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Very difficult girl situation (Figured out. Mods, you can lock it)
BomanTheBear
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
Alright, typically I don't bring this sort of shit online. I consider myself pretty good at dealing with situations involving women, because after making enough mistakes, you just start to get it right. But this one's even more complex than anything I've had to deal with. So I'm bringing this up for three reasons. One, H/A is pretty good natured and not quick to judge. Two, everyone I know personally has an interest and doesn't see the whole story. Three, it's the sort of situation that just a little bit of logic might help illiminate a little better, and I'm too involved to be able to see clearly. For the sake of at least partial anonymity, I'm going to call the girls involved Andrea, Natalie, and Katie. And each one of them individually would be enough of a problem. So here we go.
I'm a senior at Elon University (NC), and I live and work in Greenville, SC. The problem is that all three girls have a thing for me. I've known Natalie since high school, and she's apparently had a thing for me since her sophomore year way back then. We didn't really get close until last year. She's got a pornstar's body and is a very sweet girl. She's way into me, since apparently, I'm a much higher quality guy than the assholes she typically subjects herself to. Unfortunately, she's not very smart, so I don't think I'd really ever have a connection much deeper than close friends (we're currently classless FWBs/casually dating as of a couple weeks ago, the first stable release I've had since I broke up with a serious girlfriend about a year ago). She lives in Greenville, so I'm near her this whole summer. I really can't stress enough how good a lay she is.
Katie is a girl who's cute (but not really a knock out) and lives in Elon. I met her about six months ago through a mutual friend. She was in a long distance relationship at the time, but I had the feeling (which was confirmed through the same mutual friend and then herself a couple days ago) that she had feelings for me. She made a move on me at a party about a month ago right after breaking up with her boyfriend in London (which is what I attributed her action to), but turned out she'd had a thing for me since she'd met me, and was sticking with her boyfriend because she'd heard I get around a good bit (which is unfortunately true). We've made a great connection since I met her since she's deep and very easy to hang with. She's just a great friend to me, which is unfortunate, since she apparently cares about me way more than I deserve.
And then there's Andrea, who's a fucking knockout and someone I can relate to on a deep level. I met her my sophomore year at Elon, and we hit it off really well. Then she transferred down to a school in Florida, and won't be coming back. Now, while she'd been at Elon, apparently, both of us had strong feelings for each other (by the way, I've never done anything more than hugging her), but figured the other one didn't, so we didn't really out each other until she'd been gone for months. So that was about halfway through last semester that I found that out. I work for a company called Fluor Corporation which could possibly send me to the field on a project that's about 40 minutes away from where she goes to school. Besides any trips I might take to visit her and the possibility of this project, I'd probably never see her again.
So there you go, that's my situation. There's no tl;dr, because the thing is such a shitshow. I know there's got to be a right choice, an obvious choice, a choice that makes me happy, and a choice that makes everyone happy. I just hope a couple of those overlap. What do I do, H/A?
I'm a senior at Elon University (NC), and I live and work in Greenville, SC. The problem is that all three girls have a thing for me. I've known Natalie since high school, and she's apparently had a thing for me since her sophomore year way back then. We didn't really get close until last year. She's got a pornstar's body and is a very sweet girl. She's way into me, since apparently, I'm a much higher quality guy than the assholes she typically subjects herself to. Unfortunately, she's not very smart, so I don't think I'd really ever have a connection much deeper than close friends (we're currently classless FWBs/casually dating as of a couple weeks ago, the first stable release I've had since I broke up with a serious girlfriend about a year ago). She lives in Greenville, so I'm near her this whole summer. I really can't stress enough how good a lay she is.
Katie is a girl who's cute (but not really a knock out) and lives in Elon. I met her about six months ago through a mutual friend. She was in a long distance relationship at the time, but I had the feeling (which was confirmed through the same mutual friend and then herself a couple days ago) that she had feelings for me. She made a move on me at a party about a month ago right after breaking up with her boyfriend in London (which is what I attributed her action to), but turned out she'd had a thing for me since she'd met me, and was sticking with her boyfriend because she'd heard I get around a good bit (which is unfortunately true). We've made a great connection since I met her since she's deep and very easy to hang with. She's just a great friend to me, which is unfortunate, since she apparently cares about me way more than I deserve.
And then there's Andrea, who's a fucking knockout and someone I can relate to on a deep level. I met her my sophomore year at Elon, and we hit it off really well. Then she transferred down to a school in Florida, and won't be coming back. Now, while she'd been at Elon, apparently, both of us had strong feelings for each other (by the way, I've never done anything more than hugging her), but figured the other one didn't, so we didn't really out each other until she'd been gone for months. So that was about halfway through last semester that I found that out. I work for a company called Fluor Corporation which could possibly send me to the field on a project that's about 40 minutes away from where she goes to school. Besides any trips I might take to visit her and the possibility of this project, I'd probably never see her again.
So there you go, that's my situation. There's no tl;dr, because the thing is such a shitshow. I know there's got to be a right choice, an obvious choice, a choice that makes me happy, and a choice that makes everyone happy. I just hope a couple of those overlap. What do I do, H/A?
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
BomanTheBear on
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Posts
ultimately, it comes down to personal preference i think
Then you can see how it goes.
Well sounds like you need to make the choice yourself man personally I prefer substance over style hence I would choose Katie but if you are the sort who likes to get around and just wants a good fuck than Natalie may well be your girl. Either way I would avoid Andrea she sounds great but there's not a lot of point in getting a taste of what you cant have.
Basically, from your description you're not 100% into either of the close girls, and the far away one just isn't going to work. So I say, don't get serious with any of them and just wait until something better comes along. You apparently have a good situation going with the hot/dumb girl, so keep going with that as long as you want (since you apparently find sex very important). If you decide you actually do like her alot on a deeper level, go for it. Similarly, keep hanging out with the smart girl. If you decide you actually like her alot, go that way. If you don't develop any deeper feelings for either of them, just wait for someone else to come along or even go looking for someone.
Once again, you are not obligated to "pick" one of them. Don't get into a relationship you know you're not 100% happy with right from the beginning.
Natalie won't last because you can't connect with her. There's only so many positions you can try.
That's rare. But if you aren't attracted to her in that way, no point fooling yourself.
1.) You pick one of the girls, let's just say Natalie for ease of writing, to date. You know the relationship won't last, but you do it anyway. By choosing Natalie over Katie, Katie is hurt and disappointed. Then, eventually you break up with Natalie and she is hurt also.
2.) You don't choose either of them. You keep going with the sexing with Natalie, but make it clear you don't want a relationship. You keep hanging out with Katie, but make it clear you don't want a relationship. Then, you continue looking for someone you like more, such as the girl who moved away (except this new girl won't move, you see, is the idea here). You don't lie to either girl, so they know what is going on. By not picking either of them each will be disappointed that they didn't get picked, but the disappointment is a lot less than it would be if you chose one over the other and will probably go away relatively quickly. Ideally it takes a while to find the "correct" girl, so they are over you by then.
You'll not I didn't include Andrea. This is because long distance never works.
But I am starting to see a pattern. That I should be non-committal until a perfect match comes along. But how close to perfect is good enough? Isn't a flawed relationship the best that flawed people can do?
Just want to add, please be sure that all of the girls (I think just the two near you since you will be seeing them whether it's for friends or dates) know what your intentions are. Make your intentions known and don't lead them on. You not telling them things because they didn't ask or whatever can lead them on. So tell Katie you have no romantic feelings for her and make sure Natalie knows that you're only in for casual dates with her and that won't change.
Edit: I just saw your post above, and I say you get into a serious relationship when you are willing to work out things for that one person knowing that it is not going to be perfect, but you feel that it has to be with that person.
However, the situation doesn't have a single decent relationship prospect in it. One woman is too dumb to take seriously, one not attractive enough, and the other isn't in the same area code.
All of the choices are bad.
Now, if you want/need to keep screwing the hot one, do it but don't try to hide that anything more than a FWB situation is impossible. As for you other friend, Katie, hang out with her and have fun. And, if you really want to talk to Andrea, call her up and chat, but keep in mind that she's not really available.
Anyway, here's how I'm going to bet this thing turns out. You keep nailing Natalee, until she wises up and decides that she wants more. You end up ending things. You pine for Andrea, but you call her less and less. And Katie, stalwart Katie, deals with your drama and ends up dating another guy. At that point, you'll realize that you've fallen in love with Katie, but it's too late to do anything about it.
Hey, that might make a couple hundred million as a romantic comedy...
I mean, she's taken care of me when I've been sick and been there for me when I've needed help. I've done and will continue to do the same for her, but because I'd do it for all my friends. I wish I could return her feelings, you know?
P.S. Natalies feelings are going to get hurt in the long run if you string her along just so you can bang her.
Maybe keep going on that epic quest to find someone attractive that you can relate to? Then hope to god and fuck that she likes you back.
I understand that, when I said she wasn't attractive, I meant "not attractive to you in that way". Does she have a boyfriend or has she had a boyfriend since you've known her?
The flaws need to be "man hands" level flaws. In other words, they need to be the kind of flaws that you're either imagining, or can get over.
Lack of physical attraction or mental connection are flaws too big to ignore. You either have that or you don't, and if a girl doesn't appeal to you on both levels then you should probably find one that does.
I'm adding my voice to the chorus preaching "keep things casual with all three." It's fine to be involved with them, as long as they know that you're not pursuing a relationship and are OK with it. You ought to find someone who you connect with on both a physical and mental level (and who lives near you) before you actually commit to her.
While it is very true that nobody is perfect, there are two things that stand out to me based on your previous explanations:
1) "Natalie" would not be good in a relationship because you feel as though you can't communicate intelligently with her.
2) "Katie" would not be good in a relationship because you're not physically attracted to her.
As stated above, don't feel pressured to go exclusive. But there are certain aspects of a relationship that need to exist on some level for the relationship to work (i.e. mental stimulation, physical attraction).
Unless you're dead-set on being a one-woman man all the time, there is no shame in playing the field. Who knows? They could be doing the same thing.
agreed. Natalie will probably end up hating you either because a) you're the asshole who uses her (in her mind, not in reality necessarily) or b) you swept her off her feet but dont' want to actually date her
(this is from experience, my best friend ended up being FWB with her high school crush, and now loathes his guts due to him not actually sticking with her and basically using her while she wanted more)
Haha, I appreciate the emphasis. Well, I guess the answer is to just make it clear to both of them that I'm not interested in anything with them, and tell Andrea that nothing will ever come of us. I was hoping that wouldn't be the answer, but I guess it is. I really appreciate it, everyone, it really helped to hear it from all of you.