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Prom & Dreading the Ex

ZephonateZephonate Registered User regular
edited May 2008 in Help / Advice Forum
So, my ex is coming over on Friday because we "need to talk". I'm about 99.9% sure she's going to tell me she's dating one of my best friends. It's something I've been suspecting for a while now. I know how he feels about her, they're texting and hanging out all the time, etc. Plus, when her and I talked on the phone today, I said to her, "I think I have an idea of what you want to talk about", to which she replied, "you're probably right". I knew it was only a matter of time, so understandably, I'm dreading Friday with every fiber of my body.

Now, I know come Friday, I'm probably going to be an emotional wreck. Partly to have something to look forward to after all of this, partly to do something sweet for a friend of mine, partly to make some kind of effort towards moving on, and partly because I have nothing resembling a social life -I'm thinking of asking a female friend of mine to prom.

A little bit of background info on her (though probably not portraying her in the best possible light): http://forums.penny-arcade.com/showpost.php?p=5393088&postcount=2106

Now, last few times her and I talked, she complained about how no one's asked her to prom (which makes me sad -she's sweet, funny, smart, and pretty; she should have guys all over her). I think -judging by our friendship, how comfortable we are with each other, and how much she wishes someone would ask her- that she would be really happy if I asked her. I think it'll be fun, I think she'll have fun, lots of my friends will be there, and who knows -I might get laid.

Miscellaneous facts: I'm 19 and graduated from her high school last year. She's 18 and a senior, so I'm allowed at the prom with a guest pass.

Now would be the time for any of you fine gents to chime in with your thoughts, opinions, praise, flames, suggestions, etc. Proper etiquette for corsages and the like would also be helpful, since my ex and I never got them when we went to my prom last year.

[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
"For a few seconds Oskar saw through Eli's eyes. And what he saw was...himself. Only much better, more handsome, stronger than what he thought of himself. Seen with love."
--John Ajvide Lindqvist, Let the Right One In (Page 446).
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    Seattle ThreadSeattle Thread Registered User regular
    edited May 2008
    Ask her to prom. Have a good time. Forget about your ex.

    Seattle Thread on
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    ZephonateZephonate Registered User regular
    edited May 2008
    Makershot wrote: »
    Ask her to prom. Have a good time. Forget about your ex.

    I'm going to ask her on Thursday. I'm trying to forget about my ex, but it's easier said than done. But I am trying.

    Zephonate on
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
    "For a few seconds Oskar saw through Eli's eyes. And what he saw was...himself. Only much better, more handsome, stronger than what he thought of himself. Seen with love."
    --John Ajvide Lindqvist, Let the Right One In (Page 446).
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    Penguin_OtakuPenguin_Otaku Registered User regular
    edited May 2008
    I personally don't think its your place to ask the girl or a high school girl at that. Its her prom man. I could understand if you were still in highschool and all, but you're not.

    I don't mean to come off as a dick, but I just think you should put the idea in her head,but not be so blunt as to ask.

    Penguin_Otaku on
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    CooterTKECooterTKE Registered User regular
    edited May 2008
    why even talk to you ex and ask the girl to the prom.

    CooterTKE on
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    DrZiplockDrZiplock Registered User regular
    edited May 2008
    Don't sweat the ex, man.

    However, I'm curious as to how your best friend has been around you lately. I mean, if he's that close with you, then yea...the dude may have mentioned it. Though, to her credit, sounds like she wants to be upfront with you.

    As for the other girl? I don't know if you can ask her to prom...being as that you don't go to school there anymore, but you can certainly let her know you'd like to take her. I mean, it's a really fine line and I don't know the social prom protocal, but either way. Go with her, have a ball and sweat not the ex.

    DrZiplock on
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    WootloopsWootloops Registered User regular
    edited May 2008
    Zephonate wrote: »
    Makershot wrote: »
    Ask her to prom. Have a good time. Forget about your ex.

    I'm going to ask her on Thursday. I'm trying to forget about my ex, but it's easier said than done. But I am trying.

    I could go off on a long tangent right now...but I'll refrain.

    If your ex is going to be at the prom, I'd suggest caution - you clearly are not over her and being around her whilst she is dancing with your best friend may incite...anger, among other emotions. On the other hand, you may have a great time with your female friend who will likely appreciate having you there so she isn't going alone. I have the feeling that no matter how good a time you're having, you'll still have that wretched knot in your gut whenever you look over the floor and see your ex though.

    Just bare caution. You don't want to accidently piss your friend off at her prom when your mood goes south and she realizes why.

    The ex may not be forgotten entirely, but time heals all. If she's not going to be at the prom though, but all means get your ass over there and fucking have fun. It's prom - rent a nice suit, buy a cheap corsage, be polite, dance. Ain't much else to it.

    Wootloops on
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    ZephonateZephonate Registered User regular
    edited May 2008
    I personally don't think its your place to ask the girl or a high school girl at that. Its her prom man. I could understand if you were still in highschool and all, but you're not.

    I don't mean to come off as a dick, but I just think you should put the idea in her head,but not be so blunt as to ask.

    I graduated from her school last year, and I'd be allowed to go to the prom, so long as I got her to sign me up for a gust pass when I bought my ticket. All girls who have a date that either A). Graduated already, or B). Goes to another school, does this. Besides, no one has asked her. Whether it's my "place" or not, I think a girl would rather be asked to prom by somebody than nobody in the long run, right?

    Secondly, my ex isn't going to be at the prom, so that's one less headache to worry about. I may still have that occasional knot in my stomach, but it won't be a big enough issue where I'll end up ruining my lady friend's time over it.

    Also, I own a tuxedo, but don't know where or what the procedure is for getting a corsage.

    Zephonate on
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
    "For a few seconds Oskar saw through Eli's eyes. And what he saw was...himself. Only much better, more handsome, stronger than what he thought of himself. Seen with love."
    --John Ajvide Lindqvist, Let the Right One In (Page 446).
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    TarantioTarantio Registered User regular
    edited May 2008
    Zephonate wrote: »
    Also, I own a suit, but don't know where or what the procedure is for getting a corsage.

    The Prom may be a tuxedo affair. (mine was) That's not the same as a suit.

    Corsage-wise, you ask the girl what color her dress will be, and maybe if she has a preference for flowers, and then go to a florist and tell them that. They'll have flower options, and ribbons to match the color. Some flowers signify certain things, (red rose for love, yellow rose for friendship) but those aren't hard and fast rules. Wrist corsages are more common for girls, in my experience. She may get you a boutonniere, which would pin to your jacket.

    Tarantio on
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    ZephonateZephonate Registered User regular
    edited May 2008
    Thank you, Tarantio. Btw: it is a tuxedo affair, as I attended the same event last year, and the corsage information is very helpful. Any idea what kind of cost I can expect for a corsage (even just a ballpark)?

    I'm also going to need opinions a little later on my preferred method for asking her. I'll post the idea as I finish it.

    Zephonate on
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
    "For a few seconds Oskar saw through Eli's eyes. And what he saw was...himself. Only much better, more handsome, stronger than what he thought of himself. Seen with love."
    --John Ajvide Lindqvist, Let the Right One In (Page 446).
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    Penguin_OtakuPenguin_Otaku Registered User regular
    edited May 2008
    Zephonate wrote: »
    I personally don't think its your place to ask the girl or a high school girl at that. Its her prom man. I could understand if you were still in highschool and all, but you're not.

    I don't mean to come off as a dick, but I just think you should put the idea in her head,but not be so blunt as to ask.

    I graduated from her school last year, and I'd be allowed to go to the prom, so long as I got her to sign me up for a gust pass when I bought my ticket. All girls who have a date that either A). Graduated already, or B). Goes to another school, does this. Besides, no one has asked her. Whether it's my "place" or not, I think a girl would rather be asked to prom by somebody than nobody in the long run, right?

    Secondly, my ex isn't going to be at the prom, so that's one less headache to worry about. I may still have that occasional knot in my stomach, but it won't be a big enough issue where I'll end up ruining my lady friend's time over it.

    Also, I own a tuxedo, but don't know where or what the procedure is for getting a corsage.

    I don't care if you graduated from her school last year, man. You're an alumni now. I still love my highschool, but I didn't ask a junior or senior to prom this year. I might have gone if someone had asked me, but I had no intentions of asking someone to take me.

    1) That seems desperate and creepy. You fucking graduated man. I know you like this girl and she probably is amazing. I understand that. Put the idea in her head, but its her choice if she would like to take you as her GUEST. She would be taking you. I understand the concept of her being able to take you, but don't try to guilt her into it or force it on her.

    2) Its not your place to ask her. At all. If she wants to take you then she will. Its HER prom. You don't go there anymore, so you can't ask her to shit.

    3) If she does decide to take you, find out what color her dress is and go to a flower shop and tell them you need a corsage to match that color

    Penguin_Otaku on
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    SageinaRageSageinaRage Registered User regular
    edited May 2008
    Just ask her if she would like you to take her to the prom. It sounds fairly commonplace, and being one year out isn't 'creepy'.

    SageinaRage on
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    ihmmyihmmy Registered User regular
    edited May 2008
    I second the her taking you as a guest thing, not going without a date, etc.... just let her know that if she wants someone (male) to go with, you'd be more than happy to accompany her, but don't push it much beyond that

    also, be civil to the ex but generally ignore her when you can, ie don't seek her out, don't pay her extra attention, etc

    ihmmy on
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    GihgehlsGihgehls Registered User regular
    edited May 2008
    In that thread you linked you mentioned she was a virgin. And she gave you a handjob. And now she is dropping hints she wants to go to prom. Forget about your ex and go have an extremely lovely time. Also, I took a female friend to her prom after I was out of school, its not a big deal as long as the school is fine with it.

    Gihgehls on
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    SarcastroSarcastro Registered User regular
    edited May 2008
    Zephonate wrote: »
    I personally don't think its your place to ask the girl or a high school girl at that. Its her prom man. I could understand if you were still in highschool and all, but you're not.

    I don't mean to come off as a dick, but I just think you should put the idea in her head,but not be so blunt as to ask.

    I graduated from her school last year, and I'd be allowed to go to the prom, so long as I got her to sign me up for a gust pass when I bought my ticket. All girls who have a date that either A). Graduated already, or B). Goes to another school, does this. Besides, no one has asked her. Whether it's my "place" or not, I think a girl would rather be asked to prom by somebody than nobody in the long run, right?

    Secondly, my ex isn't going to be at the prom, so that's one less headache to worry about. I may still have that occasional knot in my stomach, but it won't be a big enough issue where I'll end up ruining my lady friend's time over it.

    Also, I own a tuxedo, but don't know where or what the procedure is for getting a corsage.

    I don't care if you graduated from her school last year, man. You're an alumni now. I still love my highschool, but I didn't ask a junior or senior to prom this year. I might have gone if someone had asked me, but I had no intentions of asking someone to take me.

    1) That seems desperate and creepy. You fucking graduated man. I know you like this girl and she probably is amazing. I understand that. Put the idea in her head, but its her choice if she would like to take you as her GUEST. She would be taking you. I understand the concept of her being able to take you, but don't try to guilt her into it or force it on her.

    2) Its not your place to ask her. At all. If she wants to take you then she will. Its HER prom. You don't go there anymore, so you can't ask her to shit.

    3) If she does decide to take you, find out what color her dress is and go to a flower shop and tell them you need a corsage to match that color

    WTF?

    How is it a bad thing to inquire with one's friend if they would like to take you to prom? One year out? That's neither desperate or creepy, it just happens to be his friend is one year younger, which is fuck-all, in the larger scheme.

    I can't exactly figure out what torqued Pengy here, but I guess technically, she would be taking you, as you are the guest. However, high-school being what it is, if you were going to go out with her to prom, you would be some kind of dick to expect her to shoulder all of the promness. So flowers, tux, good grooming, nice ride etc, should be the expectation of you here, and of any man escorting a girl to a formal affair.

    The formal rules change up between couples and escorts. If you're couple (ie both graduating) then the night is an even split between two parties, doing mutual things, etc. In an escort situation, the formal expectation is to facilitate the main attendee's situation, the focus being on doing the things they want to do, sitting with their friends, dancing to their songs, etc. Escorts seldom leave their dates unattended, and tend to be in the background, supporting the attendee.

    Of course, 'formal' affairs tend to be so in name only, but I've always thought that every girl (and boy) should experience an evening of beauty and formal courtesy at least once in their life; "Prom" is all too often the only time that will happen, with the exception of a wedding. Shame that.

    Sarcastro on
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    ZephonateZephonate Registered User regular
    edited May 2008
    All right, since it seems pretty unanimous that asking her, going, and having a good time is an ace move, I'm going to post my method of asking for public opinion (since I have yet to meet a single girl that did not want to be asked to a dance in an unconventional, romantic, or creative way).

    She gets out of school from AP testing tomorrow around noon. I'm going to call her and ask her to come over to my house for a bit. Once here, after chatting for a while, I'm going to hand a her a double-sided drawing I've made for her with the following written on it.

    "Hey, _____. Ever since meeting, we've had some great times together.

    "From watching Underworld at John's house...
    *drawing of my buddy John, her, and I sitting on his bed watching Underworld*

    "...to telling vulgar stories at ________'s Halloween party...
    *drawing of her and I in our Halloween costumes from last year*

    "...and looking for hookers in Grand Theft Auto with Dan and Jay Mull.
    *drawing of myself, Dan, and Jay Mull shirtless in front of her, Jay flexing his muscles, me looking somewhat normal, and Dan firing a beam of blinding white light from his pasty chest*

    *On the back side, in a drawing of the two of us, laughing and having fun together*
    "Thinking back on all the good times we've had makes me realize how awesome of a friend you are. You've always been there for me, and you always manage to put a smile on my face. It made me sad when you told me no one asked you to Prom. You're one of the sweetest, smartest, funniest, and prettiest girls I know. Any guy would be lucky to take you to Prom.

    "That being said...I would be honored if you would let me be your Prom date."

    --Zeph.

    As a side-note: she's been asking me to draw her for quite a while now, so I think including the asking in a drawing(s) of her is good.

    Any thoughts?

    Zephonate on
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
    "For a few seconds Oskar saw through Eli's eyes. And what he saw was...himself. Only much better, more handsome, stronger than what he thought of himself. Seen with love."
    --John Ajvide Lindqvist, Let the Right One In (Page 446).
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    GihgehlsGihgehls Registered User regular
    edited May 2008
    Way too much! Just take her out somewhere and ask her to prom when you drop her off. IMO. Maybe she'd like all that stuff you wrote.

    Gihgehls on
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    OhtheVogonityOhtheVogonity Registered User regular
    edited May 2008
    If you're trying to maintain a strict friendship/escort sort of situation, I don't think you need to go Jon Cusack on her or anything.

    OhtheVogonity on
    Oh freddled gruntbuggly...thy micturations are to me/ As plurdled gabbleblotchits on a lurgid bee
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    SarcastroSarcastro Registered User regular
    edited May 2008
    Zephonate wrote: »
    *On the back side, in a drawing of the two of us, laughing and having fun together*
    "Thinking back on all the good times we've had makes me realize how awesome of a friend you are. You've always been there for me, and you always manage to put a smile on my face. It made me sad when you told me no one asked you to Prom. You're one of the sweetest, smartest, funniest, and prettiest girls I know. Any guy would be lucky to take you to Prom.

    "That being said...I would be honored if you would let me be your Prom date."


    If you want to actually start going out with her, this is a pretty good way to do it. Dunno why exactly, but something says you have enough charisma to pull it off.

    The part in red... Don't say that. That could come off all wrong in a number of ways, including, but not limited to:

    I know you're not popular, but I like you anyway
    Isn't it nice of me to take mercy upon you
    Nobody likes you, but I don't care about that.

    Sides, if she's like half the HS girls I used to know, she just said that to let you know she's still availible. ;)

    Sarcastro on
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    WootloopsWootloops Registered User regular
    edited May 2008
    Sarcastro wrote: »
    Sides, if she's like half the HS girls I used to know, she just said that to let you know she's still availible. ;)

    This man knows what he's talking about. If girls are anything (usually) it's subtle. Honestly though, you may be over thinking everything and may have typed too much in that letter. Keep it simple - she's already met you more then half way already. All you have to do is put yourself out there and let her know you're there.

    All in all, good luck man.

    Wootloops on
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    ZephonateZephonate Registered User regular
    edited May 2008
    Sarcastro wrote: »
    Zephonate wrote: »
    *On the back side, in a drawing of the two of us, laughing and having fun together*
    "Thinking back on all the good times we've had makes me realize how awesome of a friend you are. You've always been there for me, and you always manage to put a smile on my face. It made me sad when you told me no one asked you to Prom. You're one of the sweetest, smartest, funniest, and prettiest girls I know. Any guy would be lucky to take you to Prom.

    "That being said...I would be honored if you would let me be your Prom date."


    If you want to actually start going out with her, this is a pretty good way to do it. Dunno why exactly, but something says you have enough charisma to pull it off.

    The part in red... Don't say that. That could come off all wrong in a number of ways, including, but not limited to:

    I know you're not popular, but I like you anyway
    Isn't it nice of me to take mercy upon you
    Nobody likes you, but I don't care about that.

    Sides, if she's like half the HS girls I used to know, she just said that to let you know she's still availible. ;)

    Thanks man, you're definitely right about the part in red. Good call. I'm going to omit that.

    I think it'll all be a little more cohesive once the drawing's finished. I'll post it here when I'm done, though I'm only looking for thoughts on the effort, not on whether or not the drawing sucks, lol.

    Zephonate on
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
    "For a few seconds Oskar saw through Eli's eyes. And what he saw was...himself. Only much better, more handsome, stronger than what he thought of himself. Seen with love."
    --John Ajvide Lindqvist, Let the Right One In (Page 446).
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    DaenrisDaenris Registered User regular
    edited May 2008
    I think the key point to take away from Sarcastro's response (in my opinion at least) is this:
    If you want to actually start going out with her, this is a pretty good way to do it.

    The unstated part here is that if you're just asking her to prom because you think she wants to go and you think it'll be fun to hang out with her there, and you don't want to start dating, I think this is overboard.

    Daenris on
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    ZephonateZephonate Registered User regular
    edited May 2008
    I see where you're coming from, but even though this is just an as-friends thing, I still think she might like it if I did it in a little bit of an unexpected way (as in, not just a boring "will you go to prom with me?").

    Plus, as I stated before, she's asked me to draw her before. I'm doing just that...only adding a little prom-asking at the bottom.

    Zephonate on
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
    "For a few seconds Oskar saw through Eli's eyes. And what he saw was...himself. Only much better, more handsome, stronger than what he thought of himself. Seen with love."
    --John Ajvide Lindqvist, Let the Right One In (Page 446).
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