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Need advice for some grown up drama

mellestadmellestad Registered User regular
edited July 2008 in Help / Advice Forum
Hey guys. So, I'm middle twenties, my wife is upper twenties. I've got a one year old daughter (adorable!) and my mother in law is a live in nanny because my wife and I both work. I'm a good guy from a good family, no problems growing up, white picket fence, etc.

My wife's side of the family is a little bit rowdier. Which leads to my current situation. My wife's, mother's husband (step-father-in-law?) is a three time loser who has spent half his adult life in prison or jail. The last go-around he was in for about two years, which is the time I was courting my wife. He is not a bad guy , when he is sober and clean(still an asshole to his wife though). But from all the stories I have heard once he gets messed up he is verbally abusive, and occasionally physically abusive. He is basically a piece of shit, in that pathetic loser who cannot run his own life and be an adult kind of way.

So he was in prison, rehab, I'll never mess up again, blah blah. He was good for about a month and then the FIRST day he was alone, which was today, he goes out job hunting in another city, and when he comes back to the place he is staying (not my house), he is fucked up.

So, long lead in, short question. How do I get this idiot out without property damage, assault, and general ass-hattery? I don't think he will be a problem sober, but my mother in law will tell him to go to hell, he'll go get high and/or drunk and come back and raise a ruckus. Is there any way to remove him without a fuss, and make it stick? I just don't want stupid shit to go down in my home around my kid. She deserves better than that, and so does everyone else involved in this.

To top it off he has hepatitis, so I don't want to be in a situation where I have to defend myself if he goes loco.

I know, I know. Call the cops, get a restraining order.

Stupid piece of shit.

mellestad on

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    GafotoGafoto Registered User regular
    edited July 2008
    A little more info would be handy. What is the living situation among all the parties? I mean, you can just tell him he isn't welcome in your home and he has no legal rights to stand on.

    Gafoto on
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    mellestadmellestad Registered User regular
    edited July 2008
    He was staying at my place while he looked for a job. He couldn't find one (not easy when you are felon), and so he moved to a nearby town with my grandmother in law for a couple days to look for work there.

    And I know I can tell him to bugger off, I'm just wondering if there is technique involved that will help mitigate drunken rage the night after. And it isn't like he could go anywhere, I live in the middle of nowhere, he doesn't even have a car. It is 15 miles to the nearest town, 1 mile to the nearest nieghbor, everyone he knows thinks he is a piece or crap. His mom lives in Tennessee though...maybe I could pawn him off on her, she does live with a cop. Hmm.

    mellestad on
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    DrFrylockDrFrylock Registered User regular
    edited July 2008
    If he's not staying at your place, it's no problem.

    I'm guessing because your mother-in-law (his wife) is staying in your house, that means that he's now back "in the picture," though. If you don't want him staying in your house, then don't let him come over to your house. However, you have to understand that your mother-in-law is still his wife, and that he is still her husband. She may not take kindly to you continuing to extract free babysitting from her while you diss her husband, to whom she's obligated. Unless your mother-in-law wants a divorce, I'd suggest finding some third-party, non-family childcare and helping your mother-in-law and her husband find someplace to live that is not your house.

    DrFrylock on
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    mellestadmellestad Registered User regular
    edited July 2008
    Ah hell. This is probably not the correct forum for this question, the situation is too complex and I doubt I can explain everyone's motivations and get an informed opinion.

    I'm an fricking adult for crying out loud, I can solve my own problems.

    If a mod peeks in, feel free to lock/delete. Thanks for the help guys, I appreciate it, I obviously needed to vent.

    mellestad on
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    SentrySentry Registered User regular
    edited July 2008
    What are the terms of his probation? I assume since he just got out, he should still be on it. Find out if there are conditions on it regarding drugs or alcohol, then call his PO.

    Sentry on
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    mellestadmellestad Registered User regular
    edited July 2008
    State sentence, no early release, so no PO. :(

    mellestad on
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    ceresceres When the last moon is cast over the last star of morning And the future has past without even a last desperate warningRegistered User, Moderator mod
    edited July 2008
    You are right in that this is not a problem easily solved by a mess of uninformed strangers, however I daresay one or two in the group have been where you are and have some advice to give.

    Dr. Frylock's advice is good.. if she is willing to go through with a separation, then this is easy. If not... well, you may need to look into other living arrangements, for the safety of your family.

    ceres on
    And it seems like all is dying, and would leave the world to mourn
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    mellestadmellestad Registered User regular
    edited July 2008
    Well, that is good advice. She has given him an "ultimatum" that if he screwed up she was done with him, because her granddaughter meant more to her than he did. I will talk to her and see if she means to follow through.

    mellestad on
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    mellestadmellestad Registered User regular
    edited July 2008
    Hmm, well I went and talked to my wife, then to her. Tomorrow I'll tell him he cannot come back to our house, and my mother in law said she already told him off, so we will see what happens. She said she would push it to a divorce if she had to. I don't know if she has the stomach for that but I guess we will see.

    mellestad on
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    OremLKOremLK Registered User regular
    edited July 2008
    If you think he's just going to come back stumbling drunk (and possibly physically violent) the next day you might think about getting someone over and changing your locks. I don't really know the situation or how far he would go (in terms of breaking windows or whatever) though, or even if something that dramatic would be necessary.

    OremLK on
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