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Revenge of the Strange & Embarrassing Moments

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Posts

  • MightyMighty Omeganaut '15 '16 '17 NebraskaRegistered User regular
    edited February 2008
    Toxic Toys wrote: »
    Well I have another story to share.

    When I was a teenager, my mother bought me a box of condoms. She pull me aside and gave them to me. Giving me a whole speech about how she doesn't like that I'm having sex with my girlfriend but wants me to be safe. And if I needed more, she would get them for me. She was really cool about it, for a mom I guess.

    It was a little odd at the time, and I would have not have thought twice about it until I saw the box. It wasn't a single pack, or even a 3 pack. She bought me a 20 pack of condoms.

    A 20 pack. I just kinda of looked at her and promised I would used them every time. I put them in a bowl on my headboard so I could just grab one when needed.

    The embarrassing part is was when I asked her if she could buy me another box. It was only a month later. The shocked/angry look on her face made me feel bad. But she did. My mom is awesome.

    Wow. thats... just.. wow.

    How many balloon animals did you make?

    Mighty on
    Twitch: twitch.tv\dreadmighty
  • KatholicKatholic Registered User regular
    edited February 2008
    saint2e wrote: »
    I say "danke" all the time and I'm not German....

    I do the exact same thing.

    Katholic on
  • Toxic ToysToxic Toys Are you really taking my advice? Really?Registered User regular
    edited February 2008
    Mighty wrote: »
    Toxic Toys wrote: »
    Well I have another story to share.

    When I was a teenager, my mother bought me a box of condoms. She pull me aside and gave them to me. Giving me a whole speech about how she doesn't like that I'm having sex with my girlfriend but wants me to be safe. And if I needed more, she would get them for me. She was really cool about it, for a mom I guess.

    It was a little odd at the time, and I would have not have thought twice about it until I saw the box. It wasn't a single pack, or even a 3 pack. She bought me a 20 pack of condoms.

    A 20 pack. I just kinda of looked at her and promised I would used them every time. I put them in a bowl on my headboard so I could just grab one when needed.

    The embarrassing part is was when I asked her if she could buy me another box. It was only a month later. The shocked/angry look on her face made me feel bad. But she did. My mom is awesome.

    Wow. thats... just.. wow.

    How many balloon animals did you make?

    None. Well I did use one as a water ballon. It was senior year and we both didn't have class till 1 o'clock. Every week day she came over in the morning, we got high and then fucked. For about 4 months.

    Toxic Toys on
    3DS code: 2938-6074-2306, Nintendo Network ID: ToxicToys, PSN: zutto
  • devoirdevoir Registered User
    edited February 2008
    At any stage did you buy your own condoms?

    devoir on
  • Toxic ToysToxic Toys Are you really taking my advice? Really?Registered User regular
    edited February 2008
    devoir wrote: »
    At any stage did you buy your own condoms?

    Well my mom got pissed at me when I asked for a 2nd box. She got it for me but told me that was the last one she was going to buy for me. So after they were gone, it was about pulling out. I did keep one in my wallet just incase.

    I wasn't worried about STDs as much as getting her knocked up.

    I guess she was to because she dumped me after I busted a nut in her after we had sex at a party.

    I did buy my own condoms after I moved out and was on my own. But was with a totaly different girl.

    Toxic Toys on
    3DS code: 2938-6074-2306, Nintendo Network ID: ToxicToys, PSN: zutto
  • DocDoc Registered User, ClubPA regular
    edited February 2008
    jesus how hard is it to buy some rubbers on your own

    Doc on
  • Crimson KingCrimson King Registered User regular
    edited February 2008
    Okay, I can't believe I didn't remember this before, but I have a story to tell. It's not embarrassing, but it more then makes up for that by dint of strangeness. Spoilered for lots.
    I was at Woodford Folk Festival last year. For those who don't know, which is probably most of you, that's a large Australian folk music festival. Folk means lots of hippies, and lots of hippies means lots of weed. I was there with a friend, and neither me or him had ever smoked dope before, so we were both looking to try some and see if it lived up to the hype. We ran into another guy we knew at the festival, someone who we both knew is a bit of a stoner, and one night we got high together. It was fun. So far so good.

    So the next day, we meet up with our mutual friend and decide to go off and get high again. He doesn't have anymore pot, but some of his friends do, so we have to go and find their tent. Now, Woodford is a huge festival in Australia, so the camping grounds stretch for miles, and their tent is at the very end. There's supposed to be a shuttle bus back and forth, but none are forthcoming, so we end up walking the whole way down through the camping grounds. After maybe half an hour, we find this collapsing little tent next to the grassy slope that marks the very edge of the campgrounds. We meet a couple of his friends, they have the drugs, and that grassy slope looks like an awfully inviting place to sit and get a little bit fucked up.

    So there are five of us sitting in a circle and passing round a joint. Me and friend #1 don't know two of the guys, they don't know us, but it's all good. It's probably just the dope, but for same reason, things start to seem strange to me. All of a sudden, everything seems scripted. Our unwitty stoner banter starts to feel like a bad stoner comedy that's all been written out in advance. But that's just the drugs. Things haven't really started to get weird yet.

    First, some guy climbs up the slope a good distance away from us to take a piss. We freak out a little bit because we're not exactly being subtle here. But no-one cares if you smoke pot at Woodford. We'd been right out in the open last night and no-one had so much as glanced our way. So no matter. But then, another guy begins to climb the slope, and he's coming directly for us. He makes his way to our little group looks at us, and says - I can't remember his exact words, so all his dialogue will be paraphrased. He says "Having a bit of a smoke, eh?" Fairly innocuous words. But the thing that's hard to convey on paper is that there is something terribly wrong with this guy's voice.

    The guy looks down at us and says "Anyone got a light?" But his voice is stilted, awkward, fast and robotic. Superficially normal, maybe, but there's an undertone that I can only describe as completely unnatural. It's almost as if he's reading from a script. In fact, this whole encounter seems, bizarrely, scripted. Someone gets the courage to say "No, mate, sorry" in a small voice. The guy just looks at us, and there's also something wrong with his entire body language - it's just inexplicably off, somehow. And he says, menacingly "Well, if you haven't got a light..."

    "...then you'll have to come and party with us!"
    Total non-sequiter, and we're all a bit shocked. After all, we had honestly expected to be physically attacked. He looks at our puzzled faces and says "You know, drinkin' party. Well, okay, smokin'. Drinkin', smokin', whatever. Come on, come down to the tent." And we're stuck, for two reasons. We have no idea how this guy is going to react if we don't party with him. His body language is completely unreadable, even alien. And we don't know some of the guys we're smoking with. So when we all start saying "yeah, okay", we're faking it, but we have no idea if the other guys are. Are they seriously planning on going off with this guy? When you add in the fact that we're all kind of stoned, I seriously have no idea what's going on, and it's scaring the shit out of me.

    I lean over to Friend #1 and say, in an absolute whisper "I don't think this is a good idea." He says, in the same tone "I agree." But now these strangers giving us a hand up and leading us down to the tent, and we know we have to sneak off as soon as possible. Fortunately for us, the campsite is kind of a maze of tents. So us five let the strangers get ahead, and then we take a side exit and sneak off onto a different path. I am glad to see that our smoking buddies are coming with us; evidentially, they're no less freaked out then we are. But someone looks back, and it turns out the party people are, of course, following us.

    We increase the pace, praying that they aren't going to chase us all the way across the campgrounds. And we get to the bus stop and (thank you, Buddha and Jesus and Xenu) a bus has just pulled up, and we're just in time to get the hell out of there and never look back.

    Turned out later that our new friends with the ganja had been just as unsure if we were going to take the stranger up on his offer, and that one of them had a theory about the guy's utter wrongness. That is apparently what people are like doing speed.

    And after all that, it turns out I don't even like marijuana.

    Crimson King on
  • Toxic ToysToxic Toys Are you really taking my advice? Really?Registered User regular
    edited February 2008
    Doc wrote: »
    jesus how hard is it to buy some rubbers on your own

    Well when you're 17 and don't have a job, really fucking hard. You can't buy shit when you don't have money.

    Toxic Toys on
    3DS code: 2938-6074-2306, Nintendo Network ID: ToxicToys, PSN: zutto
  • FalxFalx Registered User regular
    edited February 2008
    Okay, I can't believe I didn't remember this before, but I have a story to tell. It's not embarrassing, but it more then makes up for that by dint of strangeness. Spoilered for lots.
    I was at Woodford Folk Festival last year. For those who don't know, which is probably most of you, that's a large Australian folk music festival. Folk means lots of hippies, and lots of hippies means lots of weed. I was there with a friend, and neither me or him had ever smoked dope before, so we were both looking to try some and see if it lived up to the hype. We ran into another guy we knew at the festival, someone who we both knew is a bit of a stoner, and one night we got high together. It was fun. So far so good.

    So the next day, we meet up with our mutual friend and decide to go off and get high again. He doesn't have anymore pot, but some of his friends do, so we have to go and find their tent. Now, Woodford is a huge festival in Australia, so the camping grounds stretch for miles, and their tent is at the very end. There's supposed to be a shuttle bus back and forth, but none are forthcoming, so we end up walking the whole way down through the camping grounds. After maybe half an hour, we find this collapsing little tent next to the grassy slope that marks the very edge of the campgrounds. We meet a couple of his friends, they have the drugs, and that grassy slope looks like an awfully inviting place to sit and get a little bit fucked up.

    So there are five of us sitting in a circle and passing round a joint. Me and friend #1 don't know two of the guys, they don't know us, but it's all good. It's probably just the dope, but for same reason, things start to seem strange to me. All of a sudden, everything seems scripted. Our unwitty stoner banter starts to feel like a bad stoner comedy that's all been written out in advance. But that's just the drugs. Things haven't really started to get weird yet.

    First, some guy climbs up the slope a good distance away from us to take a piss. We freak out a little bit because we're not exactly being subtle here. But no-one cares if you smoke pot at Woodford. We'd been right out in the open last night and no-one had so much as glanced our way. So no matter. But then, another guy begins to climb the slope, and he's coming directly for us. He makes his way to our little group looks at us, and says - I can't remember his exact words, so all his dialogue will be paraphrased. He says "Having a bit of a smoke, eh?" Fairly innocuous words. But the thing that's hard to convey on paper is that there is something terribly wrong with this guy's voice.

    The guy looks down at us and says "Anyone got a light?" But his voice is stilted, awkward, fast and robotic. Superficially normal, maybe, but there's an undertone that I can only describe as completely unnatural. It's almost as if he's reading from a script. In fact, this whole encounter seems, bizarrely, scripted. Someone gets the courage to say "No, mate, sorry" in a small voice. The guy just looks at us, and there's also something wrong with his entire body language - it's just inexplicably off, somehow. And he says, menacingly "Well, if you haven't got a light..."

    "...then you'll have to come and party with us!"
    Total non-sequiter, and we're all a bit shocked. After all, we had honestly expected to be physically attacked. He looks at our puzzled faces and says "You know, drinkin' party. Well, okay, smokin'. Drinkin', smokin', whatever. Come on, come down to the tent." And we're stuck, for two reasons. We have no idea how this guy is going to react if we don't party with him. His body language is completely unreadable, even alien. And we don't know some of the guys we're smoking with. So when we all start saying "yeah, okay", we're faking it, but we have no idea if the other guys are. Are they seriously planning on going off with this guy? When you add in the fact that we're all kind of stoned, I seriously have no idea what's going on, and it's scaring the shit out of me.

    I lean over to Friend #1 and say, in an absolute whisper "I don't think this is a good idea." He says, in the same tone "I agree." But now these strangers giving us a hand up and leading us down to the tent, and we know we have to sneak off as soon as possible. Fortunately for us, the campsite is kind of a maze of tents. So us five let the strangers get ahead, and then we take a side exit and sneak off onto a different path. I am glad to see that our smoking buddies are coming with us; evidentially, they're no less freaked out then we are. But someone looks back, and it turns out the party people are, of course, following us.

    We increase the pace, praying that they aren't going to chase us all the way across the campgrounds. And we get to the bus stop and (thank you, Buddha and Jesus and Xenu) a bus has just pulled up, and we're just in time to get the hell out of there and never look back.

    Turned out later that our new friends with the ganja had been just as unsure if we were going to take the stranger up on his offer, and that one of them had a theory about the guy's utter wrongness. That is apparently what people are like doing speed.

    And after all that, it turns out I don't even like marijuana.

    A story from a friend of mine:

    Before he decided he wanted to become a youth pastor, this friend loved living the high-life and would frequently go to every festival he could bum a ride to. On one occasion, (where he also almost dumped his girlfriend after discovering she wore the same panties for five days straight) he somehow figured out that if you stand at a certain angle to the viewer, you can make it appear as if you are levitating because they cannot see you are only lifting one foot off the ground.

    This of course, only works on the stupid and drunk, but he tried it with everyone. One of the people he did try it on, was someone named Mark*. Now, Mark was all right... liked to party and stuff. He also ate tabs of acid like they were some kind of freak-candy. So here's Mark, quietly freaking out by himself, when his best bud comes running up to him, says "Hey, dude! Check this out!" and then proceeds to levitate.

    Nobody knows if this alone was enough to bring out the reaction it did, or if his chemical-addled brain saw dread Yog-Sothoth's tentacles pulling his friend into the air, but he started screaming as loud as he possibly could, then turned and ran into the dense wildnerness in the dead of night. He spent the whole next day missing and only reappeared, pale, sick and covered in scratches, the following morning.

    Nobody wanted to ask him what he saw or did, and he never told them either.

    Falx on
  • FyreWulffFyreWulff Registered User, ClubPA regular
    edited February 2008
    jotate wrote: »
    saint2e wrote: »
    I say "danke" all the time and I'm not German....

    At a Chinese buffet?

    Every chiniese buffet around here, except for one, is run by Mexican immigrants. :P

    FyreWulff on
  • TarantioTarantio Registered User regular
    edited February 2008
    Toxic Toys wrote: »
    Doc wrote: »
    jesus how hard is it to buy some rubbers on your own

    Well when you're 17 and don't have a job, really fucking hard. You can't buy shit when you don't have money.
    Every week day she came over in the morning, we got high and then fucked.

    Uh.

    I think, perhaps, that you did not think your cunning plan all the way through.

    Tarantio on
  • TL DRTL DR Not at all confident in his reflexive opinions of thingsRegistered User regular
    edited February 2008
    Tarantio wrote: »
    Toxic Toys wrote: »
    Doc wrote: »
    jesus how hard is it to buy some rubbers on your own

    Well when you're 17 and don't have a job, really fucking hard. You can't buy shit when you don't have money.
    Every week day she came over in the morning, we got high and then fucked.

    Uh.

    I think, perhaps, that you did not think your cunning plan all the way through.

    No man, all the cool kids are doing it.

    Just put your head in a trash bag, and stick your head in a bucket full of water. Repeat as necessary.

    TL DR on
  • OboroOboro __BANNED USERS
    edited February 2008
    Quickie from walking around Seattle, phrased as a request because come on guys, seriously

    IF you are walking behind someone, and I don't care what your motivation is -- if you want to see if she has a nice rack, or if you are suspect of whether or not she has a rack, do not noticeably speed up, walk beside the person,

    briefly sneak a glance, and then expect that I will not notice either the glance or the fact you sped up again.

    If I actually had a rack, I might find this offensive or crass or something. But, as it is, all of the dipshits who decided to try and sneak a glance would not notice anything but the fact I don't have one and for Christ's sake I was trying to pass as a guy, so hopefully they got the picture.

    (Seeing the confused grimace of a businessman who did this was the highlight of my day.)

    Oboro on
    words
  • Dread Pirate ArbuthnotDread Pirate Arbuthnot OMG WRIGGLY T O X O P L A S M O S I SRegistered User regular
    edited February 2008
    So Choco and I are watching TV at his place, we're sitting side by side and I'm leaning on him and I say something funny. He laughs, goes "You're sooooo cute" and grabs my boob and squidges it around all at once while his mom is about two feet away. What the hell, Choco.

    Dread Pirate Arbuthnot on
  • Double DeuceDouble Deuce Registered User regular
    edited February 2008
    Oboro, your stories always trip me out.

    Also, all the talk a few pages back about internet porn and the parents has gotten me thinking... I realize now that back when I was but a teenage lad, I didn't know about browser history being saved.

    Yeah, I know, its like right fucking there in the menu bars, but I wasn't all that computer savvy I guess (enough to find porn, but that was about it) and I never gave it any thought. I was never caught for this, mind you, and I have no idea if my mom paid any attention to the history either, but now you all have got me thinking about whether she might have been wise to my viewings or not...

    I always thought I was so slick about it, too... oh well. :|

    Double Deuce on
  • Toxic ToysToxic Toys Are you really taking my advice? Really?Registered User regular
    edited February 2008
    Tarantio wrote: »
    Toxic Toys wrote: »
    Doc wrote: »
    jesus how hard is it to buy some rubbers on your own

    Well when you're 17 and don't have a job, really fucking hard. You can't buy shit when you don't have money.
    Every week day she came over in the morning, we got high and then fucked.

    Uh.

    I think, perhaps, that you did not think your cunning plan all the way through.

    No man, all the cool kids are doing it.

    Just put your head in a trash bag, and stick your head in a bucket full of water. Repeat as necessary.
    Nothing cool about it. I was a dumb kid in highschool. Oh, and bite me.

    Toxic Toys on
    3DS code: 2938-6074-2306, Nintendo Network ID: ToxicToys, PSN: zutto
  • Double DeuceDouble Deuce Registered User regular
    edited February 2008
    Oh! And also, while catching up on what I missed of the thread, I remembered this one...

    This was more of a "just missed total and complete embarrassment THANK GOD", but I think it fits.

    So, let me set the scene. A few weeks ago I come home from work and my girlfriend is home, as usual. Normally I get home and we watch some TV, talk, just the regular couple-type stuff. But this evening, for whatever reason, I guess she had been waiting for me... :winky:

    She jumped me as soon as I got in the door, pressed me up against the wall, and kissed me hard. Then she began to go downstairs. I wondered what I had done to deserve such uncharacteristic treatment, but hey, I didn't stop to ask. So we eventually move it into the bedroom, get undressed and get to business. Everything goes swimmingly, and afterward we're just laying there enjoying each others' nakedness for a while before I decide I better go get washed up. I grab my jeans and I notice the condom wrapper is there on the bed next to me, so I put in in the back pocket of my jeans, fully intending to throw it in the trashcan later... *foreboding*

    I totally forgot about the condom wrapper in my back pocket, and since I usually only wash my jeans every couple of days rather than everyday, I went to work the next day with it still tucked away in there.

    So, I'm in line at the cafeteria at my work with a friend of mine, waiting to pay for my meal. There is this very attractive girl who works the register who I like to chit-chat with from time to time. Anyway, my friend pays and steps to the side, waiting for me. I say hi to the cute girl, how was your weekend, etc etc. Then I reach into my back pocket, where I tend to keep my cash card. It's in there alright, but what I don't notice when I pull it out and hand it to her is that there is a thin layer of lube grease on it that must have leaked out from the inside of the condom wrapper. So she feels it and goes "whoa what happened to your card?" She swipes it and hands it back to me and it feels greasy or something. I still completely forget that there is a condom wrapper in my pocket and say "I have no idea, let me see what else is in my pocket..."

    Yeah, I'm a retard. Just as I'm about to pull out the used condom wrapper that I still have forgotten is in there, my buddy speaks up and says "hey come on I don't have all day". I just shrug and stop digging around in my pocket and walk away.

    Once we're around the corner I finally grab the wrapper and before I can think about what I'm doing, I pull it right out of my pocket and into the world. I immediately exclaim something along the lines of "Oh holy shit, I forgot about that!" To which my friend finally sees what I'm holding. :oops:

    Yeah. I'm just glad I didn't pull it out while she was staring at me. Lunch would have never been the same.

    Double Deuce on
  • Al_watAl_wat Registered User regular
    edited February 2008
    when i first read that story, i confused "condom wrapper" with "condom", used condom specifically, and I was just like .....WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU DO THAT?! D:

    Al_wat on
  • Double DeuceDouble Deuce Registered User regular
    edited February 2008
    That would have been much worse.

    No, I wouldn't have put a used condom in my pocket. I may be an idiot, but I still have my limits.

    Double Deuce on
  • LoathingLoathing Registered User
    edited February 2008
    Alright, another tale from the dark book which is...fuck it here goes.

    I've been working in a wholesale store for about two months now. Decent pay, flexible hours (can come in late/leave early if I can keep a grip on the work), work is easy and most of the time I play my DS. There's a Burger King across the street, and I quickly found out that BK to me is like Taco Bell to others. I dunno why, that's just how it is.

    So on days I go to BK for lunch, I end up in the bathroom for a nice long relaxing sessions of dropping the kids off. So on this particular day I walk in the the bathroom is empty, right on 8-). We don't have an employees only bathroom so it's open to the people shopping as well.

    I get into the stall and start doing my business and all is well and fine for a good ten minutes or so, until someone walks in. I'm not a person to get put off by pooping with other people in the stalls beside me, hell I've learned to shower with guys and gals alike so its not a problem.

    What is a problem is that the person that walked in is an older guy and, from what I soon discover, his mentally challenged son, who I guessed was in the six to seven year old range. The guy takes his son over to the large stall and then walks out of the damn bathroom and starts yelling instructions on what to do from outside at his son.

    My 8-) quickly turns into a D: after that.

    Loathing on
    gnodab wrote: »
    There is nothing quite like smashing a bullhorn so hard in the ass with a supersledge that its head explodes.
  • Dread Pirate ArbuthnotDread Pirate Arbuthnot OMG WRIGGLY T O X O P L A S M O S I SRegistered User regular
    edited February 2008
    So Choco and I are watching TV at his place, we're sitting side by side and I'm leaning on him and I say something funny. He laughs, goes "You're sooooo cute" and grabs my boob and squidges it around all at once while his mom is about two feet away. What the hell, Choco.

    Too O_o to be bottom paged!

    Dread Pirate Arbuthnot on
  • LaOsLaOs SaskatoonRegistered User regular
    edited February 2008
    So Choco and I are watching TV at his place, we're sitting side by side and I'm leaning on him and I say something funny. He laughs, goes "You're sooooo cute" and grabs my boob and squidges it around all at once while his mom is about two feet away. What the hell, Choco.

    Too O_o to be bottom paged!

    Isn't she the one who found your half-box of condoms? I doubt a little fondling is going to phase her at the point. You've been together how many Christmases now? I doubt they even notice you two anymore. :P

    LaOs on
  • GimGim a tall glass of water Registered User regular
    edited February 2008
    At least he didn't mount your face then and there. That's all his mom can hope for at this point.

    Gim on
  • TL DRTL DR Not at all confident in his reflexive opinions of thingsRegistered User regular
    edited February 2008
    Toxic Toys wrote: »
    Tarantio wrote: »
    Toxic Toys wrote: »
    Doc wrote: »
    jesus how hard is it to buy some rubbers on your own

    Well when you're 17 and don't have a job, really fucking hard. You can't buy shit when you don't have money.
    Every week day she came over in the morning, we got high and then fucked.

    Uh.

    I think, perhaps, that you did not think your cunning plan all the way through.

    No man, all the cool kids are doing it.

    Just put your head in a trash bag, and stick your head in a bucket full of water. Repeat as necessary.
    Nothing cool about it. I was a dumb kid in highschool. Oh, and bite me.

    No need for biting, I was plenty stupid myself at that age. Part of growing up, yadda yadda. But at least I paid for my stupidity, condoms included. [/kidsthesedays]

    TL DR on
  • Dread Pirate ArbuthnotDread Pirate Arbuthnot OMG WRIGGLY T O X O P L A S M O S I SRegistered User regular
    edited February 2008
    Gim wrote: »
    At least he didn't mount your face then and there. That's all his mom can hope for at this point.

    I think that my girls are just that fantastic.

    Dread Pirate Arbuthnot on
  • Spoom182Spoom182 Registered User
    edited February 2008
    My uncle once told me about an exchange with a mentally challenged kid in a bathroom. The kid looks over and says, "Dad, this guy's weener is HUUUUGGGGEEE!". My uncle just finished up and got out ASAP.

    Spoom182 on
  • devoirdevoir Registered User
    edited February 2008
    Spoom182 wrote: »
    My uncle once told me about an exchange with a mentally challenged kid in a bathroom. The kid looks over and says, "Dad, this guy's weener is HUUUUGGGGEEE!". My uncle just finished up and got out ASAP.

    Ahahahaha.

    It's like "YES!" and "NOOOOO!" all at once.

    devoir on
  • LoathingLoathing Registered User
    edited February 2008
    Spoom182 wrote: »
    My uncle once told me about an exchange with a mentally challenged kid in a bathroom. The kid looks over and says, "Dad, this guy's weener is HUUUUGGGGEEE!". My uncle just finished up and got out ASAP.

    Thanks for making me choke on Smarties.

    Was washing my hands in the bathroom after doing a bit of work so I could go play my DS and not gunk it up, when this asian dude comes in. He's got his kid with him and tells his kid to stand outside of the bathroom. About five seconds later the kid just blasts in and heads face first into a urinal.

    Loathing on
    gnodab wrote: »
    There is nothing quite like smashing a bullhorn so hard in the ass with a supersledge that its head explodes.
  • narv107narv107 Registered User
    edited February 2008
    Gim wrote: »
    At least he didn't mount your face then and there. That's all his mom can hope for at this point.

    I think that my girls are just that fantastic.

    Pics or it didn't happen

    narv107 on
  • chasmchasm Ill-tempered Texan Registered User regular
    edited February 2008
    narv107 wrote: »
    Gim wrote: »
    At least he didn't mount your face then and there. That's all his mom can hope for at this point.

    I think that my girls are just that fantastic.

    Pics or it didn't happen

    I didn't want to be the one to say it. Thank you.

    chasm on
    steam_sig.png
    XBL : lJesse Custerl | MWO: Jesse Custer | Best vid ever. | 2nd best vid ever.
  • PicardathonPicardathon Registered User
    edited February 2008
    Loathing wrote: »
    Spoom182 wrote: »
    My uncle once told me about an exchange with a mentally challenged kid in a bathroom. The kid looks over and says, "Dad, this guy's weener is HUUUUGGGGEEE!". My uncle just finished up and got out ASAP.

    Thanks for making me choke on Smarties.

    Was washing my hands in the bathroom after doing a bit of work so I could go play my DS and not gunk it up, when this asian dude comes in. He's got his kid with him and tells his kid to stand outside of the bathroom. About five seconds later the kid just blasts in and heads face first into a urinal.

    As in his face bounced off of the bottom?
    I understand that kids look before they leap but...how does that happen?

    Picardathon on
  • Al_watAl_wat Registered User regular
    edited February 2008
    narv107 wrote: »
    Spoom182 wrote: »
    My uncle once told me about an exchange with a mentally challenged kid in a bathroom. The kid looks over and says, "Dad, this guy's weener is HUUUUGGGGEEE!". My uncle just finished up and got out ASAP.

    Pics or it didn't happen

    That's just wrong

    Al_wat on
  • LoathingLoathing Registered User
    edited February 2008
    Loathing wrote: »
    Spoom182 wrote: »
    My uncle once told me about an exchange with a mentally challenged kid in a bathroom. The kid looks over and says, "Dad, this guy's weener is HUUUUGGGGEEE!". My uncle just finished up and got out ASAP.

    Thanks for making me choke on Smarties.

    Was washing my hands in the bathroom after doing a bit of work so I could go play my DS and not gunk it up, when this asian dude comes in. He's got his kid with him and tells his kid to stand outside of the bathroom. About five seconds later the kid just blasts in and heads face first into a urinal.

    As in his face bounced off of the bottom?
    I understand that kids look before they leap but...how does that happen?

    Pretty much it went like this

    Me: *washing hands*
    Asian dude: *walks in* [Childs name] Stay there and don't move.
    Asian dude: *goes to the urinal* I said stay there!
    Kid: *shuffles forward*
    Asian dude: [Childs name] no, I said stay over there!
    Kid: *starts to run
    -Splash-Thunk-
    Asian dude: Argh, now you all dirty, I told you to stay there.

    Then he walks up to the sink next to the one I'm using carrying the kid and dunks the kids head under the tap.

    And then I walk the fuck out.

    Loathing on
    gnodab wrote: »
    There is nothing quite like smashing a bullhorn so hard in the ass with a supersledge that its head explodes.
  • jotatejotate Registered User
    edited February 2008
    Oboro wrote: »
    Quickie from walking around Seattle, phrased as a request because come on guys, seriously

    IF you are walking behind someone, and I don't care what your motivation is -- if you want to see if she has a nice rack, or if you are suspect of whether or not she has a rack, do not noticeably speed up, walk beside the person,

    briefly sneak a glance, and then expect that I will not notice either the glance or the fact you sped up again.

    If I actually had a rack, I might find this offensive or crass or something. But, as it is, all of the dipshits who decided to try and sneak a glance would not notice anything but the fact I don't have one and for Christ's sake I was trying to pass as a guy, so hopefully they got the picture.

    (Seeing the confused grimace of a businessman who did this was the highlight of my day.)

    I read this story before I went to the phone bank for Obama this morning. A young man named Debra trained me on the system. It was all I could do to not stare at his/her lack of chesticles.

    jotate on
    aquabat wrote: »
    stilist wrote: »
    aquabat wrote: »
    Yeah, when I was 4 my penis was my second favourite toy. My first was my Thunder Punch He-man. The best moments of my childhood was when I combined both of those.
    You punched your own wang?

    Thunder punched
  • OboroOboro __BANNED USERS
    edited February 2008
    Why do you do this! Why do you make it difficult for us!

    At least you did not engage in checking for The Testicular Tell.

    Right?

    Oboro on
    words
  • Casual EddyCasual Eddy The Astral PlaneRegistered User regular
    edited February 2008
    Toxic Toys wrote: »
    Tarantio wrote: »
    Toxic Toys wrote: »
    Doc wrote: »
    jesus how hard is it to buy some rubbers on your own

    Well when you're 17 and don't have a job, really fucking hard. You can't buy shit when you don't have money.
    Every week day she came over in the morning, we got high and then fucked.

    Uh.

    I think, perhaps, that you did not think your cunning plan all the way through.

    No man, all the cool kids are doing it.

    Just put your head in a trash bag, and stick your head in a bucket full of water. Repeat as necessary.
    Nothing cool about it. I was a dumb kid in highschool. Oh, and bite me.


    Just wanted to quote this because it's awesome when people get called out on BS

    Casual Eddy on
    Elki wrote: »

    Casual Eddy: best poster 2014.
    tyrannus wrote: »
    Casual Eddy: best poster of 2015

    gotta update that stuff man
  • jotatejotate Registered User
    edited February 2008
    Oboro wrote: »
    Why do you do this! Why do you make it difficult for us!

    At least you did not engage in checking for The Testicular Tell.

    Right?

    ...

    I may have glanced downward to see what was down there...

    :|

    jotate on
    aquabat wrote: »
    stilist wrote: »
    aquabat wrote: »
    Yeah, when I was 4 my penis was my second favourite toy. My first was my Thunder Punch He-man. The best moments of my childhood was when I combined both of those.
    You punched your own wang?

    Thunder punched
  • Casual EddyCasual Eddy The Astral PlaneRegistered User regular
    edited February 2008
    dang why did I forget this one?

    When I was about six and my older brothers were 8 and 10 (I might have been five now that I think of it) we would, apparently, engage in penis swordfights. I don't really remember this that well, but we had great fun according to my mom. One day she heard some giggling and came over, and our jack russell was happily lapping away at our genitals. My mom was naturally perturbed by this, and said for us to stop, saying "Never let the dog lick your penis!" Frankly it was fairly good advice, as a dog has a tendency to nibble or bite while giving kisses, which isn't a big deal if its your arm, but more so if it's your junk. As far as I can remember, dog/genital contact was not an issue after that.

    In my kindergarten class we had a bring your parents to class day. We had a number of activities to do with our parents, my mom in this case as my dad couldn't get out of work. Eventually we got to a bit where we had to pass on advice that our parents have given us. Some kids get up and give out some nice, friendly advice in front of the class, teacher, and parents.

    "Always wash your hands after going to the bathroom" Cue polite and friendly clapping.

    "Never talk to strangers" Very good! Everyone is thrilled at this point. Then I go up, and proudly proclaim

    "Never let the dog lick your penis." There is a stunned silence in the room and I think everyone turned to look at my mom who I imagine looked completely dumbfounded. She lunged for me and grabbed me and began to walk out of the classroom. The teacher asked if she could talk to her for a moment and she yelled "No!" as she was fleeing the classroom.

    That's a popular family story.

    Casual Eddy on
    Elki wrote: »

    Casual Eddy: best poster 2014.
    tyrannus wrote: »
    Casual Eddy: best poster of 2015

    gotta update that stuff man
  • jotatejotate Registered User
    edited February 2008
    dang why did I forget this one?

    When I was about six and my older brothers were 8 and 10 (I might have been five now that I think of it) we would, apparently, engage in penis swordfights. I don't really remember this that well, but we had great fun according to my mom. One day she heard some giggling and came over, and our jack russell was happily lapping away at our genitals. My mom was naturally perturbed by this, and said for us to stop, saying "Never let the dog lick your penis!" Frankly it was fairly good advice, as a dog has a tendency to nibble or bite while giving kisses, which isn't a big deal if its your arm, but more so if it's your junk. As far as I can remember, dog/genital contact was not an issue after that.

    In my kindergarten class we had a bring your parents to class day. We had a number of activities to do with our parents, my mom in this case as my dad couldn't get out of work. Eventually we got to a bit where we had to pass on advice that our parents have given us. Some kids get up and give out some nice, friendly advice in front of the class, teacher, and parents.

    "Always wash your hands after going to the bathroom" Cue polite and friendly clapping.

    "Never talk to strangers" Very good! Everyone is thrilled at this point. Then I go up, and proudly proclaim

    "Never let the dog lick your penis." There is a stunned silence in the room and I think everyone turned to look at my mom who I imagine looked completely dumbfounded. She lunged for me and grabbed me and began to walk out of the classroom. The teacher asked if she could talk to her for a moment and she yelled "No!" as she was fleeing the classroom.

    That's a popular family story.

    If anyone ever asks me to describe the meaning of the o_O emoticon, I'm sending them to this post.

    jotate on
    aquabat wrote: »
    stilist wrote: »
    aquabat wrote: »
    Yeah, when I was 4 my penis was my second favourite toy. My first was my Thunder Punch He-man. The best moments of my childhood was when I combined both of those.
    You punched your own wang?

    Thunder punched
  • aquabataquabat Registered User
    edited February 2008
    Hey Cass, are you legal yet? Can I start grooming you over the internet?

    aquabat on
This discussion has been closed.