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Not sure what to do (girl)

SevorakSevorak Registered User regular
edited May 2008 in Help / Advice Forum
If you happened to read either of my last two threads, you know the backstory on this one, but if not here's the quick version. I've known this girl for close to four years. We hang out with the same core group of people, and she's always been a good friend. Lately, we've been hanging out a lot more and I've started to get a thing for her. There's been flirting on both sides, but I could never tell if it was friendly or otherwise.

Now, the obvious solution would be to ask her out and see what she says, but here's where the situation gets slightly sticky. She's graduating college in two and a half weeks and then moving two hours away for the summer, then three hours away after that to San Jose, and I'm wary of making the last couple weeks she's here awkward if she says no. I graduated in December and am working in the same town I went to school, but I'm planning to move to San Jose within a year (not because of her specifically, but because I work in software and a lot of my friends will be there).

There's two options I have here that I can see. I can ask her out, probably saying something like, "Hey, I know this is really bad timing, but I was wondering if you'd like to get dinner sometime, just the two of us," and risk making things a bit awkward for her last couple weeks here with the possible reward of a couple dates before she leaves. Or I can stay my hand and just keep her as a friend, and then take a look at the situation again if and when I move to San Jose.

I'm probably over thinking this, but what do you all think I should do with this situation?

steam_sig.png 3DS: 0748-2282-4229
Sevorak on

Posts

  • Ziac45Ziac45 Registered User regular
    edited May 2008
    I would wait and see what happens when you move. No sense getting into a long distance relationship right off the bat.

    Ziac45 on
  • CooterTKECooterTKE Registered User regular
    edited May 2008
    offer to take her out before she leaves then find out that way.

    CooterTKE on
  • auggywongerauggywonger Registered User regular
    edited May 2008
    Sevorak wrote: »
    I'm wary of making the last couple weeks she's here awkward

    In the pursuit of love...or whatever your goal is...you have to risk awkwardness. You won't gain anything if you don't try. So I say you go for it. Don't be afraid. And if she likes you, it shouldn't matter what you say or do. If she likes you and you're honest with how you feel, she should respond positively.

    auggywonger on
  • FeralFeral MEMETICHARIZARD interior crocodile alligator ⇔ ǝɹʇɐǝɥʇ ǝᴉʌoɯ ʇǝloɹʌǝɥɔ ɐ ǝʌᴉɹp ᴉRegistered User regular
    edited May 2008
    If you wait a year, she will have met somebody new in that year and you will find yourself waiting even longer to see if she broke up with said guy, and once you do that, you're in creepy Nice Guy territory.

    If you ask her out now, and she says yes, then you're golden.

    If you ask her out now, and she says no, then at least when you call her up again in a year to say "hey I'm in San Jose wanna get coffee?" it won't be under false pretenses and she'll know exactly what you're up to.

    Do it now.

    Feral on
    every person who doesn't like an acquired taste always seems to think everyone who likes it is faking it. it should be an official fallacy.

    the "no true scotch man" fallacy.
  • TrowizillaTrowizilla Registered User regular
    edited May 2008
    Do it now.

    For one thing, going out to dinner doesn't mean Starting a Serious Relationship. It's just affirming that you're interested in each other. If you don't want to do the long-distance thing, don't, but when you do move to San Jose, she'll already know that you two like each other and you can ask her out again straightaway. She's also less likely to be boyfriend-hunting if she knows she has you to look forward to, although she still might meet someone anyway.

    If she says no, big deal. Say "Oh well, it was worth a shot" with a smile and then go back to whatever you were talking about. There's no reason for things to be awkward if you treat it as offering to go for dinner, not proferring your eternal love or whatever.

    Trowizilla on
  • SevorakSevorak Registered User regular
    edited May 2008
    Well 4-1 in favor of asking her out seems like a pretty strong result. Now I just need to gather up some balls.

    Sevorak on
    steam_sig.png 3DS: 0748-2282-4229
  • VThornheartVThornheart Registered User regular
    edited May 2008
    You can do it! Remember that even if she says no, at least it's good "asking out" experience... and if you don't ask, the answer implicitly becomes no. So at least by asking, you're giving yourself some kind of chance to succeed.

    VThornheart on
    3DS Friend Code: 1950-8938-9095
  • SevorakSevorak Registered User regular
    edited May 2008
    I'm going to be hanging out with her and our group of friends most of the long weekend. We both have friends coming to visit, but I'll see if I can get or make a couple minutes away from everyone else to ask.

    Right now we have plans to get lunch sometime next week. These plans were made on Tuesday when I met her and a mutual friend for lunch and the friend had to leave early, so it ended up being just the two of us for most of lunch. She said she had a good time and we should do it again, but didn't know when she would have time next week, but said she'd figure something out. If I were a smoother man, I would have asked her to dinner then and there and you wouldn't be reading this thread, but I think something like, "So I was thinking, instead of lunch next week what do you say I take you out to dinner before you leave?" would be good. Sound okay?

    I know I'm way over thinking this, and I should just do it next time I have a chance, but I still get super nervous about asking girls out. Guess I just haven't done it enough yet.

    Sevorak on
    steam_sig.png 3DS: 0748-2282-4229
  • SevorakSevorak Registered User regular
    edited May 2008
    Here's an update for anyone who wants one. I asked her to dinner on Monday, and she said she really respects me for saying something, but she's not in a good place to start dating someone right now because she's leaving and other reasons, but if that changes she'll let me know. I'm trying not to hold my breath, since that sounds like a pretty standard "letting me down easy" rejection, but it's really hard to ignore that if. She said she'd like to get dinner as friends soon though and we've hung out every day since, so at least I didn't weird her out by asking.

    All in all, it went way better than I thought it would, considering she spent a lot of time with another of my roommates this weekend and I was beginning to think there was something going on there. She was in his room for a half hour on Monday before I talked to her, but she reassured me that she was in there letting him know she didn't want to lead him on.

    Anyway, thanks to everyone who replied and helped me get the balls to do something. I definitely would have regretted it if I didn't.

    Sevorak on
    steam_sig.png 3DS: 0748-2282-4229
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