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Returning Affection
Sevorak
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
I feel incredibly lame for making this thread, but I feel less embarrassed about asking about this on the internet rather than real life friends, so here goes.
I don't think I ever learned how to show affection physically. I don't mean like :winky: physical, but more like flirty touching and stuff like that. I was extremely shy around girls all through middle school and high school, to the point where I'd turn bright red and get really uncomfortable if a girl sat in my lap. I never really got over it, and now I'm in my twenties and I haven't done much of anything with a girl. I can talk to them and flirt verbally fine, which is a huge improvement from how bad I was in high school, but I freeze up as soon as any sort of touching is involved.
This has been bothering me to varying degrees for a while, but recent events have brought it to my attention again. There's this girl that I've known for almost four years and the past couple months we've been hanging out a lot. At least one or twice a week but for the last few weeks we've hung out pretty much every day she's been in town. Usually it's with a bunch of friends since we're part of the same core group of friends.
Anyway, I've found myself developing feelings for her, and I think there's at least a little reciprocation. She's been touching me a lot more when we hang out, like grabbing my arm and giving it a squeeze and putting her hand lightly on my knee for a moment when she's talking directly to me. I don't really know what to do in response to this, so I don't do anything, and that sends the wrong message and it's just disappointing for everyone involved. I do occasionally touch her shoulder or back when we're hanging out, but then I psyche myself out and think I'll creep her out if I keep doing it, which is retarded since she's obviously comfortable with that kind of physical contact with me.
Looking over what I just wrote it seems pretty obvious that I should return the flirty touching, but when I'm there and it's happening my brain just goes OMG GIRL TOUCHING ME, like I'm still in middle school, and I freeze up and don't do anything. It makes me feel pretty pathetic afterward and I really want to stop it.
Judging by the demographic, I'm sure there's some people on here that have had similar experiences and probably a couple threads similar to this one. If anyone has any advice on how to become more comfortable with touching and being touched by girls, I'll listen to pretty much anything at this point.
I don't think I ever learned how to show affection physically. I don't mean like :winky: physical, but more like flirty touching and stuff like that. I was extremely shy around girls all through middle school and high school, to the point where I'd turn bright red and get really uncomfortable if a girl sat in my lap. I never really got over it, and now I'm in my twenties and I haven't done much of anything with a girl. I can talk to them and flirt verbally fine, which is a huge improvement from how bad I was in high school, but I freeze up as soon as any sort of touching is involved.
This has been bothering me to varying degrees for a while, but recent events have brought it to my attention again. There's this girl that I've known for almost four years and the past couple months we've been hanging out a lot. At least one or twice a week but for the last few weeks we've hung out pretty much every day she's been in town. Usually it's with a bunch of friends since we're part of the same core group of friends.
Anyway, I've found myself developing feelings for her, and I think there's at least a little reciprocation. She's been touching me a lot more when we hang out, like grabbing my arm and giving it a squeeze and putting her hand lightly on my knee for a moment when she's talking directly to me. I don't really know what to do in response to this, so I don't do anything, and that sends the wrong message and it's just disappointing for everyone involved. I do occasionally touch her shoulder or back when we're hanging out, but then I psyche myself out and think I'll creep her out if I keep doing it, which is retarded since she's obviously comfortable with that kind of physical contact with me.
Looking over what I just wrote it seems pretty obvious that I should return the flirty touching, but when I'm there and it's happening my brain just goes OMG GIRL TOUCHING ME, like I'm still in middle school, and I freeze up and don't do anything. It makes me feel pretty pathetic afterward and I really want to stop it.
Judging by the demographic, I'm sure there's some people on here that have had similar experiences and probably a couple threads similar to this one. If anyone has any advice on how to become more comfortable with touching and being touched by girls, I'll listen to pretty much anything at this point.
3DS: 0748-2282-4229Sevorak on
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The rest will take care of itself.
Oz pretty much just killed this thread with that right-on-the-money advice. That will most certainly take care of the situation in a favorable manner.
Yep.
Don't worry man. Trying to force it doesn't make it fun and those awkward moments where you work up the courage are things you can look back on. My first kiss took me 15 minutes to work the courage to do despite her lips being just... well, pretty much next to mine.
The second time around I wasn't afraid.
Don't be embarrassed.
You should keep up with the touches to the upper arm and back, that's good. I find that if you sort of brush your fingertips in a half-scatchy, half-tickly way, that's usually a pretty solid but not creepy sign saying "I AM MOST DEFINITELY FLIRTING WITH YOU NOW." A lot of girls will grab your hand and kiss you the second you actively express some level of interest - they just like to give you the illusion of the initiative :P
As for getting more comfortable with this sort of thing? Find a touchy-feely, flirty friend, and use her for "practice." I'm good friends with this girl who pretty much flirts platonically with every guy/girl she considers herself friends with - likes to cuddle with them, kiss them on the cheek, hug them, nuzzle her head on their shoulders, touch them on the arms/back, etc. Speaking as someone who used to be and in many ways still is pretty damn shy, I know that hanging around her (and other extroverted people in my friend group) has made me a lot more at ease with being physical with other people. The sooner you can be comfortable flirting with and breaking down physical boundaries with the people you are friends with (and have no intentions of dating in the near future), the sooner you can be comfortable flirting with people you don't know and/or do want to date.