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SE++ and the art of lovemaking

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Posts

  • coldbird.coldbird. Registered User regular
    edited June 2008
    there's a fine line between attractively chubby and fat

    and with that i'm going to bed

    don't do any fat girls while i'm gone

    coldbird. on
  • JavenJaven Registered User regular
    edited June 2008
    Umaro wrote: »
    Man, this one time I was on Ecstacy at a party.

    Girl: So, are you looking to hook up with anyone tonight?
    Me: Um, I doubt anyone would be willing to hook up with me.
    Girl: (giggles) Oh, I don't know about that.
    Me: Thanks. (Wanders off to find something interesting to smell)

    Five hours later:
    Goddamn it.

    now imagine doing this while (mostly) sober

    and that's my high school career in a nutshell

    Javen on
  • Randall_FlaggRandall_Flagg Registered User regular
    edited June 2008
    what is "the negro and the facehugger"

    I have been wondering about this since tube posted it

    Randall_Flagg on
  • Auntie ShibbyAuntie Shibby Horrible Visalia, CARegistered User, ClubPA regular
    edited June 2008
    coldbird. wrote: »
    that's too chubby for me
    Those are the ones I go after.

    Auntie Shibby on
    clowninthewoods.png
  • ButtersButters A glass of some milks Registered User regular
    edited June 2008
    The Blah Blah Blah

    1. Blah blah blah
    2. Blah blah blah
    3. Not realize the totally hot chick totally wants to fuck you.
    4. Blah blah blah

    Butters on
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  • Indie WinterIndie Winter die Krähe Rudi Hurzlmeier (German, b. 1952)Registered User regular
    edited June 2008
    The Captain Crunch
    1. Go to some battle of the bands thing
    2. Meet up with some totally hot chick that you've liked for a while
    3. Do not get the obvious signs that she wants you and may handfuck you
    4. Go home

    how the hell could you tell she wanted to handfuck you

    is there like a specific code word or gesture that differentiates handfuck from just regular ol' fuck

    Indie Winter on
    wY6K6Jb.gif
  • Captain CrunchCaptain Crunch Registered User regular
    edited June 2008
    The Captain Crunch
    1. Go to some battle of the bands thing
    2. Meet up with some totally hot chick that you've liked for a while
    3. Do not get the obvious signs that she wants you and may handfuck you
    4. Go home

    how the hell could you tell she wanted to handfuck you

    is there like a specific code word or gesture that differentiates handfuck from just regular ol' fuck

    I wasn't being serious about that part, I just needed something to spice it up a bit.

    And I just realized my posts are way too similar in tone to wiggin posts D:

    Captain Crunch on
  • Milquetoast ThugMilquetoast Thug Registered User regular
    edited June 2008
    The Milquetoast Thug
    1. Break out of the friend zone to start a serious relationship with a close female friend you've known for 2+ years.
    2. Sex!
    3. You're perfect for each other! You win!
    4. Just kidding! She goes back to country of origin and you become horribly depressed. You lose!

    Milquetoast Thug on
  • transistorsecttransistorsect Registered User regular
    edited June 2008
    The Transistorsect
    1. Date girl for a long time.
    2. Break up with girl.
    3. Have dirty break up sex.
    4. Hook up with another girl a few days later.
    5. Never talk to either of them again.

    transistorsect on
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  • ZonugalZonugal (He/Him) The Holiday Armadillo I'm Santa's representative for all the southern states. And Mexico!Registered User regular
    edited June 2008
    Javen wrote: »
    and that's my high school career in a nutshell

    Ditto! I've just recently come to the conclusion and accepted that I am not physically attractive and have had to, and will continue to have to, resort to only charisma/charm to get with the ladies.

    Zonugal on
    Ross-Geller-Prime-Sig-A.jpg
  • Auntie ShibbyAuntie Shibby Horrible Visalia, CARegistered User, ClubPA regular
    edited June 2008
    The Transistorsect
    1. Date girl for a long time.
    2. Break up with girl.
    3. Have dirty break up sex.
    4. Hook up with another girl a few days later.
    5. Never talk to either of them again.
    This sounds dangerously close to The Shibby

    Auntie Shibby on
    clowninthewoods.png
  • transistorsecttransistorsect Registered User regular
    edited June 2008
    The Transistorsect
    1. Date girl for a long time.
    2. Break up with girl.
    3. Have dirty break up sex.
    4. Hook up with another girl a few days later.
    5. Never talk to either of them again.
    This sounds dangerously close to The Shibby

    Minus the whole fatty thing.

    transistorsect on
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    Facebook Zune Brutal
  • Auntie ShibbyAuntie Shibby Horrible Visalia, CARegistered User, ClubPA regular
    edited June 2008
    The Transistorsect
    1. Date girl for a long time.
    2. Break up with girl.
    3. Have dirty break up sex.
    4. Hook up with another girl a few days later.
    5. Never talk to either of them again.
    This sounds dangerously close to The Shibby

    Minus the whole fatty thing.
    Everyone can be a fatty considering peoples taste.

    Auntie Shibby on
    clowninthewoods.png
  • UmaroUmaro Registered User regular
    edited June 2008
    The Transistorsect
    1. Date girl for a long time.
    2. Break up with girl.
    3. Have dirty break up sex.
    4. Hook up with another girl a few days later.
    5. Never talk to either of them again.
    This sounds dangerously close to The Shibby

    Minus the whole fatty thing.
    Everyone can be a fatty considering peoples taste.

    The taste he's talking about is lard.

    Umaro on
    Dogs.jpg
  • Auntie ShibbyAuntie Shibby Horrible Visalia, CARegistered User, ClubPA regular
    edited June 2008
    Umaro wrote: »
    The Transistorsect
    1. Date girl for a long time.
    2. Break up with girl.
    3. Have dirty break up sex.
    4. Hook up with another girl a few days later.
    5. Never talk to either of them again.
    This sounds dangerously close to The Shibby

    Minus the whole fatty thing.
    Everyone can be a fatty considering peoples taste.

    The taste he's talking about is lard.
    Stoners need not apply.

    Auntie Shibby on
    clowninthewoods.png
  • UmaroUmaro Registered User regular
    edited June 2008
    I'm hardly a stoner, baby.

    I'm stone-cold.

    Umaro on
    Dogs.jpg
  • TankHammerTankHammer Atlanta Ghostbuster Atlanta, GARegistered User regular
    edited June 2008
    The Kantankeris:

    1. Meet several girls on the internet for the sole purpose of wild sexual escapades
    2. Date 3 girls at the same time, letting each of them know about the other 2
    3. Get confused about relationship terminology due to the spending of time with a polyamorous trio
    4. Unthinkingly refer to the only 'normal' girl in the group as your 'girlfriend' in her presence
    5. Abort! Abort! Abandon all hedonism and start dating 'girlfriend' exclusively
    6. Maintain crazy polyamorous girl on a 'just friends' basis
    7. Try not to do something stupid

    TankHammer on
  • ZonugalZonugal (He/Him) The Holiday Armadillo I'm Santa's representative for all the southern states. And Mexico!Registered User regular
    edited June 2008
    The Kantankeris:

    1. Meet several girls on the internet for the sole purpose of wild sexual escapades
    2. Date 3 girls at the same time, letting each of them know about the other 2
    3. Get confused about relationship terminology due to the spending of time with a polyamorous trio
    4. Unthinkingly refer to the only 'normal' girl in the group as your 'girlfriend' in her presence
    5. Abort! Abort! Abandon all hedonism and start dating 'girlfriend' exclusively
    6. Maintain crazy polyamorous girl on a 'just friends' basis
    7. Try not to do something stupid

    This sounds like a bomb waiting to go off. You must love Hot Potato.

    Zonugal on
    Ross-Geller-Prime-Sig-A.jpg
  • TankHammerTankHammer Atlanta Ghostbuster Atlanta, GARegistered User regular
    edited June 2008
    Zonugal wrote: »
    The Kantankeris:

    1. Meet several girls on the internet for the sole purpose of wild sexual escapades
    2. Date 3 girls at the same time, letting each of them know about the other 2
    3. Get confused about relationship terminology due to the spending of time with a polyamorous trio
    4. Unthinkingly refer to the only 'normal' girl in the group as your 'girlfriend' in her presence
    5. Abort! Abort! Abandon all hedonism and start dating 'girlfriend' exclusively
    6. Maintain crazy polyamorous girl on a 'just friends' basis
    7. Try not to do something stupid

    This sounds like a bomb waiting to go off. You must love Hot Potato.

    I'm the kind of guy who will spend all weekend dicking around when he knows he has an assignment due on monday and not even give it serious thought until Sunday night.

    TankHammer on
  • ZonugalZonugal (He/Him) The Holiday Armadillo I'm Santa's representative for all the southern states. And Mexico!Registered User regular
    edited June 2008
    Zonugal wrote: »
    The Kantankeris:

    1. Meet several girls on the internet for the sole purpose of wild sexual escapades
    2. Date 3 girls at the same time, letting each of them know about the other 2
    3. Get confused about relationship terminology due to the spending of time with a polyamorous trio
    4. Unthinkingly refer to the only 'normal' girl in the group as your 'girlfriend' in her presence
    5. Abort! Abort! Abandon all hedonism and start dating 'girlfriend' exclusively
    6. Maintain crazy polyamorous girl on a 'just friends' basis
    7. Try not to do something stupid

    This sounds like a bomb waiting to go off. You must love Hot Potato.

    I'm the kind of guy who will spend all weekend dicking around when he knows he has an assignment due on monday and not even give it serious thought until Sunday night.

    I'm pretty sure you'll get a lot of people aligning themselves with the procrastination demographic, I'd be on of them.

    So do you have a back-up plan if everything goes to hell? What's the danger control here?

    Zonugal on
    Ross-Geller-Prime-Sig-A.jpg
  • JigrahJigrah Registered User regular
    edited June 2008
    Zonugal wrote: »
    Zonugal wrote: »
    The Kantankeris:

    1. Meet several girls on the internet for the sole purpose of wild sexual escapades
    2. Date 3 girls at the same time, letting each of them know about the other 2
    3. Get confused about relationship terminology due to the spending of time with a polyamorous trio
    4. Unthinkingly refer to the only 'normal' girl in the group as your 'girlfriend' in her presence
    5. Abort! Abort! Abandon all hedonism and start dating 'girlfriend' exclusively
    6. Maintain crazy polyamorous girl on a 'just friends' basis
    7. Try not to do something stupid

    This sounds like a bomb waiting to go off. You must love Hot Potato.

    I'm the kind of guy who will spend all weekend dicking around when he knows he has an assignment due on monday and not even give it serious thought until Sunday night.

    I'm pretty sure you'll get a lot of people aligning themselves with the procrastination demographic, I'd be on of them.

    So do you have a back-up plan if everything goes to hell? What's the danger control here?

    Scratch the three girls, go back to step one.

    Jigrah on
  • I Win SwordfightsI Win Swordfights all the traits of greatness starlight at my feetRegistered User regular
    edited June 2008
    i just talk about how horrible i am until the girls lose all interest and start to believe it


    it never fails

    I Win Swordfights on
    lfYVHTd.png
  • TankHammerTankHammer Atlanta Ghostbuster Atlanta, GARegistered User regular
    edited June 2008
    Jigrah wrote: »
    Zonugal wrote: »
    Zonugal wrote: »
    The Kantankeris:

    1. Meet several girls on the internet for the sole purpose of wild sexual escapades
    2. Date 3 girls at the same time, letting each of them know about the other 2
    3. Get confused about relationship terminology due to the spending of time with a polyamorous trio
    4. Unthinkingly refer to the only 'normal' girl in the group as your 'girlfriend' in her presence
    5. Abort! Abort! Abandon all hedonism and start dating 'girlfriend' exclusively
    6. Maintain crazy polyamorous girl on a 'just friends' basis
    7. Try not to do something stupid

    This sounds like a bomb waiting to go off. You must love Hot Potato.

    I'm the kind of guy who will spend all weekend dicking around when he knows he has an assignment due on monday and not even give it serious thought until Sunday night.

    I'm pretty sure you'll get a lot of people aligning themselves with the procrastination demographic, I'd be on of them.

    So do you have a back-up plan if everything goes to hell? What's the danger control here?

    Scratch the three girls, go back to step one.

    But I like Sarah! She's awesome.
    Plus I already broke her. She's so nerdy now and it's barely been a year.
    Girl never read comics when I met her. Now she's collecting silver age prints on her bookshelf.
    I can't release her back into the wild now! She'd be eaten alive!

    TankHammer on
  • DodgeBlanDodgeBlan PSN: dodgeblanRegistered User regular
    edited June 2008
    Moriveth wrote: »
    Janson wrote: »
    Moriveth wrote: »
    The Moriveth

    1. Meet a british girl on an internet forum.
    2. Plan to marry her.
    3. Have sex at least once a day.
    ?

    Well that's the plan so far

    I mean the extended version of the plan is

    3. Pick up said British girl at airport
    4. Have crazygonuts awesome sex for the next two months
    5. When her parents arrive, pretend to be an absolutely chaste virgin
    6. Get married
    7. Have absolutely crazy mindblowing sex every day
    8. Finish college
    9. Move somewhere nice and get a decent job
    10. Kids... eventually

    I didn't know there existed a forum equivalent of the 'overly affectionate in public' couple. You would think that would be kind of hard to do, i guess.

    DodgeBlan on
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  • EpiEpi Registered User regular
    edited June 2008
    sarukun wrote: »
    The sarukun in two parts:


    Part I: Find and asian female.
    Part II: proceed as you would with any member of the opposite sex.



    Congratulations! You've just done it like sarukun.

    Sounds like an abbreviated version of The Epi which actually goes something like this:

    1) Never date anyone
    2) Magically end up with asian female at very end of high school
    3) Date for several years doing everything a couple does with resolution
    4) Break up
    5) Continue to act like and do everything a couple does
    6) Have her start dating another guy
    7)Continue to act like and do everything a couple does behind his back
    8) Not get over her after 6 months of this
    9) Observe the signs of a very real possibility of getting back with her
    10) Consider

    Also, for everyone's pleasure and chagrin...

    The Eiffel Tower
    Participants: 3 (At least two males)
    Difficulty: Tricking the girl in the middle

    Get a girl on her hands and knees. One guy is doing her from behind, standing up as best he can. The other guy receives head from the girl getting railed. As one guy reaches climax he signals and both men reach up and lean over giving each other double high fives, thus completing the form.

    Epi on
  • TankHammerTankHammer Atlanta Ghostbuster Atlanta, GARegistered User regular
    edited June 2008
    Epi wrote: »
    Get a girl on her hands and knees. One guy is doing her from behind, standing up as best he can. The other guy receives head from the girl getting railed. As one guy reaches climax he signals and both men reach up and lean over giving each other double high fives, thus completing the form.

    A friend of mine's boyfriend once joked (in public no less) that we should have a threesome with said friend just so we could do this.

    I don't think we ever worked out who got the front and who got the back but it's moot now since they broke up awhile back.

    TankHammer on
  • EpiEpi Registered User regular
    edited June 2008
    Epi wrote: »
    Get a girl on her hands and knees. One guy is doing her from behind, standing up as best he can. The other guy receives head from the girl getting railed. As one guy reaches climax he signals and both men reach up and lean over giving each other double high fives, thus completing the form.

    A friend of mine's boyfriend once joked (in public no less) that we should have a threesome with said friend just so we could do this.

    I don't think we ever worked out who got the front and who got the back but it's moot now since they broke up awhile back.

    Such a tragedy to be denied such a glorious procedure. You should find said ex-boyfriend and then tag team a methhead in a wafflehouse bathroom so you can at least get bragging rights on the move.

    Epi on
  • TankHammerTankHammer Atlanta Ghostbuster Atlanta, GARegistered User regular
    edited June 2008
    Epi wrote: »
    Epi wrote: »
    Get a girl on her hands and knees. One guy is doing her from behind, standing up as best he can. The other guy receives head from the girl getting railed. As one guy reaches climax he signals and both men reach up and lean over giving each other double high fives, thus completing the form.

    A friend of mine's boyfriend once joked (in public no less) that we should have a threesome with said friend just so we could do this.

    I don't think we ever worked out who got the front and who got the back but it's moot now since they broke up awhile back.

    Such a tragedy to be denied such a glorious procedure. You should find said ex-boyfriend and then tag team a methhead in a wafflehouse bathroom so you can at least get bragging rights on the move.

    I do fucking love Waffle House.

    I should call that dude up and get his ass down here to Georgia where we have things like Waffle Houses and meatheads.

    TankHammer on
  • JansonJanson Registered User regular
    edited June 2008
    DodgeBlan wrote: »
    I didn't know there existed a forum equivalent of the 'overly affectionate in public' couple. You would think that would be kind of hard to do, i guess.
    Just put him on ignore, you don't have to read his posts then.

    Janson on
  • IskanderIskander Registered User regular
    edited June 2008
    having sex is pretty nice, i guess

    Iskander on
  • ForarForar #432 Toronto, Ontario, CanadaRegistered User regular
    edited June 2008
    J3p wrote: »
    Umaro wrote: »
    wut r vaginas liek?

    sticky?

    like a watermelon left outside in the baking sun

    ... is that an 8 Days a Week reference?

    Forar on
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  • KlykaKlyka DO you have any SPARE BATTERIES?Registered User regular
    edited June 2008
    Iskander wrote: »
    having sex is pretty nice, i guess

    Don't tell me you didn't get laid yesterday.

    All of Germany got laid yesterday and we didn't even win!

    Klyka on
    SC2 EU ID Klyka.110
    lTDyp.jpg
  • IskanderIskander Registered User regular
    edited June 2008
    i got laid alright

    Iskander on
  • KlykaKlyka DO you have any SPARE BATTERIES?Registered User regular
    edited June 2008
    And that's why I love football parties.

    No matter what,you can get laid.

    Klyka on
    SC2 EU ID Klyka.110
    lTDyp.jpg
  • bentbent Registered User regular
    edited June 2008
    The Bent:

    step 1: drink thirty two bacardi breezers
    step 2: buy some slag a kebab, marry her, have five children and live above a chip shop
    step 3: payouts from the government, maybe go on the dole

    bent on
    sig1.png
  • sarukunsarukun RIESLING OCEANRegistered User regular
    edited June 2008
    .....


    A chip shop?

    sarukun on
  • bentbent Registered User regular
    edited June 2008
    Yes. A shop that's sole purpose is the exchange of chips, battered sausages and possibly rissole, for money.

    bent on
    sig1.png
  • stimtokolosstimtokolos Registered User regular
    edited June 2008
    What about fish man?
    And burgers?

    stimtokolos on
  • Tweaked_Bat_Tweaked_Bat_ Registered User regular
    edited June 2008
    Pfft these aren't awesome lovemaking moves. These are just you sods posting your own lame sex (or lack thereof) stories in numbered lists.

    Tweaked_Bat_ on
  • Tweaked_Bat_Tweaked_Bat_ Registered User regular
    edited June 2008
    The Abloobloo

    1. I'm too lame to get a girlfriend
    2. No-one would ever want to screw my ugly mug
    3. I missed out on a chance to screw this girl one time because
    4. abloobloo

    Tweaked_Bat_ on
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