You have no idea what you'll do. There is no plan for this. There is no book or college course for this. A lot of it depends on the kids personality and disposition. You won't believe how much of that is out of your hands right out of the gate. I just want him to know I love him, that I'll do my best to listen and that I will teach him anything I know and help him learn anything that I don't know.
Putting money away for college is good, but it's really a whole shit load bigger than that.
You have no idea what you'll do. There is no plan for this. There is no book or college course for this. A lot of it depends on the kids personality and disposition. You won't believe how much of that is out of your hands right out of the gate. I just want him to know I love him, that I'll do my best to listen and that I will teach him anything I know and help him learn anything that I don't know.
Putting money away for college is good, but it's really a whole shit load bigger than that.
I don't want kids, or at least im not interested in the conventional path of marriage and raising my own family. At most I'd adopt a child years and years down the road when money isnt something I have to worry about.
Should that scenario happen I really don't know how good of a parent I would be, but I would let the child know that I love him or her unconditionally and am there to support him/her (especially so since the kid's adopted).
I Honestly cannot imagine what sort of parent i would be. I would hope to be able to walk the thin line between cloying/attentive, protective/overbearing, trusting/negligent. But really tese thing are all any parent should hope to be. I'd hope that I would have something worthwhile to teach them, if only that they need to find something worthwhile to learn.
I imagine I'll be the sort of parent who gives their child freedoms other parents would view as disproportionate, and quietly determine my skills lacking at the school gates in the mornings.
I had an awful lot of freedom growing up, probably from the age of 6 onwards, that a lot of people seem to find amazing. My mum was often left to her own devices herself and didn't want to deprive me of the same opportunites she had. I often meet people now who had a lot more restrictions on what they could and couldn't do and it sounds insufferable. As long as my hypothetical children were polite and well-behaved and not little hooligans I would try and do the same for them.
The only thing I would insist upon is that they play a musical instrument, if only for a little while if they really hate it. My mum was a music teacher and told me I had to play one, and I begrudgingly chose the violin. I hated it for years but now I'm glad I did, it ended up influencing what I did at college and my future career.
Of course, this all depends on what kind of parent my future wife would be!
Personal Story. I would play sport on Saturdays when I was a kid. My reward after is that my dad would let me buy some junk food and a drink after the game.
One day I walked into the shop with the money that my dad gave me. I didnt have enough, but the lady let me get what I wanted anyway... I was quite pleased with myself. I thought I'd gotten away with something!
I went back to the car and told my dad. He then searched the car, high and low for the rest of the money (it was a really trivial amount), and told me to go back and give it to them. I asked why... He didnt make a big deal about it, he just said "They're trying to make a living. Its the right thing to do".
Thats the day I decided I wanted to be like my dad.
If I can achieve the same thing with my kids, I'll be a happy man.
I imagine I'll be the kind of parent who "accidentally" drowns their kids or "mistakenly" sells them into slavery, assuming that post-natal abortions aren't legal or something.
Kids are the worst. They're basically mentally retarded, drooling, disgusting little homunculi. They also eat up your food, money and time, they make you worry about them getting run over or joining a cult, and are not even fucking close to as cute as cats, which are, unlike kids, completely awesome.
I'm all for making clones of myself, because like all other potential parents I'm a narcissist. But there are better ways to spread your influence than making genetic copies of yourself. This is why I want to become a famous author instead of having kids. Ironically, I'm writing a children's book.
The kind who pays child support and is never there if one of the little accidents ever entered my life.
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Toxic ToysAre you really taking my advice?Really?Registered Userregular
edited July 2008
I'm the stern but fair parent that doesn't take any crap.
My little girl is 5 and she some how thinks that she can pout about something and get her way. When I see that happening I tell her to go to her room and pout. When she is ready to be a big girl again, she can come out and talk to me. A few minutes later she is done, we have a chat about why or why not she can/can't do X and it's over.
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I imagine I'll be the kind of parent who "accidentally" drowns their kids or "mistakenly" sells them into slavery, assuming that post-natal abortions aren't legal or something.
Kids are the worst. They're basically mentally retarded, drooling, disgusting little homunculi. They also eat up your food, money and time, they make you worry about them getting run over or joining a cult, and are not even fucking close to as cute as cats, which are, unlike kids, completely awesome.
I was with you until you said cats... then I realized you're completely insane.
The correct order is:
Dogs > * > cats > babies
And if one of my sperm happens to defeat the overwhelming odds (tighty-whities, laptops on actual lap, and multitudes of birth control measures) then I fully plan on being exactly like my parents, and fucking the kid up mentally.
My parents told me that the woods around our apartment complex were full of "rapists with dogs" when I was little. This shit scared me so much that I barely went outside. Until like jr-high school. Fuckers.
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DrakeEdgelord TrashBelow the ecliptic plane.Registered Userregular
I imagine I'll be the kind of parent who "accidentally" drowns their kids or "mistakenly" sells them into slavery, assuming that post-natal abortions aren't legal or something.
Kids are the worst. They're basically mentally retarded, drooling, disgusting little homunculi. They also eat up your food, money and time, they make you worry about them getting run over or joining a cult, and are not even fucking close to as cute as cats, which are, unlike kids, completely awesome.
I'm all for making clones of myself, because like all other potential parents I'm a narcissist. But there are better ways to spread your influence than making genetic copies of yourself. This is why I want to become a famous author instead of having kids. Ironically, I'm writing a children's book.
See this right here. This is why all of those books are shit.
Seriously though, it's good that you are honest about this. I agree that you shouldn't have kids either, unless you get to a different place in your life. God knows, I put it off forever because of things I wanted to do, and a kid would have been a huge liability. I sounded just like you back then too, so don't write kids out of your future yet.
Good luck on your book. I hope you write a bestseller. I'm sure there are a bunch of incredible children's authors who don't have kids either. Hell, being a parent is probably a liability there. Having a kid has wrapped up most of the time I used to spend writing and playing music.
Personal Story. I would play sport on Saturdays when I was a kid. My reward after is that my dad would let me buy some junk food and a drink after the game.
One day I walked into the shop with the money that my dad gave me. I didnt have enough, but the lady let me get what I wanted anyway... I was quite pleased with myself. I thought I'd gotten away with something!
I went back to the car and told my dad. He then searched the car, high and low for the rest of the money (it was a really trivial amount), and told me to go back and give it to them. I asked why... He didnt make a big deal about it, he just said "They're trying to make a living. Its the right thing to do".
Thats the day I decided I wanted to be like my dad.
If I can achieve the same thing with my kids, I'll be a happy man.
I hope you had the chance to tell him that, cos its wonderful, and he'd be made up!
My first dad died when I was 13. I still miss him, lots. I didn't get the chance to tell him things I wanted to, cos my mum didn't tell me he was dying. My second dad is dying now, same blasted cancer (I wonder sometimes what my mum feeds her husbands). He knows how much I love him, what he means to me and my children - we tell him on a regular basis. he saved my mum - she drank lots after my first dad died, and met an abusive man. My second dad loved her better - even if I didn't like him, I'd love him for giving me my mum back. He knows this, too.
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TrueHereticXWe are the future Charles, not them. They no longer matter.Sydney, AustraliaRegistered Userregular
edited August 2008
I'm hoping I'll be a good dad
Here's the basics of what I want to do
- Teaching my kids how to read
- Teaching them that they are individuals and should do things that are comfortable to them
- Play sports with them
That's all i can think of right now, but basically I want to be more of a dad than my dad was.
Don't get me wrong, I love me Dad, he's my dad, but we don't have much in common and we don't really get along all that well at all, plus he NEVER did kid stuff with me when i was younger (like play catch or touch football or soccer)
I'm going to be the dad who is the opposite of the dad who at the day camp I work, when I told him his son was being completely disrespectful to the rules of the camp, and flat out telling me "no" when I asked him to do completely reasonable things, told me "Oh, he's a little rebel ain't he?"
I've been wondering - is it OK to get high and play with your baby?
Because I always have a great time with cats or dogs when high, it only seems logical that playing games with a baby would be more enjoyable with an altered state of conscious.
And no, I am not asking about being piss drunk in front of a kid - I know the answer to that one.
I've been wondering - is it OK to get high and play with your baby?
Because I always have a great time with cats or dogs when high, it only seems logical that playing games with a baby would be more enjoyable with an altered state of conscious.
And no, I am not asking about being piss drunk in front of a kid - I know the answer to that one.
Being in an altered state of mind and playing with an infant seems like a terrible idea.
It'd depend on the age really. A year and a half and already crawling around? Can't see it as being remarkably dangerous to be slightly buzzed and with someone else around.
I also will be looking after a broad education for my children, especially languages and philosophy before the first grade. If I learned anything in school, it's that they teach you shit most of the time and the few useful things are taught the wrong way, so it's up to us to educate our children.
My girlfriend also wants them to learn an instrument (preferably cello) but I'm afraid there isn't much artistic talent coming from my side of the family. I'd be fine with anything remotely related to art though.
But really, I just hope my kids won't turn out to be retards (in the non-medical sense).
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I would like to pause for a moment, to talk about my penis.
My penis is like a toddler. A toddler—who is a perfectly normal size for his age—on a long road trip to what he thinks is Disney World. My penis is excited because he hasn’t been to Disney World in a long, long time, but remembers a time when he used to go every day. So now the penis toddler is constantly fidgeting, whining “Are we there yet? Are we there yet? How about now? Now? How about... now?”
And Disney World is nowhere in sight.
I've been wondering - is it OK to get high and play with your baby?
Because I always have a great time with cats or dogs when high, it only seems logical that playing games with a baby would be more enjoyable with an altered state of conscious.
And no, I am not asking about being piss drunk in front of a kid - I know the answer to that one.
No, its not OK.
I dont know where to start really - except for get the fuck over yourself.
Seriously... Who even thinks like this? Your job is to look after the child - not to experiment with ways that you can have more fun. Grow up.
I don't know. So long as it's safe for the baby, there's no problem with being a little drunk or high. I never saw my Mum drunk until I was about 18, and then it was a big shock. If there's nothing wrong with having a drink, then there's nothing wrong with letting your kid see it, is there?
Maybe it's okay to get high with your baby if your baby is also high? By the same logic, if you get high alone you annoy your friends, but if everyone gets high it's cool.
I don't know. So long as it's safe for the baby, there's no problem with being a little drunk or high.
You have to be joking, don't you???
How is it safe for a baby/toddler/small child if the responsible adult is not functioning effectively cos they're drinking alcohol or doing weed? I'm not saying don't drink or smoke, but don't do it when you're supposed to be looking after a child. Its just stupid.
If there's nothing wrong with having a drink, then there's nothing wrong with letting your kid see it, is there?
Different issue. Alcohol is a normal part of life. It is good for older children to see adults drinking responsibly, ie. 1 glass, not a whole bottle of wine, 1 beer, not a case. It teaches them that moderation is sensible. You can't wrap children up in cotton wool, but no responsible parent would expose their children to unnecessary risk.
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Man, I'm a pretty inconsiderate dick to my parents considering that they are paying me all the way through college.
I'm going to push science and learning for the fun of it really hard on my kids. I'm going to teach them hardcore skepticism, and really try to emphasize using logic to them. But basically I'm only going to buy them planet earth dvds and chemistry sets, and lots and lots of pets.
This is exactly what I'm going to do. I have to be careful with it though, I dont want to force it on my kids too hard, lest the rebel against it.
I'll also insist on some sort of sport. I want to be more honest and open with my kids than my parents were with me.
I know a lot of my friends have parents that got drunk in front of them, especially in their early and late teens... Fall-down drunk was always funny etc.
None of these people that I know have healthy drinking habits.
There's just something inherently selfish about Getting intoxicated in any way with children. You're laying aside your responsibilities for a while. I know there's degrees - and I'm not saying a glass of wine is wrong etc, but the problem is that your judgement starts to go - maybe not to a point where you cant help a child - but certainly to the point where you think "One more wont hurt..."
Here's a related question: what are your policies going to be about drugs, drinking and partying when your kid reaches the teen years? I find this is a very much contested topic, and I'm curious about what you guys think.
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I think fairly realistic.
Kids will try drugs and alcohol. Education is a big part of things. I will not condone it though - until I feel they are emotionally mature enough - and then it will be about healthy drinking habits.
I want my kids to be critical thinkers. I want them to question things and reach their own conclusions. I want to drill into them the importance of thinking about the consequences of things before doing or saying them. Part of me wants to try to shelter them from the sometimes ugly truths of the world we live in, and another part of me wants to make sure they're prepared to deal with it. Most importantly I want to make sure they understand their parents' love is unconditional, and regardless of the situation we'll be there to help.
I have no idea how I'm going to deal with the drugs, partying, drinking, and sex stuff. Somehow I feel like my parents had it easier in that regard, because they believed in absolute terms that all of it was wrong, and thus were able to send a very clear message as to their expectations. On the other hand, I don't have the same issues about alcohol, marijuana, pre-martial sex use so much as abuse. I feel like it's going to be difficult to explain or enforce the difference between the two.
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DrakeEdgelord TrashBelow the ecliptic plane.Registered Userregular
edited August 2008
A lot of the issues that go with drinking and drugs are issues that your kid will have to deal with, not so much you as a parent. Your responsibility is to prepare them for these choices. I'll give him the freedom to experiment around the house as he gets older, otherwise it's just going to happen in a time and place completely outside of my control as a parent. My parents tried to lock me down. I don't think they realized just how fast the rebellion can escalate with some teenagers. It was almost truly disastrous.
Alcohol and drugs are a part of life. Always have been, always will be. Even if he chooses to completely abstain, I don't want him to attach some kind of judgmental stigma to people who don't abstain. One of the things that really disturbs me about American society is the stunningly awesome hypocrisy of the "War on Drugs." It's just bizarre to hear about "the killer weeds" on the news, then go to commercial break and see them advertising some of the most dangerous drugs on the planet, available through your physician and pharmacist.
I'd like my kid to have a more European attitude where this is concerned. (Same with sex.)
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it wasn't unusual in my house for my dad to come home from work 2-3 nights a week and have a beer. sometimes he'd let me have a sip and the look on my face was certainly cause for amusement.
i've never really been interested in getting drunk, and alcohol is just like any other drink in my house.
as a parent, i'd like my kids to treat it the same way i do.
and i'd also like my kids to play an intrument and be fluent in french. this is pretty important to me, as this world is getting alot smaller. and speaking only one language can limit you.
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Quoththe RavenMiami, FL FOR REALRegistered Userregular
edited August 2008
One of the biggest things I learned from my mother's example is that it is important for kids to feel that they are kids, and that their parents are adults. My mother, while having many excellent qualities, is an incredibly immature person prone to irrational reactions to just about everything. Growing up, I always felt like I had to make the decisions because she was incapable of making them. I also couldn't talk to her about anything because she'd go apeshit at the drop of a hat.
So I think kids need to know that, for the most part, their parents are logical and are making sound decisions. I'm not saying everything always needs to be explained to kids, or discussed with them, but I think it's important for kids to trust their parents rather than constantly feeling the need to second-guess them.
I know what kind of parent I would want to be, and the parent I would actually be. I know that the reality would not be anywhere near as good as the ideal, and this has been one of many contributing factors towards our decision not to have kids.
Other reasons: I don't like kids, like at all. My aunt has the sweetest, most amazing kids, she and her husband are truly the perfect parents, and the kids have picked up on that. I still get bored and annoyed with them after one Christmas or Thanksgiving.. just the days themselves.
Also, my husband would make the worst father ever. His parental role models weren't strong until he was already in his teens. His ideas on parenting are awful, and besides, he hates kids even more than I do.
We are, however, the best cat parents ever (not really, but we love her and care for her like a child, without being crazy).
Drink, drugs and sex.
Drink.
1. Talk about it when it comes up - let them know that alcohol can be yummy, but that it can have a down side. I found this a bit difficult, cos my mum drank lots, and I am a bit uptight around drunk people, they can make me nervous.
2. Role model - if you drink loads, expect your children to copy.
3. Be clear about what you mean. One of our kids went to a new years party when they were 15, at a friends house. I explained that cos they were arriving late, other people may have had a bit to drink. I explained about the effects of alcohol, how long it takes to enter your bloodstream etc, and recommended that if they were planning on trying the alcohol there, have 1 drink, wait 1/2 hour before having another, and see how they felt. They only had 1 drink. Our other came home drunk, similar age, so I sent them to bed. the next day, they were hungover, and didn't understand why. I explained - they hadn't realised how strong their 1 drink had been.
4. Expect them to stuff up.
5. Stay calm when they do, help them learn from it.
Drugs.
1. Start talking way before you think it might be an issue.
2. learn what stuff is called, cos names change loads over time.
3. be clear about your views, and stick to them, whilst being prepared to debate them.
4. support them if they have difficulties.
Sex.
1. tell them about it all when they are little - gets over the "when are they old enough to know" issue, and makes it all normal.
2. tell em again, cos they'll forget.
3. repeat 2, ad infinitum, til they're fed up of it, then tell em again.
4. talk about respect for yourself and respect for others, and about love and relationships.
5. Talk about contraception.
6. talk about pregnancy - waiting til it happens by accident is too late, cos emotions can run high, and people can make silly decisions/say silly stuff.
So, where do I stand?
I'd rather my kids didn't drink alcohol, do drugs or have sex EVER!!! (fingers in ears, La, la, la-ing at this point) But realistically, it will all happen at some point.
What I did:
1. Encouraged them to try alcohol at home first, so they could see what it was like in a safe environment. 2. Encouraged them to (if they were going to do weed) to do it at home first, so I could keep an eye on them, and make sure they were safe. Stupid British laws.
3. Accepted that they are both adults, and will make their own minds up on all 3 things. Respected them and their choices, even when its not necessarily what I'd choose for them.
4. Why've I not talked about what I would do about sexually active sprogs? that's private to them.(see 3.)
Some of the things I've talked to them about have been hard for me, for a variety of reasons, but my kids are too important to me to let my stuff get in the way. They both knew all sorts of stuff when they were young - it was part of my protecting them, to give them information, so that they knew stuff before they needed to. Some of my friends didn't agree, but I had to do what I thought was right for my children.
Long post, sorry.
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Convince kid that every moment spent arguing about whether he can have the big ice-cream that we both know he won't be able to finish is a moment better spent watching out for Lions.
Here's a related question: what are your policies going to be about drugs, drinking and partying when your kid reaches the teen years? I find this is a very much contested topic, and I'm curious about what you guys think.
I drink and consume drugs, I will be relatively open about my usage of intoxicants with any children of mine, and they will know I use such things before they enter their teen "danger" years. I will encourage a great deal of caution, as well as research into the drugs themselves. I will discourage intoxicants of any sort until, say, 15 or 16, but realistically they will have probably already started by then.
A lot of stuff with my kids I will link to other activities. For example, if the kids are doing well in school, then I'd be much more inclined to let them party free of interference. I would make this policy very well known, although it wouldn't just apply to school (since I know what a huge pile of bullshit the school system is).
My kids will
-Probably play an instrument or two (not a talent that comes from me, but my bf plays guitar, bass, and a bit of piano)
-most likely not be the types to drink/do drugs, if they are anything like my future husband and I (I've had maybe 10 drinks in my life and have tried smoking but never cared for it. He is a teetotaler with zero interest i mind-altering substances).
-learn a second language, and hopefully want to learn more than that. I speak English and Spanish and I want them to, also. Or whatever second language they choose.
-will hopefully be somewhat athletic (supposing that they take after their dad, since he is quite the athlete, but I trip over my own feet fairly often).
My main things are to teach them to speak properly (having an English degree makes me endlessly snobbish about this), teach them to be well-mannered, and to be independent, respectful of authority, and financial responsible.
I also want them to be kind and good-natured, which they will have to learn from their dad
My mom was one of those who always said "no" but never followed through, and even in adulthood my siblings have little to no respect for her word. I don't want that to happen to my kids. I also really want them to be financially responsible for themselves from a young age (meaning I'm not going to agree to buy them a car just because they are 16, but if they want to earn half of it, I may be willing to help them out).
I hope they are reasonable. If I birthed an unreasonable child I would be SO upset.
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I'd go with Wolfgang personally, in case the tyke becomes a professional assassin.
I think I want to go with something inventive, ala R. Buckminster, so as to enable a friendly nickname, but not sure on it.
and a lot of them are crap.
Indeed.
Should that scenario happen I really don't know how good of a parent I would be, but I would let the child know that I love him or her unconditionally and am there to support him/her (especially so since the kid's adopted).
I had an awful lot of freedom growing up, probably from the age of 6 onwards, that a lot of people seem to find amazing. My mum was often left to her own devices herself and didn't want to deprive me of the same opportunites she had. I often meet people now who had a lot more restrictions on what they could and couldn't do and it sounds insufferable. As long as my hypothetical children were polite and well-behaved and not little hooligans I would try and do the same for them.
The only thing I would insist upon is that they play a musical instrument, if only for a little while if they really hate it. My mum was a music teacher and told me I had to play one, and I begrudgingly chose the violin. I hated it for years but now I'm glad I did, it ended up influencing what I did at college and my future career.
Of course, this all depends on what kind of parent my future wife would be! Mine too!
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One day I walked into the shop with the money that my dad gave me. I didnt have enough, but the lady let me get what I wanted anyway... I was quite pleased with myself. I thought I'd gotten away with something!
I went back to the car and told my dad. He then searched the car, high and low for the rest of the money (it was a really trivial amount), and told me to go back and give it to them. I asked why... He didnt make a big deal about it, he just said "They're trying to make a living. Its the right thing to do".
Thats the day I decided I wanted to be like my dad.
If I can achieve the same thing with my kids, I'll be a happy man.
Kids are the worst. They're basically mentally retarded, drooling, disgusting little homunculi. They also eat up your food, money and time, they make you worry about them getting run over or joining a cult, and are not even fucking close to as cute as cats, which are, unlike kids, completely awesome.
Also, it's a proven fact that having kids makes you less happy. Like with science.
I'm all for making clones of myself, because like all other potential parents I'm a narcissist. But there are better ways to spread your influence than making genetic copies of yourself. This is why I want to become a famous author instead of having kids. Ironically, I'm writing a children's book.
My little girl is 5 and she some how thinks that she can pout about something and get her way. When I see that happening I tell her to go to her room and pout. When she is ready to be a big girl again, she can come out and talk to me. A few minutes later she is done, we have a chat about why or why not she can/can't do X and it's over.
I was with you until you said cats... then I realized you're completely insane.
The correct order is:
Dogs > * > cats > babies
And if one of my sperm happens to defeat the overwhelming odds (tighty-whities, laptops on actual lap, and multitudes of birth control measures) then I fully plan on being exactly like my parents, and fucking the kid up mentally.
My parents told me that the woods around our apartment complex were full of "rapists with dogs" when I was little. This shit scared me so much that I barely went outside. Until like jr-high school. Fuckers.
See this right here. This is why all of those books are shit.
Seriously though, it's good that you are honest about this. I agree that you shouldn't have kids either, unless you get to a different place in your life. God knows, I put it off forever because of things I wanted to do, and a kid would have been a huge liability. I sounded just like you back then too, so don't write kids out of your future yet.
Good luck on your book. I hope you write a bestseller. I'm sure there are a bunch of incredible children's authors who don't have kids either. Hell, being a parent is probably a liability there. Having a kid has wrapped up most of the time I used to spend writing and playing music.
I hope you had the chance to tell him that, cos its wonderful, and he'd be made up!
My first dad died when I was 13. I still miss him, lots. I didn't get the chance to tell him things I wanted to, cos my mum didn't tell me he was dying. My second dad is dying now, same blasted cancer (I wonder sometimes what my mum feeds her husbands). He knows how much I love him, what he means to me and my children - we tell him on a regular basis. he saved my mum - she drank lots after my first dad died, and met an abusive man. My second dad loved her better - even if I didn't like him, I'd love him for giving me my mum back. He knows this, too.
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Here's the basics of what I want to do
- Teaching my kids how to read
- Teaching them that they are individuals and should do things that are comfortable to them
- Play sports with them
That's all i can think of right now, but basically I want to be more of a dad than my dad was.
Don't get me wrong, I love me Dad, he's my dad, but we don't have much in common and we don't really get along all that well at all, plus he NEVER did kid stuff with me when i was younger (like play catch or touch football or soccer)
So i want to do those things with my kids
Because I always have a great time with cats or dogs when high, it only seems logical that playing games with a baby would be more enjoyable with an altered state of conscious.
And no, I am not asking about being piss drunk in front of a kid - I know the answer to that one.
Being in an altered state of mind and playing with an infant seems like a terrible idea.
I also will be looking after a broad education for my children, especially languages and philosophy before the first grade. If I learned anything in school, it's that they teach you shit most of the time and the few useful things are taught the wrong way, so it's up to us to educate our children.
My girlfriend also wants them to learn an instrument (preferably cello) but I'm afraid there isn't much artistic talent coming from my side of the family. I'd be fine with anything remotely related to art though.
But really, I just hope my kids won't turn out to be retards (in the non-medical sense).
And Disney World is nowhere in sight.
I'd be an awesome mom. I'm pretty good with kids and I've had good role models to follow if I had my own to raise.
And I'd need to pick up Quid's slack since he'd be too busy demanding pie and playing video games/with the pets to notice we had one.
Unfortunately for my unborn children, they are 99% not going to get a chance to exist. Oops.
No, its not OK.
I dont know where to start really - except for get the fuck over yourself.
Seriously... Who even thinks like this? Your job is to look after the child - not to experiment with ways that you can have more fun. Grow up.
You have to be joking, don't you???
How is it safe for a baby/toddler/small child if the responsible adult is not functioning effectively cos they're drinking alcohol or doing weed? I'm not saying don't drink or smoke, but don't do it when you're supposed to be looking after a child. Its just stupid.
Different issue. Alcohol is a normal part of life. It is good for older children to see adults drinking responsibly, ie. 1 glass, not a whole bottle of wine, 1 beer, not a case. It teaches them that moderation is sensible. You can't wrap children up in cotton wool, but no responsible parent would expose their children to unnecessary risk.
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"The power of the weirdness compels me."
This is exactly what I'm going to do. I have to be careful with it though, I dont want to force it on my kids too hard, lest the rebel against it.
I'll also insist on some sort of sport. I want to be more honest and open with my kids than my parents were with me.
I will not pay for my kids college.
None of these people that I know have healthy drinking habits.
There's just something inherently selfish about Getting intoxicated in any way with children. You're laying aside your responsibilities for a while. I know there's degrees - and I'm not saying a glass of wine is wrong etc, but the problem is that your judgement starts to go - maybe not to a point where you cant help a child - but certainly to the point where you think "One more wont hurt..."
Comfortable, permanent
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Everybody, V-impressed
Kids will try drugs and alcohol. Education is a big part of things. I will not condone it though - until I feel they are emotionally mature enough - and then it will be about healthy drinking habits.
I think an outright ban is just unrealistic.
I have no idea how I'm going to deal with the drugs, partying, drinking, and sex stuff. Somehow I feel like my parents had it easier in that regard, because they believed in absolute terms that all of it was wrong, and thus were able to send a very clear message as to their expectations. On the other hand, I don't have the same issues about alcohol, marijuana, pre-martial sex use so much as abuse. I feel like it's going to be difficult to explain or enforce the difference between the two.
Alcohol and drugs are a part of life. Always have been, always will be. Even if he chooses to completely abstain, I don't want him to attach some kind of judgmental stigma to people who don't abstain. One of the things that really disturbs me about American society is the stunningly awesome hypocrisy of the "War on Drugs." It's just bizarre to hear about "the killer weeds" on the news, then go to commercial break and see them advertising some of the most dangerous drugs on the planet, available through your physician and pharmacist.
I'd like my kid to have a more European attitude where this is concerned. (Same with sex.)
Comfortable, permanent
Undisputed, every tense
Not a trace of what went left
More equal than the best
Unparalleled success
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i've never really been interested in getting drunk, and alcohol is just like any other drink in my house.
as a parent, i'd like my kids to treat it the same way i do.
and i'd also like my kids to play an intrument and be fluent in french. this is pretty important to me, as this world is getting alot smaller. and speaking only one language can limit you.
So I think kids need to know that, for the most part, their parents are logical and are making sound decisions. I'm not saying everything always needs to be explained to kids, or discussed with them, but I think it's important for kids to trust their parents rather than constantly feeling the need to second-guess them.
Other reasons: I don't like kids, like at all. My aunt has the sweetest, most amazing kids, she and her husband are truly the perfect parents, and the kids have picked up on that. I still get bored and annoyed with them after one Christmas or Thanksgiving.. just the days themselves.
Also, my husband would make the worst father ever. His parental role models weren't strong until he was already in his teens. His ideas on parenting are awful, and besides, he hates kids even more than I do.
We are, however, the best cat parents ever (not really, but we love her and care for her like a child, without being crazy).
Drink.
1. Talk about it when it comes up - let them know that alcohol can be yummy, but that it can have a down side. I found this a bit difficult, cos my mum drank lots, and I am a bit uptight around drunk people, they can make me nervous.
2. Role model - if you drink loads, expect your children to copy.
3. Be clear about what you mean. One of our kids went to a new years party when they were 15, at a friends house. I explained that cos they were arriving late, other people may have had a bit to drink. I explained about the effects of alcohol, how long it takes to enter your bloodstream etc, and recommended that if they were planning on trying the alcohol there, have 1 drink, wait 1/2 hour before having another, and see how they felt. They only had 1 drink. Our other came home drunk, similar age, so I sent them to bed. the next day, they were hungover, and didn't understand why. I explained - they hadn't realised how strong their 1 drink had been.
4. Expect them to stuff up.
5. Stay calm when they do, help them learn from it.
Drugs.
1. Start talking way before you think it might be an issue.
2. learn what stuff is called, cos names change loads over time.
3. be clear about your views, and stick to them, whilst being prepared to debate them.
4. support them if they have difficulties.
Sex.
1. tell them about it all when they are little - gets over the "when are they old enough to know" issue, and makes it all normal.
2. tell em again, cos they'll forget.
3. repeat 2, ad infinitum, til they're fed up of it, then tell em again.
4. talk about respect for yourself and respect for others, and about love and relationships.
5. Talk about contraception.
6. talk about pregnancy - waiting til it happens by accident is too late, cos emotions can run high, and people can make silly decisions/say silly stuff.
So, where do I stand?
I'd rather my kids didn't drink alcohol, do drugs or have sex EVER!!! (fingers in ears, La, la, la-ing at this point) But realistically, it will all happen at some point.
What I did:
1. Encouraged them to try alcohol at home first, so they could see what it was like in a safe environment. 2. Encouraged them to (if they were going to do weed) to do it at home first, so I could keep an eye on them, and make sure they were safe. Stupid British laws.
3. Accepted that they are both adults, and will make their own minds up on all 3 things. Respected them and their choices, even when its not necessarily what I'd choose for them.
4. Why've I not talked about what I would do about sexually active sprogs? that's private to them.(see 3.)
Some of the things I've talked to them about have been hard for me, for a variety of reasons, but my kids are too important to me to let my stuff get in the way. They both knew all sorts of stuff when they were young - it was part of my protecting them, to give them information, so that they knew stuff before they needed to. Some of my friends didn't agree, but I had to do what I thought was right for my children.
Long post, sorry.
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"The power of the weirdness compels me."
Convince kid that every moment spent arguing about whether he can have the big ice-cream that we both know he won't be able to finish is a moment better spent watching out for Lions.
I drink and consume drugs, I will be relatively open about my usage of intoxicants with any children of mine, and they will know I use such things before they enter their teen "danger" years. I will encourage a great deal of caution, as well as research into the drugs themselves. I will discourage intoxicants of any sort until, say, 15 or 16, but realistically they will have probably already started by then.
A lot of stuff with my kids I will link to other activities. For example, if the kids are doing well in school, then I'd be much more inclined to let them party free of interference. I would make this policy very well known, although it wouldn't just apply to school (since I know what a huge pile of bullshit the school system is).
-Probably play an instrument or two (not a talent that comes from me, but my bf plays guitar, bass, and a bit of piano)
-most likely not be the types to drink/do drugs, if they are anything like my future husband and I (I've had maybe 10 drinks in my life and have tried smoking but never cared for it. He is a teetotaler with zero interest i mind-altering substances).
-learn a second language, and hopefully want to learn more than that. I speak English and Spanish and I want them to, also. Or whatever second language they choose.
-will hopefully be somewhat athletic (supposing that they take after their dad, since he is quite the athlete, but I trip over my own feet fairly often).
My main things are to teach them to speak properly (having an English degree makes me endlessly snobbish about this), teach them to be well-mannered, and to be independent, respectful of authority, and financial responsible.
I also want them to be kind and good-natured, which they will have to learn from their dad
My mom was one of those who always said "no" but never followed through, and even in adulthood my siblings have little to no respect for her word. I don't want that to happen to my kids. I also really want them to be financially responsible for themselves from a young age (meaning I'm not going to agree to buy them a car just because they are 16, but if they want to earn half of it, I may be willing to help them out).
I hope they are reasonable. If I birthed an unreasonable child I would be SO upset.