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i took a terrible poo

SoaLSoaL fantasticRegistered User regular
edited June 2008 in Social Entropy++
I was taking a pee after having just drank roughly 2 liters of apple juice and felt the happenings of a poop stirring about in my mid-section. So naturally I run back to the computer, tell the guys on TF2 I'll be afk for a while and then I feel it. There is an insane pressure trying to escape my anus. So I run for the bathroom, drop trousers a good 5 feet before the bathroom door and rush in. I barely slide onto the seat when my bowel explodes and unleashes a torrent of liquid poop. There was definitely some logs and solid poop, but the vast majority was a liquid I could only assume was apple juice.

After the initial blast there was a lull in the action. After 10 or 15 seconds of waiting another wave (literally) of poop came, again mostly liquid, and splashed in the petri dish my toilet had become. That repeated 2 more times before it was finally over.

After waiting for a bit longer to make sure there were no more surprises I go to wipe and there is no toilet paper. I check under the sink, no toilet paper there either. So I make a nude run to the bathroom downstairs to clean up. I get in there and find some toilet paper and start to wipe when I see a note on the toilet. "DO NOT USE". Fantastic. I make another run back to the scene of the crime with my new roll of toilet paper in one hand and my dookie-covered bunch in the other. When I get back in I got a chance to survey the damage, and it was bad.

There was poop all over the toilet, mostly inside but some managed to get on the bottom of the seat. Hell, a few trace amounts even wound up on the top of the lid (I can't explain that). It looked like a toilet at a truck stop or something. The toilet water and poo itself was all the same shade of brown, making it hard to tell where the water ended and the poo began.

tl;dr I took a big wet poop and came here to tell you about it

I needed to share this, and the last poo thread was like a week ago. You must have taken at least 3 or 4 poops since then.

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SoaL on
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    Eric_ResEric_Res Registered User regular
    edited June 2008
    Moral: Don't drink apple juice.

    Eric_Res on
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    ScrumtrulescentScrumtrulescent Registered User regular
    edited June 2008
    this is the longest post about poo I have ever seen

    Scrumtrulescent on
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    Garlic BreadGarlic Bread i'm a bitch i'm a bitch i'm a bitch i'm a Registered User, Disagreeable regular
    edited June 2008
    apple juice makes me poop so bad

    Garlic Bread on
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    BalefuegoBalefuego Registered User regular
    edited June 2008
    this is the longest post about poo I have ever seen

    SHIBBY SIGNAL

    Balefuego on
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
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    SoaLSoaL fantastic Registered User regular
    edited June 2008
    this is the longest post about poo I have ever seen

    this was the most notable poo of my entire life

    SoaL on
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    FandyienFandyien But Otto, what about us? Registered User regular
    edited June 2008
    I don't poop or fart I am a gastrointestinal megaman

    Fandyien on
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    MysstMysst King Monkey of Hedonism IslandRegistered User regular
    edited June 2008
    So is the toilet broken and unflushable?

    Mysst on
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    JC of DIJC of DI I think we're fucked up. I know I am.Registered User regular
    edited June 2008
    SoaL wrote: »
    There was poop all over the toilet, mostly inside but some managed to get on the bottom of the seat. Hell, a few trace amounts even wound up on the top of the lid (I can't explain that). It looked like a toilet at a truck stop or something. The toilet water and poo itself was all the same shade of brown, making it hard to tell where the water ended and the poo began.

    You realize that this means it's probably really likely you have shit all over your back right?

    JC of DI on
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    Jason ToddJason Todd Registered User regular
    edited June 2008
    im afraid to poop. there are spiders and unnameable insects in my bathroom. there is no number to describe the number of legs these motherfuckers have.

    like, a gigatrillion legs

    Jason Todd on
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    BalefuegoBalefuego Registered User regular
    edited June 2008
    those are called silverfish

    and they are horrible demons

    Balefuego on
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
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    Clint EastwoodClint Eastwood My baby's in there someplace She crawled right inRegistered User regular
    edited June 2008
    I have pooped before.

    Clint Eastwood on
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    Garlic BreadGarlic Bread i'm a bitch i'm a bitch i'm a bitch i'm a Registered User, Disagreeable regular
    edited June 2008
    sound like you have house centipedes

    i had them in philly. they're so gross

    Garlic Bread on
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    SoaLSoaL fantastic Registered User regular
    edited June 2008
    JC of DI wrote: »
    SoaL wrote: »
    There was poop all over the toilet, mostly inside but some managed to get on the bottom of the seat. Hell, a few trace amounts even wound up on the top of the lid (I can't explain that). It looked like a toilet at a truck stop or something. The toilet water and poo itself was all the same shade of brown, making it hard to tell where the water ended and the poo began.

    You realize that this means it's probably really likely you have shit all over your back right?

    It wasn't even on the side of the lid near me. It was on the side that is against the back of the toilet. I don't know how it happened.

    also I just checked and my back is shit free.

    SoaL on
    DKFA7.gif
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    PonyPony Registered User regular
    edited June 2008
    god i hate silverfish

    Pony on
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    Garlic BreadGarlic Bread i'm a bitch i'm a bitch i'm a bitch i'm a Registered User, Disagreeable regular
    edited June 2008
    Balefuego wrote: »
    those are called silverfish

    and they are horrible demons

    nope, silverfish don't have that many legs

    my mom thought the centipedes were silverfish for the longest time until i actually looked it up

    Garlic Bread on
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    Mr. Henry BemisMr. Henry Bemis God is love Registered User regular
    edited June 2008
    this is a fantastic thread

    Mr. Henry Bemis on
    Nothing is true; Everything is permitted
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    ScrumtrulescentScrumtrulescent Registered User regular
    edited June 2008
    SoaL wrote: »
    JC of DI wrote: »
    SoaL wrote: »
    There was poop all over the toilet, mostly inside but some managed to get on the bottom of the seat. Hell, a few trace amounts even wound up on the top of the lid (I can't explain that). It looked like a toilet at a truck stop or something. The toilet water and poo itself was all the same shade of brown, making it hard to tell where the water ended and the poo began.

    You realize that this means it's probably really likely you have shit all over your back right?

    It wasn't even on the side of the lid near me. It was on the side that is against the back of the toilet. I don't know how it happened.

    also I just checked and my back is shit free.

    in that case your toilet may go into a wormhole that ends behind the lid of your toilet.

    Scrumtrulescent on
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    trantramptrantramp Registered User regular
    edited June 2008
    jesus

    what kind of apple juice was this

    trantramp on
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    PonyPony Registered User regular
    edited June 2008
    a side effect of the meds i am on is constipation

    so i bought some metamucil today and some high-fibre bagels

    we'll see how it goes

    Pony on
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    Garlic BreadGarlic Bread i'm a bitch i'm a bitch i'm a bitch i'm a Registered User, Disagreeable regular
    edited June 2008
    Silverfish:
    200px-Silberfischchen.jpg

    House centipede:
    240px-House_centipede.jpg

    Garlic Bread on
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    PonyPony Registered User regular
    edited June 2008
    SoaL wrote: »
    JC of DI wrote: »
    SoaL wrote: »
    There was poop all over the toilet, mostly inside but some managed to get on the bottom of the seat. Hell, a few trace amounts even wound up on the top of the lid (I can't explain that). It looked like a toilet at a truck stop or something. The toilet water and poo itself was all the same shade of brown, making it hard to tell where the water ended and the poo began.

    You realize that this means it's probably really likely you have shit all over your back right?

    It wasn't even on the side of the lid near me. It was on the side that is against the back of the toilet. I don't know how it happened.

    also I just checked and my back is shit free.

    in that case your toilet may go into a wormhole that ends behind the lid of your toilet.

    now you're thinking with portals

    Pony on
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    BalefuegoBalefuego Registered User regular
    edited June 2008
    Keith are there images behind those spoilers

    Balefuego on
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
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    Jason ToddJason Todd Registered User regular
    edited June 2008
    i had the tastiest caramel-flavored cereal. huge bowls of it every morning this week.

    then i actually read the box, and it was high fiber cereal.

    i think the demon-bugs put it out as bait

    Jason Todd on
    filefile.jpg
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    MysstMysst King Monkey of Hedonism IslandRegistered User regular
    edited June 2008
    Balefuego wrote: »
    Keith are there images behind those spoilers
    Yeah, I'm not clicking those.

    Mysst on
    ikbUJdU.jpg
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    Garlic BreadGarlic Bread i'm a bitch i'm a bitch i'm a bitch i'm a Registered User, Disagreeable regular
    edited June 2008
    Yes, that's why they're spoilered

    why? are they not showing up?

    Garlic Bread on
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    UnbreakableVowUnbreakableVow Registered User regular
    edited June 2008
    You know what I hate?

    Phantom shits.

    You drop a horrible-sized log and look down and it's already gone down the bowl, you can't even admire the tree trunk you just squeezed out of your ass.

    UnbreakableVow on
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    BalefuegoBalefuego Registered User regular
    edited June 2008
    I dont know

    Im not going to click them

    Balefuego on
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
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    Jason ToddJason Todd Registered User regular
    edited June 2008
    Keith wrote: »
    Silverfish:
    200px-Silberfischchen.jpg

    House centipede:
    240px-House_centipede.jpg

    i have house centipedes. putting a name to them does not reduce the fell power they wield over my mind.

    Jason Todd on
    filefile.jpg
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    ScrumtrulescentScrumtrulescent Registered User regular
    edited June 2008
    Mysst wrote: »
    Balefuego wrote: »
    Keith are there images behind those spoilers
    Yeah, I'm not clicking those.

    they are not that gross you pussies

    Scrumtrulescent on
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    ZombiemamboZombiemambo Registered User regular
    edited June 2008
    trantramp wrote: »
    jesus

    what kind of apple juice was this

    Intestine-liquidating apple juice

    Zombiemambo on
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    ScrumtrulescentScrumtrulescent Registered User regular
    edited June 2008
    also red bird you are a pretty great poster

    Scrumtrulescent on
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    Mr. Henry BemisMr. Henry Bemis God is love Registered User regular
    edited June 2008
    they're just fucking bugs, pansies

    Mr. Henry Bemis on
    Nothing is true; Everything is permitted
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    PonyPony Registered User regular
    edited June 2008
    You know what I hate?

    Phantom shits.

    You drop a horrible-sized log and look down and it's already gone down the bowl, you can't even admire the tree trunk you just squeezed out of your ass.

    dammit that is annoying

    i get this too sometimes

    i mean i am not going to gather around my mates to be like "guys look what i did!" but dammit when i thunder one out like that i want to take a gander at what was giving me such a hard time

    Pony on
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    KazhiimKazhiim __BANNED USERS regular
    edited June 2008
    You know what I hate?

    Phantom shits.

    You drop a horrible-sized log and look down and it's already gone down the bowl, you can't even admire the tree trunk you just squeezed out of your ass.

    Sometimes I think I just flat out imagined the poo

    Kazhiim on
    lost_sig2.png
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    DislexicDislexic Creepy Uncle Bad Touch Your local playgroundRegistered User regular
    edited June 2008
    Eric_Res wrote: »
    Moral: SoaL makes shitty threads

    Dislexic on
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    MysstMysst King Monkey of Hedonism IslandRegistered User regular
    edited June 2008
    You know what I hate?

    Phantom shits.

    You drop a horrible-sized log and look down and it's already gone down the bowl, you can't even admire the tree trunk you just squeezed out of your ass.
    Ha, yes. And if you've been reading a book or playing DS, you might wonder if you actually did drop a poo or if you just imagined it.

    Mysst on
    ikbUJdU.jpg
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    Garlic BreadGarlic Bread i'm a bitch i'm a bitch i'm a bitch i'm a Registered User, Disagreeable regular
    edited June 2008
    Red Bird wrote: »
    Keith wrote: »
    Silverfish:
    200px-Silberfischchen.jpg

    House centipede:
    240px-House_centipede.jpg

    i have house centipedes. putting a name to them does not reduce the fell power they wield over my mind.

    yeah they're super gross looking, but they're relatively harmless

    my neighborhood in philly had a lot of them. they stopped being "scary" after a while and then were just annoying

    Garlic Bread on
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    KazhiimKazhiim __BANNED USERS regular
    edited June 2008
    I also hate it when it feels like the poo is running down the side of your cheek like some terrible brown raindrop and prepare for a bad wipe session

    but in reality it was a standard poo

    Kazhiim on
    lost_sig2.png
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    ScrumtrulescentScrumtrulescent Registered User regular
    edited June 2008
    Mysst wrote: »
    You know what I hate?

    Phantom shits.

    You drop a horrible-sized log and look down and it's already gone down the bowl, you can't even admire the tree trunk you just squeezed out of your ass.
    Ha, yes. And if you've been reading a book or playing DS, you might wonder if you actually did drop a poo or if you just imagined it.

    one time I posted while pooing

    I thought about making a thread

    but I did not

    Scrumtrulescent on
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    PonyPony Registered User regular
    edited June 2008
    i got prostatitis which flares up from time to time

    when it does, taking a shit becomes very difficult

    it feels like i am trying to give birth to a baby rhino but when i take a look after it's this naff little rabbit turd

    what the fuck, body

    Pony on
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