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Teach me how to date
Kilroy
timaeusTestifiedRegistered User regular
timaeusTestifiedRegistered User regular
After a long and somewhat messy breakup process, my relationship of many years is over, and I think I'm ready to start dating again. There's only one problem: the girl I broke up with was the only girlfriend I've ever had. We grew up together, and were each other's first everything. I have absolutely no idea how to date.
So let's start from square one. What are some good ways/places to meet people I might be interested in? (I'm a college student, if that helps.)
So let's start from square one. What are some good ways/places to meet people I might be interested in? (I'm a college student, if that helps.)
Kilroy on
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An easy lil move too is just simple ask what someone is doing this weekend. If they have plans they may just invite you along. "Oh we're just going to Ye Ole Pub, you should come out." If they have nothing going on, "Well hey, my weekend's looking pretty slow, wanna grab a drink?"
Stay positive.
1) Do you live at the residence halls? If so, meeting someone in a common area and chatting them up is a good start. Residence halls are notoriously social places, and great places to meet people (both friends and potential relationships).
2) Are there clubs at your college that cater to your personal interests? If you meet a girl at one of these clubs, you'll immediately have something to talk about and you know you'll have at least one thing in common.
3) Do you happen to be religious? I know that many major religions try to form "college groups" or have "college masses/services" at the churches near the school. Church has historically been one of the most common places for two people to meet. I'm not religious myself, but if I was both religious and single, I'd check it out.
2. ???
3. Profit!
Eh just kidding... Man if you are 21 just get some bros and go hit the bars/clubs. Chat up some girls, get some digits and take them out. You can meet girls pretty much anywhere. Anytime you see an attractive female just go talk to her. If shes digin it ask her out. Tis what I do... *shrug*
Also, Brock Sampson is right; don't bring her flowers or pull out her chair or anything on a first date, that's dorky.
I mean, sure, they're great for picking up easy girls for fun. But not to date.
I met my girl at work, but that's not always acceptable. At any rate, the only advice I can give is confidence. Nothing is a bigger turn off to girls than a mumbling, bumbling guy trying to talk to them. Don't be a cocky cock, either, but classy confidence is the way to go.
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Also, I agree with Farout Foolio that a group thing might be a good bet as well, although it can also feel a bit awkward for the guy/girl to be the "newbie" in a group, because scrutiny might seem multiplied. If there is some kind of activity you two can do together, something that does not place the burden of conversation on either of you, and instead lets things unfold naturally, then go for that. Bowling and putt-putt golf are some of my favorites, but not really movies (despite loving film, ha ha ha...) Going to an arcade is always great, too! hee hee hee... Especially driving/racing and fighting games, yes! =D
Oh, and don't lose confidence in your own interests when faced with someone who seems like they are not so interested. What I mean is, if you have a good time doing something, then you might stand a better chance sharing that with someone - again, like going to an arcade, or racing against each other in go-karts, OR chatting over tea or something - as opposed to just doing something that might be more readily "accessible" as a date, like going to a club or movie theatre. If it doesn't seem like fun to YOU, chances are they won't have fun, but even if they do, the mutual enjoyment won't be there, mm. Just be yourself, do what you do, and things will work out one way or another, mm. ^_^
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If you ever need to talk to someone, feel free to message me. Yes, that includes you.
-Where you live
-Classes/people in your major or department
-The gym/rec center
-Library
-Where you work
Bad places to meet new people in college:
-The bars
Also, don't take her out on a group date for your first time. That's junior high stuff. Getting a date is as easy as "Hey, you want to hang out sometime?" If the answer is yes, follow up with "Let's go _____ on Saturday". If you two hit it off, THEN bring her into your circle of friends after 3 or 4 successful outings.
The gym? For real? When I lift / run I purposefully try to avoid eye contact with women because I don't want to be that 'creepy guy at the gym' who hits on chicks.
Maybe it's because you are that creepy guy at the gym. For those of us who aren't, and actually have some self confidence, gym's can be one of the single greatest ways to meet hot, attractice women who keep their bodies in shape. It also means you have something fun in common right off the bat.
Not everyone goes to gyms to hang out, some people go to work out, and each seems to view the other as the creepy guy, which is a completely different discussion entirely.
As Thanatos can attest, I'm pretty creepy with women.
But even I draw the line at gym ogling and/or chatting-up.
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Also, I tend to sweat tons when working out, and I doubt that makes the best impression of the bat.
The vast majority of girls go to the gym to work out, not to get dates.
I gotta say, that's what I've always thought. I mean before RocketScience called me out as lacking confidence and being creepy because I don't hit at women at the gym I thought I was only being polite!
Seriously though. I just had always considered the gym to be one of those 'off limits' areas. People go there to work out, sweat, and generally strain themselves - it's kind of vulnerable when you think about it and I just figured that women didn't like being approached when they're trying to concentrate on themselves.
And like Kyougu said, I prefer to chat people up when I don't reek of sweat.
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If you see a girl checking you out at the gym, go talk to her. She thinks you're attractive and finds your physique appealing. Don't stare at a chick and walk over to her and start up a conversation, that's creepy. There's no "but what if"'s in that situation.
I suggest:
-class, study partners can make good segways into taking girls to parties
-dorms, oh, hey, you're going to that party tonight as well? Wanna go together? Oh, you want to grab food first?
-cafeteria, don't just sit with random people, generally your buds will know people you don't, use this to meet new people
Confidence is key. I met my current g/f of 3 years by helping her move in. I worked at the dorm when she was moving in, so I was getting to know a lot of the girls moving in, but we hit it off. No, I didn't ask her out just then, but I did get the acquaintance and made sure she knew who I was. It's all in how you present yourself.
I miss the social scene in college more than anything else.
My advice is to just go out with some friends and get relaxed in social situations. From there, girls are very easy to meet. In class, through friends, in clubs (groups, not bars), walking to class, in the dorms, anywhere, really. In fact, I had a different girlfriend every year I was in college and I almost felt like it limited my options.
Just be open and talk to people in classes, at social events or whatever. If you're actively seeking something, it might not happen. Just kind of LET it happen.
But colleges are filled with social opportunities, from the people you sit beside in class (or move over to sit next to), the study/cafeteria lounges where it's simple to strike up a conversation (what are you studying), inviting people to play frizbee with you and your friend in the quad or whereever outdoors.
If you're out of school pick up a club/activity that will get you into a social situation- dancing, tae kwon do, reading group, movie watching etc etc and just talk to people. Get used to starting innocent light conversation. Go shopping and ask a person next to you if the article of clothing you're looking at would go with with ______ piece of clothing/color.
You can even try social dating sites/forums as long as they are not creepy like craigslist or that fish site whatev it's called.
The important thing is just getting used to talking fluff conversations with strangers and acquaintances and getting used to flirting with girls. It does take some work but you can take small steps and gradually achieve your goal