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So can Rachel Ray actually be trusted to create edible recipes

HarrierHarrier The Star Spangled ManRegistered User regular
edited July 2008 in Social Entropy++
I know she's considered by some to be the most annoying woman in the universe.

And I think it's Teefs or Pony or somebody who has a rather unsettling anecdote about seeing her in her backyard once.

But is the food she makes any good?

I ask this because I'm looking for a Tandoori Chicken recipe, and I just happen to have come across her take on it. Objectively, I want to consider it, but on the other hand, it's Rachel Ray, and largely thanks to this board, I'm somewhat wary. So I figured I'd present it for consideration.

Also, I guess we can talk about food and cooking in this thread, and maybe we can get about a page or so along before someone starts posting Nigella pictures.

I don't wanna kill anybody. I don't like bullies. I don't care where they're from.
Harrier on
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Posts

  • NadsNads Bob Ducca Asleep in a cul-de-sac.Registered User, ClubPA regular
    edited July 2008
    Bitch smiles too fucking much.

    Nads on
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  • Macro9Macro9 Registered User regular
    edited July 2008
  • RaneadosRaneados police apologist you shouldn't have been there, obviouslyRegistered User regular
    edited July 2008
    she makes good food, she kinda has to, being on TV and all


    also apparently I am the only person at my work who hates Rachael Ray

    just guess which FN chef they hate
    you will flip your shit

    Raneados on
  • Centipede DamascusCentipede Damascus Registered User regular
    edited July 2008
    I had read on-line that Rachael Ray lives in the woods outside of New York City, so I hopped in the van and got going. I figured I could do research here and there on the way, in various "hobo cafes" where there is Internet (I could also call a few colleagues). Things went well, and I made it to New York in about fifty hours. Once in New York, I had a pretty good idea of where she lived, so I headed "upstate" to the quiet rural community she calls home.

    It's a nice enough town, with pines and cedars lining the road. The air is fresh, and the last yellow silt from pollen season lines the creek beds. An old general store advertises daily specials on medicine or cloth, and tired men in honest caps walk dogs that have real problems. Two women chat as they enter what is clearly a beloved hamburger restaurant.

    I like where she lives; it is a good place. This is why I do not like that she lives there. It is as though she does not Get it. She tries much too hard to please. A good country person waits to be pleased. Poverty cannot afford to dance.

    After some eavesdropping behind a newspaper I hear a local man mention where her house is to a new pizza delivery boy. I start the van and head there. The light is growing dim, and I have sulfured eggs to distract her dogs.

    I make a few wrong turns, out on the foggy pine forest roads, but it isn't long before I know I've found the place. I ask you, what good country family has three matching PT Cruisers. Why would she need three. I know she is married, but it just seems terrible. It makes me angry. She should not make her husband drive a PT Cruiser. No matter who he is. (Although, I have to admit, my opinion on that will soon change.)

    I park the van six miles down the road, to ward off suspicion, then sprint back to their property. As I had read, there are large dogs prowling about. I reach into my fanny sack and throw two sulfured eggs as far as I can from the house. The dogs hear the cracks and sprint away. Perfect. I've injected the eggs with Haxall's Pandemonium Chlorodyne.

    Now it's time to get up and look in the windows. The first thing I see, unfortunately, is her short husband using the bathroom. Before I can duck away I learn the awful truth: he is sweating, and he has jazz butt. The window is open, so I am spared no detail, no matter how quickly I try to creep away. Oh god how awful, how awful to live with Rachael Ray. How awful to watch what happens. How awful to eat what happens.

    Centipede Damascus on
  • HarrierHarrier The Star Spangled Man Registered User regular
    edited July 2008
    Macro9 wrote: »
    Six pages back, man

    Come on

    I scanned the first five, that's standard SE protocol

    Harrier on
    I don't wanna kill anybody. I don't like bullies. I don't care where they're from.
  • DogDog Registered User, Administrator, Vanilla Staff admin
    edited July 2008
    id totally hit it

    at least twice

    Unknown User on
  • Macro9Macro9 Registered User regular
    edited July 2008
    Raneados wrote: »
    she makes good food, she kinda has to, being on TV and all


    also apparently I am the only person at my work who hates Rachael Ray

    just guess which FN chef they hate
    you will flip your shit

    Do not say Alton Brown

    Macro9 on
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  • RedeemerRedeemer Registered User regular
    edited July 2008
    Oh god I've been waiting for this thread

    $40 A Day is basically the worst/best show ever

    She's so transparent whenever she doesn't like something. She'll only comment on how much there is

    Also worst tipper in the world

    Redeemer on
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  • RaneadosRaneados police apologist you shouldn't have been there, obviouslyRegistered User regular
    edited July 2008
    Macro9 wrote: »
    Raneados wrote: »
    she makes good food, she kinda has to, being on TV and all


    also apparently I am the only person at my work who hates Rachael Ray

    just guess which FN chef they hate
    you will flip your shit

    Do not say Alton Brown

    Alton

    fucking

    Brown

    Raneados on
  • Garlic BreadGarlic Bread i'm a bitch i'm a bitch i'm a bitch i'm a Registered User, Disagreeable regular
    edited July 2008
    Harrier wrote: »
    Macro9 wrote: »
    Six pages back, man

    Come on

    I scanned the first five, that's standard SE protocol

    it's on the first page

    Garlic Bread on
  • I'd Fuck Chuck Lidell UpI'd Fuck Chuck Lidell Up Registered User regular
    edited July 2008
    Raneados wrote: »
    she makes good food, she kinda has to, being on TV and all


    also apparently I am the only person at my work who hates Rachael Ray

    just guess which FN chef they hate
    you will flip your shit

    tell me it's Alton Brown and i will personally kill everyone at your work

    edit:OOH MY GOD WHAT?

    LIKE SERIOUSLY?

    HOW DO YOU DO THAT?

    I'd Fuck Chuck Lidell Up on
  • Macro9Macro9 Registered User regular
    edited July 2008
    Raneados wrote: »
    Macro9 wrote: »
    Raneados wrote: »
    she makes good food, she kinda has to, being on TV and all


    also apparently I am the only person at my work who hates Rachael Ray

    just guess which FN chef they hate
    you will flip your shit

    Do not say Alton Brown

    Alton

    fucking

    Brown

    My world is collapsing as I type this.

    Such an evil thing to think. To say it out loud? It is just fucking wrong.

    Macro9 on
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  • Centipede DamascusCentipede Damascus Registered User regular
    edited July 2008
    what on earth could you have against Alton Brown

    Centipede Damascus on
  • RaneadosRaneados police apologist you shouldn't have been there, obviouslyRegistered User regular
    edited July 2008
    it's Alton brown

    the people where I work all hate Alton Brown and like Rachael Ray

    I told them I couldn't deal with their shit and took my lunch break

    Raneados on
  • Macro9Macro9 Registered User regular
    edited July 2008
    I hope they choke on that stupid fucking baby talk.

    Macro9 on
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  • RaneadosRaneados police apologist you shouldn't have been there, obviouslyRegistered User regular
    edited July 2008
    get this

    "too many facts and science and stuff"

    barf

    Raneados on
  • HarrierHarrier The Star Spangled Man Registered User regular
    edited July 2008
    Keith wrote: »
    Harrier wrote: »
    Macro9 wrote: »
    Six pages back, man

    Come on

    I scanned the first five, that's standard SE protocol

    it's on the first page
    Keith I don't recall asking for your opinion

    Harrier on
    I don't wanna kill anybody. I don't like bullies. I don't care where they're from.
  • RinderRinder Registered User regular
    edited July 2008
    Raneados wrote: »
    it's Alton brown

    the people where I work all hate Alton Brown and like Rachael Ray

    I told them I couldn't deal with their shit and took my lunch break

    Good Eats is sooo good tho. How can anybody hate it? Those people have no brains.

    Rinder on
  • RaneadosRaneados police apologist you shouldn't have been there, obviouslyRegistered User regular
    edited July 2008
    Rinder wrote: »
    Raneados wrote: »
    it's Alton brown

    the people where I work all hate Alton Brown and like Rachael Ray

    I told them I couldn't deal with their shit and took my lunch break

    Good Eats is sooo good tho. How can anybody hate it? Those people have no brain.

    people don't usually share brains you're right

    Raneados on
  • Macro9Macro9 Registered User regular
    edited July 2008
    How does someones mind form such atrocious thoughts?

    Macro9 on
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  • FalloutFallout GIRL'S DAY WAS PRETTY GOOD WHILE THEY LASTEDRegistered User regular
    edited July 2008
    i like alton brown and to a lesser extent rachel ray

    i dislike bobby flay (fucking yankee) and paula dean (i swear i saw her stuff a turkey with oysters or something once)

    Fallout on
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  • FaricazyFaricazy Registered User regular
    edited July 2008
    Soon I have crept around to the back deck and I see the small husband, an Italian fellow, walk delicately into the large dine-in kitchen. Rachael is there and, away from the cameras, she wears Mickey Mouse clothing from head to toe. Even her house slippers have things on them which make it clear they are a Mickey Mouse product. She stirs a large pot of something I cannot see clearly; I hear her tell the little husband that it is her "Astronaut Turkey Smackers." I do not know how something called a "smacker," or meant for astronauts, can be prepared in a large pot. It seems that outer space demands special, careful foods. I feel lost. The husband, too, has the same feeling. He sneaks off to the driveway and takes a big sip of Amstel from a hidden place in the back of the third PT Cruiser. He has done this before.

    Soon the pizza delivery boy pulls into view, but he stops a hundred yards down the road. He leaves a pizza box near a fencepost, picks up a rock, and removes what looks like cash. The husband does not look in his direction, but when he has heard the boy's engine fade away he sprints to the pie and ravenously consumes several slices. He then hides the box beneath large dried cedar branches, perhaps for later. It is a gamble, as animals may eat it, but it looks to me that he lives by playing at odds. He wipes wet leaves and pine needles on his mouth, on his tongue, to hide the smells.

    Rachael steps out to the front porch and yells, "JAAAAHN? JOHN-BOY? YOU OUT THERE?"

    The husband panics, and yells back, "I...I was chasing a rabbit! It looked like it was hurt!"

    "Well, was it?"

    "I guess not, Rach, 'cause he sure got away fast!"

    "Get back in here! I just got an idea for Hobgoblin Turkey Gobblers! You know, kind of a Halloween thing!"

    "Sounds awesome, Rach! What's...what's in it?"

    "I'll figure that out later! Come in here and try the Smackers, and quit makin' me yell. You know I'm doin' twelve shows tomorrow!"

    He whispers his reply: "Sure thing, Rach!"

    "WHAAAAAAT?"

    "Sorry, Rach! Be there in a sec!"

    The dogs finally start to howl and convulse in the woods behind the house, so they run off to see what is the matter. I am disgusted with them both; I do not want to confront this terrible situation as much as I thought I did. I want to be gone, away from these two. It is all I can do to go into the house, make myself sick on a plate, and leave it by the stove. "Amateur hour," I know.

    Not too long after that I am back in the van, headed for home. I am disappointed, and it takes me a good sixty hours to reach California. When I turn on the television, there is Rachael Ray, serving a meal of Astronaut Turkey Smackers. A telltale stain of iodine shows just past the cuff of a long shirt sleeve: she has been bitten by a crazed dog.

    In a way, I have communicated with her, but I would not call it a conversation.

    Faricazy on
  • RinderRinder Registered User regular
    edited July 2008
    I was just a little too slow there.

    Rinder on
  • DogDog Registered User, Administrator, Vanilla Staff admin
    edited July 2008
    motorboating rachel ray

    by robo thero

    Unknown User on
  • Blake TBlake T Do you have enemies then? Good. That means you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.Registered User regular
    edited July 2008
    I like food I suppose.

    I ate a passionfruit yesterday.

    Blake T on
  • Centipede DamascusCentipede Damascus Registered User regular
    edited July 2008
    robothero wrote: »
    motorboating rachel ray

    by robo thero

    will rachael ray get her boobies this year

    Centipede Damascus on
  • RinderRinder Registered User regular
    edited July 2008
    I ate a dragonfruit once. A foul fruit it was.

    Rinder on
  • FizFiz Registered User regular
    edited July 2008
    Redeemer wrote: »
    Oh god I've been waiting for this thread

    $40 A Day is basically the worst/best show ever

    She's so transparent whenever she doesn't like something. She'll only comment on how much there is

    Also worst tipper in the world

    DON'T GET ME STARTED ON THIS WOMAN

    First tip in the Rachel Ray $40 a day thing? Limit what you order to the appetizers and soup portion of the menu. She always tries to make this seem less sad by going "they include a bowl for the soup, a spoon, and even some crackers! WOW!"

    This is not the worst thing in the world, but if you are traveling in a new area you are probably doing a lot of footwork and it is important to make sure your body is getting the calories it needs to function properly. She also has this thing where she will order tap water because it is free. She might get a cup of tea if it is under a dollar, but even then it's pretty watery.

    I remember one time they tried to comp her because she is Rachel Ray and she didn't include the price that it would have been otherwise. This is not a helpful travel tip for people on a budget.

    I fully expect later seasons of this show will capture her spiraling descent into madness. It'll start off with something that seems unnecessarily cheap at first; maybe she will advise people to use a drinking fountain as a mid-day snack. Then she will randomly bring up that some countries eat things that we would find shocking, and that the recession we are currently facing has caused an increase in the number of stray cats.

    There is a video on youtube that is just a compilation of every time she takes the tiniest bite and then goes "MMM". It sickens me how she will look over the cheapest part of the menu, choose the plainest item so she won't have to experience anything new, and then do a half-assed reaction when it doesn't wow her. Maybe if you ordered off a menu that didn't have a train-shaped map on the back side you could appreciate what the city has to offer?!

    Then they had her on that food network star competition, and she's just screaming over the contestants in what I assume is some sort of plan to see if they can be the person to take the stage. But she is such a shrill bitch that even if a person does get assertive she says they are giving her attitude.

    I would rather butter up Paula Deen than eat a single dish prepared by this vile woman.

    Fiz on
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  • JifoochizomitJifoochizomit Registered User regular
    edited July 2008
    Anthony Bourdain has unwavering hatred for all things Rachel Ray, and let's be honest, Bourdain rules.

    Jifoochizomit on
    XBOX Live Gamertag: The Hobultimate
    Games: CoD4, Halo 3
  • FaricazyFaricazy Registered User regular
    edited July 2008
    at least paula dean makes food

    food that will kill you, but you'll die happy

    Faricazy on
  • FalloutFallout GIRL'S DAY WAS PRETTY GOOD WHILE THEY LASTEDRegistered User regular
    edited July 2008
    fiz if you're taking rachel ray's food network tv show $40 A Day as serious life/crisis advice then i think we need to have a chat

    Fallout on
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  • FalloutFallout GIRL'S DAY WAS PRETTY GOOD WHILE THEY LASTEDRegistered User regular
    edited July 2008
    paula dean can go to hell

    Fallout on
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  • HarrierHarrier The Star Spangled Man Registered User regular
    edited July 2008
    robothero wrote: »
    motorboating rachel ray

    by robo thero

    will rachael ray get her boobies this year
    Nah, thero should probably stick with Giada

    Or Nigella

    Or Paual Dean

    Harrier on
    I don't wanna kill anybody. I don't like bullies. I don't care where they're from.
  • RedeemerRedeemer Registered User regular
    edited July 2008
    This is borderline pornography

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1WxP6MGvO_s

    Redeemer on
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  • CriticalCritical Registered User regular
    edited July 2008
    Raneados wrote: »
    it's Alton brown

    the people where I work all hate Alton Brown and like Rachael Ray

    I told them I couldn't deal with their shit and took my lunch break

    I would let Alton Brown fuck me in the barnhole as long as he was explaining the science behind the procedure as he was doing it. And then I would make him bake me quiche or something.

    Just set them all on fire.

    Critical on
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  • RedeemerRedeemer Registered User regular
    edited July 2008
    Faricazy wrote: »
    at least paula dean makes food

    food that will kill you, but you'll die happy

    Two sticks of butter in her cornbread muffin mix

    She then took a finished muffin and buttered it up

    Redeemer on
    25jyxzr.jpg
  • DarkPrimusDarkPrimus Registered User regular
    edited July 2008
    Before anyone asks, that post by Faricrazy was written by Nice Pete, who is a serial killer from Achewood.

    DarkPrimus on
  • Centipede DamascusCentipede Damascus Registered User regular
    edited July 2008
    Rachael Ray was so much better before her voice got all raspy and shrill

    Centipede Damascus on
  • FaricazyFaricazy Registered User regular
    edited July 2008
    i've never seen a rachel ray show

    but deemer's video has cemented this women in my head as filed under "holy fucknuts crazy"

    Faricazy on
  • HarrierHarrier The Star Spangled Man Registered User regular
    edited July 2008
    Redeemer wrote: »
    Faricazy wrote: »
    at least paula dean makes food

    food that will kill you, but you'll die happy

    Two sticks of butter in her cornbread muffin mix

    She then took a finished muffin and buttered it up
    That's Southern cooking for you.

    I'm pretty glad I live in Texas, where we have plenty of Mexican food to balance all the butter.

    Harrier on
    I don't wanna kill anybody. I don't like bullies. I don't care where they're from.
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