Assassin's creed-y?

TheWingless

(this is writer's block too, but since half of this project is largely visual, I think it won't ruffle too many feathers to post it hear as well for graphic design feedback)

Hey all!

So I've always been interested in new, exotic ways to tell a story. My newest experiment is an Epistolary novella, which is basically a fancy way of saying "story told through messages". Since I'm also in the Games industry, I'm also very interested in "gamey" sorts of narrative structures, which is Epistolary through and through (think System Shock and BioShock). I've shown the novella around town and it's gotten some pretty positive reviews so far, so I figured I'd show it to the rest of you

The story is about the NSEA Demosthenes, an homeward-bound starship in a crisis so great, it will cost nearly half the crew its life.

And of course, since I'm a graphic designer and UI artist by trade, it's all perdy. Here are some screenshots

http://www.thewingless.com/planetfal...etfall_ss1.jpg

http://www.thewingless.com/planetfal...etfall_ss5.jpg

http://www.thewingless.com/planetfal...etfall_ss4.jpg

http://www.thewingless.com/planetfal...etfall_ss6.jpg

===============================================

And without further ado, the actual story of Planetfall

http://www.thewingless.com/planetfall

===============================================

Let me know what you think! And thanks for reading!

--john

piL

Folks around here prefer you post your images using img tags. And anyway, the links in your post are broken, you mean:

http://www.thewingless.com/planetfall/planetfall_ss1.jpg
http://www.thewingless.com/planetfall/planetfall_ss4.jpg
http://www.thewingless.com/planetfall/planetfall_ss5.jpg
http://www.thewingless.com/planetfall/planetfall_ss6.jpg

As far as the actual work goes, the pictures at the bottom don't really do much for me or seem to communicate anything for me, and I find my eye escaping the meat of the project (the text) to look back down at the faces. I think that maybe if almost all of the portraits weren't staring directly at me, I could find it easier to avoid focusing on them. I think a bit of subtlety could go a long way (profile images would be great). Also, most of the page is white and grey, which is ok for reading (though grey on black would probably be a bit easier on the eyes), but the portraits are filled with blocks of darker colors, making them centers for contrast that also keep my eyes from the page.

As for the site's design itself, I think it's very clean and aesthetically pleasing. I wanted immediately to turn the sound off (I listen to music in the background, which I guess isn't necessarily giving your project its fair shake, but I'd rather ), wondered how, thought, "I wonder if the question mark will tell me." The option was right there, and I'm actually glad you didn't clutter up the main interface with options, but kept it in the sub menu. There is a flicker effect, which, again while neat, isn't necessarily something I need when I'm trying to read something. Although it's not in the text, it draws my eye towards the motion, and serves as yet another distraction. It's not all bad though, so don't take that last tone too much to heart unless you get similar complaints.

desperaterobots

So I'm at work right now so I couldn't dedicate too much time to reading, but what I read was pretty interesting. It looks like some of the photos have been sourced from different places; the style and grain of the photography seems to vary between characters, so it doesn't gel too well from a consistency point of view. Also, a ship full of super models, well fancy that! Needs more.. ugly?

Stupid Mr Whoopsie Name

desperaterobots wrote: »

Also, a ship full of super models, well fancy that! Needs more.. ugly?

That was the one gripe that struck me right off the bat. I only encountered a few photos that matched the character/job type.

The inherent concept is a proven one: System Shock, Marathon, Doom 3 even! But the one thing lacking in Planetfall's presentation is interactivity. Discovered a story's plot through logs and emails and journals is great, but only when there is a level of discovery. Planetfall seems far too linear for that to be the case.

desperaterobots

I was hoping the circuit diagrams would lead to some level of interaction.

So essentially this is just a dialogue-only e-book with pictures, right?