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Suprise and new things! syke. Girl Thread.
Captain Vash
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
I'll get straight to the TL:DR instead of spilling the entire story.
Basically I've just met this new girl and;
1. She went out with one of my better friends and I don't know how he would feel if I dated her
2. I told her I thought it would be awkward going out with her because of 1.
3. She's really damn cute, and funny, and intelligent.
So:
1. Is it reasonable to ask my friend if it's okay if I ask her out?
2. What would be a reasonable way to say "okay sorry, I changed my mind."?
Basically I've just met this new girl and;
1. She went out with one of my better friends and I don't know how he would feel if I dated her
2. I told her I thought it would be awkward going out with her because of 1.
3. She's really damn cute, and funny, and intelligent.
So:
1. Is it reasonable to ask my friend if it's okay if I ask her out?
2. What would be a reasonable way to say "okay sorry, I changed my mind."?
Captain Vash on
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I'd say don't ask your friend permission as much as attempt to convince him that you want to be with her, and that you value his friendship but have to follow your heart on this matter.
If he's a good friend, he'll understand your situation and appreciate that you brought the matter up with him and wanted him to know that you thought of him before making your decision.
If he's not a good friend, he'll forbid it or throw a tantrum. In that case, I say continue your pursuit of the girl, and let him cool down. And if he doesn't cool down, then he's turned out to be less of a good friend than you may have thought.
Except if he throws a pissy fit, you elbow him in the tooth and throw some knees.
But besides that, just show her you're a nice guy.
I wanna see their faces turn to backs of heads and slowly get smaller
But just checking, this whole, dating an ex thing is socially acceptable amongst good friends?
As for asking her out, I'd say, "Hey, I was thinking, and I'd actually really like to go out with you sometime." If she asks what happened with your friend, you can explain that you didn't want to hurt your friend, so you had to talk with him about stuff. Girls generally really like it when a guy is considerate to his friends, since it means you're more likely to be considerate to us, too.
I don't know about "asking" as in "asking for permission"... but I think if you mean "acknowledging and letting him know that you value his friendship and aren't discarding him" then I'm more down with that.
I mean, depending on how long ago or how serious, he could understandably take issue. For example, if they were engaged and broke it off, or they broke it off just days (or weeks) ago and the wound's still fresh for him... ideally, he wouldn't get in the way even then, but it'd be *understandable* if he did.
But in any other scenario from those outlier cases, if he takes issue he's going to need to snap himself back into reality and realize that he's likely looking for someone else just like she is... so why not? If he can't get himself to realize that, that's not cool. I can understand it if the wound's still fresh, but if it isn't (aka it was a long time ago, or not a meaningful relationship), then I have no sympathy for him if he takes offense to your relationship.
If he's still single and dreaming of a future with her, it'll probably get weird.
Unless they're still in highschool on have that drama mindset.
Be a man and let him know you're going to ask her out, but "asking permission" is retarded. She's not a piece of property to be bartered.
I don't think that's quite what's being discussed here. It's more of an awkwardness between good friends permission than bartering for her.
No one's going all caveman here, I it's not asking him whether I can date his ex or not, it's asking whether or not dating his ex would upset him because I have a lot of respect for him and I don't wanna be an asshole about it.
Anyways, as far as I know the relationship was short, some time ago, and not terribly significant. The only big thing is that aside from her being taller, she's his stereo-type female, it's actually really unfortunate that we're both desperately attracted to medium set, artistic, red headed girls.
I went through the same situation as the OP, and you don't want to ask your friend because they may give you an ultimatum. Explain the situation to him: you have feelings for her/but you still want to be friends with him.