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Let's Think Up The Worst Possible Super Powers

The JokerThe Joker Registered User
edited July 2008 in Graphic Violence
Ok, you've just been tossed inside of a nuclear reactor, but you've survived. Not only have you survived this terrible ordeal, but you've been granted amazing super powers! Just one problem, the power you have is either completely useless, incomplete, or does more harm than it ever will good. What's your super power?

The ability to burst into flames, like the human torch. But with no resistance to flames or heat, so you just burn to death once you activate your powers.

The ability to turn into liquid. But it's just regular, non-sentient liqud, and doing it basically kills you.

The Joker on
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Posts

  • saint2esaint2e Registered User regular
    edited July 2008
    Being able to recite Pi until the end of time.

    saint2e on
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  • Mai-KeroMai-Kero Registered User regular
    edited July 2008
    Being granted the artistic powers of Rob Liefeld.

    Mai-Kero on
  • smokmnkysmokmnky Registered User regular
    edited July 2008
    Grow your finger nails really long and then retract them.

    smokmnky on
  • The JokerThe Joker Registered User
    edited July 2008
    Mai-Kero wrote: »
    Being granted the artistic powers of Rob Liefeld.

    I said useless powers. Not powers so devious that you could cause suffering for millions.

    The Joker on
  • ServoServo Registered User, ClubPA regular
    edited July 2008
    sneezes that disintegrate metal

    Servo on
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  • AntimatterAntimatter Devo Was Right Gates of SteelRegistered User regular
    edited July 2008
    Being turned into a rock. You can think, but you can't communicate or turn back to normal.
    Servo, that power actually sounds useful.

    Antimatter on
  • ServoServo Registered User, ClubPA regular
    edited July 2008
    i think the drawbacks would far oughtweigh any benefits

    Servo on
    newsigs.jpg
  • Lostprophet8Lostprophet8 Registered User regular
    edited July 2008
    BACON-VISION!!!

    I think it was on Fairly-Odd Parents or Simpsons: was more delicious than useful.

    As for something original, I had a dream when I was a kid where I turned into a dog, but ate some road kill and got really sick.

    Lostprophet8 on
  • Bloods EndBloods End Blade of Tyshalle Punch dimensionRegistered User regular
    edited July 2008
    The power to MELT

    Bloods End on
  • NechriahNechriah Registered User regular
    edited July 2008
    The ability to raise and lower your own cholesterol at will.

    "Why would you want to raise your own cholesterol?"
    "...So I can lower it again."

    Nechriah on
  • FuruFuru Registered User regular
    edited July 2008
    BACON-VISION!!!

    I think it was on Fairly-Odd Parents or Simpsons: was more delicious than useful.

    As for something original, I had a dream when I was a kid where I turned into a dog, but ate some road kill and got really sick.

    The former and it was "Meat Vision".

    Furu on
  • The JokerThe Joker Registered User
    edited July 2008
    Servo wrote: »
    i think the drawbacks would far oughtweigh any benefits

    As long as you aren't able to control it, then yeah, definetly. If every single sneeze you did could eat through metal, or only random sneezes, so you couldn't even for sure make it happen when you wanted it to. That would be useless.

    You have the ability to move like the Flash, but for you everything else goes slow. So what seems like a second to everyone moving normally seems like hours to you. A red light would be an eternity.

    The Joker on
  • Mr PinkMr Pink I got cats for youRegistered User regular
    edited July 2008
    The power to be totally immortal, but your body never heals, not even scrapes.

    Mr Pink on
  • KVWKVW Registered User regular
    edited July 2008
    Arm-Fall Off Boy is probably the worst possible super power in the world.

    armfalloffboyjv1.jpg

    KVW on
  • The JokerThe Joker Registered User
    edited July 2008
    Is that from the comic Mystery Men? I've never read it, but it seems like it would be...the audition and all...like the movie...

    The Joker on
  • The Lovely BastardThe Lovely Bastard Registered User regular
    edited July 2008
    no that is the Legion of Superheroes.

    The Lovely Bastard on
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  • The JokerThe Joker Registered User
    edited July 2008
    So...Who ripped who off?

    The Joker on
  • Robos A Go GoRobos A Go Go Registered User regular
    edited July 2008
    The Joker wrote: »
    So...Who ripped who off?

    Terrible superheroes isn't the sort of thing you can rip off, broad as the idea is.

    Robos A Go Go on
  • HadjiQuestHadjiQuest Registered User regular
    edited July 2008
    Magnetism, but you can't turn it off.

    Or maybe some type of lead/copper magnetism that attracts bullets to you.

    HadjiQuest on
  • FaynorFaynor Registered User regular
    edited July 2008
    The ability to read minds in a 5 inch radius of yourself. You'll know someone is thinking about stabbing you after the actual stabbing occurs.

    Faynor on
    do you wanna see me eat a hotdog
  • GR_ZombieGR_Zombie Krillin It Registered User regular
    edited July 2008
    I've always thought Giant Man style growing huge was a pretty lame power, I can't think of many scenarios where becoming 60 feet tall would be very useful. Probably the worst I can think of is gaining the ability to transform into a Hulk-esque creature, but having it warp your body so much that you're ruined for life.

    Also, being able to hear everything on the planet and not being able to "turn it off" or filter it out.

    GR_Zombie on
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  • Robos A Go GoRobos A Go Go Registered User regular
    edited July 2008
    Really, any power that obligates you to fight crime is pretty bad, because fighting crime probably sucks.

    Robos A Go Go on
  • SASA Registered User
    edited July 2008
    The ability to listen to plants talk.

    And they never shut up.

    SA on
    WoW: Revash (Cho'Gall)
    3DS: 5241-1953-7031
  • FaynorFaynor Registered User regular
    edited July 2008
    GR_Zombie wrote: »
    I've always thought Giant Man style growing huge was a pretty lame power, I can't think of many scenarios where becoming 60 feet tall would be very useful.

    Uh, well, assuming your strength grows at the same rate, I think bench pressing skyscrapers could be pretty useful against gigantic enemies. Or just plain wrecking shit for funsies. Or solving the world's hunger shortage through lactation.

    Faynor on
    do you wanna see me eat a hotdog
  • MunchMunch Registered User regular
    edited July 2008
    SA wrote: »
    The ability to listen to plants talk.

    And they never shut up.

    This was a vegan's power in The Freshmen. He had to listen to his wheat grass scream bloody murder as he cut and ate it.

    For my contribution, the ability to turn your entire body into solid steel, but with the inability to move when you're in that form.

    Munch on
  • SASA Registered User
    edited July 2008
    The ability to have a prehensile nose.

    SA on
    WoW: Revash (Cho'Gall)
    3DS: 5241-1953-7031
  • SalmonOfDoubtSalmonOfDoubt Registered User regular
    edited July 2008
    The ability to call down a bolt of lightning when you shout "SHAZAM!"

    Only it's regular lightning, not the magical kind. And it electrocutes you.

    SalmonOfDoubt on
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    PiptheFair wrote: »
    killing children would be hilarious
    Olivaw wrote: »
    HELLO AND WELCOME TO THE PENNY ARCADE FORUMS

    PLEASE ENJOY YOUR STAY

    AND THIS PENIS
    Man, I don't want to read about this lady's broken vagina.
    NotACrook wrote: »
    I am sitting here trying to come up with a tiered system for rating child molesters.
    cock vore is fuckin hilarious
  • Robos A Go GoRobos A Go Go Registered User regular
    edited July 2008
    A preternatural understanding of what you should have done in a given situation, but only in retrospect and always to such an exact degree that applying the knowledge to any future event would be impossible.

    Robos A Go Go on
  • KVWKVW Registered User regular
    edited July 2008
    Faynor wrote: »
    GR_Zombie wrote: »
    I've always thought Giant Man style growing huge was a pretty lame power, I can't think of many scenarios where becoming 60 feet tall would be very useful.

    Uh, well, assuming your strength grows at the same rate, I think bench pressing skyscrapers could be pretty useful against gigantic enemies. Or just plain wrecking shit for funsies. Or solving the world's hunger shortage through lactation.

    Human bodies would crush themselves if they grew to 60ft or other ridiculous sizes, thus making the power absolutely useless for mass destruction. You could probably grow to 10-15 ft (not sure the physics) and be relatively okay, but no super man.

    KVW on
  • FaynorFaynor Registered User regular
    edited July 2008
    Well, I thought the ability to withstand your power in that situation was a given. He never said you'd crush yourself, he just said he thought it was useless.

    Faynor on
    do you wanna see me eat a hotdog
  • VirralVirral Registered User
    edited July 2008
    A preternatural understanding of what you should have done in a given situation, but only in retrospect and always to such an exact degree that applying the knowledge to any future event would be impossible.

    Holy crap, I have a super power... call me HINDSIGHT LAD! Wait... no that's taken :/

    Virral on
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  • FaynorFaynor Registered User regular
    edited July 2008
    A preternatural understanding of what you should have done in a given situation, but only in retrospect and always to such an exact degree that applying the knowledge to any future event would be impossible.

    That'd actually be pretty awesome if it extended to other people too. It'd be like a running commentary of "What If?"

    "Hey, Tony, you should've asked for help. The world would be a better place. You suck."

    Faynor on
    do you wanna see me eat a hotdog
  • Mai-KeroMai-Kero Registered User regular
    edited July 2008
    Munch wrote: »
    SA wrote: »
    The ability to listen to plants talk.

    And they never shut up.

    This was a vegan's power in The Freshmen. He had to listen to his wheat grass scream bloody murder as he cut and ate it.

    For my contribution, the ability to turn your entire body into solid steel, but with the inability to move when you're in that form.

    That wouldn't be a bad power.


    Jump out of a plane. Turn to steel. Boom.

    Mai-Kero on
  • Robos A Go GoRobos A Go Go Registered User regular
    edited July 2008
    How often do you find yourself wishing you could jump out of a plane?

    Robos A Go Go on
  • StudioAudienceStudioAudience Registered User
    edited July 2008
    How often do you find yourself wishing you could jump out of a plane?

    About every other minute if I had that power.

    The power to have an insatiable appetite. You have to keep eating every minute or you die.

    StudioAudience on
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    GFWL: studaud (for SF4)
  • DJ EebsDJ Eebs Moderator, Administrator admin
    edited July 2008
    KVW wrote: »
    Arm-Fall Off Boy is probably the worst possible super power in the world.

    armfalloffboyjv1.jpg

    panels like this are why I love old school-legion of superheroes

    DJ Eebs on
  • Synthetic OrangeSynthetic Orange Registered User regular
    edited July 2008
    I'm more concerned about those bumps on his arms. Part of his costume? Zits? Rhinestones? Studded for her pleasure?

    Synthetic Orange on
  • The JokerThe Joker Registered User
    edited July 2008
    The Joker wrote: »
    So...Who ripped who off?

    Terrible superheroes isn't the sort of thing you can rip off, broad as the idea is.

    Holding an out door audition for a new member and getting a bunch of terrible applications with useless and stupid powers is a little less broad than just "bad superheroes"

    The Joker on
  • DJ EebsDJ Eebs Moderator, Administrator admin
    edited July 2008
    Legion of Superheroes was definitely first, but it's not a concept that is out of the realm of possibility for people making a movie like Mystery Men to come up with on their own.

    DJ Eebs on
  • chaosbearchaosbear Registered User regular
    edited July 2008
    I once had a dream in which I had the power to fly, but only two feet off the ground at a speed of 1mph and I had to extend my arms forward all 70's Superman style in order to activate the power. In the dream it seemed pretty worthless.

    chaosbear on
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