As was foretold, we've added advertisements to the forums! If you have questions, or if you encounter any bugs, please visit this thread: https://forums.penny-arcade.com/discussion/240191/forum-advertisement-faq-and-reports-thread/
Options

Hilarious Deaths

themocawthemocaw Registered User regular
edited February 2008 in Critical Failures
The fastest character death I've ever heard of was a friend of mine named S, who died on his initiative roll (the first initiative roll of the fight) which was like a 25. At the top of the turn, he charged some massively powerful Elf who got an attack of opportunity, critical'd, and dealt something like 54 damage.

S failed his massive damage save.

themocaw on

Posts

  • Options
    HawkstoneHawkstone Don't sweat the petty things, and don't pet the sweaty things. Somewhere outside of BarstowRegistered User regular
    edited February 2008
    I ran a one shot back in college where a pc cast a fireball standing thigh deep in a mixture of coal, oil and orc sewage....my one word response to this action ....FOOOOOOOMMMMM!!!!!

    Hawkstone on
    Inside of a dog...it's too dark to read.
  • Options
    KrataLightbladeKrataLightblade Registered User regular
    edited February 2008
    I once had a Dwarf where the DM assigned my Dwarf warrior a like 22 Constitution back in 2nd edition for some reason or other.

    First session, first combat, we're facing these bird monsters, and I take out one of my throwing axes, take range, and let fly.

    Now. TO explain, the way we handled things back then was that on a natural 1, you rolled on a second table that determined what the results were. I rolled on that table, got a 20, which equals "full damage to self damage, roll again." I got a second 20, and then a third, for a total of three times my damage roll to myself.

    Now, to explain, due to my insane Con, my level 1 character had like, 17 hit points.

    ...I dealt 27 damage to myself on that single roll. As in, instant -10, instant death.

    It was essentially narrated that my dwarf was so moronic (He DID lack anything even vaguely resembling a decent Int score...) that he'd forgotten to let go of his throwing axe and chopped off his own legs trying to throw it with all his might.

    ...I guess that makes up for the Unkillable death-Cleric dwarf I had in another campaign.

    KrataLightblade on
    LEVEL 50 SWORD JUGGLER/WIZARD!
  • Options
    RhakaRhaka Registered User regular
    edited February 2008
    So the party's been stuck in a desert for some time now. I don't quite remember how, but me (human warmage in scale armour) and the elven fighter (chain shirt) got split up from the rest of the party, fell into a hole or something and found a small stream of water underground. Naturally, we followed it. As we kept going, the stream got stronger and stronger, but it still wasn't much to talk about. Eventually the stream of water sloped down until it hit a basin of shallowish water.

    Fighter in front, I went some distance behind him. Failed my DC15 balance check, slipped, slid down. Managed to kick the fighter in the head on the way down, we both fell into the really lame basin of water.

    And due to our armour, COMPLETELY failed our swim checks. Thus we both drowned. In a kiddie pool of water. In a desert.

    My next character in that campaign got insta-eviscerated by an unlucky crit from a hidden tiger. Sorc, low hp, instant -10.

    I think my last character blew up trying to disarm a trap. That was a fun campaign.

    Rhaka on
  • Options
    INeedNoSaltINeedNoSalt with blood on my teeth Registered User regular
    edited February 2008
    "The door glows under Detect Magic with strong evocation. There are runes in the form of lightning bolts etched all about the door."

    "I open the door."

    "You hear a click. Lightning bolt!" dice clatter "Uh, you take 24 damage."

    Wizards should never open doors.

    INeedNoSalt on
  • Options
    INeedNoSaltINeedNoSalt with blood on my teeth Registered User regular
    edited February 2008
    Rhaka wrote: »
    My next character in that campaign got insta-eviscerated by an unlucky crit from a hidden tiger. Sorc, low hp, instant -10.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=arJi3JRtK_s&feature=related

    INeedNoSalt on
  • Options
    themocawthemocaw Registered User regular
    edited February 2008
    Here's a good one for you guys from Second Edition AD&D

    We'd somehow managed to piss off a bunch of assassins, who attacked us in bed as we were asleep. Our psionicist never made it out the door, the assassins murdered her in her nightgown. Of the survivors, there was me (Elf Mage/Thief) Grout (Dwarf Berserker) and Kevin (Human Thief, Spy Kit). To the campaign, the DM wants to add a new player character: Crimson Helix, a human Swashbuckler.

    So as we pour out into the hallway fighting assassins, we hear footsteps coming up the stairs. The dialogue goes like this:

    DM: You hear footsteps coming up the stairs. What do you do?"

    Me: I nock an arrow and wait for him to poke his head up the--

    Kevin: I attack (rolls to attack, firing two arrows)

    Me: No, WAIT!

    DM: Sorry, Kevin already called it. Okay. . . you hit. You hear a scream and a gurgling sound.

    Me: Fuck, I walk to the top of the stairs.

    DM: You see the innkeeper in his nightshirt with a candle in one hand, a stocking cap on his head, and two arrows in his chest. He's quite dead.

    Me: FUCK!

    So of course, we book it from the inn. We run downstairs, out the front door, and into a running battle with the assassins.

    Enter the Crimson Helix. The Helix, as imagined by his player, was a slightly demented swashbuckler who fought for peace, justice, and genetic purity. He spent his late nights running across rooftops defeating evil. So, seeing some guys in black suits shooting arrows at some panicked adventurers running through the streets, he of course joins the fight. CH pulls off some really nice sword-and-main-gauche work and manages to slaughter one of the assassins in one turn. He then jumps down into the alley to fight some more.

    Meanwhile, Grout, in full berserker rage, cleaves an assassin in twain and runs in the back alleys to get out of the way of the arrows.

    DM: You see a guy at the end of the alley.

    Grout: I charge!

    DM: (to CH's player) You see someone with an axe running at you.

    CH: I charge, yelling, "HAVE AT YOU!!!"

    DM: Okay. (to Grout) Some guy with a sword and dagger runs at you yelling.

    CH: Wait, does the guy with an axe look like an assassin?

    DM: Actually, it looks like a dwarf.

    At this point, the game halts for a few minutes as CH and Grout's players exchange a few words out of character. They both roll wisdom checks to see if either of them would know to stop. Both fail.

    They decide the characters would fight for at least one round before realizing what is going on.

    Grout wins initiative.

    Grout criticals.

    The next morning, the magistrates would scratch their head going over the corpses. "Guy wearin black cloven in twain, guy wearing black cloven in twain, guy wearing black cloven in twain. . . huh, here's a guy wearing black with a rapier thrust through a lung and a spiral carved in his forehead. . . and some guy wearing bright red with a big hat with his head cut off. Hmmm. Moving on. . ."

    So raise your ale mug to the Crimson Helix, the only player character I have ever seen who survived a single combat round after being introduced to the campaign before being PK'd in one hit.

    themocaw on
  • Options
    Wonder_HippieWonder_Hippie __BANNED USERS regular
    edited February 2008
    This isn't that hilarious, but it's a short, fun anecdote.

    Tip: don't gamble with bards or rogues when they bet their hotel room. They're probably being hunted. The best part is that I bet my hotel room for the night to another gnome bard. I threw the trail off for a while, but it cost me a fuckton of gold to goad the guy into doing it. It was a PC, and he was pretty fucking pissed.

    Wonder_Hippie on
  • Options
    ReynoldsReynolds Gone Fishin'Registered User regular
    edited February 2008
    I played a Mage character that had three really defining traits : giant handgun, heartless mafia leader, and the fact that they were secretly an impostor. I'm sure you all know that if any character has a IC secret that the players know OOCly, they will all try as hard as they can to make their characters figure it out ICly. So one of my friends does a 'life-scan' type of magic, with some contrived explanation.

    "Hey, you're an impostor! You're not really-" BOOM HEADSHOT. I was already rolling to hit and damage for a surprise round before he finished speaking. Then everything dissolved into a PvP battle royale, with my character taking out everyone but the player that had somehow been allowed to play a dragon. I bled to death a few rounds after being locked into a magical cage of some sort.

    Fastest I've ever seen a campaign end, and that friend still gives me shit about it to this day. He loved that character, and the campaign was supposed to be a rather long and epic one.

    Reynolds on
    uyvfOQy.png
  • Options
    BrodyBrody The Watch The First ShoreRegistered User regular
    edited February 2008
    In a campaign once, a friend's little brother was playing with us(a freshman when we were all seniors), and he frequently annoyed the two C.E. characters in the party. In a chaos induced nightmare, our blood-mage stabbed him to death, burned the building down, and then later my character(the only one that didn't try and save the building) pissed on the ashes. The best part is that the dead character was playing a homebrew ice humanoid, and his nickname since then has been ice princess.

    Brody on
    "I will write your name in the ruin of them. I will paint you across history in the color of their blood."

    The Monster Baru Cormorant - Seth Dickinson

    Steam: Korvalain
  • Options
    HorseshoeHorseshoe Registered User regular
    edited February 2008
    Back in ye days of 2nd edition there was this one guy in my group who annoyed the hell out of the rest of us, yet for some reason we didn't tell him to buzz off. High school was that way, I guess.

    Anyway, we repeatedly killed his characters by "accident".

    One I remember involved a wild mage, a fireball, and a bat-infested sewer we sent him in to explore first.

    I think on another occasion we were looking for a murderer and the kender thief framed his character in order to complete the quest.

    Horseshoe on
    dmsigsmallek3.jpg
  • Options
    ReynoldsReynolds Gone Fishin'Registered User regular
    edited February 2008
    I forgot about the little one-shot I ran a few months back. Two teams of two players each, with four or five two-NPC teams. At first they worked alright, taking out NPC teams. One of them died from an NPC, leaving his teammate alone. He ended up hiding out until the game was almost over, when he fought tooth and nail in an epic duel with the last remaining NPC. He died, only for the NPC to bleed to death.

    But the other team...well...they didn't really get along. In the last stage, one waited for the other to finish off an NPC, and casually announced he was attacking him. His partner wasn't very happy...and happened to be an explosive expert. Exactly what you expect happened. Two PCs disintegrated immediately.

    Thankfully they all loved it. Otherwise that probably would have ended in a little real life player versus player action.

    Reynolds on
    uyvfOQy.png
  • Options
    HylianbunnyHylianbunny Registered User regular
    edited February 2008
    OOC Hilarious Deaths?

    So...is there going to be an IC hilarious deaths? :P
    Anyway, we repeatedly killed his characters by "accident".

    We've had a similar experience happen, though it only looked like an accident.

    A monk that was traveling with our party started to really annoy the ranger, and so the ranger decided to fire off an arrow. He figured it wouldn't do a whole lot of damage, really, just annoy him at worst.

    The monk dropped dead.

    After a fair while, we finally found out the true cause; a Bodak, and the monk had just been unlucky enough to fail the save. Up until then, though, the ranger got a lot of flak for it. :P

    Hylianbunny on
  • Options
    themocawthemocaw Registered User regular
    edited February 2008
    OOC Hilarious Deaths?

    So...is there going to be an IC hilarious deaths? :P

    Fixed.

    Here's one for you from the other side of the dice: the guy who just could not die.

    Dynatos was. . . I believe. . . a mid-level monk or something similar. I don't actually believe he was a monk, maybe just a rogue. Anyway, he was known for being a real smart-ass and simply not being able to die, which pissed off another player (call him Grout). The group that they were in rotated DM jobs, so it was Grout's turn to DM.

    Grout sent a hill giant after them.

    The end results are the stuff of legends.

    Dynatos: "I attempt to crawl up the Hill Giant's leg and bite his nuts."

    Grout: "What?"

    Dynatos: "I attempt to crawl up the Hill Giant's leg and bite his nuts."

    Grout: "Dude, you're gonna need, like, a natural 20 on your climb check to do it."

    Dynatos: <rolls his natural 20>

    Grout: ". . . fuck. I guess you climb up the hill giant's leg and bite it in the nuts. Roll to hit. You hit, roll for damage. . . all right. The hill giant screams in pain and attempts to knock you off." <roll roll> "Make a strength check."

    Dynatos: <rolls>

    Grout: "You go flying off."

    Dynatos: "I attempt to tumble and reduce falling damage." <succeeds>

    Grout: "The hill giant is now trying to sit on you. . . it hits."

    Dynatos: "I'm going to try and roll into its asscrack."

    Grout: "What?"

    Dynatos: "I'm going to try and roll into its asscrack."

    Grout: ". . . make a Reflex save."

    Dynatos: <succeeds>

    Grout: ". . . okay, you're not dead yet. But you're taking suffocation damage each round, and you're nauseated, for obvious reasons."

    Dynatos: "I attempt to bite his ass."

    Grout: "WHAT?"

    Dynatos: "I attempt to bite his ass."

    Long story short, the rest of the party was scrambling to kill the hill giant before Dynatos suffocated to death, all the while Dynatos is screaming and cursing at the hill giant and biting him in the ass and trying to break free. It would be a better story if he'd died, but he lived, sadly.

    After that, Grout just threw the DMG into the air and admitted that Dynatos was basically invincible. I guess they should have known that when he successfully climbed a rope with his feet, one that the party mage tried to climb with his hands, critically failed on, fell off, and broke his neck.

    themocaw on
  • Options
    PolloDiabloPolloDiablo Registered User regular
    edited February 2008
    themocaw: Thank you, that was one of the funniest things I've ever read.

    PolloDiablo on
  • Options
    PiptheFairPiptheFair Frequently not in boats. Registered User regular
    edited February 2008
    I once played a lvl 10 monk with high con, who was deafened by a destrachen, poisoned by yellow fungus, and blinded by a nymph and subsequently drowned

    all in the same session

    I don't understand how that one ever happened

    PiptheFair on
  • Options
    piLpiL Registered User regular
    edited February 2008
    One time I had a second level cleric try to singlehandedly charge in and attack an undead army of skeletons and zombie witches. I did not feel guilty at all for slaying him. It's not really that hilarious though, but oh well. Just thought I'd get that out of the way.

    So story 2:

    This is how one good death went.

    DM: You hear something on top of the thatched roof building next door.
    Friend: I throw a torch up there to see if I can see it.
    DM: Err, you don't see anything.
    Friend: Alright, I go inside to see if I can find a way up from inside.
    DM: You step in, roll a spot check.
    Friend: *roll* *succeed*
    DM: You notice immediately that the roof is on fire, while the residents of the house rush about gathering their precious belongings

    From there he tried to put it out and suffocated in the process.

    piL on
  • Options
    DE?ADDE?AD Registered User regular
    edited February 2008
    In one of my weirder campaigns (using GURPS 4e), the players had just gotten a hold of a pack of explosive mint Lifesavers. Of course, the label was in a strange alien language, and the players had yet to catch on that they were explosive (any sharp impact would set them off). His death wasn't that funny, but the events after it were.

    The party consisted of Walter Burns, a banker and the most depressingly bland person you're likely to meet, Algernon Applebee, a professor of theology at a local college, and Roberto "Bandito" Gonzales, a low-level gangster and the only character in the game with any combat ability. As is fairly obvious, Bandito's player was not a bright man.

    Bandito immediately picked up the mints and popped one in his mouth.

    Me: It's and ordinary mint, though it tastes a bit bland.
    Bandito: Cool. I bite down on it.
    Me (Worried Look): ...
    Me: Are you sure?
    Bandito (Oblivious): Yeah.

    Bandito has his head blown off by a breath-freshener. Walter, thinking fast, pulls out the roll of duct tape they'd found earlier, which restored functionality to any machine it was secured to (though the effect stopped when the tape was removed.)

    So, for a few sessions, we had Bandito walking around, sans head, with his neck wound sealed up with duct tape.

    DE?AD on
  • Options
    Sharp101Sharp101 TorontoRegistered User regular
    edited February 2008
    My first session of Dark Heresy, our first realy 'challenge', we had to climb down a 3m wall that had a 2m wide practically endless pit below it. A friend of mine makes it down and my Tech Priest was to throw one end of a rope down to help the rest of the party down.

    I fail and the rope goes down the pit.

    I decide to just climb down. I fail and fall.

    I waste 2 fate points on 2 rerolls. Failed both. A buddy tries to catch me, fails. Wastes 2 fate points on 2 rerolls. Finally catches me on the second one, but I'm heavy enough that he loses his footing and starts to fall down the pit himself (failed Ag roll). Rerolls with his LAST fate point and saves us both.

    I wasn't allowed doing much after that.

    Sharp101 on
  • Options
    SJSJ College. Forever.Registered User regular
    edited February 2008
    Sharp101 wrote: »
    My first session of Dark Heresy, our first realy 'challenge', we had to climb down a 3m wall that had a 2m wide practically endless pit below it. A friend of mine makes it down and my Tech Priest was to throw one end of a rope down to help the rest of the party down.

    I fail and the rope goes down the pit.

    I decide to just climb down. I fail and fall.

    I waste 2 fate points on 2 rerolls. Failed both. A buddy tries to catch me, fails. Wastes 2 fate points on 2 rerolls. Finally catches me on the second one, but I'm heavy enough that he loses his footing and starts to fall down the pit himself (failed Ag roll). Rerolls with his LAST fate point and saves us both.

    I wasn't allowed doing much after that.

    Buddy - that is just hilarious. Every time I've seen that adventure run, at least one person fails that stupid climb check...

    SJ on
  • Options
    Sharp101Sharp101 TorontoRegistered User regular
    edited February 2008
    Yeah, especially because its the first real challenge involving any rolling in that adventure. It was... embarrassing.

    Sharp101 on
Sign In or Register to comment.