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The Family Circus
Brolo
BroseidonLord of the BroceanRegistered User regular
BroseidonLord of the BroceanRegistered User regular
But not the shitty comic.
Let's talk about Dad, who beat you, and Mom, who snuck out of the house at night, and your older Brother, who smoked but tried to hide it, and your little sister, who got pregnant in her third year of highschool.
Your loving and caring and completely fucked up families.
--
I remember when I was growing up, we used to have these huge bbqs with every possible extended family member invited. There'd be sixty or seventy of us crammed into the backyard. Once my brother ended up spraying me with the hose while I was waiting for some hotdogs to cook, and managed to knock some frozen hamburgers off the tray and into the garden. My dad, reacting instantly, picked up one of the fallen burgers and whipped it across the lawn, smacking my brother right between the eyes and breaking his nose. We had to take him to the hospital and everything, and the bastard missed a week of school.
My dad swears to this day it was an accident, but he also laughs uncontrollably at the memory, so I don't think he's really sincere.
Let's talk about Dad, who beat you, and Mom, who snuck out of the house at night, and your older Brother, who smoked but tried to hide it, and your little sister, who got pregnant in her third year of highschool.
Your loving and caring and completely fucked up families.
--
I remember when I was growing up, we used to have these huge bbqs with every possible extended family member invited. There'd be sixty or seventy of us crammed into the backyard. Once my brother ended up spraying me with the hose while I was waiting for some hotdogs to cook, and managed to knock some frozen hamburgers off the tray and into the garden. My dad, reacting instantly, picked up one of the fallen burgers and whipped it across the lawn, smacking my brother right between the eyes and breaking his nose. We had to take him to the hospital and everything, and the bastard missed a week of school.
My dad swears to this day it was an accident, but he also laughs uncontrollably at the memory, so I don't think he's really sincere.
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everyone's got their little annoying habits, but they more than make up for them.
Got two cool sisters in law and two awesome nephews.
Yes sir, no complaints here.
Need some stuff designed or printed? I can help with that.
XBL: Torn Hoodie
@hoodiethirteen
awesome
And speaking of The Family Circus comic, it makes a lot more sense if you just imagine the kids are retarded.
My family is pretty awesome and ordinary, really.
There are some well documented fights between my parents but the parent-child relationship is good in all cases and my dad does cool things like making treasure hunts and taking us to European cities and I like walking the dogs with him and my mother cooks great food and is a sympathetic listener.
I am a lazy stoner and they don't like me all that much
my family is cool though except for one asshole uncle
You mean they're not?
He even got it to curve a little in mid-air. It was a pretty amazing shot.
It's science. I read it. In a book.
Hahahahaha
JordynNolz.com <- All my blogs (Shepard, Wasted, J'onn, DCAU) are here now!
That's the PBF I've come to know and be largely indifferent towards.
That is impressive.
Need some stuff designed or printed? I can help with that.
my sister is annoying
my mom yells at me a lot
my dad is just clueless
oh the wackiness of it all
also holy shit pipe that is messed up
can't say I've heard that story
Need some stuff designed or printed? I can help with that.
Grillz
Need some stuff designed or printed? I can help with that.
So last night at around 11 I was feeling pretty down in general, doing the whole "fuck, life is worthless I'm worthless abloobloo" bit. I realized to some extent how stupid that was so I decided to go for a walk in the night air to clear my head. After about half a mile I decided it would be way more fun if I were drunk, so I went back and got a bottle of whiskey, some warmer clothes, my ipod, and my nice headphones. After 4 or 5 shots worth gulped from the bottle I was singing along, and after a dozen or so I was fucking belting that shit.
I spent a few hours just wandering around, singing at the top of my lungs, playing on elementary school play structures and such (falling down a little) and just generally having the time of my life. Thoroughly cheered up by this point. By 3 AM I've walked several miles, yelled lyrics outside of a couple friends' houses (after a certain point calling it singing would be just plain inaccurate), drunkposted here and written a ridiculous facebook note I couldn't remember until I saw it. Best night I've had in a long time, no longer depressed, hella happy, I go to bed.
I wake up this morning still pretty drunk so obviously I don't wanna go to school. Instead I walk to a nearby coffee shop for a scone and some coffee, but on the way the blue sky and the perfect weather get to me and I'm singing again as I walk. While at the coffee place I sober up, but it's not like that stops my singing--I'm not singing because I'm drunk, I'm singing because I'm happy and it's a beautiful day outside.
Anyway, on my way back to school (since I'm now totally sober) I head by an overpass and I just hang out there for a while watching cars pass beneath me, now singing pretty loudly again. None of the commuters so much as look up, but a few truckers grin and wave when they see me. Pretty cool. Life is grand, birds are flying, there's a fat woman in pink outside on her cell phone, I'm singing, hooray.
After 15 minutes or so a cop rolls up and tells me to get inside. I do so and gradually realize with growing horror that the fat woman in pink was calling the cops because she thought I was gonna jump. She saw me singing and pacing back and forth over a bridge and instead of assuming that I was in the best mood of my life she alerted the cops to a crazy kid about to kill himself. God damn.
So the first cop transfers me (over my ineffective protests) to the campus cop for my school, a trained hostage negotiator, and she locks me in the back and drives me back to class. She's taking this incredibly seriously, too, and my initial horror turns to astonished mirth as I realize what an impossible situation I'm in. As she pats me down for hidden weapons and searches everything I own (all I have in my backpack is my ipod, my headphones and a book) I'm trying to come up with a way to prove myself non-suicidal.
But there isn't one! It's impossible! What can you do or say? As she grills me, trying to figure out why I'm trying to off myself, I'm just joking around. Shit, if she had tried that at about 11 pm the previous night I probably would have admitted to wanting to kill myself, but not now.
She calls in my parents. Oh, fuck. My mom is weeping and my dad has the most serious expression of all time on his face. I don't know what the hell to do! I'm still laughing and joking around because what the fuck can I do? When you're accused of being suicidal, denying it doesn't help even a little. Oh, god. After about an hour I've got my dad convinced I'm not going to off myself, but to this minute my mom is still suspicious. By far the weirdest 24 hours of my life.
the only thing to do now is kill yourself
that'll show them
And where do you live?
that shit totally works
after the walk I just wanted some waffles.
Need some stuff designed or printed? I can help with that.
My brother, not to be put in a positions of weakness, orders a couple of airsoft guns from ThinkGeek.
prestory that isn't funny and will probably do nothing to further your life
So I pronounced war on him and set up a 10 minute prep time, he agreed and started out downstairs.
I hastily put together my paintball gun (I haven't shot this thing in years, with 5 year old paint balls too) and give him the whole ready or not here I come bit.
Motherfucker starts charging me up the stairs until he sees that I have the paint ball gun, with a girly scream he runs back down the stairs. Not before I am able to pop two rounds into his back, a third missing and splattering on the wall. Eventually (and a few more shots later) I get him to surrender.
Eventually wars break out between my brother, myself and my dad. My dad doesn't have any airsoft, so after my brother shoots the shit out of him he goes into the garage and pulls out one of our bb guns, pumps it up a few times and shoots at my brother. BB bounces off a door and hits him in the back of the head, apparently it hurt pretty bad.
He runs up to my room and tells me to get the Paintball gun, so I hastily armor myself up for the future fight and head to put an end to the madness. He shoots at me and it hits me in the shoulder, and it stings a decent bit. So I start firing paintball rounds at him as he retreats into the garage. My mom is freaking out because my dad is shooting us with a BB gun and I am using a paintball gun in the house. Eventually I get two good shots on him and he grudgingly surrenders. Spent the next day cleaning off paintball stains in some of the carpet and on the walls, my mom was not too happy.
TL:DR paintball/BB gun wars in my house.
fuckin waffles dogg"
Need some stuff designed or printed? I can help with that.
fremont, CA! bay area suburban town