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god, you're all terrible
Charles Kinbote
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
alright you goddamn assholes
I am sick of you marching in here and telling stories about how cool you are
yeah you boned a lady yeah you punched a cop yeah you outran a fire
I don't want to hear about your badass fight with the school bully or the time you made a girl orgasm sixteen times. I don't want to hear these three-paragraph stories with no point except to prove to us that you do drugs or are super attractive or are a total badass.
time to even out our perception of you a bit. tell the stories that you don't tell. the ones that show what a terrible person you are. whether selfish or inconsiderate or just plain fucked-up, it's time to even the score.
that's right folks, it's Shibby thread time
I'll kick things off:
Back in the summer of my sophomore year, a friend of mine who had recently been expelled from school for hacking revealed to me that he had e-stalked a local girl, and offered me the information he had gleaned from the internet. Thinking he was joking, I laughingly accepted, and found in my inbox the next day an e-mail full to the brim with personal information. Her phone number, her address, her house on google maps, her blogs, some forum posts of hers, blah blah blah. Now, I was a little creeped out, but he was a good friend of mine, so I figured I would just forget about it.
A couple weeks later he started getting on my case about smoking. Like, badly. Called me a moron, condescended to me, was just generally an asshole, and from smoking it spread to other things. Figuring "fuck this guy", I went home and forwarded the e-mail to a mutual friend of the girl and I, who summarily forwarded it to a number of people. The dude quickly got a reputation as an e-stalker, and remains, to this day, an outcast from any sort of social group.
Your move.
I am sick of you marching in here and telling stories about how cool you are
yeah you boned a lady yeah you punched a cop yeah you outran a fire
I don't want to hear about your badass fight with the school bully or the time you made a girl orgasm sixteen times. I don't want to hear these three-paragraph stories with no point except to prove to us that you do drugs or are super attractive or are a total badass.
time to even out our perception of you a bit. tell the stories that you don't tell. the ones that show what a terrible person you are. whether selfish or inconsiderate or just plain fucked-up, it's time to even the score.
that's right folks, it's Shibby thread time
I'll kick things off:
Back in the summer of my sophomore year, a friend of mine who had recently been expelled from school for hacking revealed to me that he had e-stalked a local girl, and offered me the information he had gleaned from the internet. Thinking he was joking, I laughingly accepted, and found in my inbox the next day an e-mail full to the brim with personal information. Her phone number, her address, her house on google maps, her blogs, some forum posts of hers, blah blah blah. Now, I was a little creeped out, but he was a good friend of mine, so I figured I would just forget about it.
A couple weeks later he started getting on my case about smoking. Like, badly. Called me a moron, condescended to me, was just generally an asshole, and from smoking it spread to other things. Figuring "fuck this guy", I went home and forwarded the e-mail to a mutual friend of the girl and I, who summarily forwarded it to a number of people. The dude quickly got a reputation as an e-stalker, and remains, to this day, an outcast from any sort of social group.
Your move.
Charles Kinbote on
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because he stepped on my shoe
Your move.
Mind you, it was in Brooklyn and she had a voice like Abe Vigoda.
But I let her down gently.
"Hey, honey, you look lonely. Want some company?"
"Uh, no. I was just going out to grab some food and then settle in. Thanks anyhow."
"Well, if you need any sugar, I'll be in the bar all night, honey."
"Good luck with that."
Um...when I was a kid, I egged a bunch of peoples' cars. That was pretty dick, I suppose.
Slept with my best friend's girlfriend, before he did. We are no longer friends, obviously.
Oh, this one time in high school this seemingly normal popular cheerleader chick pissed me off. I found out she was a cosplayer, and made it readily apparent to the student body that she liked dressing up as anime characters. She quit cheerleading out of frustration, and her "cool" levels went down sufficiently.
I was already in a shitty mood so I hit reply all, and basically let everyone who forwarded the letter know exactly what I thought of the idea, people who forward chain letters, etc. Strong words were used.
Turns out, it was forwarded to me by my brother in law's sister, and everyone in the reply all was basically her family.
Whoooooops.
On the black screen
he acted strong, but i know it hurt his feelings
I felt bad though so I found her and showed her where Chris Rock was located
one time my friends and i bought a dozen eggs from a Mac's and went outside and started egging the place with its own eggs
Aaaah, good high school times.
This makes you a great person.
kpop appreciation station i also like to tweet some
he'd always swing that thing at me
one day i pocketed some sand and waited as he approached me near the water fountain
he was right behind me and about to get some water
when i threw that shit in his eyes
he started crying
i shoved him down and he fell backwards, hitting his head off the ground
he cried more, trying to get a footing with his functioning leg, and the metal leg
unfortunately, the metal leg couldn't articulate
the whole time he kept trying to get up, i'd shove him right back down
he'd spit and cry and throw grass at me that he desperately clawed from the ground under him
i kept hitting him as he started to crawl away from me and to safety
i did this until recess was over
he pissed his pants and went home with his mother
i was one of the first first graders at our school to ever get kicked out for a week
i hate how fucking foolish and cruel i was as a kid
Hindsight is always 20/20.
But I didn't have the concentration to come up with a line like that.
I don't know how this woman made any money. She wasn't just old, she was old and ugly.
You ever see one of those women whose face looks like gnarled tree bark? She made them look like they had a good complexion. She was also fat and smelled like she put cigarettes out in her navel. I was trapped in the elevator with her for like 90 seconds, and I felt like I was going to pass out from the fumes.
My wife calls her "Cthulhu's Hooker" whenever I tell the story to people.
I will love this thread.
kpop appreciation station i also like to tweet some
I went through all of middle school and high school with him, and when ever he saw me he would run off.
I felt so bad every time I saw him.
Whoops
Never doing that again
it is a bit atypical of first graders, though your mileage may have varied
The best vandalism story, sadly I wasn't the culprit, but I was totally there and it was an experience.
We had just watched Beverly Hills Cop for the first time. And you know the part; Eddie Murphy sticks a banana in their tailpipe, and they stall out trying to give chase.
So later that night, we headed down to the local supermarket and got a huge paper bag full of bananas. We were wandering around town (we were 13 years old or something, didn't have cars), looking for cars in parking lots that were poorly lit so we could shove the bananas in and watch from a safe distance.
But man, all the cars nowaday, the tailpipes are too big. Multiple bananas didn't do the trick. We found one older car with a smaller tailpipe, we put one in, but when the car started, the banana just kind of exploded into a mess on the asphalt. It was disappointing.
So now we're wondering around town with $15 worth of bananas. Eating bananas, obviously, and getting pretty sick of them. So one of my friends gets a stupid idea and starts chucking bananas at passing cars. He nails one on the windshield. The car instantly turns around, he dives in the bushes, but the rest of us are just kind of in shock at what just happened and stood there.
These two "gangster" dudes pulled up and got out of the car, demanding to know who threw them, it wasn't a joke, it's not funny, etc. If whoever did it confesses and apologizes, there would be no problem. As the real culprit ran into the woods behind us, I fessed up. I apologize, no hard feelings, it was a stupid thing to do, etc. They make a couple idle threats and get in their car.
Their car starts but then quickly stalls out.
My friend Dom calls from the woods "RUN I JUST STUCK A BANANA IN THEIR TAILPIPE!"
good work, villain
I told a really drunk girl that I hated her when she asked me if I did
I don't really feel so bad about that anymore, thanks anjin
kpop appreciation station i also like to tweet some
When I was in middle school, a friend of mine lived right on the main street through our town.
We used to go up to his room on the top floor and shoot cars with a BB gun at night. It was just one of those cheap spring-loaded ones, not the good air-pump kinds.
One night, we decided to do this, but the street light on the corner was burned out, so we could only see the cars' headlights. After hitting about half a dozen cars, one starts coming down the street real slow. So they hand the gun to me, and I shot the car.
It was a cop car.
Luckily, he didn't see where it came from, but he went up and down the road all night long, and we were all so afraid he'd figure it out that none of us slept.