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Bad Attitude
crappyfeet
Registered User new member
Registered User new member
I've been having trouble keeping a job because I let the outside world affect my attitude while in the workplace. Recently I said some pretty mean things to an ex-girlfriend that i knew for more than 2 years and lived with for 6 months. In a nutshell she said that she didn't think we worked well together and she wanted to explore other options. So I got mad and called her names and told her stuff about herself that I thought would make her as depressed as I felt. So now that i made her think that I hate her she blocked my number and filters my e-mails to the trash.
Anyways I let shit from my past lock me down because I think about how I don't have the ability to make good decisions. I think about how I have the inability to learn from my mistakes. The fact that I have a history of being selfish, and self-loathing has made me think that I am a despicable person.
So the reason i lost my job was because the people there thought I had a bad attitude. They thought that I just didn't want to be there, which I guess I really didn't because I can't keep a steady level of motivation going, I guess because I am paranoid of messing something up or some such.
Anyways the thing is, is I don't like myself. I can function and have normal conversations and everything, and I'm not on medication. But I have trouble keeping friends. Also i doubt a lot of people like hanging out with me.
Wen I feel like I'm doing things for myself I feel like I should be more catering to other's needs, and when I'm catering to other's needs I feel like I should be thinking of myself. It's a really backwards way of thinking and it's driving me insane. I don't even know who I am. So what I'm asking is: How do you live a normal life and tell yourself things will be ok even when they're not?
Anyways I let shit from my past lock me down because I think about how I don't have the ability to make good decisions. I think about how I have the inability to learn from my mistakes. The fact that I have a history of being selfish, and self-loathing has made me think that I am a despicable person.
So the reason i lost my job was because the people there thought I had a bad attitude. They thought that I just didn't want to be there, which I guess I really didn't because I can't keep a steady level of motivation going, I guess because I am paranoid of messing something up or some such.
Anyways the thing is, is I don't like myself. I can function and have normal conversations and everything, and I'm not on medication. But I have trouble keeping friends. Also i doubt a lot of people like hanging out with me.
Wen I feel like I'm doing things for myself I feel like I should be more catering to other's needs, and when I'm catering to other's needs I feel like I should be thinking of myself. It's a really backwards way of thinking and it's driving me insane. I don't even know who I am. So what I'm asking is: How do you live a normal life and tell yourself things will be ok even when they're not?
crappyfeet on
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as for work, well, ever heard of "fake it til you make it"? It's like, the retail workers mantra. Seriously. No matter how stupid the customer is and how badly you want to punch them, you fake nice until it's simply second nature to act extra nice while at work. I hate people who approach me say, at a bus stop to make idle conversation. At work, I'm all smiles and sugar and sweetness. It's certainly not how you want to run you're entire life, but it can work for your job