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The First Step (Major Overhaul)
Cacaocopia
Registered User new member
Registered User new member
Alright. This is my complete situation:
I graduated high school in 2004. I had average grades (about 86 total average), good friends, a girlfriend, and a general direction in which my life was headed. A year later, I've lost all my friends due to some bad choices on both our parts, my grades have completely fallen for the most part, and my girlfriend dumps me. At the end of this lovely freshman year, the school informs me my loans never went through properly because of the way I filed my FAFSA. I never fully investigate the problem and am stuck to this day with a nearly 16,000 dollar tuition bill, and cannot go back to school until I pay it.
So, three years on now, I'm working full time, have bad credit, still have no friends, and haven't had any intimate contact with the opposite sex since this exact day three years ago. I don't have my license or a car, I live with my parents, and cannot go back to a school that I can afford (state school) until I repay the tuition from my freshman year. But worst of all, none of this really bothers me.
I mean, its troubling to know that at this point I am in limbo, and when I really stop to focus on it that bothers me, but most of the time I just ignore it all, work my dead end job, make my shitty money, and not live up anywhere near to my potential. I'm a lazy fuck, and I don't have the motivation to do anything about my situation. Oh, I'm also overweight.
So, basically, I obviously need to do an overhaul on my life. Major, but not complete. But, I don't even know where to begin.
How do I get back to school on 10 dollars an hour? As I mentioned earlier, I have bad credit and can't get a loan to help pay the school back and try and work that off. How can I meet new people and make connections and friends if I don't drive or go to school and there isn't any real close social spot (and even if there was, I'm awful with talking to new people anyway)?
How do I motivate myself to do any of this?
Posted on an alt because its really pretty embarassing to admit all this as it is.
I graduated high school in 2004. I had average grades (about 86 total average), good friends, a girlfriend, and a general direction in which my life was headed. A year later, I've lost all my friends due to some bad choices on both our parts, my grades have completely fallen for the most part, and my girlfriend dumps me. At the end of this lovely freshman year, the school informs me my loans never went through properly because of the way I filed my FAFSA. I never fully investigate the problem and am stuck to this day with a nearly 16,000 dollar tuition bill, and cannot go back to school until I pay it.
So, three years on now, I'm working full time, have bad credit, still have no friends, and haven't had any intimate contact with the opposite sex since this exact day three years ago. I don't have my license or a car, I live with my parents, and cannot go back to a school that I can afford (state school) until I repay the tuition from my freshman year. But worst of all, none of this really bothers me.
I mean, its troubling to know that at this point I am in limbo, and when I really stop to focus on it that bothers me, but most of the time I just ignore it all, work my dead end job, make my shitty money, and not live up anywhere near to my potential. I'm a lazy fuck, and I don't have the motivation to do anything about my situation. Oh, I'm also overweight.
So, basically, I obviously need to do an overhaul on my life. Major, but not complete. But, I don't even know where to begin.
How do I get back to school on 10 dollars an hour? As I mentioned earlier, I have bad credit and can't get a loan to help pay the school back and try and work that off. How can I meet new people and make connections and friends if I don't drive or go to school and there isn't any real close social spot (and even if there was, I'm awful with talking to new people anyway)?
How do I motivate myself to do any of this?
Posted on an alt because its really pretty embarassing to admit all this as it is.
Cacaocopia on
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Hey no worries. We all hit the pits and valleys in life from time to time. School and work is a bitch...I'm fortunate to have family who can support my tuition in full. The first step would be to build your credit back up. If you have no other way of building cold hard cash (second job, sellin' drugz yo [j/k], etc). I'm not well versed in this, but there is a method I was told by a rather knowledgeble friend of mine. What you want is a credit card. This may sound utterly stupid, but hear me out. Get the best credit card you can be approved for...and be careful who you sign up with, don't want silly APRs haunting you. Stick with something basic I would say, like Visa or Mastercard, but do your research, don't take my word on credit companies. I don't have first hand experience with them. What you want this card for is to buy gas or other small things that you know you can pay off at the end of the month. The trick is, and I will IM my buddy to find out, is to pay something like 2/3 or 3/4 of what you owe. There's some sweet spot that gets you the most points on your credit rating per month I guess. Of course there is that rather large student loan debt you have. I believe the good news on that is that it nukes your credit only once. Again I'm not sure how this works. If it keeps damaging you then I'd work on trying to pay it of slowly. You're in an optimal financial situation because you're living with your parents...take advantage of it.
You need a car and a license. Your parents can help you with this if they aren't, well, you know. Assholes. Study for it, take it, pass it. It's easy as hell and most of the written questions aren't hard, they're pretty common sense. The actual driving test varies from DMV to DMV. This is going to sound sterotypical...but...if your instructor is black you have less of a chance of passing. This actually happened to me. I could feel the race card spite rolling off of this bitch as she disqualified me for someone almost hauling ass into me. Next time I got this middle aged white guy and all was well. Off the haterade now they'll make you do things like K turns, speeding up and quickly breaking with out screeching the tires or jerking the car too much, etc. They're watchful, even the guys who are on your side, be mindful of what you're doing.
As for friends I can't school you on this one. I met my band of brothers (and I mean brothers) back in highschool and early community college, and I consider this a blessing. Your best bet is LANs at local computer shop/arenas. They are sparse depending on your area, but if you can find one, try to attend. Don't go for the competition and avoid the faggots who make it some e-peen contest. These are the assholes you hate on Live. All of them. There should be some or at least one person there who can open you up to his circle, and before you know it your friends with everyone he knew, and you're one of the group. It doesn't take much...just find your niche and stick with them. This is all I can offer in this regard other than it'll happen with greater frequecy once you make it back into school.
This is one of those times where you'll have to take it slow and steady. It's going to suck. I know, I'm in the middle of something quite similar. Find friends and get driving. Those should be your priorites. Those things will help you immensely both pratically and mentally. There is no greater freedom in society than to be able to drive around just for the sake of it or going to hang with friends. Know more people does the obvious of connecting you with more sources of information. Better yet, its practiced information, so they should know what they're talking about.
Edit: I just caught the part about you "not caring about it all". I've come to believe that it's some form of psychological defense mechanism...a kind of apathetic reflex. It does leave you with a cooler head, but you don't wanna stay that way very long. Like I said. Friends are the key here. Go find them, they're out there, trust me. Charisma is not what makes or keeps friends, its that plus that brotherly feeling, honesty, etc. You'll know it when you've found it.
College debt has almost become a fact of life for most college students, but I still highly recommend taking the hit to get an education that will set your life on track. Take out loans, work you ass off for scholarships once in college do whatever you have to do to pay for college.
If you're trying to change your life, it's best to start with the simple things first. Take the time to write out a list of concrete end goals, i.e. "I want to go back to college". Then break that down into a series of smaller goals, i.e. "I need to pay off my tuition so I can go back to college". Then break that down even further into incremental, concrete, attainable goals, i.e. "I am going to save X dollars every week until I have enough to pay off my tuition".
Sometimes you'll have multiple small steps you need to do in order to reach the larger goal, which will then allow you to reach the final goal. Sometimes you'll have to do many things concurrently, as well as in sequence. But as long as you maintain the list, keep things achievable, and reward yourself by ticking these things off as you accomplish them, at the end of it all you will at the very least be closer than where you started. And you will have done something. No one knows what life will bring and whether or not you will actually reach your goals, but if you're actually going to get there then you need to start somewhere, right?
PS - Be prepared to make long-term, incremental sacrifices. Life choices are often about opportunity cost. Time spent working to earn money to pay off your tuition means time that can't be spent in front of the computer, chatting away on the Penny Arcade forums. Making this choice for an hour a day, five days a week, means five hours a week you are earning money instead of screwing around on the internet. That becomes 20 hours a month, which becomes 240 hours a year. Even at $6 an hour that is $1440, roughly 10% of what you need to pay off your debt. You don't have to be extreme with this sort of thing (e.g. only working 24 hours a day 7 days a week with no vacation or time to yourself), but always be cognizant of the fact that doing A means you aren't doing B instead. Over time, a lot of small choices and a lot of small goals turn into one really big deal.