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ok, need some help.

DarkSymphonyDarkSymphony Registered User regular
edited January 2008 in Help / Advice Forum
hi. I've asked for some help with a few odds and ends before, to which a couple of the big things I needed advice on I got and it helped greatly.

now, I have a couple things I need to sort out and kinda figure out.

Basically: I'm 25, have a job, a car, etc. the obvious things. What I'm having trouble with is this time in my life. My age and where I am. Not physically where as in State or housing and whatnot, but where in my life I am and where I want to be/what I want to have happen.

Back in high school I loved my time there. I loved being there for education, friends and just...living in general as a late teen. Obviously there were things about school that sucked ass, but that's always going to happen. I had a ton of friends and such. Well, I always have these great memories of my life from that time and how much I'd "give anything to go back" type of thing. Now, I really don't look down on my life now at all, it's just....way less interesting. In those times, things were going on and things were always happening with people. It was a very sociable time and atmosphere. I miss that aspect terribly. I have a lot of good friends now and all that, but life kinda just gets down to working, playing guitar and practicing with the band, hanging out with friends, playing some games and going to sleep.

It's fun and all, but I just...I need more. I miss the social aspect of school so much that there isn't much time that goes by where I don't think about it. I'm opting to go to college in the fall for business and side music classes and such, so I'm excited for that. I plan to also live on campus and such, since well I feel that part of the experience is to live on campus.

my problem is that I'm 25. I feel like I really should have taken the college boat when I was 19 or so. I feel like I'm "behind" and that when I go, I'll be too old to the social aspect and not be having much *fun*. know what I mean? Like I feel as if I'm not gonna be "cool" for parties and shit. Basically, the social aspect of school.

I've been playing guitar very serious for a few years now and am getting pretty good. I play with a band a couple times a week sometimes more. I love it so much that I wanted to go to college for music, yaknow do something really important with what I love and what I'm getting good at. However, the other thread about careers with music made me realize it's not entirely a good choice. What I've wanted for ages was to make a band and make it big. Yeah obviously this isn't going to happen (what? 1 in about a billion chance?).

I love playing guitar so much and being with the band, but I feel it's possibly all a waste of time. Like, the chance of making it big is so ridiculously small. So my idea was to go to college for business and marketing and take some theory + application classes for music.

so, I dunno, I miss high school more than I could ever convey with words and I feel like I'm in a rut right now. No real place to go except to college (which I desperately want to) but I keep feeling I've "missed it". Like, all my peers would be 18-20 or so and I'd be this uncool 25 year old dude.

Any suggestions? anyone understand where I'm coming from?

DarkSymphony on

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    UkraineTrainUkraineTrain Registered User regular
    edited January 2008
    Honestly from my experience being in college (I'm 19) I've partied with a ton of older students (25-30) and not thought twice about it. The key for you will be involving yourself with social organizations be it social clubs based around activities faculty clubs or even fraternity's. You'll still run into a ton of guys around your age, guys who even started when they we're 18-19 because not everyone usually takes the 4 year and out route.

    Also try and make sure you take something meaningful while your at school. Otherwise 4-5 years from now you'll be stuck with the same feeling after leaving high school except this time you'll have some debt to go with it.

    UkraineTrain on
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    Uncle LongUncle Long Registered User regular
    edited January 2008
    You're only the uncool 25 year old dude if you're the uncool 25 year old dude. There are going to be people around that are near your age. You're going to go to bars, if that's your thing, and meet people that are 21+. House parties are going to probably seem a little prepubescent to you, but that's not because your old, it's because, for the most part they are full of younger students which are generally still trying on their outfit in society.

    I think most of the folks that go to college several years after they get out of high school tend to prioritize academics over social life. But I think that your decision to live on campus is going to be a huge benefit. If you can stand living with a few really immature people then you're going to be in the right place to meet people that are mature and really cool.

    It's going to be tough being the old man on the floor. Hell, I was an RA so I was the old man on the floor on top of being the authority figure. But this is a good decision. You've just got to relax and do what it is that you want to do (damn Nike for taking what I was going to say next).

    Good luck.

    Oh, ever heard of ennui?

    Uncle Long on
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    Dulcius_ex_asperisDulcius_ex_asperis Registered User regular
    edited January 2008
    First, it's awesome that you decided you want to go to college. Serious kudos for doing it later.

    Secondly, don't be afraid of people thinking you're uncool. Just hang out. In my group of friends, people ranged from really young freshman (17 when entering college) to really old "fifth-years" who were in their mid-20s. I have never thought it weird to meet people of all ages. It's one of the more fun aspects of college.

    Someone else mentioned putting up with immaturity -- I agree. As much as you miss high school, you aren't the same person you were in high school (well, hopefully). So you maaaay want to consider living off campus. However, you may not. It's completely up to you. Just be aware that there will be the occasional shower poop, people streaking and possibly your roommate doing his girlfriend in the bed next to you.

    But yeah -- college is awesome.

    Dulcius_ex_asperis on
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    starmanbrandstarmanbrand Registered User regular
    edited January 2008
    I don't mean to be a dick, but perhaps if you think being cool involves binge drinking with a bunch of people who are most likely going to do poorly in school, you should re-evaluate your opinion on "being cool."

    There are a lot of other things to do in your teens and twenties.

    Make a list of your five favorite things about life. Music, Movie genres, types of food. Whatever.

    If you are going to a populated school, it should be fairly easy to find a club that surrounds it. If not? Try starting one.

    starmanbrand on
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    DarkSymphonyDarkSymphony Registered User regular
    edited January 2008
    oh I know. It's not the drinking and shit that makes me feel like I'd be "uncool" it's simply put, that I'm not the typical age for a college guy. It's hard to explain. Like, I'm into many different things and definitely have tons of shit to talk about and have interests with other people, but...something about how I feel about my age. It makes me feel I'm past the right age. I dunno. I'm sure I'm wrong, it's just how it feels at the moment.

    I just.....I really really want to be out there and going to parties again, going out and meeting new people, having something really concrete to do for class and assignments. I want a goal, something to shoot for, something to do. People to be with and have fun with.

    I'm not just going to college for the social aspect, but it's something I really want. I miss that part of my life so bad.

    DarkSymphony on
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    DrFrylockDrFrylock Registered User regular
    edited January 2008
    1. You're going to be fine socially, and also you'll be able to buy and drink booze legally and guilt-free as a freshman, so you've got that going for you.

    2. It's hard to say that you're "behind" at 25. I think college is a good idea at any age, especially if you're ready for it. It's better to go when you're ready at 25 than to go when you're going to waste the opportunity at 18.

    3. Playing in a band is not a waste of time, but as you noted there is a very, very small chance it will ever become your career. However, as a hobby, it can be a lot of fun. I play poorly but I've found that it stimulates different parts of my brain than most of what I do at work and I don't regret it. Getting a business degree is smart. Getting any degree is a good thing; there are many careers where having an undergraduate degree of any kind is a major benefit.

    A friend of mine went back to school at 22 when he was ready for it. He originally thought he was going to end up majoing in music but ended up majoring in business. He had one of the most active social lives of any human being ever, with gigantic parties nearly every weekend. Even the 50-year-old neighbors came over for his parties. For his 2nd-4th year of college he lived in a very nice place with three or four of his best college friends as roommates. He graduated and now has a great job that he is good at.

    DrFrylock on
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    Steel AngelSteel Angel Registered User regular
    edited January 2008
    Speaking as someone a little older and still in college, I'll chime in a bit.

    Yes, it's going to feel weird at times being in school at this age. Yes, part of you will regret not getting things done sooner. This doesn't really matter much. The latter is something lots of people deal with, school related or otherwise. The former is something that doesn't bug you when you're actually with friends doing stuff.

    Going to college at 18 and finishing in 4 years may be the norm, but A LOT of people don't fit that mode exactly. Lot's of people start late, others have trouble and take some extra years. One of my better friends in college was a guy that was around our age now when I was still in the early 20's. And lots of people needed to work first for a while before starting school.

    You'll be self-conscious at times just because that's a part of human nature. You're not going to stick out like a sore thumb and other people won't care. The age range of college students varies far more than what TV, movies, and pop culture portray.

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    DarkSymphonyDarkSymphony Registered User regular
    edited January 2008
    thanks :) I'll just go full steam ahead and do my best. I'm a very social person and I definitely do very well at meeting new people. So I'll do my best and just try to quiet that part of my mind right now.

    DarkSymphony on
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    VThornheartVThornheart Registered User regular
    edited January 2008
    Yeah, I wouldn't worry. If it helps, I have (yet another) anecdote. (Damn, I'm full of anecdotes... I never realized it until I started going to this board)

    I was an RA for two years, and lived in the dorms. I noticed in both places that there was a pretty good mix of people younger than 20 and people older than 23/24. The average seemed to be about 20 years old, but the standard deviation was high. You had people in there who weren't even 18 yet, and you had people who were damn near 30.

    There was two people in my residence hall my second year who were over 40. Granted that was rare, and in their case they weren't very well socialized into the group at large... but it goes to show that there will likely be people older than you at college. Potentially much older.

    I found that it seemed not to get awkward for people until someone looked like they were > 30. Once they started looking middle-aged-ish, they seemed to have a harder initial time socializing. But people in their mid 20's were virtually indistinguishable from the others. If anything, the truly young ones seemed to look up to them in a lot of situations. Hopefully this helps.

    EDIT: Also, I noticed you're from Vermont. You don't happen to be planning on going to Keene State College (in nearby NH, right on the border with Vermont), are you? I know a lot of Vermonters end up over there. I lived there on campus for two years, and was an RA for one of them.

    If you happen to be (or it's in the running for you as a possible school), do it.

    There's no place in the goddamn world like Keene. Live on campus. Try to get a room in Fiske Hall. If it's like it used to be, you'll get a wide range of age groups and an accepting atmosphere. And when you look out your dorm window on winter mornings, you'll see the quad filled with snow and wonder how you could spend the rest of your life being anywhere else. One of the hardest things in my life was having to LEAVE that place. Living there, being there, is worth more than any monetary value can be put on it.

    Sorry for the shameless pitch there. Just in case you were thinking about the nearby Keene State College, I thought you should know how awesome it is.

    VThornheart on
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    BartholamueBartholamue Registered User regular
    edited January 2008
    Don't feel bad, I'm the oldest of all my friends, who all are 17-21. I'm 23.

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    LewieP's MummyLewieP's Mummy Registered User regular
    edited January 2008
    My husband went to Uni when he was 29, married (to me!) and with 2 kids. he'd left school at 16 with very few qualifications, and worked on an apprenticeship for a while but quit. He had a range of boring, low paid jobs, and in the end, went to Uni for 4 years, and has an Honours degree, and a job he enjoys.

    I'm very proud of him - it took courage to go to Uni, it was hard work, but so worth it. He loved being there, absolutely blossomed, discovered he was really clever (didn't really believe me), and has since gone on to do a post graduate qualification.

    And wow, you play in a band! Do you have any idea how envied you'll be? ALL the cool people are musicians.

    Its never too late to go to Uni/College, and 25 is hardly old. Have great fun there.

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