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There's this creepy fucking picture my dad has that he took when my grandma bought her cemetery plot and put up the headstone where you can see her reflection in the fucking headstone.
She died about 6 months after that photo was taken... and my dad framed that picture. That's too fucking creepy for me.
Also lets refrain from posting abloobloo stories, we all have them and it becomes just a big emo contest.
After I won the fight inside the house my dad goes shopping, and picks up a paintball gun for my brother and himself "so were all even". We set up a game of Capture the flag FFA as there is three of us, all of us have tons of paint and tons of air and both of them are just gunning to get me. We live on a couple acres and have a decent triangle set up so no one has a clear advantage of the other.
I get out of site and out of mind, letting them duke it out. I am sitting in some trees watching my dad run to some cover as my brother pops up and fires off a few rounds. They are at a pretty good distance so the rounds are not very accurate but one manages to hit my dad right in the crotch.
He just drops to the ground and rolls on the floor, he bought special armor for most of his body except for his groin.
I bought nerf guns and started raising hell, shooting my dad and my brother, cat and the dog.
My brother, not to be put in a positions of weakness, orders a couple of airsoft guns from ThinkGeek.
prestory that isn't funny and will probably do nothing to further your life
My nerf gun's don't work to well against these airsoft gun's, and he is brutally attacking me with these guns. I can't go anywhere without getting shot, even when I am on the crapper I am not safe as he will just bust in and start hosing me down.
So I pronounced war on him and set up a 10 minute prep time, he agreed and started out downstairs.
I hastily put together my paintball gun (I haven't shot this thing in years, with 5 year old paint balls too) and give him the whole ready or not here I come bit.
Motherfucker starts charging me up the stairs until he sees that I have the paint ball gun, with a girly scream he runs back down the stairs. Not before I am able to pop two rounds into his back, a third missing and splattering on the wall. Eventually (and a few more shots later) I get him to surrender.
Eventually wars break out between my brother, myself and my dad. My dad doesn't have any airsoft, so after my brother shoots the shit out of him he goes into the garage and pulls out one of our bb guns, pumps it up a few times and shoots at my brother. BB bounces off a door and hits him in the back of the head, apparently it hurt pretty bad.
He runs up to my room and tells me to get the Paintball gun, so I hastily armor myself up for the future fight and head to put an end to the madness. He shoots at me and it hits me in the shoulder, and it stings a decent bit. So I start firing paintball rounds at him as he retreats into the garage. My mom is freaking out because my dad is shooting us with a BB gun and I am using a paintball gun in the house. Eventually I get two good shots on him and he grudgingly surrenders. Spent the next day cleaning off paintball stains in some of the carpet and on the walls, my mom was not too happy.
TL:DR paintball/BB gun wars in my house.
Sounds cool and all, but in reality, thats pretty stupid.
Shooting BBs at eachother with no eye protection? Wow.
I am at the neighbors house with my parents drinking some wine and the talk of vasectomies comes up. Neighbors and talking about theirs and my dad is talking about his. He starts telling a story but then stops, looks at me and tells me not to tell my brother this story.
So apparently after I was born my dad decided to get a vasectomy because two kids was enough. The doctor never told my dad though that he still had one in the chamber after the operation.
You know what cured my highschool depression? I fucking beat the shit out of two of the kids who had been picking on me since elementary school. One of them, a football star, I fucking demolished. I love telling that story since it's straight out of a cheesy 80s movie.
I thought for sure I was in trouble when I got to school the following Monday. I assumed his friends and he had created an alternate version of the story (I had no witnesses of my own) but as it turns out one of his football buddies and my neighbor told EVERYONE exactly how it went down that day. The fight was on friday, the kid didn't come back to school until wednesday because he was "sick". In a big way my social life and general outlook turned around completely that week.
I later ended up getting a job with that same kid and we ended up getting along. He admitted to being a dick to me and I called it a truce.
So violence does indeed solve problems. That was a lesson I really needed to learn back then.
Self Confidence is the ultimate winner against depression.
Depression lead to desperation, desperation lead to me lashing out, choosing the right person to lash out upon (rather than family or myself) lead to a drastic re-arrangement in my small school's social order and that in turn lead to self confidence.
#pipeCocky Stride, Musky odoursPope of Chili TownRegistered Userregular
edited May 2008
When I was about 10, I was antagonizing my oldest brother somehow or other, when he finally got the shits with me and started chasing me with a stick, I ran up the stairs to hide in my room.
The stairs in my old house went up to the front door, then 180'd another 5 or 6 steps up to the top floor.
At the front landing, with my 16 year old brother chasing me, I tripped on the top step and went flying headfirst through the glass next to the front door. Twisted in the air and landed on my back in a pile of glass.
My mum sat me down and gave me chocolate milk, yelled at my brother, and I walked away without a scratch.
Just before freshman year of high school, my mom and dad approached me to tell me that they were getting separated. Blew my mind since I had thought that going to the basement to scream at each other for two hours was the norm amongst happy families.
Anyway, mom moves out and immediately the competition for my affection starts. Dad, who had always been a dick to me, starts being all buddy-buddy. Playing sports with me, letting me stay up watching TV real late on school nights, just letting me do whatever. Mom takes a different tack and just straight up tries to buy my love. Trips to stores for video games, and the best part was she rented an arcade for my 13th birthday.
Pretty wicked.
The day of the party, me and my friends have a grand old time on the games, we beat Turtles in Time, etc. My good friend Butch (real name Gary, dunno where Butch came from) was even going to stay over so we can play SNES. That night mom and dad schedule a trade at her new apartment. Butch and I get out of the car, he gets into dad's car and as I'm walking over to the passenger side door, I hear the two of them getting into it. Great.
"It's your son's birthday and you can't spend time with him?!"
"Have you been drinking!? YOU'VE BEEN DRINKING AGAIN HAVEN'T YOU!"
"How selfish are you, you're leaving to go see him!"
etc.
Dad comes over, yells some things about my mom while near me so as to lend some weight to the argument.
Mom grabs my arm and pulls me into the locked glass entryway of her apartment, yelling how my dad's drunk.
All the while, Butch sits in the car, watching.
After about five minutes of standing by the door listening to my dad yelling at me to get the hell out of there and my mom yelling that my dad's such an asshole, I get out of the entryway and go join my friend in the car. Figure that's gotta be the closest to neutral ground as I can get. As I'm saying something to him regarding being sorry or something, mom opens the door to dad's car, yelling all the while, gets in, and screams "YOU WANT TO GO HOME AND FUCK ME, FINE! LET'S GO HOME! I'M READY! Hi, Butch."
Just before freshman year of high school, my mom and dad approached me to tell me that they were getting separated. Blew my mind since I had thought that going to the basement to scream at each other for two hours was the norm amongst happy families.
Anyway, mom moves out and immediately the competition for my affection starts. Dad, who had always been a dick to me, starts being all buddy-buddy. Playing sports with me, letting me stay up watching TV real late on school nights, just letting me do whatever. Mom takes a different tack and just straight up tries to buy my love. Trips to stores for video games, and the best part was she rented an arcade for my 13th birthday.
Pretty wicked.
The day of the party, me and my friends have a grand old time on the games, we beat Turtles in Time, etc. My good friend Butch (real name Gary, dunno where Butch came from) was even going to stay over so we can play SNES. That night mom and dad schedule a trade at her new apartment. Butch and I get out of the car, he gets into dad's car and as I'm walking over to the passenger side door, I hear the two of them getting into it. Great.
"It's your son's birthday and you can't spend time with him?!"
"Have you been drinking!? YOU'VE BEEN DRINKING AGAIN HAVEN'T YOU!"
"How selfish are you, you're leaving to go see him!"
etc.
Dad comes over, yells some things about my mom while near me so as to lend some weight to the argument.
Mom grabs my arm and pulls me into the locked glass entryway of her apartment, yelling how my dad's drunk.
All the while, Butch sits in the car, watching.
After about five minutes of standing by the door listening to my dad yelling at me to get the hell out of there and my mom yelling that my dad's such an asshole, I get out of the entryway and go join my friend in the car. Figure that's gotta be the closest to neutral ground as I can get. As I'm saying something to him regarding being sorry or something, mom opens the door to dad's car, yelling all the while, gets in, and screams "YOU WANT TO GO HOME AND FUCK ME, FINE! LET'S GO HOME! I'M READY! Hi, Butch."
Butch didn't come over as much after that.
Ahahahaha. Wow. Just the nonchalant "Hi, Butch." makes the whole story.
Holy shit
The ending of that story is what pulls it all together
Also if any of you can avoid getting in a screaming match with your grandmother, especially in your teens, I highly recommend it
Relationship isn't quite the same after you spend the better part of an afternoon trying to figure out a nice way to tell your grandmother that she's a manipulative bitch who needs to climb down off her cross
JedocIn the scupperswith the staggers and jagsRegistered Userregular
edited May 2008
Man, I can't even imagine a situation where that would be the case. Both of my grandmothers are unbelievably sweet old ladies. The sort of grandma you find on the front of a box of cookies.
Yes
The first time I heard "You know what I'm going to get you next Christmas, Mom? A big wooden cross. So every time you feel unappreciated for all your sacrifices, you can climb on up and nail yourself to it," I was like "Sumbitch, that's Gram"
Do you know someone who manages to make everything about them, even when they have nothing to do with it? Who remembers every nice thing she's done for you and every not so nice thing you've done near her, just so she can go "After I did such and such, you did this"?
That's her
Dad and I used to fight nonstop. Just two stubborn assholes, my general disdain for his priorities, and his lack of understanding where I was coming from. When we fought, though, we'd bitch each other out, walk away, come back an hour later, and get back to work like nothing happened
Gram was the one who would get involved and try to stop it and make it worse, and then act like it was my fault for arguing with my father
No, Gram, if you would just back the fuck up for 5 minutes, my father and I would calm down. Please stay the fuck out of things that don't concern you
My grandmothers are pretty nice, so are my grandfathers, even if they can be pains in the ass.
No, it's my uncles on my dad's side that love to work my last nerve, especially Glen. My uncle Glen is the kind of pink shirt wearing, scotch-drinking yuppie bastard that I cannot stand. The guy made some good investments in the 80s and just rakes it in nowadays so he is pretty solidly convinced of his own superiority. When he talks to you he smiles so wide you'd think he was asking you to check his reflection in his teeth, not to mention there's always a subtle sour odor steaming out of his mouth wherever air can escape his photo-pose smile.
When he shakes your hand, he tries his best to squeeze the life out of it, which is kind of being an ass to people like my brother and I, but he'll do it to my youngest cousins as well. I hope he feels big crushing the hand of a 12-year-old in his mighty alpha-male grip.
The worst part is that upon greeting you in this fashion he enjoys trying to lean over you (tough with me because I'm significantly taller than him) and stare you in the face so that your foreheads are nearly touching while asking personal questions such as "So how're things goin on your love life huh? You still with that girl? You meet any hot chickies at your new job?"
He once asked my ex where she was from and when he heard "Virginia" he asked if her cousins married each other and whether or not they had running water in their house.
His wife is very Suzy Homemaker and has so few hobbies besides raising her children (now 22 and 18) that she micro-manages everything she can to the point of neurosis. She acts like some kind of trophy wife and just smiles approvingly at her husband while judging whoever may not be in the room.
Recently he was congratulating my cousins on throwing a keg party in one of their dorm rooms, smoking weed and passing out in puddles of beer on the floor, making them late to attend our youngest cousins' (triplet girls) first communion.
God everything about that guy just rubs me the wrong way. I didn't mean for this to be such a long entry but seriously, fuck my uncle. He is such a douchefag.
i've said this a couple of times before, but once i walked into my grandmother changing.
they were like two feet long
also this grandmother is awesome. she once made my cousin cry by telling him that he was fat and had a tiny dick. her entire life right now is sitting next to the phone in madras trying to manipulate the family for fun.
not with eachother, which is probably what you are thinking of.
but, my parents are 60 and 56 and still do it a lot. it's pretty funny. my sister and i joke about sex pretty much all the time. my brother and i share sex stories a lot. he's the one who told me how to test if i should use magnums.
my dad once told me a story about how he found a dildo in my grandparent's kitchen. it was still wet and that is hilarious
Posts
She died about 6 months after that photo was taken... and my dad framed that picture. That's too fucking creepy for me.
After I won the fight inside the house my dad goes shopping, and picks up a paintball gun for my brother and himself "so were all even". We set up a game of Capture the flag FFA as there is three of us, all of us have tons of paint and tons of air and both of them are just gunning to get me. We live on a couple acres and have a decent triangle set up so no one has a clear advantage of the other.
I get out of site and out of mind, letting them duke it out. I am sitting in some trees watching my dad run to some cover as my brother pops up and fires off a few rounds. They are at a pretty good distance so the rounds are not very accurate but one manages to hit my dad right in the crotch.
He just drops to the ground and rolls on the floor, he bought special armor for most of his body except for his groin.
Go Red Dragon Disciple
wings rule
thank you for informing us
So apparently after I was born my dad decided to get a vasectomy because two kids was enough. The doctor never told my dad though that he still had one in the chamber after the operation.
Thus my brother was born.
I thought for sure I was in trouble when I got to school the following Monday. I assumed his friends and he had created an alternate version of the story (I had no witnesses of my own) but as it turns out one of his football buddies and my neighbor told EVERYONE exactly how it went down that day. The fight was on friday, the kid didn't come back to school until wednesday because he was "sick". In a big way my social life and general outlook turned around completely that week.
I later ended up getting a job with that same kid and we ended up getting along. He admitted to being a dick to me and I called it a truce.
So violence does indeed solve problems. That was a lesson I really needed to learn back then.
Depression lead to desperation, desperation lead to me lashing out, choosing the right person to lash out upon (rather than family or myself) lead to a drastic re-arrangement in my small school's social order and that in turn lead to self confidence.
The stairs in my old house went up to the front door, then 180'd another 5 or 6 steps up to the top floor.
At the front landing, with my 16 year old brother chasing me, I tripped on the top step and went flying headfirst through the glass next to the front door. Twisted in the air and landed on my back in a pile of glass.
My mum sat me down and gave me chocolate milk, yelled at my brother, and I walked away without a scratch.
Need some stuff designed or printed? I can help with that.
Anyway, mom moves out and immediately the competition for my affection starts. Dad, who had always been a dick to me, starts being all buddy-buddy. Playing sports with me, letting me stay up watching TV real late on school nights, just letting me do whatever. Mom takes a different tack and just straight up tries to buy my love. Trips to stores for video games, and the best part was she rented an arcade for my 13th birthday.
Pretty wicked.
The day of the party, me and my friends have a grand old time on the games, we beat Turtles in Time, etc. My good friend Butch (real name Gary, dunno where Butch came from) was even going to stay over so we can play SNES. That night mom and dad schedule a trade at her new apartment. Butch and I get out of the car, he gets into dad's car and as I'm walking over to the passenger side door, I hear the two of them getting into it. Great.
"It's your son's birthday and you can't spend time with him?!"
"Have you been drinking!? YOU'VE BEEN DRINKING AGAIN HAVEN'T YOU!"
"How selfish are you, you're leaving to go see him!"
etc.
Dad comes over, yells some things about my mom while near me so as to lend some weight to the argument.
Mom grabs my arm and pulls me into the locked glass entryway of her apartment, yelling how my dad's drunk.
All the while, Butch sits in the car, watching.
After about five minutes of standing by the door listening to my dad yelling at me to get the hell out of there and my mom yelling that my dad's such an asshole, I get out of the entryway and go join my friend in the car. Figure that's gotta be the closest to neutral ground as I can get. As I'm saying something to him regarding being sorry or something, mom opens the door to dad's car, yelling all the while, gets in, and screams "YOU WANT TO GO HOME AND FUCK ME, FINE! LET'S GO HOME! I'M READY! Hi, Butch."
Butch didn't come over as much after that.
I haven't told them about PAX gatherings
PA cult shut down like four years ago.
40 1st cousins
something like that
My mate Dave's mum comes home to find her husband in bed with my mate Sophie's Mum
And instead of freaking out she's like "man, I've been fucking Sophie's dad for like 6 months"
Everybody was surprised.
Need some stuff designed or printed? I can help with that.
Ahahahaha. Wow. Just the nonchalant "Hi, Butch." makes the whole story.
so is she single or what?
The ending of that story is what pulls it all together
Also if any of you can avoid getting in a screaming match with your grandmother, especially in your teens, I highly recommend it
Relationship isn't quite the same after you spend the better part of an afternoon trying to figure out a nice way to tell your grandmother that she's a manipulative bitch who needs to climb down off her cross
It was Uriel
Clawshrimpy had digimon yaoi porn on his computer
she is totally the best
Yes
The first time I heard "You know what I'm going to get you next Christmas, Mom? A big wooden cross. So every time you feel unappreciated for all your sacrifices, you can climb on up and nail yourself to it," I was like "Sumbitch, that's Gram"
because she's exactly like the rest of the family
You have not met my grandmother
Do you know someone who manages to make everything about them, even when they have nothing to do with it? Who remembers every nice thing she's done for you and every not so nice thing you've done near her, just so she can go "After I did such and such, you did this"?
That's her
Dad and I used to fight nonstop. Just two stubborn assholes, my general disdain for his priorities, and his lack of understanding where I was coming from. When we fought, though, we'd bitch each other out, walk away, come back an hour later, and get back to work like nothing happened
Gram was the one who would get involved and try to stop it and make it worse, and then act like it was my fault for arguing with my father
No, Gram, if you would just back the fuck up for 5 minutes, my father and I would calm down. Please stay the fuck out of things that don't concern you
Some of the most entertaining people are old and bitter about everything
No, it's my uncles on my dad's side that love to work my last nerve, especially Glen. My uncle Glen is the kind of pink shirt wearing, scotch-drinking yuppie bastard that I cannot stand. The guy made some good investments in the 80s and just rakes it in nowadays so he is pretty solidly convinced of his own superiority. When he talks to you he smiles so wide you'd think he was asking you to check his reflection in his teeth, not to mention there's always a subtle sour odor steaming out of his mouth wherever air can escape his photo-pose smile.
When he shakes your hand, he tries his best to squeeze the life out of it, which is kind of being an ass to people like my brother and I, but he'll do it to my youngest cousins as well. I hope he feels big crushing the hand of a 12-year-old in his mighty alpha-male grip.
The worst part is that upon greeting you in this fashion he enjoys trying to lean over you (tough with me because I'm significantly taller than him) and stare you in the face so that your foreheads are nearly touching while asking personal questions such as "So how're things goin on your love life huh? You still with that girl? You meet any hot chickies at your new job?"
He once asked my ex where she was from and when he heard "Virginia" he asked if her cousins married each other and whether or not they had running water in their house.
His wife is very Suzy Homemaker and has so few hobbies besides raising her children (now 22 and 18) that she micro-manages everything she can to the point of neurosis. She acts like some kind of trophy wife and just smiles approvingly at her husband while judging whoever may not be in the room.
Recently he was congratulating my cousins on throwing a keg party in one of their dorm rooms, smoking weed and passing out in puddles of beer on the floor, making them late to attend our youngest cousins' (triplet girls) first communion.
God everything about that guy just rubs me the wrong way. I didn't mean for this to be such a long entry but seriously, fuck my uncle. He is such a douchefag.
Go on.
they were like two feet long
also this grandmother is awesome. she once made my cousin cry by telling him that he was fat and had a tiny dick. her entire life right now is sitting next to the phone in madras trying to manipulate the family for fun.
The... Aristocrats?
but, my parents are 60 and 56 and still do it a lot. it's pretty funny. my sister and i joke about sex pretty much all the time. my brother and i share sex stories a lot. he's the one who told me how to test if i should use magnums.
my dad once told me a story about how he found a dildo in my grandparent's kitchen. it was still wet and that is hilarious