim
Teeth [limited] (imdb, wiki, apple trailer)
Vagina. Dentata.
Cassandra's Dream [limited] (imdb, wiki)
New Woody Allen movie. Too bad that doesn't necessarily mean anything good anymore, but it occasionally does (shut up, I liked Match Point). No Scarlett Johansson to leer at for the movie's length, but it does have Ewan McGregor and Colin Farrell as Cockney brothers.
Taxi to the Dark Side [LA/NY] (imdb, wiki)
Documentary focusing on the detainment and death of an Afghan taxi driver at the hands of American soldiers. Directed by the fellow who did Enron: The Smartest Guys in the Room and acted as a producer on Who Killed the Electric Car? and No End in Sight, this is a part of an international series of documentaries entitled Why Democracy?
January 25:
Untraceable (imdb, wiki, apple trailer)
Um, it was shot in Portland. Go Portland!
Rambo (imdb, wiki, apple trailer)
Ah, it's coming upon that time. Very well. Spurred on by the success of Rocky Balboa and his need to do something with his time, Sylvester Stallone brings us one more about the man who started out as some sort of cautionary tale and turned into something pretty ridiculous. We'll see where he goes in this one. If you remember the initial trailer, there's some crazy levels of violence going on.
How She Move (imdb, wiki)
The Canadians make an urban dance film. Bad Canadians! Bad!
The Air I Breathe [LA/NY] (imdb, wiki)
Hey look, Brendan Fraser is a part of something. Oh Brendan, when did you lose all your potential?
4 Months, 3 Weeks and 2 Days [limited] (imdb, wiki, apple trailer)
"A 1987-set drama that chronicles a Romanian college student's effort to get an abortion while living in a Communist regime."
Meet the Spartans (imdb, wiki)
No. Fuck no. Unless you have some bizarre need to see Kevin Sorbo or Carmen Electra, no. This is brought to you by the people who did Epic Movie. Remember Epic Movie? If you're going to a movie theater and you see a bunch of teenagers giggling that they're about to see this movie and how it'll be so great and funny, murder them. Cold blood. You shall have no remorse as you have done no ill to any human. Then head into the theater where the movie is showing and start lobbing Molotovs. Remember, what you are doing is not wrong. Just kill them all. Start sending out mail bombs to anyone associated with this movie. A few might call it terrorism, history will remember it as heroism.
Okay, so here's the deal. The last time I did one of these, I think, was in August. I used to cover other countries, a whole slew of smaller films, and list the dates and locations of film festivals. It was a pretty nice setup for those interested in film. It was also killing me. Not literally, but the movie threads like those would take me the entire day to put together. An obscene amount of linking was involved. So I stopped doing them once the fall semester started and I had other things to do. Since Elki reminded me that I was a lazy bastard, I'll go back to these simple US-based release threads. Feel free to make a listing of films coming out in other parts of the globe. In fact I encourage it. But for my part, I'm staying small so I don't become disinclined from doing these on a monthly basis.
That said, it's January. Not traditionally a great month for releases. Of the above, I plan on seeing approximately none of them. How say you, person reading this thread?
Movies for September 2007
What do you mean it's not longer 2007? Oh.
Movies for January 2008
January 4:
One Missed Call (imdb, wiki, apple trailer)
This, surprise surprise, is a remake of a Japanese horror film. The hell you say!
Dear Japanese,
Move onto making films about people with guns or something.
Kissies,
Gim
Dear Hollywood,
This isn't funny or novel anymore. Scary films work so less often than other genres, especially bad Japanese remakes. Start working on those gun movies I suspect the Japanese will start working on. Or else.
Smashies,
Gim
The poster looks like ass as well. At least the one for The Descent was referencing something good.
The Killing of John Lennon [LA/NY] (imdb, wiki)
An IFC-backed indie film about everybody's favorite Mark David Chapman. Dunno how much wider it will open.
January 11:
First Sunday (imdb, wiki, apple trailer)
It's been far too long for me to expect much good coming from a movie starring Ice Cube. Perhaps if someone could tell me what kind of material the director has put out previously I'd have a better idea of what to make of this.
In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (imdb, wiki)
Oh shit, really? This movie is just now getting released? Ha-HA! This makes me happy to start up the movie release thread again. Alright, you have all heard about this before, I assure you. Uwe Boll directs a movie based on Dungeon Siege that stars a mixed bag of reputable actors including Jason Statham, Ron Perlman, John Rhys-Davies, Ray Liotta, and Burt Reynolds. The amount of cocaine that must have traded hands to make this movie possible must be staggering. Drug planes were shot down by the FBI. Balloons swallowed and popped. Men crawled through tunnels between borders to secure the drugs needed for this movie. Sensational! Apple doesn't even have a trailer up for this, yet it reportedly has a budget of $60 million and is opening on something like 2,500 screens. Uwe Boll. Wow.
The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything: A VeggieTales Movie (imdb, wiki, apple trailer)
True story: someone posted a few YouTube VeggieTales music videos on my MySpace as comments. I'll admit, they were kind of charming (thankfully they weren't faith-tinged). Don't get me wrong, I'm still going to hunt that person down and slaughter them horribly. But I can see the appeal in this franchise, especially if you're some kind of slightly off-kilter Christian parent. This is kind of pointless as I know no one here will go and see it. Except for Jeffe because he got suckered into having children, the poor sap. He's probably standing in line right now for tickets, his progeny yelling into both of his ears, his eyes glazed over and his mind contemplating how quickly a gun could bring sweet, sweet release.
January 18:
Cloverfield (imdb, wiki, apple trailer)
Remember that trailer about the party and camcorders and something happens in the New York City skyline and people start freaking out and there was a big wild thread and everything? That's this. So, in true J.J. Abrams style, I imagine it will star a bunch of pretty young people I've never heard of before and have some decent action.
Mad Money (imdb, wiki, apple trailer)
Diane Keaton, Queen Latifah, and Katie Holmes in a movie together. Huh. And they're all janitors. Well, okay.
27 Dresses (imdb, wiki, apple trailer)
Dear Katherine Heigl,
Stop doing movies and television shows where you are in love. Like, for three or four years. Make some movies about how you are on drugs and everybody gets sad. Or something about how you're on a ship in the Arctic circle and you feel alienated. Just no love. Capiche?
Smooch'ums,
Gim
Teeth [limited] (imdb, wiki, apple trailer)
Vagina. Dentata.
Cassandra's Dream [limited] (imdb, wiki)
New Woody Allen movie. Too bad that doesn't necessarily mean anything good anymore, but it occasionally does (shut up, I liked Match Point). No Scarlett Johansson to leer at for the movie's length, but it does have Ewan McGregor and Colin Farrell as Cockney brothers.
Taxi to the Dark Side [LA/NY] (imdb, wiki)
Documentary focusing on the detainment and death of an Afghan taxi driver at the hands of American soldiers. Directed by the fellow who did Enron: The Smartest Guys in the Room and acted as a producer on Who Killed the Electric Car? and No End in Sight, this is a part of an international series of documentaries entitled Why Democracy?
January 25:
Untraceable (imdb, wiki, apple trailer)
Um, it was shot in Portland. Go Portland!
Rambo (imdb, wiki, apple trailer)
Ah, it's coming upon that time. Very well. Spurred on by the success of Rocky Balboa and his need to do something with his time, Sylvester Stallone brings us one more about the man who started out as some sort of cautionary tale and turned into something pretty ridiculous. We'll see where he goes in this one. If you remember the initial trailer, there's some crazy levels of violence going on.
How She Move (imdb, wiki)
The Canadians make an urban dance film. Bad Canadians! Bad!
The Air I Breathe [LA/NY] (imdb, wiki)
Hey look, Brendan Fraser is a part of something. Oh Brendan, when did you lose all your potential?
4 Months, 3 Weeks and 2 Days [limited] (imdb, wiki, apple trailer)
"A 1987-set drama that chronicles a Romanian college student's effort to get an abortion while living in a Communist regime."
Meet the Spartans (imdb, wiki)
No. Fuck no. Unless you have some bizarre need to see Kevin Sorbo or Carmen Electra, no. This is brought to you by the people who did Epic Movie. Remember Epic Movie? If you're going to a movie theater and you see a bunch of teenagers giggling that they're about to see this movie and how it'll be so great and funny, murder them. Cold blood. You shall have no remorse as you have done no ill to any human. Then head into the theater where the movie is showing and start lobbing Molotovs. Remember, what you are doing is not wrong. Just kill them all. Start sending out mail bombs to anyone associated with this movie. A few might call it terrorism, history will remember it as heroism.
Okay, so here's the deal. The last time I did one of these, I think, was in August. I used to cover other countries, a whole slew of smaller films, and list the dates and locations of film festivals. It was a pretty nice setup for those interested in film. It was also killing me. Not literally, but the movie threads like those would take me the entire day to put together. An obscene amount of linking was involved. So I stopped doing them once the fall semester started and I had other things to do. Since Elki reminded me that I was a lazy bastard, I'll go back to these simple US-based release threads. Feel free to make a listing of films coming out in other parts of the globe. In fact I encourage it. But for my part, I'm staying small so I don't become disinclined from doing these on a monthly basis.
That said, it's January. Not traditionally a great month for releases. Of the above, I plan on seeing approximately none of them. How say you, person reading this thread?
Gim on
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Posts
A website that can't be shut down?
Oh and its untraceable?
Awesome
Also the killer hacks into her car's computer ... from the backseat... while she's driving.
And this is all in the preview, I can't wait for the whole thing.
Edit: Shit, the movie I'm thinking of is Special and it came out two years ago. Dur.
I bought a promotional shirt and plan to wear it to the first showing on the day it comes out. Depending on how good it is, I may see it again that night just for the awesome.
Screw the naysayers, Cloverfield is going to be the movie to see this month.
Is the vagina like a venus fly trap or does it project out like the second mouth of a xenomorph?
Oh man... I'm giggling so hard right now. That's going at the top of my netflix queue, the instant it's available.
Kirsten Bell in slave Leia costume people!
And it looks fairly funny
Oh awesome, I almost completely forgot about this movie.
I've been waiting forever for Fanboys to come out.
I approve this message.
If you need an extra leg, give me a call.
Could I use a crowbar?
Abrahams gave me Hot Shots! and Hot Shots! Part Deux, so he's good in my books.
Thank you for bringing this to my attention!
"This website's like nothing we've ever seen before..."
and Colin Hanks to boot?
If I were any other studio I'd be delaying all releases until 2009. Untraceable will be showing in every screen in every multiplex for months!
And Airplane! Unfortunately, though, they have wrought something so horrible, so unbearably unfunny and insipid that they need to pay.
What happened to those guys. They used to make funny movies.
Now...well, just look
Those people are amazing and the movies are worth watching just for the crazy shit that they can do.
I mentioned this in chat, but when I saw Walk hard there was a behind the scenes with all the actors, and Colin Hanks said "everything in this movie could really happen very easily".
I was looking around the theatre to see if anyone was laughing. so sad.
edit - I shouldn't use quotes cause that's not exact, but it's close enough.
"He hacked into my car's computer!"
Everyone in the theatre is silent, in awe, except for one man who is laughing uncontrollably. That man is me. This old guy sitting right in front of me turns to this other guy who is sitting with him "Some people have a sick sense of humor."
The IMDB board for this movie is hilarious.
they missed the fact that parody is instant now. they should have a website and make 10 minute parodies, it'd probably be great.
Although I can't find a proper wide release date for it. If you can find something approaching reputable saying when it's going wide, I'll add it to the OP. That is probably the one movie I'd shell out money to see.
I'll admit, when they started break-dancing, I giggled a bit.
You would not believe the amount of, well there is no other way to put it, black people go and watch these movies.
When You Got Served came out, the theatres in areas with a predominantly african american population were fucking packed. And by packed, I mean, after they sold out the tickets, people would push their way in and sit on the god damn floor. Same with Drumline. It's weird.
That's exactly what they want you to do.
Now stop it.
Yes it's by Uwe Boll, but it has Jason Statham killing countless helpless idiots with a SWORD.
I'm required by law to see it.
Also, I know it's Uwe Boll, but the main tragedy of him is that he'll take an existing world and storyline and completely destroy it in his quest for money. That's why Bloodrayne, which had potential, and Alone in the Dark were such devastatingly awful films. House of the Dead didn't have a chance, so we'll forget that one.
But Dungeon Siege has no plot, really. It also has no characters to miscast, no world or backstory to rape and pillage. It's just a generic fantasy movie set in a very generic fantasy universe, except it has Jason Statham and Burt Reynolds, and Ray Liotta as the Evil Wizard. Seriously, there's nothing for Uwe Boll to rape here.
twitch.tv/Taramoor
@TaramoorPlays
Taramoor on Youtube
This guy knows what is up.
Man, the ZAZ team are (were) fucking geniuses. It's not their fault that people have made complete shit based on a template they (and Mel Brooks) perfected. That happens with every good idea.
Everyone should go buy Police Squad! on DVD, though. Aside from Airplane!, it's probably their best work.