The new forums will be named Coin Return (based on the most recent vote)! You can check on the status and timeline of the transition to the new forums here.
The Guiding Principles and New Rules document is now in effect.
How Do I Change What I'm Attracted To?
Windbit
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
I'm sure everyone knows by now what I'm talking about in the title (if not, look at my username). I'm fed up. Is there a way for me to change what type of woman I find attractive? I'm a virgin; if my first time is with a thin girl (Not that I think anyone will be the least interested in me...), will that condition me towards finding leaner woman more attractive?
Windbit on
0
This discussion has been closed.
Posts
I'm guessing from the context of your message you are attracted to larger women, but I don't get that from your screen name. There's nothing wrong with that. You can't really control what gets you going, so just think about why you feel this is a bad thing for you to feel, when it's completely cool and natural.
This thread will probably devolve into the catastrophe most of your threads do, Windbit, but you need to see a therapist. Theres nothing wrong with being attracted to larger women. I'm attracted to girls with higher than average pitched voices. I dont know why, and i dont really care. I just accept it as just my preference and go with it.
I wish I could just like bigger girls, but to tell the truth, I'm mentally ill. I can't feel right finding any woman who is heavier, even slightly, attractive. I always hear about how too much body fat is bad for you in the media, and about a year ago I had tried to research to see if things are as bad as they make it out to be. As far as I can tell, it is.
I've started seeing a therapist again, and I just saw a psychiatrist today who wants me to change my anti-anxiety medication to something that he hopes will help me better. However, I don't think I'll ever have peace of mind liking heavier women. In fact, I don't think I'll be able to stop worrying unless I start trying to find women who are borderline underweight attractive.
I know people can't understand why I feel this way, but I do, and telling me to stop worrying won't help. I just want a way out.
T-Nation blog
At least your preference isn't a major independent cause of heart disease, diabetes, and even some types of cancer apparently.
I'm not doing this because of society: I'm doing this because I have developed a severe obsession with body fat and health that I can't deal with anymore.
I personally think that chubbier girls are beautiful, and I'd like nothing more than to hear medical experts all of a sudden say that being slightly overweight is not a risk, but they don't. In fact, many say that it is best to be as close to the bottom of the acceptable range as possible. Whenever I look at a heavier girl now, I can't help but think that the excess body fat that gives them the shape I love is also helping to destroy their health.
The only other way I could possibly rid myself of this obsession is if I could erase my memory of anything having to do with weight and health, and trust me I'd rather do that than change what I'm attracted to. But I can't.
See a therapist.
Just don't worry about it.
At this point I almost wish you're right.
Also, I started seeing a therapist in Atlanta yesterday. My next appointment isn't until next Wednesday. I wish I could see him everyday, because honestly now I'd rather sleep straight through the week until my next appointment rather than have to wait.
Maybe I am.
Another thing is, what you think you're attracted to might not even have anything to do with what your body actually responds to. You're a virgin, so believe me, emotion goes a long way towards nudging those neural pathways over a bit. I grew up thinking that my "type" was the dark-haired, dark-eyed, clean-shaven sensitive tough guy, and I spent years nursing schoolgirl crushes on David Duchovny and Paul Gross. My boyfriend, however, is a white-skinned Irishman with wavy blond hair, blue eyes, and a fiercely red beard that would do a Viking oarsman proud, and I think he's the sexiest thing on two legs. Would I still do Christian Bale in a New York minute? Probably, because he's the goddamned Batman. But I no longer fret about finding somebody to match my idealized type, because I've already got someone perfect, and my type can just deal with that.
Stop worrying about what you're attracted to, and for the love of God, don't plan your first sexual encounter around a body type. This isn't behavioural conditioning, and you shouldn't be figuring out how many skinny girls you'll need to grind before you gain another level in your Compliance with Norms of Sexual Attraction skill.
So now in a few months we're gonna see a thread about how to change what kind of guy you are attracted to?
Rock Band DLC | GW:OttW - arrcd | WLD - Thortar
If that happens I'll probably kill myself.
Probably.
You're obsessed with the health risks associated with being overweight. Let me tell you something.
I am what would be considered a plus size girl. My cholesterol is Normal, my blood glucose levels are Normal, I have a strong and healthy heart, but then again, I see my Doc at the very least once a year for a physical and blood work, and I take care of myself, I eat (pretty) healthy and exercise.... all of this and I'm still "plus size"... and healthy.
I understand you have an obsession and an irrational fear, I hope your therapy helps, I do. Understand though, that it's the girl's lifestyle and also family history that's going to dictate a lot of what you're afraid of, not purely her body type.
Drill this into your head: everyone does things that are bad for them. Everyone is going to die someday, possibly because of their bad habits but possibly not. That thicker girl you think is super-hot but in danger of heart disease? May outlive your skinny ass for years because she's healthy and you got hit by a bus due to your road-crossing habit. Stick with your therapist and stop making stupid threads about this.
If you really love someone, appearance is not so important anymore after awhile. After all, for every hot chick in the world, there's some guy who just couldn't stand her shit anymore.
In my case, there are two factors:
One, my sister is blond and was a bimbo type in high school. I was the little brother, and she beat me and made my life hell when I was younger.
Two, my first real crush was on a girl with dark hair and a dark personality. She was beautiful and rebellious. We were just slightly more than friends throughout my entire middle and high school years, but nothing serious ever came from our relationship.
So, I hate blond bimbo girls and dont find them attractive at all, while dark or auburn haired, smokey eyed independent and dangerously sexy girls bring me to my knees.
This is a bad thing for me, and I've also wanted to change this in myself, because as it turns out many girls with these features are the shallow insane soul sucking type, which is bad because I am the typical nice guy type.
You have serious anxiety issues.
That's it. That's the one thing causing your problems with women. It's good you're seeking help, just keep doing it and listening and being open to discussion. Then, one day once you're over with all your issues, you can look back at all the threads you've made and laugh at how absurd you sounded.
Until then, maybe just don't try to seek a physical relationship at all. Wait until you clear your baggage before you start bringing it onto someone else.