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Revenge of the Strange & Embarrassing Moments

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Posts

  • whitey9whitey9 Registered User
    edited February 2008
    In college I lived with this girl who was a friend of mine in a tiny little two bedroom apartment. Turns out she was absolutely disgusting, as in 'eating a 32 stack of american cheese and falling asleep in the wrappers'.

    She started dating a friend of mine who was a bit of a fatty, but she was too, so good for them. And then he moved in, without asking me. I didn't care if he lived with us, but it bothered me that they didn't ask, and on top of it, he wasn't paying rent and he was absolutely disgusting as well, as in 'store all of your used condoms in a empty Wendy's cup until the bottom gets soggy and breaks out'.

    A friend came to stay with me, and we were hanging out in my tiny room, the only part of the apartment that wasn't covered in absolute filth. We would play Everquest and eat hamburgers. It was delightful. We also found out that their computer in their room had a microphone. So we installed some monitoring program and hit record as soon as they 'went to bed' (note: this was not necessary to hear, as our rooms touched and the walls were paper thin. We did however get the mp3 out of the whole deal). I'll transcribe:

    HIM: Ugh.. uhgh oh god!
    HER: Yeah.. oh jesus!
    HIM: Oh god I gottacum-but-Idon'twantto!
    HER: Hunnngggggg!
    HIM: Oh yeahhhhh....
    HER: Wow it's everywhere.
    HIM: Yeah and it's super gloopy!
    HER: Gloopy gloopy gloopy!

    We kept referring to things as gloopy, hoping they would catch on. Boy this ketchup is gloopy. Hey Brian, your shoes look all gloopy. They never caught on. I think they have a gaggle of kids now.

    whitey9 on
    llcoolwhitey.png
  • jotatejotate Registered User
    edited February 2008
    whitey9 wrote: »
    'store all of your used condoms in a empty Wendy's cup until the bottom gets soggy and breaks out'.

    [noparse]D:[/noparse]

    jotate on
    aquabat wrote: »
    stilist wrote: »
    aquabat wrote: »
    Yeah, when I was 4 my penis was my second favourite toy. My first was my Thunder Punch He-man. The best moments of my childhood was when I combined both of those.
    You punched your own wang?

    Thunder punched
  • SceptreSceptre Registered User regular
    edited February 2008
    God damn that's strange.

    And revolting.

    Sceptre on
  • MikeRyuMikeRyu Registered User regular
    edited February 2008
    Revenge of the Strange & Vomit Inducing Moments.

    MikeRyu on
    Ranmasig5.png
  • FalxFalx Registered User regular
    edited February 2008
    Man what... I would've poured that crap out on their bed. That's a disgrace.

    Falx on
  • AldoAldo Hippo Hooray Registered User regular
    edited February 2008
    Falx wrote: »
    Man what... I would've poured that crap out on their bed. That's a disgrace.
    But then you'd have to touch it. D: I'd have sent the landlord after them instead.

    Aldo on
  • brandotheninjamasterbrandotheninjamaster Registered User regular
    edited February 2008
    jotate wrote: »
    whitey9 wrote: »
    'store all of your used condoms in a empty Wendy's cup until the bottom gets soggy and breaks out'.

    [noparse]D:[/noparse]

    brandotheninjamaster on
  • TofystedethTofystedeth Registered User regular
    edited February 2008
    jotate wrote: »
    whitey9 wrote: »
    'store all of your used condoms in a empty Wendy's cup until the bottom gets soggy and breaks out'.

    [noparse]D:[/noparse]
    How do you lime a [noparse]D:[/noparse]

    Tofystedeth on
    steam_sig.png
  • VeeveeVeevee WisconsinRegistered User regular
    edited February 2008
    jotate wrote: »
    whitey9 wrote: »
    'store all of your used condoms in a empty Wendy's cup until the bottom gets soggy and breaks out'.

    [noparse]D:[/noparse]
    How do you lime a [noparse]D:[/noparse]

    The red is what happens when lime and disgust combine.

    Veevee on
  • FalxFalx Registered User regular
    edited February 2008
    Aldo wrote: »
    Falx wrote: »
    Man what... I would've poured that crap out on their bed. That's a disgrace.
    But then you'd have to touch it. D: I'd have sent the landlord after them instead.

    Oh...Oh man I didn't think about that.

    Somehow the only other solutions I can think of involve fire.

    Falx on
  • brandotheninjamasterbrandotheninjamaster Registered User regular
    edited February 2008
    So my boss and I sometimes go to lunch. We go to the local grocery store and purchase a sub and potato chips. My boss says that he has a good relationship with the ladies that make our sub. He says "Yea they know me, they're gonna slip me the meat (as in put a lot of meat on his sub)!" My response was O_o...:lol:. He just looked at me like I'm crazy. The conversation changed or I got sidetracked or something and conversation changed and I never got the chance to explain to him that what he said could be interpreted as a statement about his sexuality. He still to this day says the same thing...to everyone. "Yea, I'm gonna go down and talk to my people and see if they won't slip me the meat." I'm posting this here because, while he doesn't find it embarrassing now he will when he grasps the concept of what he is saying and I'm never going to forget it. bwa ha ha ha.

    brandotheninjamaster on
  • jotatejotate Registered User
    edited February 2008
    I just went to the bathroom. Walking out, I realized that I'd left my wallet on my desk so I couldn't get in the side door (we have card scanners on the doors), so I turned to walk around to the main entrance of our office space. I glanced down and realized I'd splashed water all over my pants while washing my hands. I said "damn it" and proceeded to try to wipe it off with my hand, so it looked less like I'd just pissed myself. After a few seconds of brushing off my crotch, I looked up and realized some woman from one of the other offices had turned the corner and was looking right at me like o_O.

    :|

    jotate on
    aquabat wrote: »
    stilist wrote: »
    aquabat wrote: »
    Yeah, when I was 4 my penis was my second favourite toy. My first was my Thunder Punch He-man. The best moments of my childhood was when I combined both of those.
    You punched your own wang?

    Thunder punched
  • OctoparrotOctoparrot Registered User regular
    edited February 2008
    Hate that sort of thing.

    "Hey why are you walking along the wall like spiderman?"
    "Damn faucet, looks like I peed myself"

    Just untuck your shirt for a few minutes.

    Octoparrot on
    the GOP shouldn't give a rats ass about them since they won't vote for them. If someone won't vote for you they might as well not exist.
  • ArikadoArikado Southern CaliforniaRegistered User regular
    edited February 2008
    jotate wrote: »
    I just went to the bathroom. Walking out, I realized that I'd left my wallet on my desk so I couldn't get in the side door (we have card scanners on the doors), so I turned to walk around to the main entrance of our office space. I glanced down and realized I'd splashed water all over my pants while washing my hands. I said "damn it" and proceeded to try to wipe it off with my hand, so it looked less like I'd just pissed myself. After a few seconds of brushing off my crotch, I looked up and realized some woman from one of the other offices had turned the corner and was looking right at me like o_O.

    :|

    I remember when I wore cotton sweats to school in fourth grade. Went through the day nice and warm. About 20 minutes before school was out, I go to the restroom to just wash my hands and arms (I think we had been painting or gluing something). Well, there was some splashing and I didn't notice it until the girl who sits in front of me looks at me and screams "YOU PEED YOUR PANTS AHAHAH" and soon enough the whole class had their eyes on my wet crotch.

    I got my revenge on her later on. Couple of dead bugs in her lunch box did the trick.

    Arikado on
    BNet: Arikado#1153 | Steam | LoL: Anzen
  • TaximesTaximes Registered User regular
    edited February 2008
    Arikado wrote: »
    jotate wrote: »
    I just went to the bathroom. Walking out, I realized that I'd left my wallet on my desk so I couldn't get in the side door (we have card scanners on the doors), so I turned to walk around to the main entrance of our office space. I glanced down and realized I'd splashed water all over my pants while washing my hands. I said "damn it" and proceeded to try to wipe it off with my hand, so it looked less like I'd just pissed myself. After a few seconds of brushing off my crotch, I looked up and realized some woman from one of the other offices had turned the corner and was looking right at me like o_O.

    :|

    I remember when I wore cotton sweats to school in fourth grade. Went through the day nice and warm. About 20 minutes before school was out, I go to the restroom to just wash my hands and arms (I think we had been painting or gluing something). Well, there was some splashing and I didn't notice it until the girl who sits in front of me looks at me and screams "YOU PEED YOUR PANTS AHAHAH" and soon enough the whole class had their eyes on my wet crotch.

    I got my revenge on her later on. Couple of dead bugs in her lunch box did the trick.

    I guess it was only fourth grade, but if it were a few years later, much more embarrassing things could have happened in cotton sweats. D:

    Taximes on
  • The Black HunterThe Black Hunter Registered User regular
    edited February 2008
    Taximes wrote: »
    Arikado wrote: »
    jotate wrote: »
    I just went to the bathroom. Walking out, I realized that I'd left my wallet on my desk so I couldn't get in the side door (we have card scanners on the doors), so I turned to walk around to the main entrance of our office space. I glanced down and realized I'd splashed water all over my pants while washing my hands. I said "damn it" and proceeded to try to wipe it off with my hand, so it looked less like I'd just pissed myself. After a few seconds of brushing off my crotch, I looked up and realized some woman from one of the other offices had turned the corner and was looking right at me like o_O.

    :|

    I remember when I wore cotton sweats to school in fourth grade. Went through the day nice and warm. About 20 minutes before school was out, I go to the restroom to just wash my hands and arms (I think we had been painting or gluing something). Well, there was some splashing and I didn't notice it until the girl who sits in front of me looks at me and screams "YOU PEED YOUR PANTS AHAHAH" and soon enough the whole class had their eyes on my wet crotch.

    I got my revenge on her later on. Couple of dead bugs in her lunch box did the trick.

    I guess it was only fourth grade, but if it were a few years later, much more embarrassing things could have happened in cotton sweats. D:

    Apparently the majority of girls dont really give a shit about seeing a boner through pants, they sorta just know it happens and accept that.

    They should accept something else too, but noooo, that's rape

    The Black Hunter on
  • Mmmm... Cocks...Mmmm... Cocks... Registered User regular
    edited February 2008
    Apparently the majority of girls dont really give a shit about seeing a boner through pants, they sorta just know it happens and accept that.

    They should accept something else too, but noooo, that's rape
    Reminds me of that part in Superbad, I remember watching it with a close girl friend of mine and I looked over at the guy who was with us and was like "Yea man, you've had to do that right?" Followed by a quick "YEAAA! " and a slap of the hands. The girl thought they made it up for the movie haha, it was a priceless moment.

    Mmmm... Cocks... on
  • RohaqRohaq Registered User regular
    edited February 2008
    Apparently the majority of girls dont really give a shit about seeing a boner through pants, they sorta just know it happens and accept that.

    They should accept something else too, but noooo, that's rape
    Reminds me of that part in Superbad, I remember watching it with a close girl friend of mine and I looked over at the guy who was with us and was like "Yea man, you've had to do that right?" Followed by a quick "YEAAA! " and a slap of the hands. The girl thought they made it up for the movie haha, it was a priceless moment.
    For those of us who haven't seen Superbad... Buh?

    Rohaq on
    Dhalphir wrote: »
    Don't ever try to sit down on the toilet in the morning.
    Not even after reading my post and thinking "hey, I'll give it a go".
    It might work fine the first time. it may even work fine the second, or third, or subsequent times.
    But eventually, while holding your morning glory down with your hand, you will slip and piss on your own face.
    AND IT IS NOT NICE.
  • KatholicKatholic Registered User regular
    edited February 2008
    Rohaq wrote: »
    Apparently the majority of girls dont really give a shit about seeing a boner through pants, they sorta just know it happens and accept that.

    They should accept something else too, but noooo, that's rape
    Reminds me of that part in Superbad, I remember watching it with a close girl friend of mine and I looked over at the guy who was with us and was like "Yea man, you've had to do that right?" Followed by a quick "YEAAA! " and a slap of the hands. The girl thought they made it up for the movie haha, it was a priceless moment.
    For those of us who haven't seen Superbad... Buh?

    Ya I saw superbad, and I still don't know what he is referring to.

    Katholic on
  • Look Out it's Sabs!Look Out it's Sabs! Registered User regular
    edited February 2008
    He's talking about the part when
    they are talking about hiding their boners under their waistband and complaining on how women should want to see their boners and such, its near the beginning.

    Look Out it's Sabs! on
    NNID: Sabuiy
    3DS: 2852-6809-9411
  • LondonBridgeLondonBridge __BANNED USERS
    edited February 2008
    I get a lot of single moms that hit on me all the time on MySpace and request to be on my friends list. Most are nasty and deny them though this morning there was a blonde hottie so I read through her profile and admired her pics. Then I read her message... She is a cousin that I hadn't seen in years! :shock: :oops:

    LondonBridge on
  • jotatejotate Registered User
    edited February 2008
    les-cousins-dangereux-77816.jpg

    jotate on
    aquabat wrote: »
    stilist wrote: »
    aquabat wrote: »
    Yeah, when I was 4 my penis was my second favourite toy. My first was my Thunder Punch He-man. The best moments of my childhood was when I combined both of those.
    You punched your own wang?

    Thunder punched
  • IloroKamouIloroKamou Registered User
    edited February 2008
    jotate wrote: »
    les-cousins-dangereux-77816.jpg

    It's the SEC! Damnit, I knew it was illegal!!

    IloroKamou on
    "There are some that only employ words for the purpose of disguising their thoughts."
  • quaker0quaker0 Registered User
    edited February 2008
    Toilet story lolol:

    My cousin and I worked for the same company a few years back. Our boss, who I will call Dan, because that's his name, had an aversion to washing his hands. Ever. The first time I discovered this, I had entered the small hallway that led to the bathrooms only to encounter Dan walking out of said restroom, and wanting to shake my hand. I can hear the toilet in midflush behind him, realizing with sudden horror, his hand is warm, unwashed, and there is a rancid fog seeping out from behind him. He earned the nickname 'Shit Hand Dan' forevermore. :(

    quaker0 on
  • BitstreamBitstream Registered User regular
    edited February 2008
    Precisely the reason a guy my sister works with earned the name Poopy Dave.

    Bitstream on
  • METAzraeLMETAzraeL Registered User
    edited February 2008
    why the fuck would you have such a stance? I mean, I could see being adverse to washing a lot, but...I really hope these people aren't in food services. Unless it's fast food, then it's ok.

    METAzraeL on

    dream a little dream or you could live a little dream
    sleep forever if you wish to be a dreamer
  • whitey9whitey9 Registered User
    edited February 2008
    My neighbor in college used to go into public bathrooms, lock himself in the stall, poop, wipe, and then wait for someone to come in and sit next to him. Then he'd take the toilet paper that he'd just wiped with and stick it under the stall edge so they could see. He called it 'Wipe and Show'.

    whitey9 on
    llcoolwhitey.png
  • METAzraeLMETAzraeL Registered User
    edited February 2008
    what D:

    METAzraeL on

    dream a little dream or you could live a little dream
    sleep forever if you wish to be a dreamer
  • TaximesTaximes Registered User regular
    edited February 2008
    Why

    Taximes on
  • jotatejotate Registered User
    edited February 2008
    whitey9 wrote: »
    My neighbor in college used to go into public bathrooms, lock himself in the stall, poop, wipe, and then wait for someone to come in and sit next to him. Then he'd take the toilet paper that he'd just wiped with and stick it under the stall edge so they could see. He called it 'Wipe and Show'.

    I refuse to sit in a stall with someone occupying the one next to it. It was a totally illogical habit that I'd developed for no reason at all. Now I have a reason. Thanks, whitey9.

    jotate on
    aquabat wrote: »
    stilist wrote: »
    aquabat wrote: »
    Yeah, when I was 4 my penis was my second favourite toy. My first was my Thunder Punch He-man. The best moments of my childhood was when I combined both of those.
    You punched your own wang?

    Thunder punched
  • FalxFalx Registered User regular
    edited February 2008
    jotate wrote: »
    whitey9 wrote: »
    My neighbor in college used to go into public bathrooms, lock himself in the stall, poop, wipe, and then wait for someone to come in and sit next to him. Then he'd take the toilet paper that he'd just wiped with and stick it under the stall edge so they could see. He called it 'Wipe and Show'.

    I refuse to sit in a stall with someone occupying the one next to it. It was a totally illogical habit that I'd developed for no reason at all. Now I have a reason. Thanks, whitey9.

    I avoid it if I can, but if ya gotta go you gotta go. If someone comes into the stall next to me, things slow up dramatically, but business continues.

    Urinals though are right out, my bladder just stops functioning.

    Edit: That reminds me of an embarrasing moment I forgot which happened last year. I went to Comic-Con in San Diego, first time I left the country on my own. It was hugely liberating, and I had a fantastic time. The trip back though was another story. I missed my first flight, despite leaving the motel at 4am, because Delta decided to bump it up 2 hours. Spent twelve hours in the lobby, with only bagels to eat as I couldn't carry all my luggage with me everywhere. Turns out the bagel only diet won't catch on, as I not only nearly passed out in my seat, prompting the crew to wave oxygen masks in my face every five minutes, I also almost showered one of the prettiest girls I've ever seen in my deluge of cold sweat.

    I have epic sweat.

    But it gets better. Five minutes before landing... we're already descending even. Just five minutes before landing, my fervent prayers and herculean clenching of butt-cheeks failed me, and I (this was cool in retrospect) leapt over my still sleeping neighbor without waking her up and powerwalked to the toilet. I figured running on a plane would result in handcuffs and stained jeans.

    Turns out for some reason you're not supposed to be in the toilet while landing, and they knocked on the damn door every thirty seconds, all the while I had the joyful feeling of what could only be described as my entire digestive system trying to escape from my dying body. Eventually they realized I'm not going to magically pinch it off and left me alone to my torment. It wasn't over yet though, they had paramedics standing by when the plane landed... who I struggled to convince that I was now fine after the demonic bagel spirits departed from my anus.

    I felt much better after getting a healthy breakfast and enjoyed my next connecting flight... until I landed, asked the ground crew where my next flight was and was sent all the way to the other side of the building to the wrong gate. After a mad dash hauling my weak, as well as unfit, body across the entire mile to my destination, I made it just in time to miss that flight too. The next flight was only the next day.

    Surprisingly, I'm thinking of going again.

    Falx on
  • AldoAldo Hippo Hooray Registered User regular
    edited February 2008
    That is one epic flying adventure, Falx.

    Aldo on
  • EddieDeanEddieDean Registered User
    edited February 2008
    Falx wrote: »
    I was now fine after the demonic bagel spirits departed from my anus.

    This is one of the best combinations of words I have ever seen.

    EddieDean on
  • RohaqRohaq Registered User regular
    edited February 2008
    EddieDean wrote: »
    Falx wrote: »
    I was now fine after the demonic bagel spirits departed from my anus.

    This is one of the best combinations of words I have ever seen.
    I concur!

    On the subject of restroom manners, I try to find a urinal with space on either side, simply because I like to give my junk some privacy. I always find it funny when there are guys in there who can't pee until everyone has left the room though. If you can't pee in the presence of others at the age of 30-50, then that's pretty sad. Everybody pees, and no-one is judging your cock. If they are, standing around holding it, epically failing at the art of peeing, isn't going to help the process. Get over it.

    It's not cool, however, when there's a guy covertly trying to jerk off into the urinal, looking around, and you're the only other person in the restroom, just kind of looking at him with a raised eyebrow, slightly shocked.

    Rohaq on
    Dhalphir wrote: »
    Don't ever try to sit down on the toilet in the morning.
    Not even after reading my post and thinking "hey, I'll give it a go".
    It might work fine the first time. it may even work fine the second, or third, or subsequent times.
    But eventually, while holding your morning glory down with your hand, you will slip and piss on your own face.
    AND IT IS NOT NICE.
  • saint2esaint2e Registered User regular
    edited February 2008
    Exactly. That's why there's stalls, people.

    saint2e on
    banner_160x60_01.gif
  • jotatejotate Registered User
    edited February 2008
    Rohaq wrote: »
    If you can't pee in the presence of others at the age of 30-50, then that's pretty sad. Everybody pees, and no-one is judging your cock. If they are, standing around holding it, epically failing at the art of peeing, isn't going to help the process. Get over it.

    It is sad, you asshole. You say that as though it's a conscious choice to not piss when other people are around. It's not. :P

    jotate on
    aquabat wrote: »
    stilist wrote: »
    aquabat wrote: »
    Yeah, when I was 4 my penis was my second favourite toy. My first was my Thunder Punch He-man. The best moments of my childhood was when I combined both of those.
    You punched your own wang?

    Thunder punched
  • mojojoeomojojoeo A block off the park, living the dream.Registered User regular
    edited February 2008
    So here's a bad one that just happened yesterday:

    I go to break up with this girl via phone call. (nice gal, just no pop, zing, chemestry- so I wanted to be nice)

    Me : hi

    her : hello

    me : hey can we talk?

    her: sure what is up?

    Me : (( long reason why I am breaking it off with tons of support for her pride and blah blah blah ))

    === Silence on the line ======

    Me: hello?

    and then my phone rings.
    Dropped call pre breakup speach, she called back all chipper and happy to hear from me. I had to do it over :p

    mojojoeo on
    Chief Wiggum: "Ladies, please. All our founding fathers, astronauts, and World Series heroes have been either drunk or on cocaine."
  • jotatejotate Registered User
    edited February 2008
    Better that then it dropping right after "I don't think it's gonna work out." Then you'd have been a super asshole.

    jotate on
    aquabat wrote: »
    stilist wrote: »
    aquabat wrote: »
    Yeah, when I was 4 my penis was my second favourite toy. My first was my Thunder Punch He-man. The best moments of my childhood was when I combined both of those.
    You punched your own wang?

    Thunder punched
  • AldoAldo Hippo Hooray Registered User regular
    edited February 2008
    mojojoeo wrote: »
    So here's a bad one that just happened yesterday:

    I go to break up with this girl via phone call. (nice gal, just no pop, zing, chemestry- so I wanted to be nice)

    Me : hi

    her : hello

    me : hey can we talk?

    her: sure what is up?

    Me : (( long reason why I am breaking it off with tons of support for her pride and blah blah blah ))

    === Silence on the line ======

    Me: hello?

    and then my phone rings.
    Dropped call pre breakup speach, she called back all chipper and happy to hear from me. I had to do it over :p
    You break up with your girlfriend the day before Valentines over the fucking phone? Consider having to do the break up talk twice the Karma Police trying to get back at you.

    *edit: I would watch out for anvils falling on your head, there's still some negative karma on you, I think.

    Aldo on
  • OctoparrotOctoparrot Registered User regular
    edited February 2008
    Aldo wrote: »
    You break up with your girlfriend the day before Valentines over the fucking phone? Consider having to do the break up talk twice the Karma Police trying to get back at you.

    *edit: I would watch out for anvils falling on your head, there's still some negative karma on you, I think.

    Wow, actually I didn't realize what day it was when I first read that message. Yeah, that's stone cold.

    Octoparrot on
    the GOP shouldn't give a rats ass about them since they won't vote for them. If someone won't vote for you they might as well not exist.
This discussion has been closed.