The Cuddle Buddy

Jobe

Heloo,

So I have this interesting question, but let me bive a brief background.
I dated a girl for almost 5 years and during that time we slept together a lot, no I'm not talking about the sex, but there was plenty of that too. I mean we slept in the same bed a lot and over that time I got used to it.
So now my current problem is I want to find a girl who is ok with just sleeping in the same bed with me. Problem is I don't know how to go about asking a girl for this without it sounding just a bit creepy or like a line. I'm not looking for sex, although I'm also not going to put up a fight but mainly I just want someone to sleep with. And yes, I would expect there to be at least some attraction between the two of us.

Any help is appreciated,
Jobe

Zine

Thats kinda odd but I can see how that might get comfortable.

My advice would simple come out stright forward and explain it as it really is. I don't really think there is a way for you to ask a girl to sleep in your bed without it sounding like you want sex, it's a sterotype.
I don't really know how you will puill this off but the best way I think is straight forward asking girls "Can I sleep with you tonight?"

(I have to say though that makes me giggle immensly)

Daemonion

I have female friends stay over sometimes and I've never had an issue with getting a sleeping buddy. One key thing is that all of those girls completely trust(ed) me, and rightfully so. I didn't just meet them somewhere a few hours earlier - these are all girls I've known.

Are you asking for ways to ask a girl to sleep in the same bed with you when she has already decided to stay over? Or like someone to sleep with you a few times a week?


I have two places to sleep in my apartment, a sweet ass futon and a sweet ass tempur-pedic bed. The tempur-pedic bed also has an awesome heated mattress pad that I got at Target for $60. When a girl is staying the night, I usually say something like:

"If you want, you can sleep in my glorious tempur-pedic bed - with me - or I've got a futon in the other room and can get you some blankets. I do recommend the TP, though, as the heater kicks major ass."


It just depends on the girl. Most of them ended up sleeping (not sex) with me and the ones that go over to the futon were not offended I asked, and usually switch over to the TP next time they're over. As a side note, cooking a good breakfast in the morning will pretty much guarantee she'll be back, granted you didn't do anything to make her feel uncomfortable.

Jobe

I guess I was wondering how to go about asking for this in the first place. Obviously it involves trust, but how do you know when a girl is even open to this sort of thing?

Zonkytonkman

you want someone to cuddle with, in a totally non sexual way, but you have to be attracted to her?
I'm not sure I'm convinced.

Malkor

Zonkytonkman wrote: »

you want someone to cuddle with, in a totally non sexual way, but you have to be attracted to her?
I'm not sure I'm convinced.

Yes. That's makes this kinda weird in my book.

I guess you could just explain it the same way you explained it to us. I'm not sure where you 'find a girl who is ok with just sleeping in the same bed' as you though. Maybe Craigslist?

Daemonion

Wait ...when you say "cuddle" buddy do you effectively mean no-strings-attached spooning? Or just finding out if a girl who is already over would be cool sharing a bed with you if she decides to stay the night?


Because if you mean the former then I have no fucking idea.


...but to answer the sleeping question, I always let the girl choose. If it's getting late, and she's still over, I always tell her she's always welcome to stay the night. If she decides to drive home, she drives home. Whatever. If she decides to stay, I give her the two bed option. I've never asked "hey, do you want to stay the night and sleep with me?"

And zonkytonk brings up a good point ...things might change a little if there is obvious chemistry between the two of you. Some girls might take being asked to stay the night as an advance if they don't already know you really well. With the obvious exception of the gf, the girls that do stay over and occasionally share a bed know I'm not interested in them sexually.

Forar

Being asleep beside someone puts you at your most vulnerable state, aside from intoxicated or on drugs (medication or otherwise) that would affect how alert you are. Thus, trust is a huge issue in the matter, and while it's not out of the realm of plausibility to find 'cuddle buddies' in the wild and on a whim, I agree with others that have posted it'd be best to try close friends first. If there's nothing sexual to it, and you already hang out, I don't see how it'd be too weird, and who knows, maybe it'll develop into a little something more (relationship or just benefits) if the both of you decide it was comfortable enough to try.

Honestly, thinking it over, I can see where you're coming from, but it almost strikes me as a harder sell than "fuck buddies". At least with that, everything seems to be up front; let's get naked and have friendly fun. Unless the other party is remarkably receptive to the idea, this just strikes me as a "what's the catch" or "when's the other shoe going to drop" kind of thing. On the receiving end of such a proposition (which I don't think I would be opposed to, though I prefer the option for things getting physical to at least exist) I'd probably have to respond initially with "Look, if you'd like to fool around you just need to say so." if I was attracted to them as well.

EggyToast

I think you should skip the idea of finding a placeholder for your ex girlfriend in your bed, and simply look for a new girlfriend. The amount of time and effort you spend trying to convince someone that you're not a creep and that it's purely to help you sleep woudl be better spent trying to date people.

If it's just about a "space" in the bed, get a big ol' body pillow. They're more comfortable than people anyway because they're like 2 pounds.

If it's about actually touching/spooning, then you're never going to find someone who "just sleeps in the bed with you." If you're sleeping next to a girl and the space is not defined, you're inevitably going to touch her inappropriately -- hence the whole "tons of trust" and "not every day, just after a long night or party" situations outlined above. They're arguably not spooning or cuddling with their friends; they're just in the same bed.

But for your specific problem, you cuddle with someone you're in a relationship with. So get in a relationship, and the problem is solved. After all, I don't think a "cuddle party" is really what you're after.

tuscloud311

Or, if you need a little more pizzaz....



But on a more serious note...i'm going with eggy on that. This gives off a bad vibe to me, and while it may not be that odd to you, it is to a large amount of people.

What aspect are you looking to fill? Physical holding, or just knowing that someone is by your side? If it is the latter, then i would look for a romantic partner, not a filler.

EDIT: you know, after looking at that dude with that girlfriend pillow...he looks happy as all hell just watching the football game, eatin some popcorn, and enjoying a nice...egh, pillow. Maybe i should go get one =P

Jobe

I get what you all are saying about it sounding really odd, that is my hang up too. Hell, a fuck buddy sounds more resonable because it is relatively well defined. I don't know, I have this big comfortable bed and it just doesn't seem right without someone next to me. I guess I could go for a relationship, but that isn't what I really want right now. I could get a big pillow, but that really lacks the physical contact I am looking for. I'm not really looking for spooning (laying on your arm hurts after a few hours) but a gril that lays down with her head and arm across my chest would be nice (that isn't spooning really). The problem is that it is assumed that more is going on then actually is. The way I picture it is very innocent, but I guess that it just seems strange to people.

Daemonion

I see what you're saying, but I'd don't think anyone would be willing to do that unless that were at least remotely interested in getting into a relationship with you.

Daenris

Yeah... it does seem pretty strange, though it's an understandable desire for human contact/closeness.

I just think it's incredibly unlikely that you're going to find anyone who doesn't just turn and walk away when you ask them to sleep with you, even with the clarification afterwards.

As mentioned, if you don't already have a really close friend that knows you and would be up for this, it's probably not going to work out as it's not likely you'll find a random new friend who will.

tuscloud311

Jobe wrote: »

The problem is that it is assumed that more is going on then actually is. The way I picture it is very innocent, but I guess that it just seems strange to people.

That is exactly the problem, and thats just how society works. Innocence is a joke these days. Everyone walks around paranoid and afraid of their neighbors. No one is "innocent" anymore.

mooshoepork

You aren't going to find some random to sleep with you just because.

I don't think this is even the real issue here to be honest. You obviously miss the physical closeness aspect of your past relationship, and now have a void you need to fill. Five years is a long time, and I can see where you are coming from. I'd suggest talking to your other girlfriends (not about them sleeping with you) but about your past relationship. I assume it was recent? You probably just need someone to be with if that makes sense.

Pheezer

You have issues that you need to work out and the last thing you need is a physical filler for an emotional gap. Learn to be okay with sleeping by yourself. Seriously. A pre-requisite to healthy, fulfilling relationships in your future will be being okay with being alone.