just uploaded my first webcomic

overbyteoverbyte Registered User regular
edited March 2008 in Artist's Corner
i'd love it if you guys would come take a look.

2008-03-18-idiot.jpg

kitty gank y... teddy tank you furry munch

the 'field is up and running - check it out
overbyte on

Posts

  • UnknownSaintUnknownSaint Registered User
    edited March 2008
    Rules. Read 'em.

    UnknownSaint on
  • Stupid Mr Whoopsie NameStupid Mr Whoopsie Name Registered User, ClubPA regular
    edited March 2008
    Pointing out that you broke the forth wall in the punchline doesn't excuse breaking the forth wall.

    Stupid Mr Whoopsie Name on
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
  • NakedZerglingNakedZergling A more apocalyptic post apocalypse Portland OregonRegistered User regular
    edited March 2008
    you have no spaces between panels. The first and second "panel" you could change SOMETHING instead of copy/paste the first "panel"
    it feel akward without a boarder, and the crop of the santa robot is not good. i didn't realize that was a table behind him.
    as far as the style of the character himself...i like the body, but not the face. i know it sounds weird, but i like the legs and shoes best.

    NakedZergling on
  • AldoAldo Hippo Hooray Registered User regular
    edited March 2008
    Starting off with a meta-comic is a bad start. The art itself isn't half bad, but you really need to draw some borders and stop copy-paste-ing your stuff. Oh, and his left shoulder is out of whack, if he's relaxing in a chair he shouldn't hold his shoulder like that.

    Aldo on
  • srsizzysrsizzy Registered User regular
    edited March 2008
    You have not drawn me in. I, the denizen of the internet, will never visit again. This is how the world works.

    srsizzy on
    BRO LET ME GET REAL WITH YOU AND SAY THAT MY FINGERS ARE PREPPED AND HOT LIKE THE SURFACE OF THE SUN TO BRING RADICAL BEATS SO SMOOTH THE SHIT WILL BE MEDICINAL-GRADE TRIPNASTY MAKING ALL BRAINWAVES ROLL ON THE SURFACE OF A BALLS-FEISTY NEURAL RAINBOW CRACKA-LACKIN' YOUR PERCEPTION OF THE HERE-NOW SPACE-TIME SITUATION THAT ALL OF LIFE BE JAMMED UP IN THROUGH THE UNIVERSAL FLOW BEATS
  • overbyteoverbyte Registered User regular
    edited March 2008
    [email protected]

    apologies for the link - i completely forgot to check when i submitted my first artwork (thanks for the edit)

    i might be turning this into a thread of how not to do webcomics but i do appreciate the honest feedback

    i'm still playing with the format but i get that the lack of panels is a little... odd. I quite like it but it's not that usual. I feel that the stark, white borders that a lot of people use are a little jarring on the net and a bit pointless as they're a hangover from paper comics but i could definitely look at a more structured approach, if not with the usual white borders.

    The cut and paste was a time-saver, i'm afraid. I was messing about with the style and ran out of time. Next one should be a touch more animated.

    The pose was more about how i was feeling about putting a webcomic up - not that relaxed at all really (notice the grip on the armchair handles and the overly wide-eyes)

    thanks again
    obie

    overbyte on
    kitty gank y... teddy tank you furry munch

    the 'field is up and running - check it out
  • amateurhouramateurhour One day I'll be professionalhour The woods somewhere in TennesseeRegistered User regular
    edited March 2008
    overbyte wrote: »
    [email protected]

    apologies for the link - i completely forgot to check when i submitted my first artwork (thanks for the edit)

    i might be turning this into a thread of how not to do webcomics but i do appreciate the honest feedback

    i'm still playing with the format but i get that the lack of panels is a little... odd. I quite like it but it's not that usual. I feel that the stark, white borders that a lot of people use are a little jarring on the net and a bit pointless as they're a hangover from paper comics but i could definitely look at a more structured approach, if not with the usual white borders.

    The cut and paste was a time-saver, i'm afraid. I was messing about with the style and ran out of time. Next one should be a touch more animated.

    The pose was more about how i was feeling about putting a webcomic up - not that relaxed at all really (notice the grip on the armchair handles and the overly wide-eyes)

    thanks again
    obie

    all very good points, but the white space is there for a reason, panel borders exists to direct the reader along the path of a comic, and the white space allows for a passage of time between comments, so it's not all happening at once, as where your scenario looks like two clones talking at the same time.

    Some people have gotten away with alternative spacing and panel designs, and you should definately play around with it if it's something you're dead set on, but pannels work for a reason, and if you don't use them, you CANNOT cut and paste, because it really disorients the reader.

    finally, your art is good, but you have two major problems with the anatomy.

    1) you need to learn to draw a proper shoulder blade. In the first two sections the main narrator has a hunchback, not a "relaxed shoulder". This is just the way it looks, plain and simple. You've exaggerated that even further in the last section by having it dynamically jut out past his head. Comic anatomy or not, this is not how the human body works. Other than that the feet and hands and villain in the final piece look good.

    2) Your narrator's facial expressions closely mimic down's syndrome in my opinion. once again, less the "relaxed" image you're going for, and more static. The expressions on the bad guy are good, although unless he too is breaking the fourth wall he should be looking at the narrator. The narrator needs more life in his face though.

    You've got a lot of potential there. As far as the meta comic goes, I'm a fan of PVP, and deadpool, so I have no problems with breaking the fourth wall, but I agree you should wait a little while to do it.

    amateurhour on

    Arch wrote: »

    I never expected this burn from captain bushmeat
  • overbyteoverbyte Registered User regular
    edited March 2008
    thanks amateurhour.

    yeh - this is much-needed drawing time for me so the anatomy problems definitely present. This should get better over time.

    no forth-wall gags next week, promise ;)

    overbyte on
    kitty gank y... teddy tank you furry munch

    the 'field is up and running - check it out
  • amateurhouramateurhour One day I'll be professionalhour The woods somewhere in TennesseeRegistered User regular
    edited March 2008
    Also, someone else pointed this out a long time ago, and it gets repeated from time to time. I'm assuming you're a guy, because guys mostly do webcomics about guys, but is it really that hard to change up the pace with some female characters.

    Look at the guy that does girl genius. Or look at Moog here in the AC, with his creation Tanzt.

    You should spend the next few comics introducing your characters in their environment, and definately have some different genders, maybe even different species (Note: i'm not a fan of animal-people, but that's just me, I like animals that think though, garfield style)

    amateurhour on

    Arch wrote: »

    I never expected this burn from captain bushmeat
  • overbyteoverbyte Registered User regular
    edited March 2008
    the comic is partially semi-autobiographical... kinda. As such, there's going to be a lot of characters based on people that i know so there will be one or two girls in there, but prolly no animal people - never say never tho - i've already written a script to try it out but you'll have to wait and see how that goes...

    overbyte on
    kitty gank y... teddy tank you furry munch

    the 'field is up and running - check it out
  • NakedZerglingNakedZergling A more apocalyptic post apocalypse Portland OregonRegistered User regular
    edited March 2008
    overbyte wrote: »
    the comic is partially semi-autobiographical... kinda. As such, there's going to be a lot of characters based on people that i know so there will be one or two girls in there, but prolly no animal people - never say never tho - i've already written a script to try it out but you'll have to wait and see how that goes...

    Semi-autobiographical? You have a wisecracking smoking santa robot who violently smashes your face when you talk to the camera? Doesn't that get awkward on first dates and holidays?

    NakedZergling on
  • NibCromNibCrom Registered User regular
    edited March 2008
    I don't think you really need our advice about the comic. You already said yourself, in the comic, that you shouldn't acknowledge the audience in the first comic you do. And that's exactly what you did!

    My advice? Seriously: START OVER. I'm not trying to be mean. But you are off to a very bad start. I would do many many comics and try to improve. I would advise you not to publish anything on your domain for a while. Do some comics, let them sit, go back and see if YOU still like them. If you don't, the chances of other people liking them are slim.

    NibCrom on
  • amateurhouramateurhour One day I'll be professionalhour The woods somewhere in TennesseeRegistered User regular
    edited March 2008
    also, I'll add one last thing to this. Most webcomics fail immediately because of lack of updates. You did a comic, made it look good, and posted it, immediately adding a website and a forum of all things.

    Start a blog, keep it going for a month or two, with daily updates. Do a podcast, get used to schedule, and before you start your comic, try to be twenty or so strips ahead of the game so you've got some room to breathe.

    amateurhour on

    Arch wrote: »

    I never expected this burn from captain bushmeat
  • Mr DaveMr Dave Registered User
    edited March 2008
    My guide to cooking up a webcomic says that pepole shouldn't make webcomics about themselves.
    people arent very interesting.
    this is reflected by the amount of actual comic book comics are about the wirter/artist.

    Mr Dave on
  • DeeLockDeeLock Registered User regular
    edited March 2008
    I think you need a new wardrobe...

    Try getting clothes in your size...

    DeeLock on
  • CrowlestonCrowleston Registered User regular
    edited March 2008
    Mr Dave wrote: »
    My guide to cooking up a webcomic says that pepole shouldn't make webcomics about themselves.
    people arent very interesting.
    this is reflected by the amount of actual comic book comics are about the wirter/artist.

    I've found some of the more interesting comics to be daily journal comics.

    Crowleston on
    useless but necessary objects of society.
  • overbyteoverbyte Registered User regular
    edited March 2008
    Semi-autobiographical? You have a wisecracking smoking santa robot who violently smashes your face when you talk to the camera? Doesn't that get awkward on first dates and holidays?

    you have no idea, mate ;)

    if you read the about thefield section, there's a lot of myself and my friends in the characters - readers of strips like machall.com/threepanelsoul.com and their ilk would get this - characters based on the people involved and drawing from a pool of experience but plenty of scope for just messing about with the characters as well - the guy everyone keeps calling robot santa (why oh why didn't i go for the blue shirt) is actually based on a large mate of mine who i've been drawing as a robot for a couple of years - no idea why.
    DeeLock wrote: »
    I think you need a new wardrobe...

    Try getting clothes in your size...

    Thanks for pointing out where i've been going wrong all these years

    overbyte on
    kitty gank y... teddy tank you furry munch

    the 'field is up and running - check it out
  • overbyteoverbyte Registered User regular
    edited March 2008
    Mr Dave wrote: »
    My guide to cooking up a webcomic says that pepole shouldn't make webcomics about themselves.
    people arent very interesting.
    this is reflected by the amount of actual comic book comics are about the wirter/artist.

    i have to say i agree with Crowleston on this one - machall was a firm favourite of mine and that was partly autobiographical - it started as a way for the artist, ian mcconville, to make fun of his friends - he used to post them on the door of his dorm at uni. For me, any writing that is done too far out of your experience will fall flat as you don't have any connection to the subject whereas when you write about stuff you know, you have an almost inexhaustible supply of material if you keep looking - look at seinfeld - that's about as personal as it gets - he even wrote an episode about people making a comedy series about his life - talk about post-modern.

    That said - i love the artwork on your site

    overbyte on
    kitty gank y... teddy tank you furry munch

    the 'field is up and running - check it out
  • overbyteoverbyte Registered User regular
    edited March 2008
    also, I'll add one last thing to this. Most webcomics fail immediately because of lack of updates. You did a comic, made it look good, and posted it, immediately adding a website and a forum of all things.

    Start a blog, keep it going for a month or two, with daily updates. Do a podcast, get used to schedule, and before you start your comic, try to be twenty or so strips ahead of the game so you've got some room to breathe.

    i've been writing for over a year so i have that but you're right - when i get some rhythm going, i'm not stopping at a single comic, i'm doing several at a time.

    Podcasting is maybe not something i'm interested in doing just yet - i have been posting to the blog but that gets interrupted by work (darnit!) although it has been pretty consistent (take a look at the link in my sig). The rest of the site is just what i do - it's an easy css update and a couple of plugins for wordpress to me

    overbyte on
    kitty gank y... teddy tank you furry munch

    the 'field is up and running - check it out
  • overbyteoverbyte Registered User regular
    edited March 2008
    NibCrom wrote: »
    I don't think you really need our advice about the comic. You already said yourself, in the comic, that you shouldn't acknowledge the audience in the first comic you do. And that's exactly what you did!

    My advice? Seriously: START OVER. I'm not trying to be mean. But you are off to a very bad start. I would do many many comics and try to improve. I would advise you not to publish anything on your domain for a while. Do some comics, let them sit, go back and see if YOU still like them. If you don't, the chances of other people liking them are slim.

    yeh i completely understand this as a standpoint but the main reason for this comic was to draw and without the pressure of deadlines (something i understand as a print artworker / web designer for the last 15 years), i'm afraid i wouldn't have enough inclination to push myself - this way i will.

    If the webcomic 'fails' it really won't be the end of the world for me - just a reason to go on to the next thing. The reason for posting and asking the opinion of the people on the board was more about getting the format straight. That's why i haven't opened a vein over some of the things people have said about it and have been able to take the geniune critiques (as opposed to the fashion tips) well enough to learn from them.

    overbyte on
    kitty gank y... teddy tank you furry munch

    the 'field is up and running - check it out
  • zensaberzensaber Registered User
    edited March 2008
    Fixed.
    fixedxl7.jpg

    zensaber on
  • CrowlestonCrowleston Registered User regular
    edited March 2008
    zensaber wrote: »
    Fixed.
    fixedxl7.jpg

    that was dumb. you are dumb.

    Crowleston on
    useless but necessary objects of society.
  • Forbe!Forbe! Registered User regular
    edited March 2008
    That whole fading of the exclamation point into 1, then followed by a 'one' is fucking priceless.


    Keep on innovating zensaber, you're fucking amazing.

    Forbe! on
    bv2ylq8pac8s.png
  • erisian popeerisian pope Registered User
    edited March 2008
    Still - he's right in that the table leg doesn't touch the floor. Maybe the third non-panel has a different perspective than the other two non-panels? That's harder for me as the audience to follow since there are no panel borders. It's also a little weird that the guy is crisp, the chair is crisp, but the table is blurry (in all 3 non-panels).

    erisian pope on
  • overbyteoverbyte Registered User regular
    edited March 2008
    actually zens post made me laugh

    it was unnecessarily cruel with no real purpose other than to prop up his obviously shaky self-esteem and the gags were hacked straight out of this thread and about a million lolcats posters...

    ... but funny nonetheless

    overbyte on
    kitty gank y... teddy tank you furry munch

    the 'field is up and running - check it out
  • overbyteoverbyte Registered User regular
    edited March 2008
    2008-03-20-idiot.jpg
    i've reposted the comic - although there are problems with the anatomy and perspective (the last panel is supposed to be in disarray - everything is getting flung around but it's not that well done), i felt that the face, duplication, frames and floating light did deserve addressing so here it is

    Not a complete fix but enough for me to put it to rest

    overbyte on
    kitty gank y... teddy tank you furry munch

    the 'field is up and running - check it out
  • SunStreakerSunStreaker Registered User
    edited March 2008
    There's something messed up with his left hand... is that supposed to be his pinky on his wrist? It looks like another thumb...

    SunStreaker on
  • overbyteoverbyte Registered User regular
    edited March 2008
    outer side of palm

    overbyte on
    kitty gank y... teddy tank you furry munch

    the 'field is up and running - check it out
  • zensaberzensaber Registered User
    edited March 2008
    yea i suppose it was kind of cruel, i really like the art style, the one where there isn't black lines but just colour. Keep up the good work, the two things i would fix is making it look like different panels. Also the last panel i was confused, was the table like in the air with his head?

    zensaber on
  • amateurhouramateurhour One day I'll be professionalhour The woods somewhere in TennesseeRegistered User regular
    edited March 2008
    Over, you're still kind of missing it man, you still need to show more animation in the first two pannels, have the legs crossed in one, and not the other, or have him gesture with his hand. You need a solid pannel border, and a diferent background than what is inside your panels. It's gone from looking like two clones to looking like two playing cards. The light source is better now, and the facial expressions are better though, so you're getting there.

    If you're dead set on not making your background and panel background different, try making the comic cover a full page and go lengthwise, then you can spread things out a little more, and maybe it will work better?

    amateurhour on

    Arch wrote: »

    I never expected this burn from captain bushmeat
  • overbyteoverbyte Registered User regular
    edited March 2008
    yeh i know - i didn't want to redraw the entire thing but the headswap was feasible - i'm doing the second and third comics now - will post one on monday

    ;oB

    overbyte on
    kitty gank y... teddy tank you furry munch

    the 'field is up and running - check it out
  • overbyteoverbyte Registered User regular
    edited March 2008
    zensaber wrote: »
    yea i suppose it was kind of cruel, i really like the art style, the one where there isn't black lines but just colour. Keep up the good work, the two things i would fix is making it look like different panels. Also the last panel i was confused, was the table like in the air with his head?

    no worries - i'm not going to do anything else to the structure of this comic but i've taken it into account for the next one. The table is wrong, i know this, it's because the original drawing was done in several parts (not a mistake i'm making again) so it's a bit bodged, i'm afraid.

    I took what you were saying but drawing over my work uninvited and abusing it was just a bit rude. Banksy picks his targets a little better for that kind of treatment

    overbyte on
    kitty gank y... teddy tank you furry munch

    the 'field is up and running - check it out
  • desperaterobotsdesperaterobots perth, ausRegistered User regular
    edited March 2008
    Well this thread proved more entertaining than expected.

    Pity the comic was so crummy.

    His shoes look like huge shoe-shaped shoe-storage boxes.

    desperaterobots on
  • The One Dark KnightThe One Dark Knight Registered User
    edited March 2008
    At least it isn't about two guys playing video games.


    Err, major problems here.

    First: Gutters, use them! That's the little space between each panel in a comic. Without them it looks like one continuous image and can be very, very confusing to the reader.

    The lighting makes absolutely no sense, a light that close should throw stronger shadows. It's also hard to see what exactly is causing the light - you need to make the lamp more clear. You color palette is also very desaturated and somewhat bland.

    Second: Please, please, please, don't just copy and paste panels. Thankyou.

    Third: Perspective is odd in all three of them, and in the last the side table appears to have hopped straight up in the air.


    Overall, not bad, but there are still problems. Maybe if you posted some more of your work here we'd be able to help you with more general problems rather than just nitpicking one comic?

    Ove

    The One Dark Knight on
    [END]
  • overbyteoverbyte Registered User regular
    edited March 2008
    urgh - i'm out

    i started this thread in order to get some advice and feedback for my new comic but for every piece of constructive criticism i received (thanks amateurhour, crowleston and the one dark knight), i got 2 useless rehashes of other people's posts, 2 i'm-better-than-you ego posts and a you're rubbish, give up now post. I've had my comic defaced for cheap laughs, and apparently my fashion sense isn't up to snuff.

    This really is one of the worst places on the internet to go for help getting started and i regret ever signing up

    thanks for nothing

    overbyte on
    kitty gank y... teddy tank you furry munch

    the 'field is up and running - check it out
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