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Is it Wrong to Love Big Girls? (Part 2)
Windbit
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
So, yeah. Some of you may remember me from last year: I'm the guy who felt guilty about being a chubby chaser and pissed off a lot of people who tried to help me. I felt really embarrassed about all that afterwards and stopped posting here for a while. I don't know why I'm bothering to do this again; I guess I just need to get some weight (no pun intended) off my chest.
As everyone in the world knows, being heavy's not healthy. Since I like big girls, I felt guilty because I was attracted to women whose bodyweight could cause them health problems. After a few months of struggling with it, I finally came to the conclusion that I shouldn't worry about it because I don't plan to ever get married anyway, so the long term health of any fat girl I ever have a relationship with won't be my problem.
Why am I talking about it again now? Believe it or not, an anime.
I've seen a few episodes of Real Drive, a show with female character designs that are a bit chunkier than the typical anime girl. I thought that there surely would be controversy on anime forums about it, and so I checked out message board posts. Though there were a few people who liked the designs or were apathetic towards them, it seemed that the majority of the responses were of revulsion that the female characters weren't the typical twigs. One poster in particular even went so far as to say that the show's portrayal of heavier girls as attractive was immoral, saying that it was wrong to make unhealthily heavy women out to be pretty.
Of course I think that this guy was overreacting, but his comment did rekindle feelings of guilt in my mind. I want to have a real relationship with a girl at least once in my life (btw, I've only had one girlfriend, and that was only for a week), and while I do find thinner women attractive, I just like the way heavier girls look better.
I accept that being outright fat isn't good for a person, and because of that I don't think I could date a big girl without feeling a constant pang of guilt. I think it would even rear its ugly head if I was just with a somewhat chunky girl; I'd be like, "She's not too big, but what if?"
I know my guilt is irrational, but I can't do anything to quell it. I've talked to a psychiatrist about this many times before, but nothing he's said has really helped either. I've researched everything about weight and health I can to try and buy myself piece of mind, but it hasn't really helped. The closest I've got is with waist measurement: a waist measurement of 35 inches or above in a woman could carry a higher risk of disease, such as diabetes. Now whenever I see a cute chubby girl, I can't help but think "Below 35 or not?"
I don't think I really expect anyone here to post something that will help put my mind at rest... I just feel like talking to someone about it, and a bunch of anonymous posters I'll never meet in real life seems to be the least awkward way to do it.
As everyone in the world knows, being heavy's not healthy. Since I like big girls, I felt guilty because I was attracted to women whose bodyweight could cause them health problems. After a few months of struggling with it, I finally came to the conclusion that I shouldn't worry about it because I don't plan to ever get married anyway, so the long term health of any fat girl I ever have a relationship with won't be my problem.
Why am I talking about it again now? Believe it or not, an anime.
I've seen a few episodes of Real Drive, a show with female character designs that are a bit chunkier than the typical anime girl. I thought that there surely would be controversy on anime forums about it, and so I checked out message board posts. Though there were a few people who liked the designs or were apathetic towards them, it seemed that the majority of the responses were of revulsion that the female characters weren't the typical twigs. One poster in particular even went so far as to say that the show's portrayal of heavier girls as attractive was immoral, saying that it was wrong to make unhealthily heavy women out to be pretty.
Of course I think that this guy was overreacting, but his comment did rekindle feelings of guilt in my mind. I want to have a real relationship with a girl at least once in my life (btw, I've only had one girlfriend, and that was only for a week), and while I do find thinner women attractive, I just like the way heavier girls look better.
I accept that being outright fat isn't good for a person, and because of that I don't think I could date a big girl without feeling a constant pang of guilt. I think it would even rear its ugly head if I was just with a somewhat chunky girl; I'd be like, "She's not too big, but what if?"
I know my guilt is irrational, but I can't do anything to quell it. I've talked to a psychiatrist about this many times before, but nothing he's said has really helped either. I've researched everything about weight and health I can to try and buy myself piece of mind, but it hasn't really helped. The closest I've got is with waist measurement: a waist measurement of 35 inches or above in a woman could carry a higher risk of disease, such as diabetes. Now whenever I see a cute chubby girl, I can't help but think "Below 35 or not?"
I don't think I really expect anyone here to post something that will help put my mind at rest... I just feel like talking to someone about it, and a bunch of anonymous posters I'll never meet in real life seems to be the least awkward way to do it.
Windbit on
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EDIT: I'm a fucking idiot. I just noticed the part about the 35" waistline.
So, basically you feel guilty for loving fat girls? I really don't see the problem with it. Big girls need love also.
The guilt isn't going to help anything.
I feel guilty that I find a feature of them that could be a health risk attractive. If I loved a chunky or fat girl despite her weight, then I wouldn't feel this way.
Either they have the choice, in which case it's their damn fault for eating so much ham, or they don't, in which case you might as well feel guilty about the color of their skin.
I say feel happy that you know yourself well enough to recognize what you love about certain women. Most males probably don't know their type. In that aspect, you're ahead of the game.
- You try to date smokers because you're a smoker or because you aren't but don't care about it
- You actually want to date smokers just because smokers turn you on specifically (this would be considered strange by many)
So here's a question - if you find a girl that is overweight (I'm not going to use other words like thick, chunky) but who actually does better than most in terms of health (eats well, exercises) would she be attractive to you?
Is it the act of getting fatter and poor health habits you find attractive or simply the extra weight?
Also yeah, how big is big enough for you? 180 lbs can be fine for someone really tall but not for someone 5ft. Maybe to illustrate your point review this:
http://flickr.com/photos/77367764@N00/sets/72157602199008819/
To the OP, maybe you just love the look of overweight women. onceling askes a good question. Do you love the act of getting fatter, i.e. do you like watching a woman gorge herself on unhealthy foods, or do you just love the look of an overweight woman?
So you are attracted to larger women. That's all well and good. What we find physically attractive in someone else is a small part of a relationship. As you spend more time with someone you begin to form connections with them that go deeper than their outward appearance. You're going to be attracted to more than just her waistline - you'll be attracted to the whole package. If she then goes on to lose some weight in a healthy manner (diet & exercise) are you going to dump her? No? Then you shouldn't feel guilty.
But anyway, you don't make girls big, and you don't force them to stay big. Why not enjoy something that you didn't have a hand in creating? If a particular girl is overweight enough to have health issues, that's her business and not yours, so don't be so damn neurotic.
Don't you ever bullshit about the hot chicks you see when your hangin with the boys?
I will say though, if you started to date an overweight girl who decided she wanted to take off some pounds, it would be wrong of you to discourage her. It would also be wrong for you to encourage her to overeat or eat poorly to suit your attraction. This is all in the same way that it would be wrong to tell someone of a normal weight to stop eating to lose weight so you'll find them more attractive, or to insist that anyone make drastic physical changes to suit your interest.
EDIT: On a side note, no, there is nothing wrong with loving someone ... I mean, you know, as long as the love isn't like ... illegal (with a child or something) - but feeling guilty about loving someone has to be tough. Maybe there's a deeper psychological issue or something, guilt is a terrible thing to feel. Let it pass.
However, it could be something else. Perhaps you are drawn to large women because of a power imbalance, or because then you have something to hold over their head. Emotional blackmail, I suppose. The situation allows you to feel better about yourself because you have someone who you can always regard as worse than yourself. Such a relationship is doomed from the start, and it's important to think about your motivation in that regard.
Also, as I'm sure others said during the other thread, remember that big != unhealthy. There are alot of women who would be normal on the BMI scale who are in terrible shape, and there are very healthy, active 185 pounders. Some people are just set to different weights naturally. I mean, I'm a skinny dude by nature...I eat crap and don't get much exercise and will probably never go above 145. My wife would have to work her ass off to get below 180, but she's vibrant and active and (though I may be biased here) sexy as all hell.
So, I guess, relax. Find yourself a big girl, encourage her to live healthy and not worry about the scale, make the both of you happy.
IOS Game Center ID: Isotope-X
I suppose it depends on if it's actually the case that you're pursuing morbidly obese women or just well rounded girls. I've done a wee google image search of this real drive anime (excuse me a moment while I purge my cache and browsing history) and frankly, the girls I'm seeing here are patently not obese. They are big girls by anime standards, for sure, but aren't what I'd call anywhere near unhealthy (even factoring for the insane body proportion distortions applied to anime characters).
I think possibly you're a somewhat unexpected casualty of the improbable images of women perpetuated by lifestyle magazines. Whilst girls are being made to believe they have to attain the impossible standards set down by models who exercise five hours a day between vomiting and then who's images are laboriously airbrushed in photoshop before being printed, you're being led to believe that this image is what a natural and healthy woman looks like and to encourage otherwise is risking womens' health. It's actually encouraging that you're attracted to big girls - this is supposed to be what we're attracted to; curvy, healthy girls not emaciated, malnourished girls.
Here's the deal, if you like a girl, lead her up a flight of ten stairs. If she can't reach the top without stopping for breath, she's got health problems whether or not she's thin or fat (believe it or not, thin people can be unhealthy too).
Besides that, love whoever the fuck you want to love and damn anyone who tries to force you into loving who they love.
But then, the same rules apply to everyone. You get a boner for blonde chicks? No problem there, so long as you're not pressuring women to dye their hair, or sexually objectifying blonde women to the extent that it impinges on their rights, or being cruel to brunette chicks because you've let your sexual predilections dictate the kind of person whom you are.
They just gotta pay for it :winky:
Seriously though, feeling guilty over something like this is pretty ridiculous. You can't help what you find attractive.
Just the extra weight.
Let's see...here's a few links to ones that I would find attractive:
Here's one...
Another...
And another...
Last one.
By BMI, two of them are obese, and the last is morbidly obese. However, their weight isn't concentrated in the waist, which is the area where body fat is most associated with health risk.
You're right, but it's discouraging that most medical professionals and the general public subscribe to the big = unhealthy view. BMI generalizes people and is too inaccurate to really trust, yet it is still used because it's easy and is touted as the main way to determine if a person is at a healthy or unhealthy weight. I wish people would start looking into a way on how to judge body weight's effect on health on a personal basis.
Thank you. Most of the message board posts I'd seen have said things like "Ugh, the character designer must be a real chubby chaser." I know I shouldn't pay any attention to what morons like that say, but it hit a sore spot.
Haha, maybe I'll try that.
Very attractive, all of them. And I'm not really a "chubby chaser". The real question has already been asked. Would you stop them from trying to lose weight just so you'd still find them attractive? Or leave your girlfriend if she did lose some weight for health reasons? If yes, you've got a bit of a problem. Actually ceres said it better so I'll stop typing here.
Being a "feeder" or an "encourager" is not. But there are a lot of women who are heavier and comfortable with being heavy and have no real intention of losing weight because their body suits them as is. Why shouldn't you be with a woman like that, and why the hell should you feel guilty about it? o_0
I remember the last thread, and it got really silly, because you wouldn't let it go.
It seems you still can't.
The advice you get now will be exactly the same as you got last time:
1. What other people choose to do to their bodies is not your responsibility, and thus you cannot feel guilty for it. Medical risk is just that: risk. It's not proof. Putting this invisible line at 35" is silly, that's what statisticians do, not real people.
2. It is not wrong to find whatever weight you choose beautiful.
3. The girl inside is the same regardless of her weight.
4. Your life will be better if you can learn to let it go.
I suggest you re-read the old thread if it's still around and remind yourself of all the reasons why you need to not worry about this any more.
EDIT: I just read your old posts in attempt to find the old H&A thread, and saw you made ones about the exact same topic more than once in D&D. And The Cat rightly locked those threads, and this one probably should be too.
Whatever your deal is, you really need to deal with it. I don't see what good this thread is going to do you, you yourself say you don't expect any of us to be any help.
Michelle, uh.... I'm 99% certain I know her actually o_O
Anyway, as others have said already, BMI is a joke. Get over it & enjoy yourself.
But lets not get carried away, the concept of fat being unhealthy for you is not without merit. Windbit shouldn't worry about it right now though, he still has a long way to go before having to worry about that.
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
While BMI technically fails to accurately measure the bodyfat on a tiny, tiny percentage of people (the very muscular in other words) it's perfectly accurate on people who aren't weight lifters. The average fatty complaining that BMI doesn't work is deluding themselves. But that's neither here nor there really, thread is about something else.
THERE IS NOTHING WE HAVE TO OFFER YOU HERE
BE FUCKING INSANE ELSEWHERE THANK YOU
CUZ THERE'S SOMETHING IN THE MIDDLE AND IT'S GIVING ME A RASH
The fact is though, that's not what this forum is here for.
CUZ THERE'S SOMETHING IN THE MIDDLE AND IT'S GIVING ME A RASH