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About an Ex

noobertnoobert Registered User regular
edited June 2008 in Help / Advice Forum
Quick and dirty info: Broke up over 12 months ago, relationship lasted just under that, currently 21 on my side and 20 on hers. We both walked away from the relationship as I didn't trust a drunken her at all, and she couldn't stand that.

I want to wash my hands of her, the "friendship" we have and the mutual friends we have. But I'm not too sure how to go about it.

We talk on IM a few times a week, call each other a few times a month and hang out in person every month or so. But after each "contact" I am unable to get her out of my mind, can't stop thinking about the relationship we had and how awesome she is etc. This happens to the point where it has negativity affected other relationships i have been in since, well both of them.

So how does one go about removing someone from their life without offending them, while hopefully leaving an option of being friends again later down the track?

noobert on

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    The CatThe Cat Registered User, ClubPA regular
    edited June 2008
    You don't. Block block block delete number. "I can't get back to normal while in contact with you" is optional, "I can't get back to normal while in contact with her" (to mutual friends) is not if you want to avoid awkwardness involving you both turning up to the same event or whatever. And Do. Not. Apologise. This is not something to be sorry for.

    Also drink less. It makes you more susceptible to depression and general shitty-feelingness.

    The Cat on
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    WillethWilleth Registered User regular
    edited June 2008
    noobert wrote: »
    I want to wash my hands of her, the "friendship" we have and the mutual friends we have. But I'm not too sure how to go about it.

    We talk on IM a few times a week, call each other a few times a month and hang out in person every month or so.

    These two sentences should be mutually exclusive. You want to sever contact but also go for coffee with her? Doesn't work.

    Willeth on
    @vgreminders - Don't miss out on timed events in gaming!
    @gamefacts - Totally and utterly true gaming facts on the regular!
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    noobertnoobert Registered User regular
    edited June 2008
    The Cat wrote: »
    Also drink less. It makes you more susceptible to depression and general shitty-feelingness.

    That may require it's own H/A thread :|

    noobert on
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    SarcastroSarcastro Registered User regular
    edited June 2008
    I know whenever I get a deep cut on my arm or leg, I like to rip open the wound every month or so, and let bleed out for a while. Rub some lemon or salt into it, and then sit back and watch it heal again. Over time, I'm sure it will get better.

    No wait, I don't. Because that would be retarded.

    It might be possible for you to to become friends sometime down the road, but you need to heal up completely first- so far healed in fact that the wound is a non-issue. It's okay to drop contact with people, especially if the impact is negative. Don't feel bad about it- you may both be good people, but its the situation itself that is hurting you. Remove yourself from that situation and give yourself a break.

    It's hard to admit to ourselves and others that we may need time off from a situation to grow and develop, but sometimes, that's just the way it is.

    Sarcastro on
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    ceresceres When the last moon is cast over the last star of morning And the future has past without even a last desperate warningRegistered User, Moderator mod
    edited June 2008
    The Cat would be right. Block IM's, delete phone numbers, always be busy when they want to hang out. If you're having so much trouble getting over it, that's really the only way. Disappear of the radar for a little while, and then if you want to a year or two down the line you can pull the 'let's not lose touch again' line.

    You really can't have it both ways, though.

    Is she just looking to hang out? Does she want to date you again? If the former, that can be really difficult when you're trying to get over someone. If the latter, seeing her is especially unhealthy as it's unnecessary temptation and I doubt her habits have changed.

    ceres on
    And it seems like all is dying, and would leave the world to mourn
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    starmanbrandstarmanbrand Registered User regular
    edited June 2008
    You know...If you completely cut her out of your life....How will you know she is offended?

    Head in the dirt is good enough for Ostriches and babies. Why isn't it good enough for you?

    starmanbrand on
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    Reverend_ChaosReverend_Chaos Suit Up! Spokane WARegistered User regular
    edited June 2008
    There is no way to cut someone of like that, without some hurt feelings. But what's more important, your well being, or her feelings.

    I had to do this with one of my Ex's. She was really clingy and kind of a stalker after we broke up. I wanted to be friends, and I didn't want to be a jerk, but it finally got to the point where I had to tell her to just leave me alone, and then I refused to talk to her after that. Dont' wait till it gets to this point. Just tell her that it's you, not her.

    On a side note, I ran into this ex at a job 2 years ago, and we became really good friends. This was after nearly 10 years apart.

    My personal rule is thus. If you haven't pissed someone off today, you just aren't trying hard enough.

    Reverend_Chaos on
    “Think of me like Yoda, but instead of being little and green I wear suits and I'm awesome. I'm your bro—I'm Broda!”
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    noobertnoobert Registered User regular
    edited June 2008
    Thanks guys. I guess I already knew what had to be done, just needed it to be validated by others.

    In times past, the very thought of not having her in my life was crushing. Now, well currently, it doesn't bother me.

    noobert on
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