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Let's Think Up The Worst Possible Super Powers

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    Robos A Go GoRobos A Go Go Registered User regular
    edited July 2008
    Cyvros wrote: »
    The ability to change the colour of your skin and hair. And since this could actually be useful for camouflage, you can only choose from 256 solid colours.

    You'd save money on hair dye, though, and if you were going into a field with secret identities it would be handy for making witness descriptions useless.

    Robos A Go Go on
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    CyvrosCyvros Registered User regular
    edited July 2008
    "Is this the police? Yes, I'd like to report an aqua man with green hair just snatched an old lady's handbag."

    Oh, God, that's Captain Planet, isn't it?

    Cyvros on
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    CharmyCharmy Registered User regular
    edited July 2008
    We had a thread like this a long time ago, and one of the responses was so great I had to save it.
    Malkor wrote:
    As a young man your father, an eminent super computer architect took you to his lab the day he unveiled his magnum opus. Coincidentally, or as fate would have it, the lab next door was doing tests on radioactive pandas. The pandas show incredible intelligence, and quietly escape while the scientists are waiting for what is sure to be the greatest achievement in science ever ever. Being ignored by your family, you start to walk away from the crowd towards the room where the central proccesing unit is located. Unbeknownst to all but your father and possibly, the leader of the pandas, at the very heart of the computer is a miniature gamma bomb in perpetual stasis. In a supreme act of kindness and empathy, the panda storms into the room, grabs you by the scruff of the neck, and attempts to drag you away as your favorite crusty ass retainer causes a chain reaction when the computer is powered on for the first time. After the dust settles and the bodies are cleaned up there's no trace of you or the Panda.

    Not even a single solitary molecule.

    Skip forward to the year 4006, the Earth is at the center of a glorious technocracy with each marvel more marvelous than the last. Mrs. Hannah al-Salkini-Tsukino's third grade science class is putting the finishing touches on thier 2rd period science project. One of the students, goofing off, puts her space-retainer in the particle accelerator causing a large explosion. Once most of the children's bodies have been sponged up as best as possible and identified the authorities take note of one single survivor, and the carcass of a panda, an animal that has been extinct for 10 years. You wake up to this new world to find that you are now embued with the strength, dexterity and sexual prowess of a panda, and the intelligence and neural plasticity of the fastest Vista-ready super computer of the early 21st century.

    Having no prospects for a normal life, the equivalent education of a fetus, and the computational power of a child's wrist watch, you decide to dedicate your life to fighting crime much like your favorite comic book heroes would. You are now known as Panda Dan, the 21st Century Computer Man. You connect to the internet to look up crime-fighting on SuperPedia, and are immediately accosted by a hacker. You spend the next twenty years as a walking spam-bot, sort of like Johnny Mnemonic, but more lame if that's possible.
    It is

    Someone eventaully gives you McAfee VirusScan, but it only makes things worse.

    A truly tragic existence.

    Charmy on
    I have a twitter.
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    CyvrosCyvros Registered User regular
    edited July 2008
    That is simply awesome. *tips hat to Malkor, wherever he/she may be*

    Cyvros on
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    ThomamelasThomamelas Only one man can kill this many Russians. Bring his guitar to me! Registered User regular
    edited July 2008
    I think Snotman from the Wild Cards series had the worst power. His body produced a constant stream of snot from every pore of his body.

    Thomamelas on
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    Robos A Go GoRobos A Go Go Registered User regular
    edited July 2008
    Thomamelas wrote: »
    I think Snotman from the Wild Cards series had the worst power. His body produced a constant stream of snot from every pore of his body.

    D:

    Robos A Go Go on
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    Me Too!Me Too! __BANNED USERS regular
    edited July 2008
    Are we talking "worst" as in "least useful" or "worst" as in "boy that just sucks"
    Because if it's the second one, I'd have to go with Christian Walker
    Yeah dude was immortal
    But that means he got to watch everyone that he ever knew die

    SERVO EDIT- nice spoiler tags wiggin

    you only need one slash

    Me Too! on
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    StudioAudienceStudioAudience Registered User regular
    edited July 2008
    Autonomous body parts, each with their own intellect and voice in your head.

    voltronuz0.th.jpg ?

    StudioAudience on
    studaud.png
    GFWL: studaud (for SF4)
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    Me Too!Me Too! __BANNED USERS regular
    edited July 2008
    The power to set yourself on fire
    But you aren't immune to the flames
    You feel your dick igniting

    Me Too! on
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    CyvrosCyvros Registered User regular
    edited July 2008
    The power to squirt the smell of hot sweat at people.

    Cyvros on
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    DJ EebsDJ Eebs Moderator, Administrator admin
    edited July 2008
    Lol! wrote: »
    Are we talking "worst" as in "least useful" or "worst" as in "boy that just sucks"
    Because if it's the second one, I'd have to go with Christian Walker
    Yeah dude was immortal
    But that means he got to watch everyone that he ever knew die

    hey maybe spoiler that shit wiggin

    what the hell man

    DJ Eebs on
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    ScalfinScalfin __BANNED USERS regular
    edited July 2008
    Cyvros wrote: »
    The power to squirt the smell of hot sweat at people.

    To paraphrase Dr. Zoidberd 'all I have is a gland that releases foul odors when I'm bored."

    Scalfin on
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
    The rest of you, I fucking hate you for the fact that I now have a blue dot on this god awful thread.
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    scarvexxscarvexx Registered User regular
    edited July 2008
    Cyvros wrote: »
    scarvexx wrote: »
    look at this giy he looks like batman and wolverine had a baby

    That's fantastic.
    Wiki wrote:
    At the age of 5, after witnessing his parents' murder at the hands of an armed robber, Logan Wayne was sent to live with his uncle in Alberta, Canada. [...] Logan guards his secret identity well, as only his sidekick Sparrow (a combination of DC's Robin and Marvel's Jubilee) and the Huntress know of his superhero alter-ego. However, his arch-nemesis, the Hyena (A combination of the Joker and Sabretooth), also knows his secret as he was also a part of the Weapon X program which gave Dark Claw his adamantium skeleton and awakened his latent metamutant powers.

    Edit: I can't believe I've never heard of Amalgam Comics before. *scratches head*

    please tell me thats a joke

    i want to hear from your mouth that thats not true please

    scarvexx on
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    CyvrosCyvros Registered User regular
    edited July 2008
    Scalfin wrote: »
    Cyvros wrote: »
    The power to squirt the smell of hot sweat at people.

    To paraphrase Dr. Zoidberd 'all I have is a gland that releases foul odors when I'm bored."

    Which reminds me...

    The power to squirt ink (which smells like hot sweat) at people.
    scarvexx wrote: »
    Cyvros wrote: »
    scarvexx wrote: »
    look at this giy he looks like batman and wolverine had a baby

    That's fantastic.
    Wiki wrote:
    At the age of 5, after witnessing his parents' murder at the hands of an armed robber, Logan Wayne was sent to live with his uncle in Alberta, Canada. [...] Logan guards his secret identity well, as only his sidekick Sparrow (a combination of DC's Robin and Marvel's Jubilee) and the Huntress know of his superhero alter-ego. However, his arch-nemesis, the Hyena (A combination of the Joker and Sabretooth), also knows his secret as he was also a part of the Weapon X program which gave Dark Claw his adamantium skeleton and awakened his latent metamutant powers.

    Edit: I can't believe I've never heard of Amalgam Comics before. *scratches head*

    please tell me thats a joke

    i want to hear from your mouth that thats not true please

    Which bit? I can tell you anything you like.

    But I don't have a microphone with me, I'm afraid.

    Cyvros on
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    scarvexxscarvexx Registered User regular
    edited July 2008
    Cyvros wrote: »
    Scalfin wrote: »
    Cyvros wrote: »
    The power to squirt the smell of hot sweat at people.

    To paraphrase Dr. Zoidberd 'all I have is a gland that releases foul odors when I'm bored."

    Which reminds me...

    The power to squirt ink (which smells like hot sweat) at people.
    scarvexx wrote: »
    Cyvros wrote: »
    scarvexx wrote: »
    look at this giy he looks like batman and wolverine had a baby

    That's fantastic.
    Wiki wrote:
    At the age of 5, after witnessing his parents' murder at the hands of an armed robber, Logan Wayne was sent to live with his uncle in Alberta, Canada. [...] Logan guards his secret identity well, as only his sidekick Sparrow (a combination of DC's Robin and Marvel's Jubilee) and the Huntress know of his superhero alter-ego. However, his arch-nemesis, the Hyena (A combination of the Joker and Sabretooth), also knows his secret as he was also a part of the Weapon X program which gave Dark Claw his adamantium skeleton and awakened his latent metamutant powers.

    Edit: I can't believe I've never heard of Amalgam Comics before. *scratches head*

    please tell me thats a joke

    i want to hear from your mouth that thats not true please

    Which bit? I can tell you anything you like.

    But I don't have a microphone with me, I'm afraid.

    oh my god your not kiding
    i was just gessing about all that

    scarvexx on
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    CyvrosCyvros Registered User regular
    edited July 2008
    scarvexx wrote: »
    oh my god your not kiding
    i was just gessing about all that

    No, seriously, which bit? Me not hearing about Amalgam or me thinking of it as fantastic? The former is easily explained - I don't read nearly as much as I'd like to in terms of graphic novels and comics. The latter is because, well, I think it's fantastic.

    EDIT: Ohhhh. I see what you mean (forgot you posted the quoted Dark Claw post). No, I'm being serious. You can check Wikipedia.

    Cyvros on
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    Me Too!Me Too! __BANNED USERS regular
    edited July 2008
    Lol! wrote: »
    Are we talking "worst" as in "least useful" or "worst" as in "boy that just sucks"
    Because if it's the second one, I'd have to go with Christian Walker
    Yeah dude was immortal
    But that means he got to watch everyone that he ever knew die

    hey maybe spoiler that shit wiggin

    what the hell man

    Sorry ModGeebs
    I thought Bale and I had had this discussion before sans spoiler tags

    Me Too! on
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    scarvexxscarvexx Registered User regular
    edited July 2008
    Cyvros wrote: »
    scarvexx wrote: »
    oh my god your not kiding
    i was just gessing about all that

    No, seriously, which bit? Me not hearing about Amalgam or me thinking of it as fantastic? The former is easily explained - I don't read nearly as much as I'd like to in terms of graphic novels and comics. The latter is because, well, I think it's fantastic.

    EDIT: Ohhhh. I see what you mean (forgot you posted the quoted Dark Claw post). No, I'm being serious. You can check Wikipedia.

    no i mean abought me being right about batman and wolverine having a child
    im still creeped out about that

    scarvexx on
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    Me Too!Me Too! __BANNED USERS regular
    edited July 2008
    That's not how Amalgam worked
    Are you dumb

    Me Too! on
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    scarvexxscarvexx Registered User regular
    edited July 2008
    Lol! wrote: »
    That's not how Amalgam worked
    Are you dumb

    i know how it works i just wanted evryone to shere that image

    scarvexx on
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    CyvrosCyvros Registered User regular
    edited July 2008
    scarvexx wrote: »
    Lol! wrote: »
    That's not how Amalgam worked
    Are you dumb

    i know how it works i just wanted evryone to shere that image

    Well, this is a fun discussion...

    Cyvros on
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    ScalfinScalfin __BANNED USERS regular
    edited July 2008
    I was thinking up powers to match with reach of the seven deadly sins when I realized that there is no power that would be closely associated with lust that wouldn't result in arrest for public indecency and putting you balls on the line (or at least a closely associated part of the body). Of course, I'm kind of stuck with the FMA idea of extending a part of the body. In her case, she extended her finger (why fingers, I'll never know) in giant blades, which, if applied to a more lust-connected part of the body, would also come with quite a high risk of injury to one's partner and/or hand.

    Scalfin on
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
    The rest of you, I fucking hate you for the fact that I now have a blue dot on this god awful thread.
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    CyvrosCyvros Registered User regular
    edited July 2008
    The ability to track down lost mail and then lose it again.

    Also, this situation always happens.

    Cyvros on
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    The JokerThe Joker Registered User regular
    edited July 2008
    Scalfin wrote: »
    I was thinking up powers to match with reach of the seven deadly sins when I realized that there is no power that would be closely associated with lust that wouldn't result in arrest for public indecency and putting you balls on the line (or at least a closely associated part of the body). Of course, I'm kind of stuck with the FMA idea of extending a part of the body. In her case, she extended her finger (why fingers, I'll never know) in giant blades, which, if applied to a more lust-connected part of the body, would also come with quite a high risk of injury to one's partner and/or hand.

    A power representing lust is obvoiusly how Purple Man used his powers in Alias.

    The Joker on
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    ThomamelasThomamelas Only one man can kill this many Russians. Bring his guitar to me! Registered User regular
    edited July 2008
    Scalfin wrote: »
    I was thinking up powers to match with reach of the seven deadly sins when I realized that there is no power that would be closely associated with lust that wouldn't result in arrest for public indecency and putting you balls on the line (or at least a closely associated part of the body). Of course, I'm kind of stuck with the FMA idea of extending a part of the body. In her case, she extended her finger (why fingers, I'll never know) in giant blades, which, if applied to a more lust-connected part of the body, would also come with quite a high risk of injury to one's partner and/or hand.

    The ability to induce intense lust in men but give them impotence at the same time.

    Thomamelas on
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    CyvrosCyvros Registered User regular
    edited July 2008
    Thomamelas wrote: »
    Scalfin wrote: »
    I was thinking up powers to match with reach of the seven deadly sins when I realized that there is no power that would be closely associated with lust that wouldn't result in arrest for public indecency and putting you balls on the line (or at least a closely associated part of the body). Of course, I'm kind of stuck with the FMA idea of extending a part of the body. In her case, she extended her finger (why fingers, I'll never know) in giant blades, which, if applied to a more lust-connected part of the body, would also come with quite a high risk of injury to one's partner and/or hand.

    The ability to induce intense lust in men but give them impotence at the same time.

    I know people who wouldn't consider this the worst possible superpower...

    Cyvros on
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    psycojesterpsycojester Registered User regular
    edited July 2008
    Yeah but imagine the costume you'd have to wear if you became blue-balls girl.

    psycojester on
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
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    ServoServo Registered User, ClubPA regular
    edited July 2008
    that's about enough of that

    Servo on
    newsigs.jpg
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    Mr PinkMr Pink I got cats for youRegistered User regular
    edited July 2008
    Aw Servo, why you gotta ruin our blue balls fun?

    What about if you woke up one day and never had to take a dump again? You could eat whatever you want, but you never needed to poop. Sure, it would be awesome for a few days. "Bathroom break? No thanks!" But eventually you would start to remember the good old days. Reading on the pot. Whipping out the DS for a quick touch-session (innuendo!). Eventually you would come to realize that you miss pooping.

    The worst power ever.

    Mr Pink on
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    Robos A Go GoRobos A Go Go Registered User regular
    edited July 2008
    I'd wonder where all that waste is going. Some kind of pocket universe?

    I'd swallow a note saying, "Apologies for all the poop I'm dropping on you," just in case I was causing anyone trouble.

    Robos A Go Go on
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    Mr PinkMr Pink I got cats for youRegistered User regular
    edited July 2008
    Man that's a good TOP.

    Mr Pink on
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    CyvrosCyvros Registered User regular
    edited July 2008
    I'd wonder where all that waste is going. Some kind of pocket universe?

    I'd swallow a note saying, "Apologies for all the poop I'm dropping on you," just in case I was causing anyone trouble.

    Sounds like some kind of cool wormhole. I want one of these, only with an adjustable position.

    Cyvros on
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    Panicman123Panicman123 Registered User regular
    edited July 2008
    The ability to explode. Nuff said.

    "I am a villain, the world is mine!'
    "Not if I, BoomBoy, has his way wiBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!"
    "Oh my god, he's everywhere! sweet lord he's on everything! Why? Oh man, oh man, oh christ."

    Panicman123 on
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    Me Too!Me Too! __BANNED USERS regular
    edited July 2008
    Servo wrote: »
    that's about enough of that

    I was going to post Power Girl but I got lazy

    Me Too! on
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    Lave IILave II Registered User regular
    edited July 2008
    The ability to remove consent.

    And it only manifests itself when your in physical contact and 'excited', hulk stylee.

    That would shit balls.

    Lave II on
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    Regina FongRegina Fong Allons-y, Alonso Registered User regular
    edited July 2008
    Charmy wrote: »
    We had a thread like this a long time ago, and one of the responses was so great I had to save it.
    Malkor wrote:
    As a young man your father, an eminent super computer architect took you to his lab the day he unveiled his magnum opus. Coincidentally, or as fate would have it, the lab next door was doing tests on radioactive pandas. The pandas show incredible intelligence, and quietly escape while the scientists are waiting for what is sure to be the greatest achievement in science ever ever. Being ignored by your family, you start to walk away from the crowd towards the room where the central proccesing unit is located. Unbeknownst to all but your father and possibly, the leader of the pandas, at the very heart of the computer is a miniature gamma bomb in perpetual stasis. In a supreme act of kindness and empathy, the panda storms into the room, grabs you by the scruff of the neck, and attempts to drag you away as your favorite crusty ass retainer causes a chain reaction when the computer is powered on for the first time. After the dust settles and the bodies are cleaned up there's no trace of you or the Panda.

    Not even a single solitary molecule.

    Skip forward to the year 4006, the Earth is at the center of a glorious technocracy with each marvel more marvelous than the last. Mrs. Hannah al-Salkini-Tsukino's third grade science class is putting the finishing touches on thier 2rd period science project. One of the students, goofing off, puts her space-retainer in the particle accelerator causing a large explosion. Once most of the children's bodies have been sponged up as best as possible and identified the authorities take note of one single survivor, and the carcass of a panda, an animal that has been extinct for 10 years. You wake up to this new world to find that you are now embued with the strength, dexterity and sexual prowess of a panda, and the intelligence and neural plasticity of the fastest Vista-ready super computer of the early 21st century.

    Having no prospects for a normal life, the equivalent education of a fetus, and the computational power of a child's wrist watch, you decide to dedicate your life to fighting crime much like your favorite comic book heroes would. You are now known as Panda Dan, the 21st Century Computer Man. You connect to the internet to look up crime-fighting on SuperPedia, and are immediately accosted by a hacker. You spend the next twenty years as a walking spam-bot, sort of like Johnny Mnemonic, but more lame if that's possible.
    It is

    Someone eventaully gives you McAfee VirusScan, but it only makes things worse.

    A truly tragic existence.


    Oh my God. :lol:

    Regina Fong on
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    cytorakcytorak Registered User regular
    edited July 2008
    The ability control reality...but only in alternate dimensions other than the one you exist in and no way of telling what your power does to that alternate dimension.

    cytorak on
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    DelduwathDelduwath Registered User regular
    edited July 2008
    Being made of butter.

    I guess you could help some people make their baked potatoes less dry, but you can only do it so many times.

    Delduwath on
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    ServoServo Registered User, ClubPA regular
    edited July 2008
    i don't think i'd want to eat a baked potato that had some freak's drippings all over it though

    Servo on
    newsigs.jpg
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    DayspringDayspring the Phoenician Registered User regular
    edited July 2008
    Ejaculating laser beams would be problematic, whether you wanted to fight crime with your power or not.

    Dayspring on
    My Warhammer stuff online: Youtube Twitter Insta
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