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Comic Creators Thread: Ways to Stay Motivated, Creative, and Productive?

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  • wwtMaskwwtMask Registered User regular
    edited October 2008
    I'd read it, and I've never even so much as glanced at an issue of BoP.

    wwtMask on
    When he dies, I hope they write "Worst Affirmative Action Hire, EVER" on his grave. His corpse should be trolled.
    Twitter - @liberaltruths | Google+ - http://gplus.to/wwtMask | Occupy Tallahassee
  • MAD!MAD! Registered User regular
    edited November 2008
    Hi guys,
    I was going to put these pages in the CONTRACT thread but had an idea.
    One of my assignment at Joe Kubert was to take a variety of images and create a story around it. This is kind of the same thing. These are pages from the CONTRACT: Panzer issue due out end of December. I thought it would be fun to have other writers out there have a crack at what is going on in the story in these few pages.

    Here is a bit of info on the issue so that you have something to work from.

    Comic Summary: A night of carousing leaves Panzer with more than just a hangover when he wakes up aboard a dropship with the 'Screaming Eagles.' These hardcore cybermercs are answering a distress call and have no time for stowaways. Now Panzer either has to kick in or get kicked out- THE AIRLOCK! Can Panzer pull his mess of an act together to roll with this team of elite professionals? Featuring a cover by comics legend Bart Sears!

    Codes: OCT083782

    Characters:
    Panzer: Guy with big Cyber Arm
    Anansi: Black girl

    Screaming Eagles
    Jester: Girl with purple hair
    Sgt Ripper: Guy with Cigar
    Cobra: Black guy
    Hunter21: Guy with bandanna
    Panzerpg01web.jpg
    Panzerpg02web.jpg
    Panzerpg03web.jpg
    Panzerpg04web.jpg

    I would love to see what comes back.

    MAD! on
  • DouglasDangerDouglasDanger PennsylvaniaRegistered User regular
    edited November 2008
    I know we talked about this months ago, but what are good books for would-be comic creators? I have the "reality" mapped out really well, a few simple plots, even some ideas for the very first page and an idea for some splash pages, but I don't know very much about actually scripting comix. I can't draw at all. I've taken a few art classes and really struggled and eventually dropped out. So for creating comix scripts, what's a good book?

    DouglasDanger on
  • wwtMaskwwtMask Registered User regular
    edited November 2008
    The OP should have what you need. Also, buying Director's Cut versions of some comics should give you an idea of how some of the more successful writers script their books.

    wwtMask on
    When he dies, I hope they write "Worst Affirmative Action Hire, EVER" on his grave. His corpse should be trolled.
    Twitter - @liberaltruths | Google+ - http://gplus.to/wwtMask | Occupy Tallahassee
  • MunchMunch Registered User regular
    edited November 2008
    Thanks for all the kind words about my theoretical BoP pitch dudes.

    SnowmanTest4.png

    Still chugging along on this. That stupid third panel held me up for literally a month. I'd sit down, draw it, hate how it turned out, then erase the whole thing, get discouraged, and then mope for a day or two before repeating the cycle. I finally just sat down last night and banged it out in on go. I'm still not happy with how it looks, but whatever.

    While I was thinking about Blue Beetle's recent cancellation yesterday, I thought I'd hammer out a loose outline of what I'd do for a first issue of a relaunched Beetle book.
    FIRST ISSUE THOUGHTS
    First page, four panels showing a brief recounting of Beetle's origin; Ted Kord discovering Dan Garrett turning into the Blue Beetle, Garrett's death, Ted promising the dying Garrett he'll carry on for him, and Ted Kord leaping down towards the viewer as the new Blue Beetle. A caption in the top left corner reads, "They say that, just before you die--," another caption box, lower right, "--your whole life flashes before your eyes."

    Second page, Max Lord holds a gun to Beetle's head. We get a quick recap of Ted's death and the whole. "So that's it? Join you or die?" "That's right." "Rot in Hell, Max." exchange. A different caption box at the top left reads, "Then." Caption in bottom right of first panel, Ted on his knees, gun to his head. "It's true." Bottom right, "I see it all--"

    Pages three and four, a double page spread showing Beetle numerous failures as a hero. Captions throughout the page lead the viewer's eye from one scene to another, "my failures. My humiliations. The shortcomings. The tragedies of my pitiful, trite little life. And all I can think is--"

    Page five, Max shoots Beetle in the head, and he falls to floor. POV shots from Beetle's dimming eyes look up at Max as he looks down at the dead Beetle for a moment before muttering, "What a waste," completing Beetle's thought.

    Page six, a Chemo-like monster filled with siwrling, psychedelic fluids rampages through Hub City as a reporter, preferably a member of the Question's old supporting cast, reports on the devastation. He looks to the sky and exclaims in exagerrated news-speak, "Wait! Up there-- it's-- yes! Yes! Help has arrived for the harried citizens of Hub City!"

    Page seven, Black Beetle, in the Bug airship, races toward the viewer, and Chemo, in a single splash page. A caption in the upper left reads, "Now."

    Page eight, a darkened, dust-coated lab sits idle, a single computer monitor illuminating the darkness. A fluid-filled tube off to the side contains an obviously man-shaped silhouette. Zoom in tight on the computer monitor. It reads, "Power at .05%. Engaging emergency protocols." The tube hisses around the edges as hydraulics engage and the transparent lid lifts opens, splashing fluid across the floor, and depositing the sputtering, shocked man inside unceremoniously onto the ground. Caption at upper left reads, "Then."

    Page nine. The figure, still shrouded in shadow, crawls toward the computer monitor and enters a command. It begins filtering through news articles, showing the deaths of Blue Beetle, Max Lord, Dimitri Pushkin, Ralph Dibny, the death and return of Booster Gold, the return of Ice, and so on, with the mysterious figure responding to each one with horror or elation. Curled into the fetal position he tremors violently, seeming nauseous, confused, and disoriented.

    Page ten. The news feed suddenly blinks off, replaced by a message stating, "Crisis Priority One in process. Justice League in route, estimated arrival in fifteen minutes. Estimated casualties two-hundred." As the computer rambles through the announcement the darkened figure narrows his eyes, galvanized by the computer's warning, he gets up and walks down a short hallway and opens a cabinet set into the wall, containing the Black Beetle costume seen in I Can't Believe It's Not the Justice League, as well as weapons. A silhouette against the wall shows him dressing.

    Page eleven. Black Beetle, fully dressed, his goggles opaque in the low light, growls into the dark, "Like Hell." He runs down a corridor, eventually arriving at a room, where he looks up and smiles, "Hello girl. Miss me?" We don't see what he's looking at.

    Page twelve. Caption reads, "Now." Beetle races towards Chemo, the camera set behind the Bug. A short battle ensues.

    Pages thirteen and fourteen. The battle continues, with Beetle ejecting from the Bug and allowing it to zip around Chemo, drawing his attention. Beetle, on the flight pads originally shown in Extreme Justice, flies near Chemo's face. In his hands is a massive syringe-rocket. Chemo dumbly mutters, "Mwahhn?" Beetle smiles and reponds, "I'd explain the science of what I'm about to do to you, but honestly?" Beetle fires the rocket into Chemo's face, perforating his shell and filling him with a gel-based polyacrylate, rendering him inert. As Chemo stumbles and falls to the ground he releases a series of dumbfounded groans, and Beetle finishes, "I make a point of not associating with big lava lamps like yourself."

    Page fifteen. People unsteadily filter out into the streets around Chemo, looking up at Beetle. Everything goes quiet for a moment as Beetle hovers over the street, expended rocket launcher in hand. Cries suddenly go up for, "Beetle! Beetle! Beetle!"

    Pages sixteen and seventeen. Beetle smiles and gives a playful salute as he flies back to the Bug and zips off into the night, the Justice League arriving a few moments later. As they land, the chants continue. Superman, Batman, and Wonder Woman look between one another as the rest of the League fans out to examine the scene. Together they approach the fallen Chemo, idly talking about how this could have been another Bludhaven. Batman notes that the unknown hero used a polyacrylate in defeating Chemo. There's a brief pause as Wonder Woman and Superman exchange puzzled glances, before Batman notes, "The stuff used in baby diapers. Absorbs fluids." Both are mildly amused by Batman knowing that. As they examine the rocket, wondering where it came from, Batman unscrews a panel and holds it out, a label on the inside reading, "Kord Omniversal Research and Development." All three exchange glances before Wonder Woman smiles and says, "Call Michael."

    Page eighteen. Press conference outside KORD. Kimiyo Hoshi addresses an audience of reporters. The Bug approaches from the air.

    Page nineteen. A man in a suit, his back to the audience, descends from the Bug. Amid shocked stares he approaches the podium and asks Kimiyo, "May I?" before turning to face the viewer and smiling. "Hi. My name is Ted Kord. And I'm sure you have a lot of questions."

    That's all just a very loose idea, and I know the snippets of dialogue are pretty cheesy and lame. If I were to actually write a full script I think I could tighten it up enough to make it readable. I think the opening, complete with the Morrison-y four panel origin, and quick review of Ted's death and career is pretty strong. The middle's pretty much the requisite fight scene, along with a bit of, "Who is that masked man?!" mystery. I think the whole part with Beetle crawling out of a test tube could just as easily be removed, and would open up a little more room for the League to do some stuff, and to give Ted some more speaking time. But I also like the idea of him finding out all his friends have died, and having a mini-freakout before pulling himself together and doing the hero thing. The ending's the only think I'm having a lot of trouble really envisioning.

    Munch on
  • CrimsondudeCrimsondude Registered User regular
    edited November 2008
    It's a fucking disgrace you're not writing for DC.

    Crimsondude on
  • wwtMaskwwtMask Registered User regular
    edited November 2008
    Maybe we should kidnap McKeever and have Munch impersonate him?

    wwtMask on
    When he dies, I hope they write "Worst Affirmative Action Hire, EVER" on his grave. His corpse should be trolled.
    Twitter - @liberaltruths | Google+ - http://gplus.to/wwtMask | Occupy Tallahassee
  • Robos A Go GoRobos A Go Go Registered User regular
    edited November 2008
    Where have you submitted your work to so far, Munch? What kind of responses have you gotten?

    Robos A Go Go on
  • CrimsondudeCrimsondude Registered User regular
    edited November 2008
    Eh. Fuck DC at this point. McKeever doesn't sound like he's the problem.

    Image or somewhere else is a better option.

    Crimsondude on
  • MunchMunch Registered User regular
    edited November 2008
    Where have you submitted your work to so far, Munch? What kind of responses have you gotten?

    I haven't, for a lot of reasons. DC and Marvel don't take unsolicited writing pitches, and small press publishers require you to submit with an artist already attached, and honestly, I just don't think my art or my writing is at a publishable level yet.

    My plan has always been pretty simple; get my art up to publishing standard, flesh out a bunch of pitches, and then start submitting bundles of stuff to small press publishers and anthologies, eventually working my way up to doing some stuff with all those C-list dudes I love at DC and Marvel. In the meantime, I'll just do some webcomics and stuff. I'm really not in a hurry or anything though. I only got into the whole art thing when I was, I don't know, nineteen or twenty, only started taking it seriously a year or two later, and I just turned twenty-three a couple months ago. And I'd like to think I've improved a lot in a few years of mostly aimless doodling. My hope is that, with another two years of serious practice, and maybe a few art classes, I'll be ready to start trying to break into the industry in earnest by the time I'm twenty-five. If not, I long ago decided that would be the time I'd just empty my bank account to start hiring artists.

    I'm not really concerned with sprinting towards a career in comics. For me it's more of a leisurely jog, and it's the only thing I've really wanted to do for a career since I was a kid. If I don't get there, I'll spend the rest of my life trying, and I'm cool with that.
    Eh. Fuck DC at this point. McKeever doesn't sound like he's the problem.

    Image or somewhere else is a better option.

    If I ever break in, I'd really like to go the Bendis/Millar route, writing work for hire but still putting out a bunch of personal, creator-owned stuff.

    Munch on
  • DouglasDangerDouglasDanger PennsylvaniaRegistered User regular
    edited January 2009
    So I am trying to write a script, and I have one three-panel page done in an hour. This is hard guys. I'm kind of undecided on the one species, which is making things difficult.
    page 1: Establish the setting and the two forces.

    Panel 1: A wide-angle establishing shot, as if from a helicopter. War in a rocky desert. This is a battlefield scene, fire and smoke and ruined ground.Plasma-and-laser-blackened boulders smoke, black burn marks and bodies litter the ground. Rocks on one side of the panel, with figures visible hiding behind them. On the other side, a ruined building, defenders also visible from our angle. The ruin is located a very slight rise.

    Panel 2:Sort of a line-up shot, showing the defenders. Human-looking figures and bipedial robots are stationed about the ruin, some on the ground with rifles and machineguns, some in/on the ruin.

    The defenders look much like a modern day army, but with more futuristic weaponry. Tan camo fatigues, brown helmets and flak vests,black weaponry. Laser weapons dominate, plasma-bomb mortars...

    Panel 3: Scattered in the burnt boulders are four-armed reptilian orcish creatures. They are the Thrommians, the meanest, most ferocious fighters in the galaxy. Sort of a cross between Burrough's Green Martians and an orc, a Thrommian is a vicious space-barbarian. They wear sleek suits with minimal armor, accessorized with skulls and bones and occassionally a cloak. They are completely hairless, with masks covering their faces. Four arms, the top pair being slightly larger.

    We are centered on one. Behind him, other Thrommians wait for the order to charge. He is the leader of the group, a grizzled, guant figure. He is wearing a skull as a mask/helmet.

    Do you think an artist would be able to understand this drek? I need to narrow the focus on the third panel, since the Thrommians are scattered, you can't really see more than one at a time. Aside from that, how is it?

    DouglasDanger on
  • PantheraOncaPantheraOnca Registered User regular
    edited January 2009
    yes, i think an artist could use your description to create a page.

    PantheraOnca on
  • durandal4532durandal4532 Registered User regular
    edited January 2009
    Man, that's a dang good Beetle pitch. I'm still sad that Blue Beetle got cancelled. Again.

    At least this run had a dang good mini-series with the Reach thing, though.

    durandal4532 on
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  • CrimsondudeCrimsondude Registered User regular
    edited January 2009
    One of these days I will be Munch's publisher until he spurns me to write BB for DC. Oh, yes.

    Crimsondude on
  • wwtMaskwwtMask Registered User regular
    edited January 2009
    So I am trying to write a script, and I have one three-panel page done in an hour. This is hard guys. I'm kind of undecided on the one species, which is making things difficult.
    page 1: Establish the setting and the two forces.

    Panel 1: A wide-angle establishing shot, as if from a helicopter. War in a rocky desert. This is a battlefield scene, fire and smoke and ruined ground.Plasma-and-laser-blackened boulders smoke, black burn marks and bodies litter the ground. Rocks on one side of the panel, with figures visible hiding behind them. On the other side, a ruined building, defenders also visible from our angle. The ruin is located a very slight rise.

    Panel 2:Sort of a line-up shot, showing the defenders. Human-looking figures and bipedial robots are stationed about the ruin, some on the ground with rifles and machineguns, some in/on the ruin.

    The defenders look much like a modern day army, but with more futuristic weaponry. Tan camo fatigues, brown helmets and flak vests,black weaponry. Laser weapons dominate, plasma-bomb mortars...

    Panel 3: Scattered in the burnt boulders are four-armed reptilian orcish creatures. They are the Thrommians, the meanest, most ferocious fighters in the galaxy. Sort of a cross between Burrough's Green Martians and an orc, a Thrommian is a vicious space-barbarian. They wear sleek suits with minimal armor, accessorized with skulls and bones and occassionally a cloak. They are completely hairless, with masks covering their faces. Four arms, the top pair being slightly larger.

    We are centered on one. Behind him, other Thrommians wait for the order to charge. He is the leader of the group, a grizzled, guant figure. He is wearing a skull as a mask/helmet.

    Do you think an artist would be able to understand this drek? I need to narrow the focus on the third panel, since the Thrommians are scattered, you can't really see more than one at a time. Aside from that, how is it?

    Looks good to me. Depending on the artist, you may or may not have to be so specific about where things are placed on the panel. The bits about the Thrommians would probably not be in your script, since the artist would need the description ahead of time to create concept art.

    wwtMask on
    When he dies, I hope they write "Worst Affirmative Action Hire, EVER" on his grave. His corpse should be trolled.
    Twitter - @liberaltruths | Google+ - http://gplus.to/wwtMask | Occupy Tallahassee
  • MunchMunch Registered User regular
    edited January 2009
    Man, that's a dang good Beetle pitch.

    :oops: One day I'll get around to compiling all my notes and sketches into one mega-post detailing my grand Beetle epic.
    Do you think an artist would be able to understand this drek? I need to narrow the focus on the third panel, since the Thrommians are scattered, you can't really see more than one at a time. Aside from that, how is it?

    I think it's fine. There really isn't a wrong way to write comic scripts, and I think it does its job getting across the visuals and tone. There are some things I'd do differently, like weeding out redundant words and maybe better describing the ruin, since a ruin could be anything from a multi-level building with gaping holes blown in the walls, to three walls and a pile of rubble. But as I said, I think it does its job well.

    As for me, I've made two New Year's resolutions this year; the first being to put in an hour on the treadmill every night if possible, which is going well so far, and the second, to produce two pages of comics per week, a goal I've completely failed to meet. I'm going to do what I can to crack down and produce some stuff this weekend to make up for lost time though, and I've been re-reading Perspective for Comic Artists, since my difficulty in using perspective, backgrounds, and scenery is usually what discourages me and impedes my output.

    In the meantime, I've been writing a bit, coming up with new story concepts. Here's a kind of old doodle for something I'm working on about a disgraced former kid sidekick, who's now in his late twenties and employed by a Repo company. Despised by the general populace and his former superheroic peers alike, and constantly harassed by the few down-and-out supervillains that can still be bothered to remember his name, his life basically sucks. But, things begin to turn around for him when his boss sends him to repossess noted supervillain Power Fist's atomic arm, due to a lapse in payment. To everyone's surprise, he manages to pull it off. Literally. Soon, offers come pouring in from all over the country, from desperate super-scientists, government agencies, and inventors that created one superpowered doo-dad or another for some bum that took the goods but skipped out on the bill.

    Now repo'ing goods from heroes and villains alike, this disgraced former hero becomes a hotly debated celebrity, boo'ed every time he takes a valuable tool from a hero, and cheered when he disarms another megalomaniacal supervillain. But why should he care? He's just in it to get paid. He's not trying to save the world. Even if it might look that way sometimes.

    Said hero's on the left, and then there are some crappy Beetle-related doodles of Madman and Catalyst to the right there. I'm thinking that, if I ever get around to doing something with the idead, I'll use the title Yoink!
    Sketchbook15-1.jpg

    Munch on
  • wwtMaskwwtMask Registered User regular
    edited January 2009
    I like it. Have you got the supporting cast in mind yet?

    wwtMask on
    When he dies, I hope they write "Worst Affirmative Action Hire, EVER" on his grave. His corpse should be trolled.
    Twitter - @liberaltruths | Google+ - http://gplus.to/wwtMask | Occupy Tallahassee
  • DouglasDangerDouglasDanger PennsylvaniaRegistered User regular
    edited January 2009
    Thanks for the tips, guys. I was kind of multi-tasking while writing that-- writing the script and also writing the encyclopedia-type thing.

    My current project is a sprawling mess that I have been working on intermittently for years. It has changed quite a bit since it started as a few short stories three years ago, and there have been big dry spells-- one of them was 7 months, the latest was five... So I kind of have a running story ideas/back ground file that is thousands of words. I have a habit of misplacing notebooks, so I just have notepad files on my computer.

    DouglasDanger on
  • PandiosPandios Registered User regular
    edited January 2009
    Hey guys, new to this sub forum, but some of these ideas are great!

    Is this thread still on, as in can I pitch my own original ideas?

    Pandios on
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  • wwtMaskwwtMask Registered User regular
    edited January 2009
    Have at it man.

    wwtMask on
    When he dies, I hope they write "Worst Affirmative Action Hire, EVER" on his grave. His corpse should be trolled.
    Twitter - @liberaltruths | Google+ - http://gplus.to/wwtMask | Occupy Tallahassee
  • CrimsondudeCrimsondude Registered User regular
    edited January 2009
    Munch wrote: »
    In the meantime, I've been writing a bit, coming up with new story concepts. Here's a kind of old doodle for something I'm working on about a disgraced former kid sidekick, who's now in his late twenties and employed by a Repo company. Despised by the general populace and his former superheroic peers alike, and constantly harassed by the few down-and-out supervillains that can still be bothered to remember his name, his life basically sucks. But, things begin to turn around for him when his boss sends him to repossess noted supervillain Power Fist's atomic arm, due to a lapse in payment. To everyone's surprise, he manages to pull it off. Literally. Soon, offers come pouring in from all over the country, from desperate super-scientists, government agencies, and inventors that created one superpowered doo-dad or another for some bum that took the goods but skipped out on the bill.

    This is the greatest comic book idea I've ever read.

    Crimsondude on
  • CrimsondudeCrimsondude Registered User regular
    edited January 2009
    I have an idea, which I wrote up very quickly last night based on my re-reading of the Marvel Book of Magic, and is subject to review and editing/correction. But I am just giddy at having an original idea for once that doesn't involve espionage or other covert shit.

    It's about Native American Marvel characters.
    The Witch Woman has enslaved a group of retired Navajo uranium miners and metal forgers out near Grants, NM and has conscripted them to dig up and refine natural uranium, so that she can perform the ritual which created the Amulet of Pazuzu. However, instead of creating an amulet, the plan is to create a sigil from a mystical symbol (i.e., dreamcatcher) out of piercings and implant them into her skin, to amplify and focus the power into themselves, with the sigil existing to prevent anyone from removing the piercings and depowering her.

    Black Crow learns about this from [an astral visitor, sand painting, etc.], and summons a murder of crows to investigate. He discovers the staging area, but it is too late. He watches as American Eagle has already found out about the plot and has gone to confront Witch Woman for her crimes against the Navajo people. But she easily overwhelms American Eagle, defeating him and nearly killing him but for the intervention of the crows and by Black Crow striking her in the form of a bolt of supernatural lightning. Black Crow then pulls American Eagle through the Anasazi realm and back out to a secret hogan within Monument Valley. Black Crow helps restore American Eagle to health, and they return to the New Mexico side of the Navajo Reservation in order to confront Witch Woman. Together, American Eagle and Black Crow--who has created a doppelganger of himself--return to Grants, NM as she is testing the limits of her abilities against the town police and remaining two members of New Mexico's Initiative team, the Mavericks. This may also be an attempt to draw Ghost Rider (Johnny Blaze) to confront her. As she is about to kill the Initiative heroes, the two Navajo superheroes intercede, and fight the magically-enhanced Witch Woman, besting her through a combination of phsyical might and magical effects. Once subdued, Black Crow erases the memory of the Witch Woman's--Linda's--actions and any memory of Blaze before handing her over to the Initiative. When the Initiative heroes and HAMMER agents confront the heroes, they stand fast due to their immunity in being Navajo citizens within the borders of the sovereign Navajo Reservation and not under the jurisdiction of the SHRA.

    I'm thinking of changing some details right now, and I need to decide who to put on the Mavericks. I know Jocasta and She-Thing were members, but they are unavailable due to the fallout from SI, and one of the niggling things is that New Mexico would definitely have to have at least one magical hero already since Jocasta covered the tech angle. But NM's team should be prepared to deal with the most likely threats, which are 1) Gamma-threats (HULK! Run!), 2) tech threats because of the national labs and whatever else Marvel stuck there, and 3) magic because of the Native American mystical background. Of course, this is all assuming there were more than the two assigned, given the Initiatives plot thread of being understaffed.

    Anyway, fire away.

    Crimsondude on
  • WildcatWildcat Registered User regular
    edited January 2009
    I like that idea.

    Wildcat on
  • CrimsondudeCrimsondude Registered User regular
    edited January 2009
    Thanks.

    Oh, and the Marvel.com encyclopedia or wiki or whatever they call that database mentions the amulet is toxic (being made of uranium) and can become a blade. The mystical pattern part is to counter the radiation/toxicity effects since that idea already came to me. But as for the blade thing, I'm just going to throw that out in return for having her flame effects/control also involve radiation.

    Crimsondude on
  • MunchMunch Registered User regular
    edited January 2009
    This is the greatest comic book idea I've ever read.

    Thanks! I kind of see it as a gritty, crazy, ass-kicking book. The kind of thing Tony Moore would draw, if he wasn't too busy being awesome and making bank elsewhere. The whole book would basically chronicle the hero's attempt to repossess his old life as a hero by doing good deeds, while hiding beneath a layer of feigned cynicism and apathy, and occasionally getting back at his former peers. The same peers that pinned a unpreventable tragedy on him, outed his secret identity, and then shunned him when the public and media went after him.

    Also, I like your pitch for the Native American heroes. I particularly enjoy the idea of seeing the residents of the Navajo reservation giving the finger to the U.S. government and SHRA enforcers. My only criticism is that I feel it lacks a good hook, or high concept. It's been said that a good series should be able to get people interested with one sentence that sums up the whole series. Grant Morrison's stated that he tries to look at superheroes and then find some subtext that everyone can relate to. He described the Flash as being a metaphor for the speed our society moves at. He cast the JLA as modern gods, a pantheon unique to our culture. Within that pantheon you had more metaphors and symbolism, like Steel being the Hephaestus of the League.

    I always try to work in a little something like that in any concept I'm brainstorming, so I can at least say it's about something more than dudes in tights beating each other up. Though there's nothing wrong with that. Lord knows plenty of comic professionals have made long careers out of it.
    wwtMask wrote: »
    I like it. Have you got the supporting cast in mind yet?

    I've got a couple ideas; his shifty boss that progressively descends deeper and deeper into a world of large gold jewelry and trashy women when suddenly given a bit of money and fame. The senile, elderly supervillain that shows up to his perpetually vandalized home at 3 AM, attempts to kill him with one death ray or another, inevitably fails, and then comes in to watch infomercials until he falls asleep on the hero's couch. Or his former mentor, who's still wracked with guilt and shame for using his protege's fall from grace to catapult himself into the limelight.

    And here's two more concepts I sketched out the other day.

    Seven Soldiers

    Two years ago, Justin Arthur was a hero. Renowned as the hero Shining Knight, he had spent a lifetime doing good, first in King Arthur's court, and later as a member of both the All Star Squadron and the Seven Soldiers. Armed with his fabled sword, enchanted armor, and peerless morals, his reputation for heroism was just as spotless and bright as his name. But that was before a man tore his sword from his hands and murdered a young hero with it.

    Since that day, Justin has become a disgrace in the superhero community, his shining name stained with the blood of a hero. For two years, he has not drawn his sword. Has not donned his armor. Has not combated evil. Instead, he simply wanders the world, aimlessly traversing the continents. He is a knight without a king, without a kingdom, and worse, without a purpose. But now, in a remote South American village, purpose has found him.

    His heroic past brought to light after a confrontation with violent bandits, he is suddenly beset with villagers telling him of a murderous drug lord who extorts their people, murdering and plundering as he sees fit. Worse, he is set to arrive in two weeks, along with a contingent of his personal mercenary army, to collect on an outstanding debt owed by the village. A debt which can only be paid through the sale of several of their young women to vicious human traffickers. Surrounded by a battered populace without a hero, and without hope, Sir Justin Arthur of Camelot has found a new kingdom to protect, a new people to champion, and a purpose to serve. Now, he need only assemble his Knights. His brothers in arms. His Seven Soldiers!

    This would basically be a pretty blatant homage to the classic Seven Samurai/Magnificent Seven films, told in the context of the modern DCU. While I enjoyed Morrison's version of the Seven Soldiers, it seems they were always meant to have a temporary affiliation. So, I'd like to see a more classic, iconic version of the group return. I'm not sure exactly who'd comprise the roster; Shining Knight, the Crimson Avenger and Vigilante would all be definite locks.

    Shining Knight would fill the role of Kambei Shimada, the war-weary old soldier who's seen too many battles, and lost too many friends. Once, he viewed his mystic armor and sword as a blessing. A way to bring justice to the oppressed, and right the world's many wrongs. Now, he sees them for what they are; a curse. All they've done, for as long as he's had them, is ensure that he survives battles that claim the lives of everyone around him. He survived the fall of Camelot, and was hurled through time to a world where all he knew and loved was long dead. He's survived several failed teams, partnerships, and affiliations, from the Knights of the Round Table, to the Seven Soldiers, to the All-Star Squadron. He is the champion of lost causes, and fears that he's dooming his friends by calling them to his side, and dreads failing the beleaguered citizens he's sworn to protect. But his sense of duty and honor won't allow him to do anything else.

    I'd heavily play him up as more of a badass than he's usually shown to be, basically making him Captain America^2. He served under King Arthur, one of the most lauded heroes of all time. He should be a strategical genius, bolstered by his powerful principles, hard-won skills, and decades of experience.

    Greg Saunders, Vigilante, would take on Gorōbei Katayama's role. A skilled marksman, and Justin's oldest friend, he too has been shunned by the superhero community after he led five fellow heroes to their deaths in what's come to be known as the Miracle Mesa Massacre. Recently back from the dead, he comes to Justin's aid despite his better judgment, feeling a deep kinship with the man, born of shared tragedy and regret. In his quest to redeem himself, he assists Justin in mapping out a plan of defense for the village, despite fears of making another drastic tactical error.

    Jill Carlyle, who became the third Crimson Avenger some years ago, would play the part of Kyūzō, the stony, stoic warrior initially hesitant to join the group. She would come into the series with an all-new costume comprised of a waist-length red coat and fedora, eye-less domino mask, black turtleneck and slacks, and red Converse All-Stars. It would be my attempt to combine her urban look with the classic raiment of the Crimson Avenger, the first costumed adventurer of the DCU.

    That just leaves four heroes to fill the gaps, and make an interesting, dynamic new team. I'm thinking Shelly Gaynor, the new Whip introduced, and killed, in Morrison's Seven Soldiers #1 would be an interesting fit. I like her shtick as a newspaper columnist chronicling what it's like to be a superhero. I'd bring her back after she's secured a Pulitzer Prize nomination, for a column detailing her death and miraculous resurrection. It makes sense to me in a weird, sort of meta way; how can a superhero journalist explain what it's like to be a superhero, without dying and coming back at least once?


    Sketchbook16-1.png

    Captain Marvel

    "When I became a man I put away childish things--,"

    High Concept: Amid conflict between the mundane and magical worlds, Billy Batson nears adulthood and must choose to remain a child or finally become a man.

    Purpose: To take the Marvel family back to their roots, while still developing and advancing the characters, offer a counterpoint to the idea that the Marvel Family must be dark and miserable to be interesting, and skirt the tricky trademark issue revolving around the Captain Marvel name.

    Who is Billy Batson: Now in his late teens, Billy Batson still works as a cub reporter for Whiz Media. Having had an extremely rough, tumultuous past few years, Billy now looks ahead, dreaming of college, girls, and a job with a good dental plan and 401k. In recent months, he has said his magic word less and less, leaving Fawcett City's protection to his friend Freddie Freeman, aka Captain Marvel Jr., and his sister Mary, aka Mary Marvel. Being a superhero just doesn't seem like a very-- mature, thing to do anymore.

    Who is Captain Marvel: The champion of Shazam, and Billy Batson's heroic alter-ego, Captain Marvel possesses all of Billy Batson's best qualities, further bolstered not just by enhanced physical prowess, but also the wisdom of Solomon. Though he may lack the intelligence of heroes like Batman or Mr. Terrific, he's nonetheless very wise in the ways of the world. I would, by playing up said wisdom, attempt to dispell the naivety that has so often plagued the character under some writers. While Billy may at times lack the worldly experience to make proper decisions, the Captain most certainly does not.

    The Story: The wizard Shazam has returned, and the proper order of the Marvel Family has been restored. Freed of the Rock of Eternity, Billy Batson wrestles with the decision of whether he should abandon his responsibilities as a superhero, in favor of pursuits he deems more fitting for an adult; college, girls, securing an internship, and eventually landing a high-paying job. With all the pain and misery being Captain Marvel has brought him, few could blame him. Besides, between the efforts of Mary Marvel, Shazam, and Captain Marvel Jr., the unrest recently plaguing the world of magic has largely been quelled.

    At least, until magical denizens begin migrating en masse to Fawcett City. Things go well for a time, with the various goblins, pixies, and trolls assimilating into the greater population, filling useful niches within the community. Until Dr. Thaddeus Sivana returns to the city, recently cleared of any supervillainy-related wrongdoings. It's not long before he's whipped the city into mass hysteria, inciting anti-magic hate crimes against the mystical population of Fawcett. Using hate, fear, and ethnocentrism, Sivana is soon propelled into a position within the local government, and granted immense power as the Secretary of Paranormal Affairs. Installing a curfew, as well as his own super-science powered security force, within the community, the once idyllic, peaceful town is quickly reduced to a bleak, miserable shadow if its former glory. Amid bigotry, racism, and hatred, the city's magic and mundane populations wage war on each other, with Mary and Freddie powerless to intervene in opposition to the elected government.

    With things looking bleaker than ever, Billy Batson feels compelled to simply give up, to give in, to surrender and accept the world as it is. He must come to understand, as a mature adult, that some things are outside his control, and all he can do is make the best of bad situations. For Billy Batson, the time has come to put away childish things.

    Or, he could summon the courage to say his magic word. To stand in opposition of unjust rule and say, "No. That's not fair. That. Is not. Right." To show that security cannot be traded for freedom. To show that fear, paranoia, and hate are but tiny ants to the goliaths of hope, trust, and acceptance. All it will take is two syllables, six letters, one word, and a clap of thunder to save Fawcett City.

    But, can Billy Batson be so brave? Brave enough to put away childish things--

    "--including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up."

    The answer is, of course, yes. I can think of no better time than now, when the United States is riding a wave of hope and optimism in the wake of Obama's presidency, to tell a story that stands in opposition to what DC comics has become in the past few years. This story would show that some things, like heroism, morals, and the pursuit of what's fair and just never go out of style.

    Besides working on sort of a meta commentary level regarding current politics and the state of the DCU, the story would also get to what I feel is the root of the Captain Marvel story; the struggle to choose between being a boy, and being a man. The ultimate lesson being that the answer lies somewhere between the two extremes. It's fine to be an adult. To grow old means to mature, and grow as a person. But that doesn't mean abandoning all the things you love just to conform to some arbitrary standard of maturity. For God's sake, if anyone should understand that, it's comic fans.

    Aside from attempting to tell a meaningful, subtext-laden story, I'd also try to tweak the Marvel mythos, while still taking care not to stray too far from the core of the mythology. Billy Batson would, in celebration of his epiphany, adopt a new name, Captain Thunder. Originally Captain Marvel's intended name, it was blocked from use due to sticky trademark and copyright issues. So I can think of no better name, given the same issues revolving around the Captain Marvel name, to give the hero. If anything, I could only be blamed for staying too close to the roots of the character. By taking the name Captain Thunder, this would also free Freddie Freeman to take the name Captain Marvel, forever dropping the "Junior."

    I'd also give Fawcett City a facelift. While I think the idea of a clean, idyllic, Mayberry-like town is fantastic, I think the idea of the same town, but populated with mythical creatures, is even better. A city where your paperboy's a fleet-footed sprite, your pissy boss is quite literally a hairy troll, and a centaur serves with the local mounted police. It would not only provide plenty of easily-explained antagonists, colorful characters, and conflict, but also a firm niche for Captain Thunder, as the liason and peacekeeper between the mundane and the magical.

    The story would naturally have plenty of classic Captain Marvel characters and story elements; the Monster Society [of Evil] would take on new importance as creatures too maladjusted for life in Fawcett seek a place to belong. The entire Sivana family would have a place in the new Fawcett City, with Georgia and Thad Jr. aiding their father in promoting science over magic, and undermining the sometimes tenuous peace between the citizenry. Beautia and Magnificus would keep their roles as the good-natured offspring of Sivana. Mary and Freddie would, naturally be important players. Really, everything cool and iconic would remain in place, albeit with some small cosmetic differences and continued development to keep things interesting. I'm all about the illusion of change, with occassional, actual changes to the status quo when it best serves the story.

    Munch on
  • DouglasDangerDouglasDanger PennsylvaniaRegistered User regular
    edited January 2009
    Munch, you really should be writing comics.

    DouglasDanger on
  • CoJoeTheLawyerCoJoeTheLawyer Registered User regular
    edited January 2009
    Munch, those are great ideas. Thanks for sharing some good s***.

    CoJoeTheLawyer on

    CoJoe.png
  • CrimsondudeCrimsondude Registered User regular
    edited January 2009
    Munch wrote: »
    Also, I like your pitch for the Native American heroes. I particularly enjoy the idea of seeing the residents of the Navajo reservation giving the finger to the U.S. government and SHRA enforcers. My only criticism is that I feel it lacks a good hook, or high concept. It's been said that a good series should be able to get people interested with one sentence that sums up the whole series. Grant Morrison's stated that he tries to look at superheroes and then find some subtext that everyone can relate to. He described the Flash as being a metaphor for the speed our society moves at. He cast the JLA as modern gods, a pantheon unique to our culture. Within that pantheon you had more metaphors and symbolism, like Steel being the Hephaestus of the League.

    Yeah, I was thinking that would make a good one-shot like the AE one-shot that marvel put on their DCU. But I'm still unsure about how I'd want to take on a series-long concept. It'd be nice, for example, to have a comic that isn't Scalped about Native Americans because let's face it, comics are a fantasy-heavy medium and while Aaron does a great job it's just not appealing or permitted for the vast majority of readers. And I've been pondering the discussion based on a Bill Willingham blog post about keeping the hero in superheroes.

    But I appreciate your comments. Coming from you they mean a lot. I'm serious, and trying not to inflate your ego or anything, but still. Your ideas are generally a lot better than what I've read from the big two.

    Crimsondude on
  • CrimsondudeCrimsondude Registered User regular
    edited February 2009
    I keep forgetting to mention this, but about a week or two ago I had an idea to incorporate this plan into a series-wide context. Basically it involves the tribes' resistance to foreign intervention (including the U.S.) when it comes to superhuman events, but also taken in context of the sit-down most of the Earth gods had in Incredible Herc during SI. But I'm kind of stuck as to really flesh it out. I can think of how the local gods aren't particularly pleased with some interlopers' presence, let alone their recent actions (Asgardians, Greco-Romans). Just because Britain is the home of magic doesn't seem to faze the people who most use it and have to deal with the consequences of Pete Wisdom's decision in Captain Britain. Also, there is a real opportunity to expand RL understanding through some of the intertribal politicking between players. After all, Snowbird is AFAIK of an Athabaskan tribe. Well, the Navajo people are also descendants of the same Athabaskan ancestors.

    So I keep shotgunning ideas against the wall, but nothing seems to really cohese into a structure yet.

    Crimsondude on
  • wwtMaskwwtMask Registered User regular
    edited February 2009
    Create one or more new characters?

    wwtMask on
    When he dies, I hope they write "Worst Affirmative Action Hire, EVER" on his grave. His corpse should be trolled.
    Twitter - @liberaltruths | Google+ - http://gplus.to/wwtMask | Occupy Tallahassee
  • CrimsondudeCrimsondude Registered User regular
    edited February 2009
    That seems to be something that will happen in due time (I want a non-Aztec feathered serpent, preferably from one of the Pueblo peoples). Right now I'm stuck on "so we have lots of conflict, where does it lead?"

    Crimsondude on
  • wwtMaskwwtMask Registered User regular
    edited March 2009
    Hey dudes, time for yet another attempt to revive this thread. Here's the script for the first six pages of the first issue of Real Life Super Heroes. I wish I could say there's more to share, but I think I've only got two more half scripted pages. Anyway, give it a spin and let me know what you think.
    Real Life Super Heroes, Issue 1 (Untitled)

    Chapter 1: Pardon Me While I Foil A Bank Robbery

    Page 1
    Russell getting coffee in the Starbucks. He talks familiarly with the barista, who is secretly Kendo Kid. We see behind him as he orders, and outside the glass front windows of the coffee shop, we see two guys in masks and holding guns sprinting into the bank across the street. Throw in some small talk here, and maybe a gunshot sound effect.

    Panel 1
    The shot is pulled back (and slightly to the right) behind Keri, who is behind the counter at the coffee shop (fill in whatever detail about the counter to make it look like a starbucks). Russell is in front of the counter. Behind him, out of the large front windows, we can see the bank across the street. Across the street, we see a car pull up and screech to a halt. The sound effect for this is small, since it's outside and across the street.
    Keri (cheerfully): Heya, Mr. Martz!
    Russell: Morning, Keri. Jerry got you opening up now, I see.
    Keri: It's cause I just turned seventeen. Frappuccino?

    Panel 2
    Keri turns around to prepare Russell's coffee, so she's now facing us. Note that she's happily humming along while she works, and off to the side we can see a bit of her wooden sword. Two men jump out of the car and hustle into the bank. Even at this distance we can see that they're masked and brandishing guns.
    RM: Just coffee and a muffin.
    Keri (pouting): Aw, you never say yes.
    RM: That's 'cause I like sugar in my coffee instead of coffee in my sugar.
    RM: Say, is that a sword in your belt?

    Panel 3
    Keri has turned back to Russell and hands him his coffee, still smiling cheerfully. In the background, and in small letters, a gunshot sound effect (BANG!).

    Keri: Yeah, I'm taking kendo
    Russell: Kendo, huh? They teach you the Crane Kick yet?
    Keri: That's karate. Kendo uses swords.
    Russell: Swords? Isn't that dangerous?
    Keri: Nah, we use wooden swords and a lot of padding.
    Russell: Say, did you just hear a bang?
    Keri: I don't think so...

    Panel 4
    Russell takes his coffee and walks towards the door, waving goodbye (but not turning around).
    Russell: Eh, probably just a car backfiring.
    Russell: Anyway, I've got to run to the bank.
    Russell: I'll see you tomorrow morning, Keri.
    Keri: Later, Mr. Martz. Have a good day!

    Page 2
    Inside the bank as it's robbed. The guys demand money, get it. Note that Meter Maiden, in her civilian clothes, is in the bank and is cowering on the floor. A teller pushes the silent panic switch. Across town, in a trailer, we see a man sitting silently by a police scanner, and the APB for the robbery goes out. He jumps up (wearing a wife beater and boxers) and looks excited and runs off to change.

    Single Page Splash
    Inside the bank. Just a generic bank robbery scene with the two robbers and everyone else on the floor, so arrange things however you want.

    Robber1: C'mon lady, C'MON!
    Title Caption (at the bottom): Who wants to be a super hero?

    Page 3
    Charles, aka Captain Punishment, learns of the robbery
    Panel 1
    Exterior shot of a small, dingy trailer home in a shoddy looking trailer park. It's got a rickety looking wood deck, on which is a home gym, rusty. Beer cans sit on top of the railing.

    Caption: Meanwhile, across town
    Charles (inside trailer): Zzzzzzz....

    Panel 2
    Inside the trailer. Charles is sleeping in a recliner, wearing just his boxers and a wife beater. Put him in a comical, deep sleeping pose. To the side on a small table is the police scanner on top of which is a black cloth. The rest of the trailer that we can see is junky.

    Charles: Zzzzz...?!!
    Police scanner: ...All units be advised...Possible 211S is in progress at the Regional Commerce Bank downtown...

    Panel 3
    Charles is suddenly sitting up, completely alert, with an eager look on his face. He looks as if his lottery ticket was just called. I'm imagining a crazy look on his face, neck tense, his hands gripping the armrests tightly.

    Charles: Hot damn!
    Police Scanner: ...All available units please respond...

    Panel 4
    Charles sprinting into the back room of his trailer. In the foreground, and most prominent in the panel, is the police scanner. We see that the black cloth draped on the scanner is a black face mask.
    Charles: Finally, some action around here!

    Panel 5
    Charles sprints out the trailer dressed in his costume, pulling the mask over his head on his way to the door.

    police scanner: ...confirmed suspects are armed and considered dangerous...
    Charles: Yes, yes, yes. This is gonna be so sweet!
    Charles: I wonder if Lil' Ginny is in the truck.

    Panel 6
    Charles, peeling out in his big black Dooley pickup, which has his Captain Punishment insignia on the tailgate. He's got his arm out of the window, pumping his fist.
    Charles: IT'S PUNISHMENT TIME!

    Page 4
    Inside the bank as it's being robbed

    Panel 1
    Another shot, this time we see the other robbers. The three are dressed as generic robbers (go with however you want that to look) and brandishing small arms, while a handful of people are face down on the floor and the tellers are behind the counter, filling a bag with money. One of the robbers is pointing his gun at the security guard.
    Robber: Don't move man!

    Panel 2
    A small panel showing a the teller's foot pressing a silent panic switch that's on the floor beneath the teller station.

    Panel 3
    Inside the bank. One of the robbers, who has been robbing the customers, is trying to lift a woman's large handbag, but it's clearly too heavy for him, despite it's looks. The woman is Meter Maiden, and she's looking calmly up at him from the ground.

    Offscreen robber: Let's go, Chuck!
    Chuck: Hold on, I'm almost fini-URK!
    Chuck: Wtf is in this thing?
    Woman: Quarters.

    Panel 4
    Meter Maiden viciously kicks the man in the face with her chunky boot from her prone position

    Panel 5
    Meter maiden, standing, wallops him with an uppercut blow from her heavy bag, sending change flying everywhere.

    Panel 6
    Meter Maiden looking down at his body while others cheer. She looks indecisive (because she's deciding on which pithy comment to make).
    MM: Keep the change!
    MM: Wait, that's no good. How about...
    MM: That's change you can believe in!
    MM: No, not that either...

    Page 5
    At the bank, the robbers are sprinting towards the exit. Regular man bangs open the door to the bank just as a robber gets to it, smashing the man to the ground. Unaware of what's going on, RM checks on the man and apologizes. The other robber runs up on RM, cursing and waving his gun. RM turns around and puts his hands up. Then, he does the Jackie Chan gun reversal move, and looks surprised for a moment that it works. So does the robber. Then he gets a grip on himself and forces him to get on the ground.

    Panel 1
    Robbers sprinting towards the front doors. Make sure that this shot is from outside the glass doors looking in. One guy is closer to the doors than the other.
    Robber 1: C'mon, man, let's go!

    Panel 2
    This time, the shot is from inside the bank. Robber1 is sent crashing back onto his ass by the door, which is thrown open by Russell. Russell looks startled. Insert an appropriate sound effect for the collision.
    Robber 1: Agh!

    Panel 3
    A slightly overhead shot, looking down on the two men. Russell is by the Robber1's side, slightly bent over to offer a hand up. He's so startled by the collision that he doesn't really notice the gun that's near the man's hand. The guy is clearly knocked out.
    Russell: Ouch. Sorry buddy, didn't see you there.
    Russell: Hello?
    Russell: Great, he's knocked out.
    Robber2 (from off panel): Get down!

    Panel 4
    Robber2 pointing his gun at Russell, holding it about 12 inches away from his face. Russell with his hands raised and a wide-eyed, frightened look on his face.
    Robber2: Get the fuck down!
    Russell: Okay man, whatever you want...
    Robber2: What'd you do to Kev?
    Russell (thought bubble): This is it, I can do this!
    Russell (thought bubble): God, I hope this works...

    Panel 5
    Russell does the "Jackie Chan" disarm. Panel can be viewed from the side, and ideally the end of the move is shown.

    Panel 6
    A beat moment. Both the robber and Russell are clearly surprised that he pulled off the disarm. Russell is even looking at the gun in amazement.

    Panel 7
    Russell is now pointing the gun at the robber (both hands on the handle), his hands slightly shaky. The robber has his hands up and is moving to kneel on the ground.
    Russell: G-get on the floor, now!
    Robber2: How the hell did-
    Russell: Shut up!
    Russell: And someone call the cops!

    Page 6
    RM comes out in cuffs with the robbers, but then the bank manager explains how he saved the day. The bank patrons look grateful, but MM looks like she's found Jesus. By now, news teams have arrived, and they're calling RM a hero. RM insists that he didn't do anything anyone else wouldn't have done, and that he was just in the right place at the right time. Across the street, KK looks on, excited and slightly jealous. Captain Punishment arrives in time to see that he missed the action. Throughout this scene, the crowd gets larger.



    Panel 1
    Outside the bank. We see four or five police cars, lights blinking, and some officers putting out yellow tape. A crowd, including an "on the scene" TV crew, is gathered outside the police perimeter.The two robbers are being escorted out by a couple officers. Russell is being led out of the bank entrance, also in cuffs
    Russell: I'm telling you, I had nothing to do with this!
    Officer: Sure you didn't. Save it for the station, buddy.

    Panel 2
    Russell is being pushed into a squad car by the officer. Meter Maiden is running towards them, waving to get the officer's attention.
    MM: Officer, wait! You've got the wrong man!

    Panel 3
    Russell is sitting in the squad car while Meter Maiden, looking very earnest and pleading, explains the situation to the officer. On the other side of the car, you can see the TV crew.
    Officer: What are you trying to say?
    MM: He's the one that stopped those two and guarded them until you got here.
    MM: That man's a hero!

    Panel 4
    The TV crew suddenly focuses on the squad car and the officer. The officer looks nervous, especially because the reporter is suddenly in front of him, sticking a mic in his face.
    Female Reporter: Did you say hero?
    Officer: Uh...
    Female Reporter: Why is this hero being arrested?
    Officer: Uh, well he's not exactly under arrest.

    Panel 5
    The two women, up in the officer's face. We can see the growing crowd nearby, and they're listening to the conversation.
    Meter Maiden: Then why is he cuffed in the back of your car?
    Female Reporter: Yes, the public would like to know if this is how you treat heroes.
    Female Reporter: Professional jealousy?
    Crowd: Boo!
    Crowd: Let him go!

    Panel 6
    The officer unlocks the cuffs on Russell (who is standing outside the squad car again) under the watchful eyes of the reporter and Meter Maiden.
    Officer: My mistake, sir, I thought you were the third suspect.
    Russell: Don't worry about it, but thanks.
    Russell: Especially to you two.

    Panel 7
    Russell, out of the car, waves at the crowd, clearly enjoying the adulation of the cheering masses. The officer is standing near him, still clearly worried he screwed up big time.
    Officer: Sir, would you mind going with me to the station so we can get your statment?
    Russell: No cuffs?
    Officer: No sir, no cuffs.
    Russell: Sure, why not?

    Panel 8
    The police cars holding the robbers and Russell leave the scene, to the cheers of the crowd.In the background, Capt. Punishment screeches to a halt at the scene.
    Capt. Punishment: No no NO NO NO!

    Panel 9
    Capt. Punishment in his truck, pounding his fist on the dashboard. He looks devastated, almost like he's about to cry out of frustration.
    Police Radio: All cars be advised that the disturbance at the bank has ended.
    Capt. Punishment: BYAAARGH!!!
    Capt. Punishment: Damn it, I missed EVERYTHING!

    wwtMask on
    When he dies, I hope they write "Worst Affirmative Action Hire, EVER" on his grave. His corpse should be trolled.
    Twitter - @liberaltruths | Google+ - http://gplus.to/wwtMask | Occupy Tallahassee
  • MunchMunch Registered User regular
    edited March 2009
    I like it. It does seem like you're trying to fit a little too many actions and descriptions into too few panels here and there though, and some of your transitions from panel to panel seem a little abrupt. Just as a f'rinstance, during the bank robbery scene on page four, panels one and two, you go from what I'm envisioning as kind of a wide shot, showing the tellers, the robbers, and a security guard, to a teller's foot pressing a silent alarm button.

    If there were a small panel in there focusing on an individual teller, maybe with a robber threatening them rather than the security guard in panel one, then the reader's mind would more easily make the jump from the teller, to the teller pressing the button. As-is, your reader might wonder whose foot is pressing this random button.

    Overall though, I like the idea and the basic structure of it. You might consider submitting this to Project Fanboy's The Proving Grounds, for a more detailed analysis.

    Munch on
  • wwtMaskwwtMask Registered User regular
    edited March 2009
    Yeah, I think this is a holdover from my prose. I'm very wordy. I almost feel like I should try the Stan Lee approach to comic writing, but then I sorta feel like I'm leaving all the heavy lifting to the artist.

    wwtMask on
    When he dies, I hope they write "Worst Affirmative Action Hire, EVER" on his grave. His corpse should be trolled.
    Twitter - @liberaltruths | Google+ - http://gplus.to/wwtMask | Occupy Tallahassee
  • DouglasDangerDouglasDanger PennsylvaniaRegistered User regular
    edited March 2009
    I;m trying to work up the courage to look for an artist. I have a few scenes scripted in two different styles. One style is panel by panel, the other is kind of Stan Lee-esque narrative stream/outline/summary.

    DouglasDanger on
  • bychancebychance Registered User regular
    edited March 2009
    wwtMask wrote: »
    Reserving this post for useful links or other recommended sites and books. Also, I suppose we can link to any portfolios or webcomics, providing Geebs or Servo don't have a problem with that.

    How-To Books
    Writing for Comics by Peter David
    Understanding Comics by Scott McCloud
    Making Comics by Scott McCloud
    Panel Discussions by Durwin Talon

    How-To Sites

    Webcomic Resources

    Submissions to Publishers

    Other

    Thank you for all those references. I'll have to check them out at the library, as I is poor.

    bychance on
  • ManonvonSuperockManonvonSuperock Registered User regular
    edited April 2009
    Wanted to see what you guys thought of the look I'm going for with those wedding programs I'm doing. It's sequential, and I'm creating it, so I figured this'd be a good a place as any to show it off.

    Here's the pencils for the 6-8 characters on the front cover. It's going to be a wraparound, I'm working on the back now.
    front1.gif

    ManonvonSuperock on
  • CrimsondudeCrimsondude Registered User regular
    edited April 2009
    Neat.

    Crimsondude on
  • WildcatWildcat Registered User regular
    edited April 2009
    It would be nice for Kang to loom menacingly in the background, perhaps?

    Wildcat on
  • ManonvonSuperockManonvonSuperock Registered User regular
    edited April 2009
    For those of you that don't peruse over in AC, I'll keep posting the major updates to this in here as well.

    Here's all of the characters except for the bride and groom for the wrap-around cover:
    fullgroup.gif

    ManonvonSuperock on
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