My advice to you, manda, is don't reach into your Mom's sock drawer without looking first. You can't be sure what you'll fish out...
yeah, uhh....my boyfriend was helping me switch rooms with my parents. Later on in the day he calls me over and asks if I want her stuff moved in to her new room from her old closet. I say yeah, and he proceeds to reach up, and grab a metallic blue vibrator off the shelf.
He looks at it for a second, and upon realizing what it was, he chucks it back onto the shelf, and sprints to the bathroom to wash his hands and arms up to his elbow.
yeah, uhh....my boyfriend was helping me switch rooms with my parents. Later on in the day he calls me over and asks if I want her stuff moved in to her new room from her old closet. I say yeah, and he proceeds to reach up, and grab a metallic blue vibrator off the shelf.
He looks at it for a second, and upon realizing what it was, he chucks it back onto the shelf, and sprints to the bathroom to wash his hands and arms up to his elbow.
This happened today.
When I was little my step-father used to get mad at me if I would go through my mom's stuff and I could never figure out why. Thank God he stopped me. *shudder*
I've told this one before, but it is gold, so here we go:
A couple years before this incident, I was GMing Shadowrun with some friends. One of them was trying to seduce this chick to get information, and I ended up having him roll to see how well he did in the sack. He critically failed. The graphic details of the results of this roll are not pertinent (and I don't remember all of them anyway,) but "Critical failure!" became our new catchword for crashing and burning with a member of the fairer sex.
Three years pass.
I go to a party with the same group of guys, we're having fun, yadda yadda. One of them is trying to get some girl's number, and she very obviously comes up with some bullshit so she doesn't have to give it out - something like "I, err, just got a new phone and I don't remember the number and it's at my house so I can't look it up." I point - one of those weird silences falls over the room - and I say, far louder than necessary since evidently every converstaion between forty people was in the same lull - "Ha ha! Critical failure!"
And every eye in the room turns towards me.
Not to be outdone, I murmur "Roll will save vs. mortal embarassment," pantomime rolling dice, then thrust both fists in the air and cheer "success!"
I then proceeded to get the fuck out of there.
I'm sorry but I hate this. My roomate makes comments like that all the time.
My parents drove halfway across country to visit (about 16 hours) for a week or two, my dad loves to fix stuff and remoddel. He decides were going to renovate my bedroom, we work on it for two whole days, ripping out carpet, refinishing floors and had spent most of the time just manuevering around a Television and TV stand that were in the room. On the last day when my mom is in the bedroom finishing up some last minute painting, and a buzzing sound starts, at first we cant figure out where its coming from and I leave the room to get a drink, on the way into the kitchen...I hear my mom say...
"I think its coming from the TV stand"
-at the same time she says this, it hits me....
I run slow mo into the bedroom to stop her...
too late, she found my wife and I's massive porn collection along with other "goodies"
She laughed about it for weeks and made sure to tell every relative I have, good thing they all live 1500 miles away.
I travelled to Sydney last month to spend time with one of my best friends and her fiance. It happened to be Fathers Day while I was there, so I got to go hang out with her extended family. Her folks are getting on a bit, somewhere around 60-65 years old, and her sisters are very funny. Great people. We had a huge BBQ lunch and talked and watched her nephew practice karate on the lawn. Real wholesome.
So we end up in the lounge room watching some old home videos after the brother in law was showing off his massive new TV. I mean, this thing is cinematic in scale. The comments start up: Can you believe I wore that? Can you believe my hair? Wow I used to be so much thinner, all that jazz. But then we cut a bed and breakfast cottage, and my friend's mum is showing the camera around. Must be a holiday. Here's the closet! Here's the bathroom! And then the bath is filling up with water and then she's in a robe. We all joke about seeing nudity. Then there's bubbles in the bath. Oh how horrible it would be! Chortle, chortle.
My parents drove halfway across country to visit (about 16 hours) for a week or two, my dad loves to fix stuff and remoddel. He decides were going to renovate my bedroom, we work on it for two whole days, ripping out carpet, refinishing floors and had spent most of the time just manuevering around a Television and TV stand that were in the room. On the last day when my mom is in the bedroom finishing up some last minute painting, and a buzzing sound starts, at first we cant figure out where its coming from and I leave the room to get a drink, on the way into the kitchen...I hear my mom say...
"I think its coming from the TV stand"
-at the same time she says this, it hits me....
I run slow mo into the bedroom to stop her...
too late, she found my wife and I's massive porn collection along with other "goodies"
She laughed about it for weeks and made sure to tell every relative I have, good thing they all live 1500 miles away.
Taco Bell does win the franchise war according to the tome of knowledge that is Demolition Man. However, I've watched Demolition Man more then a few times and never once did I see WoW. In conclusion Taco Bell has more lasting power then WoW.
When we lifted up the sheet, sitting there was a purple dildo and a bottle of astroglide. I proceeded to make a moaning/anguish filled sound and scurry out of the room. It should be noted that I have a good relationship with my mom. It should also be noted, as she put it, that she "has to listen to you damn kids having sex all the damn time." That was a pretty good point, although she was very apologetic.
I saw a friend from high school that I hadn't seen for about 2 years.
-What's going on man?
-Hey. Well, I ..... <scratchy voice I couldn't understand>
-What?
-I ..... <still can't understand>
-I'm sorry, I can't hear you?
-I HAVE THROAT CANCER.
-oh... that sucks man.
My girlfriend's friend was visiting from out of state a couple years ago. The first night he was here, we were just watching tv and I was kinda on the edge of falling asleep, completely forgot he was there and let out an epic fart. My girlfriend was more mortified than usual. He didn't say anything and I tried to play it off like nothing ever happened.
I've posted this story before, in another thread, but this is probably the single moment in the last few years that has convinced em humanity is in dire need of a great purging.
So, it's Easter weekend and my mom comes down to visit me at college (my college is about a three/three and a half hour drive from my house, so usually she comes to see me once a quarter). My roommate and his girlfriend had been sexing it up in my room the night before, but this was a not uncommon occurrence and I slept through it.
So, it's early Easter Sunday and I get up about 10AM to shower and do some cleaning before my mom showed up. After I get out of the shower and get changed, he and his girl were making out. Well, my mom shows up about twenty minutes later, and she walks into the room and we start talking.
My roomie and his girlfriend don't stop making out, and pretty much move right into the sexings with my mom still in the room. We left quietly, and marveled about how fucked up my roomie was.
Ultra late, but at that point it's pretty much okay to cockblock him.
Normally, it'd be a dickish move to not move out of the room, but on EASTER, with your MOTHER there!? You're pretty much entitled to jab him in the ass and say "Hey, asshole, pull it out and put your goddamn pants back on."
I was waiting at the college bus stop one morning with about a dozen other students when this guy comes rolling in on his skateboard, smooth as ice. I've seen him before, flying right by me most mornings as I trudge along primitively like a troglodyte. But this morning was different. Upon nearing the stop, he comes in too steep and eats it in such a way that seems almost masterful. Although I imagine it was embarrassing for him.
There was tripping, falling with arms flailing about and skidding across the parking lot to about a foot from where I was sitting. And all I could do was stare down at him. It looked incredibly painful. What I should have done was get up and try help him onto his feet. But all that came out was, "That was awesome". After a few seconds, he got up, collected his board, said, "I knew that would happen," and walked off. Voyeurism is a powerful sensation.
Glyph on
0
Options
deowolfis allowed to do that.Traffic.Registered Userregular
Anyway, so I'm driving along, and suddenly, the sky lights up. Kinda like there'd been a huge lightning flash, only it was bright green. And, you know, no lightning. And no accompanying sound. Just... random flash of blinding green.
“Y helo thar, buttsecks?â€
There was this girl at my college. A very weird girl, who always submitted the worst/most boring videos in the student film festival. She had some kind of condition that made her get fatigued or something from anything more than a very short walk, so she went everywhere on this scooter. She would pretend to try and run people over with it, which I guess she thought was being playful, but mostly was just annoying because someone was trying to run you over with a vehicle. Anyway, she once sent a friend of mine an email with no body text, and the subject line read simply: "Buttsex??"
The other day when I was walking out of my dorm I saw a girl fall face first down the set of stairs outside. There are 10-15 steps and she fell all the way down. I would have stopped to help her but someone was already over there and I had to get to class.
I was waiting at the college bus stop one morning with about a dozen other students when this guy comes rolling in on his skateboard, smooth as ice. I've seen him before, flying right by me most mornings as I trudge along primitively like a troglodyte. But this morning was different. Upon nearing the stop, he comes in too steep and eats it in such a way that seems almost masterful. Although I imagine it was embarrassing for him.
There was tripping, falling with arms flailing about and skidding across the parking lot to about a foot from where I was sitting. And all I could do was stare down at him. It looked incredibly painful. What I should have done was get up and try help him onto his feet. But all that came out was, "That was awesome". After a few seconds, he got up, collected his board, said, "I knew that would happen," and walked off. Voyeurism is a powerful sensation.
I routinely get to watch longboarders eat turf up at my campus. The entire campus is on a hill, the top part being where the dorms are and the bottom being where all the classes are. So, we get a lot of skate/longboarders, bikers, and even one kid in his wheelchair that cruise down to class on wheels.
Luckily for them there's grass everywhere up here by the paths, and if they go down they usually aim for it.
I was talking with my mom about my Greek science and technology course, and I mentioned that Aristotle didn't think that a void (an area without matter) could exist, but another Greek scientist later proved he was wrong. Mom: "Wait, voids can exist?" Me: "What did you think outer-space was?"
It appears that we all have our little areas where we're strangely ignorant. I've lived in my town for about 16 years now and I still don't know most of the street names.
Corlis on
But I don't mind, as long as there's a bed beneath the stars that shine,
I'll be fine, just give me a minute, a man's got a limit, I can't get a life if my heart's not in it.
This is one a friend of mine told me. Apparently, he had just finished losing his virginity, and according to him this is immediately after he pulled out. Supposedly it was a girl he just started dating and didn't know very well. The girl turned to him and said "you know, if I said that you raped me, everyone would believe me."
Apparently the whole experience was pretty horrible for him, he didn't come and he was scared as hell to ask her to finish him off after that line.
I haven't talked to him in a while, but I really hope for his sake that he found someone new.
Man that beats mine; after about 5 minutes she just looks at me and says "Are you done?". No I fucking wasn't.
Although in her defense she was probably sore from secretly screwing my friends.
Heres a rather embarassing story that happened to me a 2 months ago.
So right now Im living in Lethbridge and I decide to go on a vacation and visit my old friends and family in Ontario; this also includes visiting my sexy ex.
So the trip is going great and much sexing was had with ex just fine; until we reached my last day before I was supposed to go back.
We were over at her house watching anime in the living room on the couch and pretty much pawing at each other the entire night. Her parents step out for dinner and her bro is locked away in his room, so I think it's humping time right?
WRONG
She didnt want to risk the possiblity of getting caught (again) on the couch as the living room had entrances through the back and the garage that her parents could come through and catch us slapping the meat together.
Ok ok, that makes sense, I dont want to get caught either, but I won't be disuaded from our bedroom acrobatics so easily.
We manage to untangle ourselves and she slips into the kitchen to get something to drink. I follow her in as I'm a bit thirsty myself. She goes into the fridge and bends down, purposefully thrusting her trunk into my junk.
While at this point I've had enough so I pick her up and plant her on the kitchen counter and proceed to have a `snack` instead.
So here I am, slobbering away on her like any good boytoy should when all of a sudden *SLAM* the garage door opens.
OH CRAP
Looks like her parents came back earlier than expected.
So I jump up and she is now in a mad scramble to pull down her skirt and her panties while sliding off the counter herself.
So I'm thinking " Ok....at the worst it will look like we got caught making out no big deal, they will be fine with that"
Then breath out.....
Uh oh....my little taco salad snack is leaving its predictible odour in my mouth, and I can't exactly go around smelling like this otherwise the jig is going to be up.
So now my mind is reeling looking for something to cover up the smell.
Gum? Ate the last peice BEFORE I arrived at her house
Breathmint? Too far away
Looking over the kitchen I glance into the sink and spot my salvation; a knife covered in grease.
So without a second thought I shoved the wet, greasy blade into my mouth, purse my lips and drag it out.
The horrible taste assaulted my palate causing me to fall to my knees and start gaging.
The girl, without missing a beat, starts playing the part of concerned partner, trying to ram home that instead of fooling around she had hopped down from the counter in such a manner so as to help me with my sudden illness.
Weither or not it actually worked remains a mystery but her parents didn't say anything and so our escapades where thankfully hidden.
After I washed out my mouth we went back to cuddleing on the living room couch. Everything is getting all nice and comfy when all of a sudden she points with a HORRIFIED look on her face at my shirt.
Looking down I see a big, wet stain that led from the colar to about my chest.
A second pause and then I burst out laughing. I calmly explain to her that that was a WATER stain on my shirt; not her own.
Hehehe, that looks still brings a smile to my face.
This is a story I overheard a guy in my platoon telling at Sill about someone he knew. So take it with a grain of salt, but... it dwarfs anything I could come up with from personal experience.
A guy (call him "Guy") and a girl (call her "Girl") have been going steady for a while and decide to give anal a try. Things are progressing fairly well, until Girl's dad walks in.
This is a bad day for Guy, but it gets worse.
Guy does what any sensible guy would do and tries to get the hell out of there at top speed. Unfortunately, Girl is also scared shitless and thus illustrating the meaning of "pucker factor." So Guy's hasty withdrawal is accompanied by... tubing.
This is a goddawful day for Guy, but I would argue the worst part had not yet occurred. No, sitting next to Girl's dad for several hours in the hospital waiting room was probably the worst part of that experience.
This is a story I overheard a guy in my platoon telling at Sill about someone he knew. So take it with a grain of salt, but... it dwarfs anything I could come up with from personal experience.
A guy (call him "Guy") and a girl (call her "Girl") have been going steady for a while and decide to give anal a try. Things are progressing fairly well, until Girl's dad walks in.
This is a bad day for Guy, but it gets worse.
Guy does what any sensible guy would do and tries to get the hell out of there at top speed. Unfortunately, Girl is also scared shitless and thus illustrating the meaning of "pucker factor." So Guy's hasty withdrawal is accompanied by... tubing.
This is a goddawful day for Guy, but I would argue the worst part had not yet occurred. No, sitting next to Girl's dad for several hours in the hospital waiting room was probably the worst part of that experience.
There are times I wish I were dumb enough to be unable to figure out what 'tubing' meant
Corlis on
But I don't mind, as long as there's a bed beneath the stars that shine,
I'll be fine, just give me a minute, a man's got a limit, I can't get a life if my heart's not in it.
So my sophomore year in college I had a modmate, Dan, who was somewhat of a boozer. Also kind of a dirty (in the sexual sense) guy in general. One Sunday morning early on in the fall semester, I was leaving my then-girlfriend's room and see him leaving the dorm by another exit. It strikes me as odd, since as far as I knew, he had no reason to be visiting anyone in that particular girl's hall. Later that evening I hear some odd tidbits of conversation coming from down the hall, so I check out the goings on. It turns out that Dan had tried to hook up with a hot freshman girl at a party but had failed. I'm not sure whether he was rebuffed, or if he merely went to the wrong door, but the outcome was the he instead hooked up with the girl who lived in the next room over. The kicker is, he could not remember her name, room number, or anything beyond a vague description. So a few of my other modmates were going through the pictorial directory with him, looking for girls on that floor, and asking if they were the one he had slept with.
They get to one girl, point her out and say
"What about this one?"
Me:"She's kind of funny looking."
Dan:"That's her!!"
Me::...::oops::whistle:
Anyway, they ended up going out for the rest of that year and it was really creepy, because despite the fact that I knew she talked about the normal amount in classes and at meals with friends and whatever, whenever she was with him, she wouldn't say anything. She would just sit there with his arm on her. Also they had loud sex a lot. Whenever she was around, the other guys from that adventure would smirk at me, and as soon as the couple left the room, they'd go "She's kind of funny looking!"
I was talking with my mom about my Greek science and technology course, and I mentioned that Aristotle didn't think that a void (an area without matter) could exist, but another Greek scientist later proved he was wrong. Mom: "Wait, voids can exist?" Me: "What did you think outer-space was?"
It appears that we all have our little areas where we're strangely ignorant. I've lived in my town for about 16 years now and I still don't know most of the street names.
My mom used to think that the sun orbited the earth. This was only a few years ago.
These are notes from an inexperienced chili taster named FRANK, who was visiting Texas from New Jersey...
"Recently I was lucky enough to be the 10,000th attendee at the State Fair in Texas and was asked to fill in to be a judge at a chili cook-off. Apparently the original Judge #3 called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there when the call came in and was assured by the other two Judges (Native Texans) that it would be a fun event and a true taste of Texas hospitality. They assured me that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy and besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted.
These are notes from an inexperienced chili taster named FRANK, who was visiting Texas from New Jersey...
"Recently I was lucky enough to be the 10,000th attendee at the State Fair in Texas and was asked to fill in to be a judge at a chili cook-off. Apparently the original Judge #3 called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there when the call came in and was assured by the other two Judges (Native Texans) that it would be a fun event and a true taste of Texas hospitality. They assured me that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy and besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted.
Funny, but i'm almost certain its another great internet myth, like the myth that girls exist on the internet.
These are notes from an inexperienced chili taster named FRANK, who was visiting Texas from New Jersey...
"Recently I was lucky enough to be the 10,000th attendee at the State Fair in Texas and was asked to fill in to be a judge at a chili cook-off. Apparently the original Judge #3 called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there when the call came in and was assured by the other two Judges (Native Texans) that it would be a fun event and a true taste of Texas hospitality. They assured me that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy and besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted.
Funny, but i'm almost certain its another great internet myth, like the myth that girls exist on the internet.
They said there was a chemical smell and I remember saying to someone that maybe the smell was the chillies, but then we said that that was not possible. When we came back at 7.30pm we saw the door had been smashed and there were fire brigade and police waiting outside. I was a bit scared but they were very nice about it and we showed them that the ventilation was working. Next time we might put some posters up to say we are cooking the dip. The restaurant has been here for 17 years and this has never happened before.
I was talking with my mom about my Greek science and technology course, and I mentioned that Aristotle didn't think that a void (an area without matter) could exist, but another Greek scientist later proved he was wrong. Mom: "Wait, voids can exist?" Me: "What did you think outer-space was?"
It appears that we all have our little areas where we're strangely ignorant. I've lived in my town for about 16 years now and I still don't know most of the street names.
My mom used to think that the sun orbited the earth. This was only a few years ago.
I almost cried myself to sleep that night.
My mom told me she'd never vote for Obama because his name sounds like Osama.
I was talking with my mom about my Greek science and technology course, and I mentioned that Aristotle didn't think that a void (an area without matter) could exist, but another Greek scientist later proved he was wrong. Mom: "Wait, voids can exist?" Me: "What did you think outer-space was?"
It appears that we all have our little areas where we're strangely ignorant. I've lived in my town for about 16 years now and I still don't know most of the street names.
My mom used to think that the sun orbited the earth. This was only a few years ago.
I almost cried myself to sleep that night.
My mom told me she'd never vote for Obama because his name sounds like Osama.
We don't talk about politics anymore.
People like that make me question the concept of democracy.
I dated a girl for a while in high school. Her dad (Scott) was a dairy farmer and kind of used out of date phrases and words, so it was always an interesting challenge to converse with him. We were at their house one day and I went to use the bathroom. I did my thing and came out the door, where he was walking by.
Scott: Did you wash your hands?
Me: ...yes.
Scott: Well, good. You better have clean hands if you're gonna be fingerin' my daughter.
Me: D:D:D:D:D:
I eventually realized what he meant when he said that, but not until I'd, deep in thought and holding back hysterical laughter, retreated back into the bathroom and started washing my hands again.
I dated a girl for a while in high school. Her dad (Scott) was a dairy farmer and kind of used out of date phrases and words, so it was always an interesting challenge to converse with him. We were at their house one day and I went to use the bathroom. I did my thing and came out the door, where he was walking by.
Scott: Did you wash your hands?
Me: ...yes.
Scott: Well, good. You better have clean hands if you're gonna be fingerin' my daughter.
Me: D:D:D:D:D:
I eventually realized what he meant when he said that, but not until I'd, deep in thought and holding back hysterical laughter, retreated back into the bathroom and started washing my hands again.
Posts
yeah, uhh....my boyfriend was helping me switch rooms with my parents. Later on in the day he calls me over and asks if I want her stuff moved in to her new room from her old closet. I say yeah, and he proceeds to reach up, and grab a metallic blue vibrator off the shelf.
He looks at it for a second, and upon realizing what it was, he chucks it back onto the shelf, and sprints to the bathroom to wash his hands and arms up to his elbow.
This happened today.
Check out my art! Buy some prints!
I'm sorry but I hate this. My roomate makes comments like that all the time.
My parents drove halfway across country to visit (about 16 hours) for a week or two, my dad loves to fix stuff and remoddel. He decides were going to renovate my bedroom, we work on it for two whole days, ripping out carpet, refinishing floors and had spent most of the time just manuevering around a Television and TV stand that were in the room. On the last day when my mom is in the bedroom finishing up some last minute painting, and a buzzing sound starts, at first we cant figure out where its coming from and I leave the room to get a drink, on the way into the kitchen...I hear my mom say...
"I think its coming from the TV stand"
-at the same time she says this, it hits me....
I run slow mo into the bedroom to stop her...
too late, she found my wife and I's massive porn collection along with other "goodies"
She laughed about it for weeks and made sure to tell every relative I have, good thing they all live 1500 miles away.
So we end up in the lounge room watching some old home videos after the brother in law was showing off his massive new TV. I mean, this thing is cinematic in scale. The comments start up: Can you believe I wore that? Can you believe my hair? Wow I used to be so much thinner, all that jazz. But then we cut a bed and breakfast cottage, and my friend's mum is showing the camera around. Must be a holiday. Here's the closet! Here's the bathroom! And then the bath is filling up with water and then she's in a robe. We all joke about seeing nudity. Then there's bubbles in the bath. Oh how horrible it would be! Chortle, chortle.
Then we all get a face full of grandma.
You survived one of my main fears. Kudos!
When we lifted up the sheet, sitting there was a purple dildo and a bottle of astroglide. I proceeded to make a moaning/anguish filled sound and scurry out of the room. It should be noted that I have a good relationship with my mom. It should also be noted, as she put it, that she "has to listen to you damn kids having sex all the damn time." That was a pretty good point, although she was very apologetic.
-What's going on man?
-Hey. Well, I ..... <scratchy voice I couldn't understand>
-What?
-I ..... <still can't understand>
-I'm sorry, I can't hear you?
-I HAVE THROAT CANCER.
-oh... that sucks man.
Ultra late, but at that point it's pretty much okay to cockblock him.
Normally, it'd be a dickish move to not move out of the room, but on EASTER, with your MOTHER there!? You're pretty much entitled to jab him in the ass and say "Hey, asshole, pull it out and put your goddamn pants back on."
There was tripping, falling with arms flailing about and skidding across the parking lot to about a foot from where I was sitting. And all I could do was stare down at him. It looked incredibly painful. What I should have done was get up and try help him onto his feet. But all that came out was, "That was awesome". After a few seconds, he got up, collected his board, said, "I knew that would happen," and walked off. Voyeurism is a powerful sensation.
Things I wish I could tell Dad...
There was this girl at my college. A very weird girl, who always submitted the worst/most boring videos in the student film festival. She had some kind of condition that made her get fatigued or something from anything more than a very short walk, so she went everywhere on this scooter. She would pretend to try and run people over with it, which I guess she thought was being playful, but mostly was just annoying because someone was trying to run you over with a vehicle. Anyway, she once sent a friend of mine an email with no body text, and the subject line read simply: "Buttsex??"
I routinely get to watch longboarders eat turf up at my campus. The entire campus is on a hill, the top part being where the dorms are and the bottom being where all the classes are. So, we get a lot of skate/longboarders, bikers, and even one kid in his wheelchair that cruise down to class on wheels.
Luckily for them there's grass everywhere up here by the paths, and if they go down they usually aim for it.
It appears that we all have our little areas where we're strangely ignorant. I've lived in my town for about 16 years now and I still don't know most of the street names.
I'll be fine, just give me a minute, a man's got a limit, I can't get a life if my heart's not in it.
Oh, how I wish that didn't ring so true.
So right now Im living in Lethbridge and I decide to go on a vacation and visit my old friends and family in Ontario; this also includes visiting my sexy ex.
So the trip is going great and much sexing was had with ex just fine; until we reached my last day before I was supposed to go back.
We were over at her house watching anime in the living room on the couch and pretty much pawing at each other the entire night. Her parents step out for dinner and her bro is locked away in his room, so I think it's humping time right?
WRONG
She didnt want to risk the possiblity of getting caught (again) on the couch as the living room had entrances through the back and the garage that her parents could come through and catch us slapping the meat together.
Ok ok, that makes sense, I dont want to get caught either, but I won't be disuaded from our bedroom acrobatics so easily.
We manage to untangle ourselves and she slips into the kitchen to get something to drink. I follow her in as I'm a bit thirsty myself. She goes into the fridge and bends down, purposefully thrusting her trunk into my junk.
While at this point I've had enough so I pick her up and plant her on the kitchen counter and proceed to have a `snack` instead.
So here I am, slobbering away on her like any good boytoy should when all of a sudden *SLAM* the garage door opens.
OH CRAP
Looks like her parents came back earlier than expected.
So I jump up and she is now in a mad scramble to pull down her skirt and her panties while sliding off the counter herself.
So I'm thinking " Ok....at the worst it will look like we got caught making out no big deal, they will be fine with that"
Then breath out.....
Uh oh....my little taco salad snack is leaving its predictible odour in my mouth, and I can't exactly go around smelling like this otherwise the jig is going to be up.
So now my mind is reeling looking for something to cover up the smell.
Gum? Ate the last peice BEFORE I arrived at her house
Breathmint? Too far away
Looking over the kitchen I glance into the sink and spot my salvation; a knife covered in grease.
So without a second thought I shoved the wet, greasy blade into my mouth, purse my lips and drag it out.
The horrible taste assaulted my palate causing me to fall to my knees and start gaging.
The girl, without missing a beat, starts playing the part of concerned partner, trying to ram home that instead of fooling around she had hopped down from the counter in such a manner so as to help me with my sudden illness.
Weither or not it actually worked remains a mystery but her parents didn't say anything and so our escapades where thankfully hidden.
After I washed out my mouth we went back to cuddleing on the living room couch. Everything is getting all nice and comfy when all of a sudden she points with a HORRIFIED look on her face at my shirt.
Looking down I see a big, wet stain that led from the colar to about my chest.
A second pause and then I burst out laughing. I calmly explain to her that that was a WATER stain on my shirt; not her own.
Hehehe, that looks still brings a smile to my face.
A guy (call him "Guy") and a girl (call her "Girl") have been going steady for a while and decide to give anal a try. Things are progressing fairly well, until Girl's dad walks in.
This is a bad day for Guy, but it gets worse.
Guy does what any sensible guy would do and tries to get the hell out of there at top speed. Unfortunately, Girl is also scared shitless and thus illustrating the meaning of "pucker factor." So Guy's hasty withdrawal is accompanied by... tubing.
This is a goddawful day for Guy, but I would argue the worst part had not yet occurred. No, sitting next to Girl's dad for several hours in the hospital waiting room was probably the worst part of that experience.
I'm not sure what this means
But if it means what I think it means
Then I think it was a worse day for the girl.
I'll be fine, just give me a minute, a man's got a limit, I can't get a life if my heart's not in it.
Not anymore
They get to one girl, point her out and say
"What about this one?"
Me:"She's kind of funny looking."
Dan:"That's her!!"
Me::...::oops::whistle:
Anyway, they ended up going out for the rest of that year and it was really creepy, because despite the fact that I knew she talked about the normal amount in classes and at meals with friends and whatever, whenever she was with him, she wouldn't say anything. She would just sit there with his arm on her. Also they had loud sex a lot. Whenever she was around, the other guys from that adventure would smirk at me, and as soon as the couple left the room, they'd go "She's kind of funny looking!"
Tubing looks fun, riding the waters going wheeeeeeeeee.
3DS: 2852-6809-9411
It's just such a blast.
3DS: 2852-6809-9411
My mom used to think that the sun orbited the earth. This was only a few years ago.
I almost cried myself to sleep that night.
STEAM
Just the first bit, the funny is in the link:
Funny, but i'm almost certain its another great internet myth, like the myth that girls exist on the internet.
It is, but this isn't.
My mom told me she'd never vote for Obama because his name sounds like Osama.
We don't talk about politics anymore.
People like that make me question the concept of democracy.
I dated a girl for a while in high school. Her dad (Scott) was a dairy farmer and kind of used out of date phrases and words, so it was always an interesting challenge to converse with him. We were at their house one day and I went to use the bathroom. I did my thing and came out the door, where he was walking by.
Scott: Did you wash your hands?
Me: ...yes.
Scott: Well, good. You better have clean hands if you're gonna be fingerin' my daughter.
Me: D:D:D:D:D:
I eventually realized what he meant when he said that, but not until I'd, deep in thought and holding back hysterical laughter, retreated back into the bathroom and started washing my hands again.
What the hell else could he have possibly meant?