As was foretold, we've added advertisements to the forums! If you have questions, or if you encounter any bugs, please visit this thread: https://forums.penny-arcade.com/discussion/240191/forum-advertisement-faq-and-reports-thread/

All that is not delicious

General NemoGeneral Nemo The Mighty ShameChurch for DogsRegistered User regular
edited April 2008 in Social Entropy++
A friend of mine recently went to Ihop in celebration of the new movie based on Dr. Seuss' story "Horton Hears a Who."
This is his story:

"Me and my friends decided that we had to try this stuff at ihop ( www.ihop.com to see the Dr. Seuss items.)

There are three items for this "Horton Hears a Who" movie.

Candy Pancakes
Jello Soda
Green Eggs and Ham

On our way in, my friend Alex commented, "God, I can already feel my tear ducts salivating." Little did we realize he would be completely correct.

We sat, and when the waitress approached and asked what we wanted, the four of us sang, "Candy paaancaaakes!" (see: Candy Mountain), and she gave us the most pitied look.

Green Eggs and Ham is pretty normal.

The jello soda, was actually pretty damn good, for jello cubes in soda.

Then, candy pancakes. We were so excited. These are pancakes with chocolate and candy pieces inside, impaled on a lollipop, and drizzled with opaque blueberry and boisenberry syrup.

Somewhere, Alex has a photo of Larry's last moment of happiness -- the moment before he ate the first pancake.

It was terrible. It's like sugar cane kicked me in the balls, burned my house down, and raped my dog. We were gagging and screaming bloody murder in the restaurant, but nobody seemed to mind... we were heroes, fighting a war of pancakes. But we had to continue. Larry started crying, and every time Louis looked at his face, he began to dry heave. I had to run to the bathroom at one point because I was laughing so hard, and I couldn't swallow the pancake, so it began to moisten in the back of my gullet, intensifying in taste.

As I sat back down at the table, Larry, desperately reached for the jello soda which had once been so good to us, and took a large gulp. Then he screamed, "OH GOD, CANDY PANCAKES, IT'S LIKE YOU FOLLOWED ME HOME." Me, being stupid, and desperately wanting the taste of candy pancakes gone, also took a swig. It was like sugar cane had barred me from leaving my burning house, and had raped me up the butt in my final moments. I ran to the bathroom and puked in a toilet. Halfway through throwing up, Louis ran into the bathroom and shouted after me, "CANDY PAAANCAAAKES, MIKE! CANDY PAAANCAAAKES!"

The restaurant at this point was in riot because of us, mostly in laughter. Larry was still crying somewhere between sugar cane rape and laughter when I got back out. We paid for our meal, left a thirty dollar tip for the waitress and retreated."


so, SE++, what kind of horrible experiences have you had with disgusting food?

General Nemo on
«134

Posts

  • Calamity JaneCalamity Jane That Wrong Love Registered User regular
    edited March 2008
    hardees has a terrible breakfast menu

    also: the taco bell on the outskirts of nashville fucking sucks

    motherfuckers have the worst quesadilla ever

    Calamity Jane on
    twitter https://twitter.com/mperezwritesirl michelle patreon https://www.patreon.com/thatwronglove michelle's comic book from IMAGE COMICS you can order http://a.co/dn5YeUD
  • The_ScarabThe_Scarab Registered User regular
    edited March 2008
    That sounds hilarious. No really.

    The_Scarab on
  • Grandaddy DeliciousGrandaddy Delicious Registered User regular
    edited March 2008
    Now this is a thread I can get behind!

    Grandaddy Delicious on
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
  • KazhiimKazhiim __BANNED USERS regular
    edited March 2008
    I sprayed some whipped cream that was two months expired straight into my mouth once.

    Yeah, I don't eat whipped cream anymore.

    Kazhiim on
    lost_sig2.png
  • DadouwDadouw Registered User regular
    edited March 2008
    Comon charly

    Dadouw on
  • HompHomp Registered User regular
    edited March 2008
    Kazhiim wrote: »
    I sprayed some whipped cream that was two months expired straight into my mouth once.

    Yeah, I don't eat whipped cream anymore.

    In what way did this seem like a good idea?

    Homp on
    chosen7171-1.gif
  • KazhiimKazhiim __BANNED USERS regular
    edited March 2008
    I don't check expiration dates okay

    it took about four seconds for "this isn't canned cheese" to process in my mind, so I'd already swallowed the first mouthful and begun a second

    Kazhiim on
    lost_sig2.png
  • MonkeyfeetMonkeyfeet Registered User regular
    edited March 2008
    You and your friends sound like a group of jackasses. Not much unlike SE++

    But really Horton Hears A Who was a bitching movie

    Monkeyfeet on
    sig1.jpg
  • mcpmcp Registered User regular
    edited March 2008
    So, is this what he ate?

    83ln3.jpg

    Did he see a picture of it before he ordered? If he did, he deserved what he got. That looks fucking terrible.

    mcp on
  • PiptheFairPiptheFair Frequently not in boats. Registered User regular
    edited March 2008
    mcp wrote: »
    So, is this what he ate?

    83ln3.jpg

    Did he see a picture of it before he ordered? If he did, he deserved what he got. That looks fucking terrible.

    that looks delicious fuck you

    PiptheFair on
  • JimothyJimothy Not in front of the fox he's with the owlRegistered User regular
    edited March 2008
    Monkeyfeet wrote: »
    You and your friends sound like a group of jackasses. Not much unlike SE++

    But really Horton Hears A Who was a bitching movie

    Was it? The earlier commercials looked not so good, but I keep hearing how awesome it is. I'm thinking of seeing it now.

    Jimothy on
  • MonkeyfeetMonkeyfeet Registered User regular
    edited March 2008
    I don't see where the candy pancakes go wrong.

    Boisonberry and blueberry syrup is commonplace on pancake and there are chocolare chip pancakes so how did candy change that any?

    Monkeyfeet on
    sig1.jpg
  • MonkeyfeetMonkeyfeet Registered User regular
    edited March 2008
    Jimothy wrote: »
    Monkeyfeet wrote: »
    You and your friends sound like a group of jackasses. Not much unlike SE++

    But really Horton Hears A Who was a bitching movie

    Was it? The earlier commercials looked not so good, but I keep hearing how awesome it is. I'm thinking of seeing it now.

    I too was prepared for awful but if you just let yourself go it is hillarious. In fact there is an entire segment where they lampoon anime and I was on the floor in tears from laughter.

    Monkeyfeet on
    sig1.jpg
  • HompHomp Registered User regular
    edited March 2008
    PiptheFair wrote: »
    mcp wrote: »
    So, is this what he ate?

    83ln3.jpg

    Did he see a picture of it before he ordered? If he did, he deserved what he got. That looks fucking terrible.

    that looks delicious fuck you

    It doesn't even look like real food.

    Homp on
    chosen7171-1.gif
  • RaneadosRaneados police apologist you shouldn't have been there, obviouslyRegistered User regular
    edited March 2008
    I used to love strawberries

    one day sitting on the porch, I am eating strawberries. I go to take a bite out a big, juicy motherfucker

    mm it is delicious

    and a little tart for some reason, hmmm

    out of my half-eaten strawberry I see HUNDRED OF BABY SPIDERS EMERGE

    OH GOD I CAN FEEL THEM IN MY MOUTH

    OH GOD THEY'RE EVERWHERE

    like one mass, they attacked me for defiling their red-fruited homestead

    I must have blacked out from terror because the next thing I knew I was running down the street, crying, spitting, cursing and hating everyone and everything in the world.

    I can eat strawberries again but man I am super wary

    I was 9 when this happened

    Raneados on
  • Penguin IncarnatePenguin Incarnate King of Kafiristan Registered User regular
    edited March 2008
    Why doesn't the Shorehouse have pie? That makes no damn sense.

    Penguin Incarnate on
  • QuethalQuethal The Infrequent OaklandRegistered User regular
    edited March 2008
    Raneados wrote: »
    I used to love strawberries

    one day sitting on the porch, I am eating strawberries. I go to take a bite out a big, juicy motherfucker

    mm it is delicious

    and a little tart for some reason, hmmm

    out of my half-eaten strawberry I see HUNDRED OF BABY SPIDERS EMERGE

    OH GOD I CAN FEEL THEM IN MY MOUTH

    OH GOD THEY'RE EVERWHERE

    like one mass, they attacked me for defiling their red-fruited homestead

    I must have blacked out from terror because the next thing I knew I was running down the street, crying, spitting, cursing and hating everyone and everything in the world.

    I can eat strawberries again but man I am super wary

    I was 9 when this happened

    D:

    Please don't ruin strawberries for me, oh god.

    Quethal on
  • RaneadosRaneados police apologist you shouldn't have been there, obviouslyRegistered User regular
    edited March 2008
    dude it happened to me and I can eat strawberries

    come on dude

    duuude

    duuuuuuuuuude
    100_4323.jpg

    Raneados on
  • Penguin IncarnatePenguin Incarnate King of Kafiristan Registered User regular
    edited March 2008
    That's like 'Nam with fruit.

    Penguin Incarnate on
  • JimothyJimothy Not in front of the fox he's with the owlRegistered User regular
    edited March 2008
    Quethal wrote: »
    Raneados wrote: »
    I used to love strawberries

    one day sitting on the porch, I am eating strawberries. I go to take a bite out a big, juicy motherfucker

    mm it is delicious

    and a little tart for some reason, hmmm

    out of my half-eaten strawberry I see HUNDRED OF BABY SPIDERS EMERGE

    OH GOD I CAN FEEL THEM IN MY MOUTH

    OH GOD THEY'RE EVERWHERE

    like one mass, they attacked me for defiling their red-fruited homestead

    I must have blacked out from terror because the next thing I knew I was running down the street, crying, spitting, cursing and hating everyone and everything in the world.

    I can eat strawberries again but man I am super wary

    I was 9 when this happened

    D:

    Please don't ruin strawberries for me, oh god.

    I had something kind of like that recently.

    See, I pretty much just bite into hard candies, and I was going through this Gobstopper phaze a couple months ago. One of the ones I bit into, toward the end of a box was hollow, and it felt so strange. I imagined it as some kind of insect egg or something.

    I'm pretty much afraid of Gobstoppers right now.

    Jimothy on
  • QuethalQuethal The Infrequent OaklandRegistered User regular
    edited March 2008
    I've accidentally bit into berries that had stinkbugs hiding on them. That's a moderately terrible thing, though nowhere near as bad as a clusterfuck of baby spiders trying to crawl down your throat.

    Quethal on
  • PolagoPolago Registered User regular
    edited March 2008
    Those candy pancakes look like a neat dessert idea at the very least.

    Polago on
  • RankenphileRankenphile Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood.Registered User, Moderator mod
    edited March 2008
    you and your friends are fucking pussies.

    Rankenphile on
    8406wWN.png
  • KazhiimKazhiim __BANNED USERS regular
    edited March 2008
    Those pancakes would make Wilford Brimley cry out in terror

    Kazhiim on
    lost_sig2.png
  • RankenphileRankenphile Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood.Registered User, Moderator mod
    edited March 2008
    rane, I got that beat

    I was eating a peach we grew on our tree

    the first peaches that ever grew on our lonely little peach tree

    sitting around, in the living room, each of us with a peach in hand

    my brothers are chomping on their peaches, omp omp omp

    I bite into mine

    so delicious, so sweet and delicious

    and my brother looks at me

    and screams

    I look down, and there are hundreds of fucking earwigs pouring out of the bite in the peach

    they're crawling on my hand, on my arm, down my shirt

    IN MY MOUTH

    Rankenphile on
    8406wWN.png
  • QuethalQuethal The Infrequent OaklandRegistered User regular
    edited March 2008
    Polago wrote: »
    Those candy pancakes look like a neat dessert idea at the very least.

    How about pancakes flavored like your avatar. Man it still looks like a scotty dog to me out of the corner of my eye, and I know this means I should probably commit myself.

    Edit: Rank, that's horrible. Did you pledge genocide against earwigs?

    Quethal on
  • M.D.M.D. and then what happens? Registered User regular
    edited March 2008
    Oh damn that is disturbing Rank

    M.D. on
  • PolagoPolago Registered User regular
    edited March 2008
    Quethal wrote: »
    Polago wrote: »
    Those candy pancakes look like a neat dessert idea at the very least.

    How about pancakes flavored like your avatar. Man it still looks like a scotty dog to me out of the corner of my eye, and I know this means I should probably commit myself.

    You should commit yourself for suggesting dog flavored pancakes.

    Polago on
  • KazhiimKazhiim __BANNED USERS regular
    edited March 2008
  • the wookthe wook Registered User regular
    edited March 2008
    rane, I got that beat

    I was eating a peach we grew on our tree

    the first peaches that ever grew on our lonely little peach tree

    sitting around, in the living room, each of us with a peach in hand

    my brothers are chomping on their peaches, omp omp omp

    I bite into mine

    so delicious, so sweet and delicious

    and my brother looks at me

    and screams

    I look down, and there are hundreds of fucking earwigs pouring out of the bite in the peach

    they're crawling on my hand, on my arm, down my shirt

    IN MY MOUTH

    ok

    something like that would break me

    i would never be right again

    the wook on
  • QuethalQuethal The Infrequent OaklandRegistered User regular
    edited March 2008
    Polago wrote: »
    Quethal wrote: »
    Polago wrote: »
    Those candy pancakes look like a neat dessert idea at the very least.

    How about pancakes flavored like your avatar. Man it still looks like a scotty dog to me out of the corner of my eye, and I know this means I should probably commit myself.

    You should commit yourself for suggesting dog flavored pancakes.

    What's wrong with eating dogs?

    Quethal on
  • RaneadosRaneados police apologist you shouldn't have been there, obviouslyRegistered User regular
    edited March 2008
    rane, I got that beat

    I was eating a peach we grew on our tree

    the first peaches that ever grew on our lonely little peach tree

    sitting around, in the living room, each of us with a peach in hand

    my brothers are chomping on their peaches, omp omp omp

    I bite into mine

    so delicious, so sweet and delicious

    and my brother looks at me

    and screams

    I look down, and there are hundreds of fucking earwigs pouring out of the bite in the peach

    they're crawling on my hand, on my arm, down my shirt

    IN MY MOUTH

    dude strawberry = peach and earwigs = spiders

    we are like trauma twins

    Raneados on
  • QuethalQuethal The Infrequent OaklandRegistered User regular
    edited March 2008
    the wook wrote: »
    rane, I got that beat

    I was eating a peach we grew on our tree

    the first peaches that ever grew on our lonely little peach tree

    sitting around, in the living room, each of us with a peach in hand

    my brothers are chomping on their peaches, omp omp omp

    I bite into mine

    so delicious, so sweet and delicious

    and my brother looks at me

    and screams

    I look down, and there are hundreds of fucking earwigs pouring out of the bite in the peach

    they're crawling on my hand, on my arm, down my shirt

    IN MY MOUTH

    ok

    something like that would break me

    i would never be right again

    Maybe this partially explains Rank.

    Edit: And Rane for that matter

    Quethal on
  • MonkeyfeetMonkeyfeet Registered User regular
    edited March 2008
    earwigs are the worst things

    Monkeyfeet on
    sig1.jpg
  • KazhiimKazhiim __BANNED USERS regular
    edited March 2008
    I once ate a ladybug on a hamburger

    Kazhiim on
    lost_sig2.png
  • PolagoPolago Registered User regular
    edited March 2008
    You know what isn't delicious? Really really salty fishy bitter jelly-like ejaculate.

    Polago on
  • QuethalQuethal The Infrequent OaklandRegistered User regular
    edited March 2008
    Polago wrote: »
    You know what isn't delicious? Really really salty fishy bitter jelly-like ejaculate.

    Where the hell does that thought come from? 0.o

    Quethal on
  • GreenGreen Stick around. I'm full of bad ideas.Registered User regular
    edited March 2008
    CANDY PAAAANCAAAAAKES

    Green on
  • PolagoPolago Registered User regular
    edited March 2008
    Quethal wrote: »
    Polago wrote: »
    You know what isn't delicious? Really really salty fishy bitter jelly-like ejaculate.

    Where the hell does that thought come from? 0.o

    I'm eating oranges and pineapple.

    So the opposite of what's described.

    Polago on
  • KazhiimKazhiim __BANNED USERS regular
    edited March 2008
    pineapples are the best kind of apples

    Kazhiim on
    lost_sig2.png
Sign In or Register to comment.