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So close to resorting to dating sites
Goose!
That's me, honeyShow me the way home, honeyRegistered User regular
That's me, honeyShow me the way home, honeyRegistered User regular
Okay, so here is the truth about my life: I lost all the friends I made in high school due to my strongly held belief that drinking and drug abusing excessively was not the best way to live. I do drink sometimes, but that's beside the point. The point is, three years later, I have one friend left who is away at college most of the time, and no means of meeting women (I can't even drive because the DMV hates me).
So, I've been doing the usual desperation things. Browsing myspace for girls in my area, checking the craigslist personal ads, etc. Now I'm thinking of trying a dating site. So, here is where I ask for advice, if anyone has had any experience with any of them: Which site would be best? Should I even bother with it? And if I shouldn't, how the hell does one find anyone?
Thanks in advance.
P.S.--I was forced to drop out of college after one year because of some screwy stuff with filing my FAFSA. So, any friends made there I've lost touch with as well
So, I've been doing the usual desperation things. Browsing myspace for girls in my area, checking the craigslist personal ads, etc. Now I'm thinking of trying a dating site. So, here is where I ask for advice, if anyone has had any experience with any of them: Which site would be best? Should I even bother with it? And if I shouldn't, how the hell does one find anyone?
Thanks in advance.
P.S.--I was forced to drop out of college after one year because of some screwy stuff with filing my FAFSA. So, any friends made there I've lost touch with as well
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One of them divorced two years later
but the other is one of my favourite people ever and the dude she met seems to be an A+ guy.
their action took place on plentyoffish.com
I've met two girls from there. Both turned into phenominal no-string sex partners.
The key is to be willing to go on *one* date with a given person online. Don't commit to more than that... meet at a common area so neither of you know where the other lives, and go on a date (and just a date). If they're bizzare, odds are you'll notice it quickly and can move on.
I met my wife online, actually. She's a perfectly reasonable person with nothing more odd about her than most people (I imagine). I'm very happy with her, and so as such I know that the online dating scene is not *entirely* composed of undesirable mates.
I did go on two dates (using the "one date, don't tell them where you live" method above) before I met my wife... and yes, they were pretty wierd. One of them turned out to have two men who apparently still thought she was their fiancee (yuck), and the other one was unusually desirous of commitment upon meeting in person.
Anyways though, online dating (if done in the relatively safe method described above) can (A) get you experience dating, which is always useful, and (B) might lead to the beginning of a good relationship if you run into the right person.
I love my wife, and we have the healthiest marital relationship of anyone either of us knows. I'll never once regret trying online dating.
Admittedly, I began it by actually going to the site to take their funny tests. Initially I wasn't intending to do it for dating, but as time went on the concept became more and more reasonable to me... and then I jumped in, and had great luck with it.
I recommend trying www.okcupid.com, I don't know how it is these days but that's where I met my wife. And the "tests" they have are entertaining, and also can help to tell you a lot about the other person if they took it genuinely.
Anyways, that's my two cents. Don't be afraid to give it a try.
40 minutes away from NYC, out on Long Island which is itself quite metropolitan.
I'd also recommend OKCupid. I've made some good friends on that site and I just went on a date with one girl (and we have a second date planned). So there are certainly very nice people using it.
And you can waste so much time with their tests.
In short: go for it.
Nintendo Network ID: PhysiMarc
I met my ex-boyfriend off craigslist, and we had a really excellent relationship (broke up for unrelated reasons). Part of the trick is to really get your personality across in your ad. Don't just list all your interests; that's boring. Look at it sort of like a college application essay. Sell yourself, but sell your real, best self, not some generic version of you. If you like girls who "get" your sense of humor, make sure that sense of humor comes across in your writing. Keep it concise, spell-check it, and for god's sake, make sure you've got a decent picture of yourself doing something fun.
But I've never denied that.
1. Match.com for about a year. Went out a few times with one girl, talked online forever with a few others but didn't click in person. I tend to DRAG out the online portion because I hate myself and figure women will hate me too. Gave up and decided to try Eharmony.
2. Eharmony. Wow. yea. so apparently they think i need to meet pyschos. Fixed me up with a 22 year old girl (i was like 28?) who had a child and still felt like she was in high school. She stalked me, came to my neighborhood and just drove around looking for me. That was fun! yeppers... that sucks. That was a wild six months there.
3. Went back to Match. Re-wrote my profile to be truthful and "me" and just plain strange. I figured if i came straight out with the shit first it would turn off most of the women i wouldn't want to be with anyways. Found two girls there after three dates (The third was horrible. She figured herself wildly successful vp of some company and went on and on about money, world travel etc. it was soooooo embarrassing for her)
So a girl who said i had to love her dog right in her profile title and i moved in together a few months later, celebrate our one year anniversary TODAY actually and will get married in November. She likes video games and is mad cute can't beat that.
---
my advice? write your profile as quirky as you are and truthful as you can. if you can't drive that is a HUGE thing to mention up front. That way the girls can't blame you later for not picking them up etc. you can say "Hey I told you i can't drive right?!?"
There's quite a few free ones, but plentyoffish and okcupid are really the only free ones with a lot of people on each.
Word of advice to anyone who wants to try Eharmony: You can save quite a bit by signing up and than waiting for them to e-mail you deals. I'm not saying I recommend eharmony, but if you really want to try it, sign up and than wait for them to email a deal as you will save quite a bit (still not cheap, mind you).
and he's awesome in every way. But I digress. It's not really 'resorting'. I'd say hunting down random floozies at the bar is far more like resorting than online, because at least with online ones you can read their profile and screen out the obvious personality clashes before meeting them, yknow? Just be wary, there area few people who put up pictures that don't look even remotely like themselves
My area sucks for dating sites. Really sucks.
Ditto the quirky and truthful, actually. I was brutally honest about me and very direct about my expectations in my plentyoffish profile, and one of the first reply subjects was "Are you real?" (in a positive way, thank goodness). As it turns out, we have a lot in common and enough in "different" that conversations are easy and interesting.
Keep a sense of humor about it. While I had a really awesome response from the one guy (who is also a museum loving, documentary addicted, sci-fi reading, gamer geek), there were also a lot of Nascar/beer/sport hunting afficianados with no vocabulary who wanted to "chat."
The other thing I liked about plentyoffish is they have a built in IM client. It's not the most sophisticated IM client in the world, but it does the job if you don't want to give other information.
If you can make the cut.
That said, before her I met a 200+ pound girl clever with camera angles and a girl who spoke through a hole in her throat due to severe burns she was able to cover up with clever make up use.
I also met a pretty cool woman who I liked, but wasn't in to me. Dating sites are a crap shoot in my opinion, but sooner or later usually result in meeting someone worthwhile. Just don't expect to get anywhere fast.
i met 3 guys, and went out on 1 date, which resulted in him, that night, telling me he was in love with me and that he was mine
i blocked him after that
the other 2 guys were nice but they didn't work out, just sort of met up with them, went for a walk, that was that
my opinion of dating sites after that, is very negative
i think it's fine to accidentally meet someone online
like, generally on the internet, in a place of your interest
art, writing, video games, a forum about badgers, whatever
that is coo'
but seeking someone else out just because they are someone else who is also seeking someone out?
bah, this is how people settle
don't settle, man
just stop looking, wait for it to come to you
it will, i promise
Yeah I'd have to agree here, especially when we are talking about a guy here. Typically, it's the guy who has to make the first move. It's just how it is (a good amount of the time).
(Also, the Enter key does not replace punctuation.)
OP, changing your attitude might help. It's a cliche that you have to like yourself before other people, but sometimes cliches exist for a reason. Make a list of why people should get to know you and repeat it to yourself when you feel down. Buy some clothes that make you feel great. Eat more healthily and go out more, even if it's just for a walk around the block. Confidence is pretty much the sexiest thing there is.
Oh, and you might want to work out some alternate methods of transportation if you can't drive. "Oh, I'll take the bus" is a lot more attractive than "I need a ride."
If someone asks if you really wanna ride the bus, tell them you're supporting ecological sustainability and geopolitical independence.
If someone asks why you're really taking the bus, tell them you like to read.
i am not saying 'lol she'll fall into your lap happy ever after'
i'm saying
don't go around looking for miss perfect, you're not going to find her
she'll just pop into your life when you least expect her and that's when you make the move
actually searching for someone, just leads to settling, i see it all around me
also leave my typing out of this
Your theory seems to be a little backwards. Waiting for girls to pop-up is a quick way to settle on what pop ups. Searching IS not settling, because you're searching. I mean, that's like the opposite of settling.
What my eyes see: What my eyes are thinking:
OP, go for it --- nothing wrong with it, sometimes there just aren't people you are interested in around you. Also, it is kind of nice having a good idea of who a person is before you go out on a date - saves money and time.
But trouble awaits those who venture into Craig's List. Abandon All Hope Ye Who Enter There.
(Really, I advise against it. It's like trolling Ebay for dates, if that were allowed.)
Northridge? You shoulda gone to CSU Dominguez Hills, :whistle: "Where the classes are easy and the girls easier, CSU Dominguez Hills." :whistle:
It's actually their campus motto. Or maybe not.
Wise advice. Craig's List is the bottom of the barrel, with the majority being bots. Craig's list is not a representation of internet dating, it's more like personal adds in the newspaper.
Plus, you know, free. Rule of internet dating: Make a good, honest, specific profile, and then post it everywhere you can think of. It'd suck to miss out on a great date just because a girl was looking at okcupid and not plentyoffish, and it's not like it costs you anything.
I have been on 0 date in the past seven years following this advice. I finally decided to say: "Screw it! I'm actively looking for someone now." and found someone great.
Nintendo Network ID: PhysiMarc
Agree. I met some cool people off craigslist. I mean, I gotten emailed from some strange ones or just not 'my type' to put it kindly, but those don't last for more than a few emails. What I found works on CL is to write a catchy post, something that shows your personality. I guess mine were good enough that soon I caught other people stealing them. (no joke, word for word)
First of all, throw away all misconceptions of online dating. Its not weird, its not strange and its not all made of ugly people, its just another avenue that is hitting mainstream and eventually your kid's kids will be online dating as if it was second nature.
Second, be yourself. Get a good picture of your waist up, smiling, maybe with friends, but not in a stupid pose. Don't post have naked pictures of yourself and expect the women to drool on you. Be yourself, show what you look like (waist up because all people want to know what a person looks like face and body) and be honest. Also make sure the picture is what you look like today, not 6 years ago. Just like an any relationship, its built on trust and if you are lying and showing what your stud ass looked like 5 years ago in high school with your rock hard abs and not how your life as an accountant gave you donut butt, the whole thing will fail from the start.
I have ran the gamut of dating from free to paid. They all have their ups and downs. Best free site in my opinion is plentyoffish.com as others have said. Alot of people on there, relatively straightforward and to the point. Best paid site I would say would be eHarmony. You don't get to pick who you want to date as eHarmony bases your matches on your personality. It is very strict and ordered, however, it does weed out alot of people, especially if you are the type of person that just goes by looks. Looks doesn't make a relationship, its a combo of personality and what you find attractive that does. Nice thing about eHarmony is since it is expensive and paid, it will weed out all those who aren't actually serious about dating and such.
To echo someone who said it earlier, its best to sign up on the paid sites, make a free profile, take the test and wait a month. They will eventually send you real good offers for membership. I believe I got 3 months for 60 instead of 1 month for 60.
Enjoy yourself, dating isn't meant to be a chore, however, you will have to work at it sometimes to get the best results. Have fun with it. Here are my three golden rules:
1. Ask, "Is this picture recent?"
2. Be honest, blunt if need be. Better to let them know what you are looking for then beating around the bush.
3. Be Patient. Miss Right won't fall onto your lap like someone said. You will need to actively seek and test the waters.
Well over two years for me. We need to start a club. A club with women.
Anyhow, I popped on plentyoffish after reading this thread (never heard of it before), we'll see. Original Poster, take heart that you can't be as pathetic and crappy at dating than me.