Hospital Health Review

kachofool

Hey...

I recently obtained a position working for a hospital and am required to undergo a health review (tomorrow). I realized this today. I had a form to fill out before by my physician that dealt with my immunity status regarding various virii... this involved getting a blood test and some other stuff done, which I did a week ago, and I thought this was all I needed before starting work.

The problem is... I got high a couple of days ago (not an avid smoker, random once a month sort of deal), and am horrified at the prospect of this being grounds for termination, scarring my record and ruining any decent future career prospects I have.

So... do any of you know what a health review at a hospital involves (my position is working inside a department of the hospital, I'm not medical staff, but still req'd to undergo whatever health review is necessary)? What do I do from here?

This was an incredibly stupid move on my part I guess... I thought once my blood tests were done, I'd be okay. I'm really freaking out and would like some advice.

Thanks
KF

Brizian

Well, you haven't exactly specified which drug(s) you were using, so I can give you some helpful hints:

1. Drink a LOT of water. Don't drink so much it kills you, but seriously, drink as much water as you can. Stay up all night and drink water if you have to.

2. Pee as often as you can. You're gonna be drinking a lot of water, and piss as much of it out as you can. You should aim to pee about four times in the hour before the test. In my experience, they usually encourage you to have a glass of water before the test to help you piss...DO IT!

3. They will ask you to list the drugs you have taken in the last week and/or month. List at least the following:
-NyQuill
-Advil
-Motrin
-Tylenol
-Sudafed

4. Plead with them that you can't go if someone's watching. "Blushing Kidneys" is the medical term, I believe. If you can get complete privacy, you can fill half the cup with water. Dry the outside, shake, and warm it up with your hands. Don't go more than half-full though! You don't want to make it too obvious.


I don't promote or condone drug use, but I do think workplace drug tests are a huge violation of our rights. If you want to smoke a little pot on a Saturday night, that's your business and yours alone.

Brizian

Almost forgot: Tell them you've eaten poppy seeds recently. Get a bag of them and go in eating them in you can. Make sure they see you.

urahonky

I always thought these sorts of threads were frowned upon.

Also:

Almost forgot: Tell them you've eaten poppy seeds recently. Get a bag of them and go in eating them in you can. Make sure they see you.

That's fucking hilarious. If someone came in to do a blood test EATING POPPY SEEDS (seriously, who does that?) I'd pretty much know if he was trying to hide anything.

Neaden

yeah Bri, I think your advice makes him look a lot more suspicious. If they just took your blood for a immunity test thats all they are going to do with it. I am pretty sure they would need permission to check your blood for anything else and I really doubt that they would care about you smoking pot rather then that you might give someone TB.

Raere

Neaden wrote: »

yeah Bri, I think your advice makes him look a lot more suspicious. If they just took your blood for a immunity test thats all they are going to do with it. I am pretty sure they would need permission to check your blood for anything else and I really doubt that they would care about you smoking pot rather then that you might give someone TB.

You never know; it is a hospital. Even if he's not medical staff, it might be standard procedure to run a full battery of tests on all employees.

I'd do the whole drinking water thing at least. They should dilute the signs of drugs, and I don't think blood/urine tests show that you've consumed a lot of water recently. But I'm not sure. Just a thought.

Phoenix-D

Lots of water, lots of pee. Do NOT do any of the other advice Brizian gave you. Attempting to cheat a drug test will, in many cases, fuck up your job prospects worse than taking drugs. If you're absolutely certain you'll come up positive and you'll get fired, just say you object to the test and quit.

Brizian

Out of curiosity, are drug tests pretty standard for most jobs in the U.S.? That's kind of the impression I've gotten.

corcorigan

They're more likely to be checking you're immune to Hep B and Varicella.

dispatch.o

Drug tests are almost universally mandatory when working in a hospital. Plain and simple you may be fucked, but it's not a felony or anything to fail a drug test, and it doesn't go on some magical permanent record so far as I know.

Djeet

There's no point worrying about it now that's just going to fuck with you, they've already taken the blood right? Though I never heard of a place that hired that didn't let you know in advance that you were going to be drug tested and it's always a pee test (dunno for government jobs).

Like dispatch.o said, hospital jobs (other than volunteer work) usually drug test. If they test you and you fail they just won't hire you, they aren't going to "report" you or anything (they aren't law enforcement). If they maintain records on old applicants (a lot of places don't) the failed drug test may stay in the HR file.

So stay off the smoke, keep well hydrated and look out for when they schedule the pee test.

Daenris

Brizian wrote: »

Almost forgot: Tell them you've eaten poppy seeds recently. Get a bag of them and go in eating them in you can. Make sure they see you.

This is stupid anyway. Assuming the OP got high on marijuana, poppy seeds won't help explain that. Poppy seeds can cause a positive drug test for opiates, not marijuana.

ViolentChemistry

Yeah we don't do these here anymore. You have the internet, try somewhere else.