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Dating Students, Bad Idea or Terrible Idea?
Octoparrot
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
Anyone as a teaching assistant had students hit on them in class, or vise versa? Did anything come of it? Obviously this is a bad idea if grades are involved. With similar ages, acceptable?
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Exactly. It's unethical until you're no longer a TA.
I know a TA at a local university who gets hit on all the time as well, and this is the school's/his policy as well.
Look at it this way; you're in something of a position of power/influence here. This is in itself an attractive quality, of course, but unless you're looking to abuse that power/influence (it doesn't sound like you are), waiting until you're no longer their TA is the wiser choice. It lets you differentiate between those that are actually interested in you vs. those who are simply trying to get an unfair advantage.
When it comes to potential conflicts of interest, always aim for the higher moral ground.
It's only unethical if you use your position of power as a TA abusively in this relationship. If you're both mature consenting adults then it's fine, although risque.
Regardless, it's still a bad idea. It looks bad, and it's very possible that the student will expect preferential treatment. There's basically no good reason not to simply wait a couple months. I mean, if there's clearly a mutual attraction, you can even explicitly say, "Hey, you're pretty cool, but I could get in serious trouble if we start dating right now. After this class if finished, I'll give you a call."
So... their policy is that a TA can date a student as long as they're not the student's TA? Well, yeah
I'm saying this from experience. I hooked up with a former student just last weekend. We knew each other before I was her TA and I told her that we couldn't be friends while I was her TA because I didn't want to have a conflict of interest. My professor and other TAs used to respect me for not trying anything with my students. Now, because I got drunk and listened to the wrong brain, I feel like a skeezeball and am praying that no one finds out. I didn't do anything that I could get fired for but it wasn't worth it.
Really it sounds like you're reading into that waaaay more than you should have.
And to the OP: Typically if you've got any sort of power over someone due to job or whatever, it is typically a terrible idea to date them. Now if you thought any of them might wait till you're done being their TA, then that might be your best bet. And on the other hand, if none of them want to wait at all then you know they were really just interested in the benefit to their grade. But pushing it now? Even if it is allowed in some form, it probably wont be worth the trouble.
If the subject comes up between you two, explain that you could get in trouble, and it would be best to wait until the semester is over. If she's still interested, then you can date.
Waiting can actually work to your advantage, since many who hit on the TA are trying to influence their grades or are simply getting off on the power trip of dating someone with authority. If she's still there when you're no longer teacher and student, that means she genuinely likes you. I've actually seen a good relationship start out that way.
But until you no longer have influence over her grades, no dating.
This is probably very likely. If it doesn't happen due to official policy, expect a lot of resistance from professors when you try to get a gig next semester if anyone finds out.
Besides the fact that you're only asking because you know it's wrong.
CUZ THERE'S SOMETHING IN THE MIDDLE AND IT'S GIVING ME A RASH
Wrong, wrong, wrong. At nearly every company/institution, engaging in a relationship with someone who you have influence over (as a TA, teacher, manager, etc.) is grounds for getting fired. It doesn't matter if you're consenting adults, or if you're not going to use your influence abusively in any way. Just engaging in the relationship can most likely get you fired.
For paintings in progress, check out canvas and paints
"The power of the weirdness compels me."
It's never fine, it's just not against the rules at those institutions. A lot of places DO have those rules though, and even ones that won't will frown on it. You're not going to win points with administration figures doing that shit.
CUZ THERE'S SOMETHING IN THE MIDDLE AND IT'S GIVING ME A RASH
"Do not date your students. Do not flirt with your students, do not be coy with your students," etc.
So, yeah, don't date your students.
Which is bad, and is not to be confused with getting you in the sack.
No, we got specifically told that it was fine as part of our intro course.
Point being even if they are going out of their way to endorse it, it's not a good idea, any more than explicit endorsement of hazing would make it a great idea to dive off the top of your dorm building naked into the campus pool.
soooo wait until you aren't in a position of authority and yer golden
To the OP: I'd recommend against it. Think about it from the non-legal/ethical perspective as well: what's the odds that SHE'S only attracted/interested in you because she thinks she can get something from you grade-wise? You won't know for sure until there's no way that you could give such a thing to her anymore... so the ultimate test of if she's ACTUALLY interested in you would be to wait until you can't possibly offer her anything more than yourself. If she still is interested, then that's perfect timing! If she's not... well, you know that she wasn't interested in you rather than what she thought you could do for her.
Two words: Sexual. Harassment.
And in all seriousness, the fact that you had to ask means that you aren't the type who can do it with a clean conscience (or, at least, doesn't have the conscience to care). So why start off a relationship with the guilt/trust issues? If it's worth doing, it's worth waiting for. Or, going through the paperwork, etc. to make sure you aren't her TA before you start dating.
Hey, nice strawman. Maybe if you live in a terribly sexually repressed and litigious society it's a completely terrible idea. But for the rest of the adult world I think is pretty much capable of dating a student without bad things happening.
Obviously op post should check the rules above anything, and then figure out whether he will or won't be able to have a sensible relationship. It does kinda sound like the answer might be no.
Shut up and get out of the thread.
CUZ THERE'S SOMETHING IN THE MIDDLE AND IT'S GIVING ME A RASH
Waited until after semester, eventually ran into her during extracurricular stuff when I finally could exchange numbers, had a very relaxed date last night, and didn't get fired for disobeying the rules. Should hopefully arrange a second date soon.
Much easier when people tell you "don't be an idiot".
Don't most TA's have some sort of homework grading/exam grading duties? Many times professional ethics is concerned with the appearance of impropriety, since the appearance has just as negative an effect.
Dating someone who is in a class that you provide grades for is unethical, regardless of any sea-lawyering to make it look otherwise.
Awesome. And now you know she's not using you for some weird power trip thing. Here's hoping for the best.