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Friendship and Honesty
TrueHereticX
We are the future Charles, not them. They no longer matter.Sydney, AustraliaRegistered User regular
We are the future Charles, not them. They no longer matter.Sydney, AustraliaRegistered User regular
Okay...
I like this girl right (replace like with love and that's more like it but i really hate saying that word) and we've been friends for yonks (we were together for a while there) and i sort of admitted to being in love with her like four days ago...
Here's the thing, i'm talking to her last night and she tells me she went on a date... With a guy she's been seeing for 3 weeks... and she didn't even tell me even when i admitted my feelings for her.
I'm not angry about the fact she has this new guy, frankly i'm happy for her... but she should have been honest with me...
I've stopped talking to her, and i'm 100% sure she deserves it
What do you guys think?
P.S feel free to insult or criticise my way of thinking :rotate: everybody else seems to
I like this girl right (replace like with love and that's more like it but i really hate saying that word) and we've been friends for yonks (we were together for a while there) and i sort of admitted to being in love with her like four days ago...
Here's the thing, i'm talking to her last night and she tells me she went on a date... With a guy she's been seeing for 3 weeks... and she didn't even tell me even when i admitted my feelings for her.
I'm not angry about the fact she has this new guy, frankly i'm happy for her... but she should have been honest with me...
I've stopped talking to her, and i'm 100% sure she deserves it
What do you guys think?
P.S feel free to insult or criticise my way of thinking :rotate: everybody else seems to
TrueHereticX on
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How do you sort of admit to loving someone? What did you say/do?
Huh? How long is "yonks?" What do you mean by being together for a while? You've previously dated before?
How does not informing you of her dating status make her dishonest and not worth your time anymore?
Forget your way of thinking - it's your post that needs work. Clear things up, otherwise we can't help you.
Doesn't sound like it!
And i really am happy for her, i just freaking hate when people do the whole "oh and by the way, i know you love me and everything, but you can just go fuck off cause i got a new man"
I tell her everything and she didn't have the decency to tell me this
Yeah we dated before, and after we dated we were having sex regularly
Yeah i realise i might have been a bit overboard, but the amount of shit she puts on me i'm still convinced she deserves everything she gets
Unfortunately, stopping tearing each other apart is a good point, cause me and her have been ripping each other to pieces lately
I probably still wont talk to her... but that's because i have no credit and she lives 4 hours away
Perfect excuse!
P.S I feel like a douchebag now, but since she's not exactly trying to salvage our friendship, i think i'll be fine :P
Or maybe she does. But the way you're handling this is immature and wrong. Take a few days, some deep breaths, and look at this from her perspective.
Thanks to all you guys... i think i'll take that few days to calm myself down
Thank god for fridays and the weekend!
But sexually we've never really been apart (if that makes sense)
It's not only this though... don't get me wrong i love the girl beyond anything i've known, but she pulls so much shit and she plays with peoples emotions. I think she likes to mess with me just for the fun of it.
And also i think i may have killed any chance of anything cause i was trying to explain why i was so pissed off at her but she wouldn't listen and keep spouting a bunch of shit, so i sort of just said "the amount of times you've fucked with me emotionally and then this after you KNEW i loved you" and after that i just said i hoped she was happy.
She pisses me off something severe sometimes
(If i'm being a douche about this can someone tell me straight up please)
Sounds like you two aren't a good match. You can either not talk to her because it's better for you, and you can move on with your life. Or you can not talk to her because you're pouting, and you want her attention, which will put you right back in that cycle.
Friends do NOT have to tell each other everything. I dont tell my friends much about my relationship life. They dont think less of me for keeping secrets or any such bullshit.
So were you still fucking her within the past three weeks she's been seeing this new guy? Actually it doesnt matter, because she has made no commitment to you.
Either way, you should have stopped with the sex when the relationship ended and you were still hung up on her. You've allowed yourself to be put in a position where you will be hurt when she moves on (and she was always going to, or she wouldnt have ended the relationship). She's moving on, and you're pissed.
You dont sound like her friend, you sound like a jealous ex.
Problem is i'm not jealous, REALLY!
I don't care that she has this new guy, it doesn't bother me in the least.
Oh and, it wasn't me who initiated the sex after we were broken up, that was all her
I'll probably stop talking to her, cause it'd good for me to live my own life without worrying about what she thinks of me.
Glad someone actually called me a douche!
Bottom line: if you find you are still emotionally susceptible to your ex's personal romantic escapades (which it seems you are), you haven't distanced yourself for long enough or gotten over it. It's either to early for you to truly be friends again, or the whole "let's still be friends" thing just shouldn't happen at all.
On the other hand, like Cryo pointed out, friends don't need to know what their other friends are doing all of the time. Jealousy or any related emotions are not part of a healthy friendship.
Occupy your time in a constructive way - work more hours, spend more time with friends that WON'T remind you of your ex in ANY way, pick up a hobby, do something. Take a breather for a bit.
Playing guitar hero 3 on expert while drunk always seems to get my mind off stuff
And i draw alot and write alot, so i'm pretty much covered with the whole hobby things
Thanks you guys!
I had an ex somewhat like yours, and really there are just some people that you simply cant be friends with after you've broken up. Often its the ones who gave you a lot of shit. Shit you would put up with while in the relationship, but arent going to put up with otherwise. Those ones you're better off tossing away.
Ok. My advice is this. Dont go to any more lengths trying to place blame on anyone. It really doesnt matter and its a waste of your time. When you catch yourself getting angry or annoyed, force yourself to physically shrug your shoulders and say "Whatever." And just let her go.
Thanks
Be nice, and dont let things go to your head, who knows, if your're good enough with it and dont make a huge deal, she may come back around if/when things break off with the newbie. I had a few female friends in college who liked to hit me up between relationships- not to actually start something with me, but for reassurances that they were still beautiful, wonderful, and sexy people to be with. It was understood that if they started dating someone again, they would just stop coming over, they didn't have to inform me or give me notice or anything. Whether or not I was sleeping with them, I would always ask them about their men, let them glow for a while, wish them all the best, and let them know they deserved someone good to be with. No hard feelings about any of that ever, which is what made the whole thing possible.
Sounds like youre taking it it too hard this time for that sort of thing though, so maybe you should drop contact and look elsewhere for a while.
Funny thing is now my friends and even my Aunt want to set me up with girls my age
I kinda miss her, but i dont think that's going to go away anytime soon :P I can deal though :P
I found out that she lied about the whole date thing, and used it as a 'test' to see what my reaction would be (just happens to be the 1 time i overreact). Now i have even more reason to hate her, because she constantly lies and she seems to think she owns me or something, but i want to work things out.
So i talk to her on the net, and i apologise for overreacting and i say i want to make our friendship work.
Then she says she doesn't wanna take the chance of me overreacting again, cause apparently i'd do it the next time she would say she was on a date (by this point i did not like her beyond friends, a guy like me can only take so much shit, so technically i could've called her on that)
So that's that... only she messages me the next morning calling me an idiot for overreacting about her saying she was on a date. I'm quite literally at the end of the line here so i message her back saying that the reason i overreacted was she didn't trust me enough to tell me, and it's a moot point now anyway because she lied to 'test' me, which is just fucking petty. I also say how i wanted to be her friend still and all that, and drive home the point that this time, it was her doing that we are no longer friends (i'm a stickler for the truth
Fast forward to last night, where she calls me and chucks one hell of a tantrum (because i sent her some stuff i brought her back when we were close in the mail, cause i don't exactly expect to see her again) and she spouts some bulltwang about how it was me who did this and it's my fault we aren't friends.
I then message her these two...
"I'm only partly responsible, lets not forget you have been treating me like crap for a good 4 or 5 months and you do have a nasty habit of lying to me and playing with my feelings and my head"
"And not only did you blow a gasket over my 1 (count them, just the 1) overreaction, i have more reason to hate you, cause i know you lied about it, and u tested me like you owned me or something. And at least i can admit when i do something wrong"
Her reply...
"Go fuck yourself with a knife"
anywho, time to break apart and refuse all further contact with her. she doesn't do you any good
Although i'm curious, how does one fuck themselves with a knife when one is male?
boys have a hole too.... ow
Move on.
Don't contact her and if you start feeling the need to do so, distract yourself by going out with friends, or playing vids, or whatever. You're not going to win anything, nor convince her that it's all her fault. Just walk away and put it behind you.
If you ever need to talk to someone, feel free to message me. Yes, that includes you.
Plus i got going to see Iron Man with my mates to look forward to, as well as a concert to see one of my favourite bands in like 3 weeks...
All i gotta do is find a date