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i took a terrible poo
SoaL
fantasticRegistered User regular
fantasticRegistered User regular
I was taking a pee after having just drank roughly 2 liters of apple juice and felt the happenings of a poop stirring about in my mid-section. So naturally I run back to the computer, tell the guys on TF2 I'll be afk for a while and then I feel it. There is an insane pressure trying to escape my anus. So I run for the bathroom, drop trousers a good 5 feet before the bathroom door and rush in. I barely slide onto the seat when my bowel explodes and unleashes a torrent of liquid poop. There was definitely some logs and solid poop, but the vast majority was a liquid I could only assume was apple juice.
After the initial blast there was a lull in the action. After 10 or 15 seconds of waiting another wave (literally) of poop came, again mostly liquid, and splashed in the petri dish my toilet had become. That repeated 2 more times before it was finally over.
After waiting for a bit longer to make sure there were no more surprises I go to wipe and there is no toilet paper. I check under the sink, no toilet paper there either. So I make a nude run to the bathroom downstairs to clean up. I get in there and find some toilet paper and start to wipe when I see a note on the toilet. "DO NOT USE". Fantastic. I make another run back to the scene of the crime with my new roll of toilet paper in one hand and my dookie-covered bunch in the other. When I get back in I got a chance to survey the damage, and it was bad.
There was poop all over the toilet, mostly inside but some managed to get on the bottom of the seat. Hell, a few trace amounts even wound up on the top of the lid (I can't explain that). It looked like a toilet at a truck stop or something. The toilet water and poo itself was all the same shade of brown, making it hard to tell where the water ended and the poo began.
tl;dr I took a big wet poop and came here to tell you about it
I needed to share this, and the last poo thread was like a week ago. You must have taken at least 3 or 4 poops since then.
After the initial blast there was a lull in the action. After 10 or 15 seconds of waiting another wave (literally) of poop came, again mostly liquid, and splashed in the petri dish my toilet had become. That repeated 2 more times before it was finally over.
After waiting for a bit longer to make sure there were no more surprises I go to wipe and there is no toilet paper. I check under the sink, no toilet paper there either. So I make a nude run to the bathroom downstairs to clean up. I get in there and find some toilet paper and start to wipe when I see a note on the toilet. "DO NOT USE". Fantastic. I make another run back to the scene of the crime with my new roll of toilet paper in one hand and my dookie-covered bunch in the other. When I get back in I got a chance to survey the damage, and it was bad.
There was poop all over the toilet, mostly inside but some managed to get on the bottom of the seat. Hell, a few trace amounts even wound up on the top of the lid (I can't explain that). It looked like a toilet at a truck stop or something. The toilet water and poo itself was all the same shade of brown, making it hard to tell where the water ended and the poo began.
tl;dr I took a big wet poop and came here to tell you about it
I needed to share this, and the last poo thread was like a week ago. You must have taken at least 3 or 4 poops since then.
SoaL on
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SHIBBY SIGNAL
this was the most notable poo of my entire life
You realize that this means it's probably really likely you have shit all over your back right?
like, a gigatrillion legs
and they are horrible demons
i had them in philly. they're so gross
It wasn't even on the side of the lid near me. It was on the side that is against the back of the toilet. I don't know how it happened.
also I just checked and my back is shit free.
nope, silverfish don't have that many legs
my mom thought the centipedes were silverfish for the longest time until i actually looked it up
in that case your toilet may go into a wormhole that ends behind the lid of your toilet.
what kind of apple juice was this
so i bought some metamucil today and some high-fibre bagels
we'll see how it goes
House centipede:
now you're thinking with portals
then i actually read the box, and it was high fiber cereal.
i think the demon-bugs put it out as bait
why? are they not showing up?
Phantom shits.
You drop a horrible-sized log and look down and it's already gone down the bowl, you can't even admire the tree trunk you just squeezed out of your ass.
Im not going to click them
i have house centipedes. putting a name to them does not reduce the fell power they wield over my mind.
they are not that gross you pussies
Intestine-liquidating apple juice
dammit that is annoying
i get this too sometimes
i mean i am not going to gather around my mates to be like "guys look what i did!" but dammit when i thunder one out like that i want to take a gander at what was giving me such a hard time
Sometimes I think I just flat out imagined the poo
yeah they're super gross looking, but they're relatively harmless
my neighborhood in philly had a lot of them. they stopped being "scary" after a while and then were just annoying
but in reality it was a standard poo
one time I posted while pooing
I thought about making a thread
but I did not
when it does, taking a shit becomes very difficult
it feels like i am trying to give birth to a baby rhino but when i take a look after it's this naff little rabbit turd
what the fuck, body