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GOD DAMN cockroaches

marty_0001marty_0001 I am a fileand you put documents in meRegistered User regular
edited February 2008 in Social Entropy++
Fuck. Fucking fuck.

I go to put on my shoe. I untie the laces. Then, a twitch of movement: fucking cockroach peeping out, its antennae all a-waving. I let out this gasp of terror/disgust, and flick the shoe off my foot, which lands upside-down a couple metres away. I sit still for a second to breath out, then walk over to the shoe. I gently turn it over with my toe, and there's the roach. It's trapped in my laces, squirming around trying to get out.

I go and grab the insect spray, and give the fucker a liberal dose. Much to my satisfaction it starts writhing in terror/pain (hopefully a lot of both). It's trying to flee, but it's got itself stuck in there and can only flail about helplessly. But then it gets its footing, and starts to scramble.

Spoilered for the squeamish types:
The thing pulls. It pushes. Then, the motherfucker tears itself in half trying to escape. Such a sight was not meant for mortal eyes. Its abdomen is left behind with one of its legs, while the rest of it finally breaks this grey string of gooey innards which is all that's left holding it together.

With its remaining five legs it scuttles off the shoe, then rolls over and twitches to death.

I'm standing there in horror.

God damn.

I think I'll buy a new pair of shoes.


Tell us your traumatic ordeals with things that have more than four legs.

marty_0001 on
«1345

Posts

  • Big Red TieBig Red Tie beautiful clydesdale style feet too hot to trotRegistered User regular
    edited February 2008
    man, fuck bugs

    they are the worst things ever

    One time this centipede was in the house
    I sprayed it with window cleaner then hit it with a broken umbrella


    then i had my mom carry it outside because ewwwwww

    Big Red Tie on
    3926 4292 8829
    Beasteh wrote: »
    *おなら*
  • Agent VesagoAgent Vesago Half Iago. Half Fu Manchu. All Bastard. Registered User regular
    edited February 2008
    Wash your feet and clean your house.

    Agent Vesago on
    Clowns.jpg
  • I'd Fuck Chuck Lidell UpI'd Fuck Chuck Lidell Up Registered User regular
    edited February 2008
    seriously

    I'd Fuck Chuck Lidell Up on
  • GoatmonGoatmon Companion of Kess Registered User regular
    edited February 2008
    I remember a very weird itch on the sole of my foot one time right after I put my shoe on, so I took the shoe off and shook it, and a millipede (Or centipede, I forget) fell out. Creepy crawlies are one of the few things that reduce me to a gibbering pansy, so I was slightly paranoid when putting my shoes on for the next couple days.

    Goatmon on
    Switch Friend Code: SW-6680-6709-4204


  • Penguin IncarnatePenguin Incarnate King of Kafiristan Registered User regular
    edited February 2008
    Bug thread?

    Bug thread.

    Awesome.

    Penguin Incarnate on
  • Dee KaeDee Kae Registered User regular
    edited February 2008
    I ended up having a bumble bee crash and sting me in the chest while biking around one day last year. I ripped off my shirt and staggered around the sidewalk yelling to myself for a couple of minutes thanks to it.

    I still wonder what the family that had walked by me during this all were thinking though.

    Dee Kae on
  • Penguin IncarnatePenguin Incarnate King of Kafiristan Registered User regular
    edited February 2008
  • marty_0001marty_0001 I am a file and you put documents in meRegistered User regular
    edited February 2008
    There must be roaches hiding in my walls. I seem to get one every couple of months.

    Once there was one hanging from my ceiling, above my front door. Just waiting to drop on my head should I try to leave. I was afraid to spray it for fear of it letting go of the ceiling and falling to the floor in some unpredictable arc which might intersect my person.

    marty_0001 on
  • MonoxideMonoxide Registered User, ClubPA regular
    edited February 2008
    you know what they say

    for every one roach you see, there's a thousand more

    Monoxide on
  • Big Red TieBig Red Tie beautiful clydesdale style feet too hot to trotRegistered User regular
    edited February 2008
    Monoxide wrote: »
    you know what they say

    for every one roach you see, there's a thousand more

    who says that

    they have to die

    Big Red Tie on
    3926 4292 8829
    Beasteh wrote: »
    *おなら*
  • Admiral SuzieAdmiral Suzie Registered User regular
    edited February 2008
    Dee Kae wrote: »
    I ended up having a bumble bee crash and sting me in the chest while biking around one day last year. I ripped off my shirt and staggered around the sidewalk yelling to myself for a couple of minutes thanks to it.

    I still wonder what the family that had walked by me during this all were thinking though.

    I got stung by two hornets when I was 8. Bear in mind please that nothing serious has ever happened to me other than this and getting my wrist fractured (earlier that year, god that year sucked.)

    I was running in a field practically located on the border between Washington and Idaho while visiting some family friends. I was running to grab some juice or something, not important. I ran cause I was a kid and it was what I did. While doing my kid thing, I zoomed past this blade of grass that had what looked like a pair of flies sitting on it, but I was clearly very wrong.

    I don't remember how much it hurt, I more than twice that age now but for years you could still see tiny pin pricks in my skin where they got me, right above that "armpit" on the other side of your elbow and somewhere on my thigh.

    While I'm screaming my lungs out and holding onto my arm and my thigh and jumping about like a freak or somethin, my mom's screamin at everyone to calm down, I've never been stung by even a bee before that and she was trying to see if I was swellin up. I was fine, just in a lot of pain so they made up this miracle concoction of baking soda and water and spread the past on the sting sites. I spend the rest of the day there annoyed watching that movie where dogs eat spaghetti.

    I have a phobia of things that go buzz buzz now.

    Admiral Suzie on
  • Big Red TieBig Red Tie beautiful clydesdale style feet too hot to trotRegistered User regular
    edited February 2008
    Oh also I am allergic to stings

    man-o-wars, bees
    Fuck those guys

    Big Red Tie on
    3926 4292 8829
    Beasteh wrote: »
    *おなら*
  • Admiral SuzieAdmiral Suzie Registered User regular
    edited February 2008
    I wouldn't mind if bees just suddenly dropped dead everywhere if they weren't in charge of pollinating just about every plant. :x

    Admiral Suzie on
  • Brodo FagginsBrodo Faggins Registered User regular
    edited February 2008
    next time just fucking take the shoe outside, shake it off, and then slam the shoe down on it.

    Brodo Faggins on
    9PZnq.png
  • ThundarThundar Registered User regular
    edited February 2008
    I'm not a very squeamish guy, but a cockroach in my shoe would probably eliminate all logical decision making for me as well.

    Thundar on
    Hello.
  • Waka LakaWaka Laka Riding the stuffed Unicorn If ya know what I mean.Registered User regular
    edited February 2008
    I used to be a Chef for one restaraunt and a waiter for another. The Restaraunt I did the waiting for had a roach problem, no... it had a roach disaster.

    I started to realise when I saw little tiny common ones scuttling about at random. They'd just apear and then disappear from table to table.

    There was a water feature with goldfish in it centered in the middle back of the 1st floor. I was delivering food to some ladies at their table when I saw 2 cockroaches scuttling along the edge of the pond. I distracted the ladies with idle chatter and luckily both of them slipped down the side of the pond and the goldfish ate them. God it was right on time, because the ladies turned when they heard the splosh of the goldfish on the surface.

    Things got worse, later in the week a group came in and ordered a banquet. One lady pointed out that there was "Something moving in the salad" sure enough there were two large fuckers prancing about the greens. I stood there shocked, the whole table just looked in awe. Thank fuck I did not put the plates down or have to deal with them.

    Now to the worst part. The boss finally realised that there was a roach problem, but not to it's full extent. He saw them scurrying about here and there.

    I came in and looked about, being a chef I know where to look. I banged hard on dishwasher and the bench around it (Cockroaches like warm dark areas) and sure enough a nest fell in the diameter of a tennis ball and scattered everywhere. I continued to bang my hand along the edge and even more dropped. This was fucking Starship Troopers shit.

    Eventually the boss gave in and I told him I could fix the problem, I went down the road, got some decent sprays and baits and proceded to get every nook and cranny of the entire kitchen. Half an hour later the floor was covered in the corpses of cockroaches, I could say easily 50-80 per square meter lay dead. Walking through them actually made a thick crunching sound.

    The boss came to realise shit was going down and had the place fumigated, I ( when I was 20) had to teach a 34 year old restaraunt owner how to look after his own god damn kitchen.

    I'm surprised its still open to be honest. Anyone who lives near Fremantle Western Australia, I'm willing to tell you which restaraunt and where if you PM me.

    Waka Laka on
  • ThundarThundar Registered User regular
    edited February 2008
    Waka Laka wrote: »
    I used to be a Chef for one restaraunt and a waiter for another. The Restaraunt I did the waiting for had a roach problem, no... it had a roach disaster.

    I started to realise when I saw little tiny common ones scuttling about at random. They'd just apear and then disappear from table to table.

    There was a water feature with goldfish in it centered in the middle back of the 1st floor. I was delivering food to some ladies at their table when I saw 2 cockroaches scuttling along the edge of the pond. I distracted the ladies with idle chatter and luckily both of them slipped down the side of the pond and the goldfish ate them. God it was right on time, because the ladies turned when they heard the splosh of the goldfish on the surface.

    Things got worse, later in the week a group came in and ordered a banquet. One lady pointed out that there was "Something moving in the salad" sure enough there were two large fuckers prancing about the greens. I stood there shocked, the whole table just looked in awe. Thank fuck I did not put the plates down or have to deal with them.

    Now to the worst part. The boss finally realised that there was a roach problem, but not to it's full extent. He saw them scurrying about here and there.

    I came in and looked about, being a chef I know where to look. I banged hard on dishwasher and the bench around it (Cockroaches like warm dark areas) and sure enough a nest fell in the diameter of a tennis ball and scattered everywhere. I continued to bang my hand along the edge and even more dropped. This was fucking Starship Troopers shit.

    Eventually the boss gave in and I told him I could fix the problem, I went down the road, got some decent sprays and baits and proceded to get every nook and cranny of the entire kitchen. Half an hour later the floor was covered in the corpses of cockroaches, I could say easily 50-80 per square meter lay dead. Walking through them actually made a thick crunching sound.

    The boss came to realise shit was going down and had the place fumigated, I ( when I was 20) had to teach a 34 year old restaraunt owner how to look after his own god damn kitchen.

    I'm surprised its still open to be honest. Anyone who lives near Fremantle Western Australia, I'm willing to tell you which restaraunt and where if you PM me.


    Oh my GOD. Best/worst story ever

    Thundar on
    Hello.
  • Big Red TieBig Red Tie beautiful clydesdale style feet too hot to trotRegistered User regular
    edited February 2008
    definitely worst story ever

    Big Red Tie on
    3926 4292 8829
    Beasteh wrote: »
    *おなら*
  • marty_0001marty_0001 I am a file and you put documents in meRegistered User regular
    edited February 2008
    next time just fucking take the shoe outside, shake it off, and then slam the shoe down on it.

    There is no way I was going to pick up a shoe which had a cockroach in it. Same rule for spiders. If that thing starts running about, odds are it'll wind up on my hand which I do not want. The spray works. The spray is golden. You spray, they die, they stop moving, then you can dispose of it.

    marty_0001 on
  • Admiral SuzieAdmiral Suzie Registered User regular
    edited February 2008
    I'm so happy the restaurant I work in is strict on cleanliness. I have to do most of it as it's my job but now I feel like scrubbing the food trap a little harder next Friday. D:

    Admiral Suzie on
  • Penguin IncarnatePenguin Incarnate King of Kafiristan Registered User regular
    edited February 2008
    I was sweeping my balcony once and a bee stung me in the eye, for no fucking reason. What a bastard.

    Penguin Incarnate on
  • ComahawkComahawk Registered User regular
    edited February 2008
    I was sweeping my balcony once and a bee stung me in the eye, for no fucking reason. What a bastard.

    Probably a bumblebee or a wasp... Honey bees will only sting in defense of the hive.

    Comahawk on
  • Brodo FagginsBrodo Faggins Registered User regular
    edited February 2008
    marty_0001 wrote: »
    next time just fucking take the shoe outside, shake it off, and then slam the shoe down on it.

    There is no way I was going to pick up a shoe which had a cockroach in it. Same rule for spiders. If that thing starts running about, odds are it'll wind up on my hand which I do not want. The spray works. The spray is golden. You spray, they die, they stop moving, then you can dispose of it.

    The spray is for goddamn pussies.

    Hell, you could've just kicked it outside and dealt with it there.

    Brodo Faggins on
    9PZnq.png
  • GoldenSeducerGoldenSeducer AAAAAUGH!! Registered User regular
    edited February 2008
    Bug have their uses. I just don't want them crawling on me. Some of them are actually quite pretty.

    GoldenSeducer on
  • MonoxideMonoxide Registered User, ClubPA regular
    edited February 2008
    I've seen a few roaches here and there since december or so around my kitchen. Probably six or seven total, but still

    now that you've posted that story I'm going to spray this place down tomorrow

    I mean, I was planning on doing it anyway, and I've already bought the various supplies, but that is disgusting

    Monoxide on
  • IskanderIskander Registered User regular
    edited February 2008
    Augh god fuck, insects! D:

    Dammit evolution, did you really need insects?

    Iskander on
  • Big Red TieBig Red Tie beautiful clydesdale style feet too hot to trotRegistered User regular
    edited February 2008
    Iskander wrote: »
    Augh god fuck, insects! D:

    Dammit evolution, did you really need insects?

    in 2050 I am suggesting a bill

    Transmogrifying all bugs into cute puppies

    Big Red Tie on
    3926 4292 8829
    Beasteh wrote: »
    *おなら*
  • MonoxideMonoxide Registered User, ClubPA regular
    edited February 2008
    Iskander wrote: »
    Augh god fuck, insects! D:

    Dammit evolution, did you really need insects?

    in 2050 I am suggesting a bill

    Transmogrifying all bugs into cute puppies

    I wouldn't mind so much if I found six or seven puppies in my apartment

    I'm for it

    Monoxide on
  • Penguin IncarnatePenguin Incarnate King of Kafiristan Registered User regular
    edited February 2008
    Comahawk wrote: »
    I was sweeping my balcony once and a bee stung me in the eye, for no fucking reason. What a bastard.

    Probably a bumblebee or a wasp... Honey bees will only sting in defense of the hive.
    It was one of the yellow ones.

    Penguin Incarnate on
  • HybridzergHybridzerg Registered User regular
    edited February 2008
    I haven't had to deal with any cockroaches, but these goddamn wasps keep building nests on my house, last summer it was right over the back balcony so I couldn't go outside and sit on the deck for fear of mass stingings. I mean, if I shut the door too hard a whole swarm of them would fly out.

    I Raided that shit HARD.

    Hybridzerg on
  • I'd Fuck Chuck Lidell UpI'd Fuck Chuck Lidell Up Registered User regular
    edited February 2008
    i have a permanent mark on my shoulder from when a bee landed there

    i thought it was a fly and crushed it with the side of my head

    and the stinger just ripped into me

    I'd Fuck Chuck Lidell Up on
  • ComahawkComahawk Registered User regular
    edited February 2008
    Hybridzerg wrote: »
    I haven't had to deal with any cockroaches, but these goddamn wasps keep building nests on my house, last summer it was right over the back balcony so I couldn't go outside and sit on the deck for fear of mass stingings. I mean, if I shut the door too hard a whole swarm of them would fly out.

    I Raided that shit HARD.

    I hear putting up fake wasp nests will actually deter a colony from trying to establish itself.

    Comahawk on
  • Big Red TieBig Red Tie beautiful clydesdale style feet too hot to trotRegistered User regular
    edited February 2008
    i have a permanent mark on my shoulder from when a bee landed there

    i thought it was a fly and crushed it with the side of my head

    and the stinger just ripped into me

    the side of your head

    i just imagine you doing the night at the roxbury thing and then bam

    Big Red Tie on
    3926 4292 8829
    Beasteh wrote: »
    *おなら*
  • I'd Fuck Chuck Lidell UpI'd Fuck Chuck Lidell Up Registered User regular
    edited February 2008
    i have a permanent mark on my shoulder from when a bee landed there

    i thought it was a fly and crushed it with the side of my head

    and the stinger just ripped into me

    the side of your head

    i just imagine you doing the night at the roxbury thing and then bam

    something like that

    only i was angry at it so i crushed it, then grinded it in for a while

    after 3 seconds of smashing it deeper i was like "ow what the hell?"

    turns out it wasn't a fly at all

    I'd Fuck Chuck Lidell Up on
  • Waka LakaWaka Laka Riding the stuffed Unicorn If ya know what I mean.Registered User regular
    edited February 2008
    definitely worst story ever

    :|

    Waka Laka on
  • Big Red TieBig Red Tie beautiful clydesdale style feet too hot to trotRegistered User regular
    edited February 2008
    Waka Laka wrote: »
    definitely worst story ever

    :|

    worst as in most disgusting

    I hate bugs.

    Big Red Tie on
    3926 4292 8829
    Beasteh wrote: »
    *おなら*
  • Waka LakaWaka Laka Riding the stuffed Unicorn If ya know what I mean.Registered User regular
    edited February 2008
    Waka Laka wrote: »
    definitely worst story ever

    :|

    worst as in most disgusting

    I hate bugs.

    HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUG!
    spider_wolfmommy2.jpg

    Waka Laka on
  • Big Red TieBig Red Tie beautiful clydesdale style feet too hot to trotRegistered User regular
    edited February 2008
    you horrible faggot

    i opened it but the picture hadn't loaded yet, so i closed it again

    then i opened it because hug didn't really make sense and goddamn

    Big Red Tie on
    3926 4292 8829
    Beasteh wrote: »
    *おなら*
  • Volucrisus AedriusVolucrisus Aedrius Registered User regular
    edited February 2008
    I was taking a sip of beer when I opened the spoiler and suddenly I had trouble swallowing because the beer in my mouth suddenly felt like a writhing mass of baby spiders. Every bubble that popped on my gums felt like probing apendages.

    Volucrisus Aedrius on
  • Grey GhostGrey Ghost Registered User regular
    edited February 2008
    Oh fuck Waka

    Jesus I just about had a heart attack

    My own damn fault for clicking the spoiler, but still

    Grey Ghost on
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