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My sense of humor is becoming burdensome.
Lucid
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
So, I've been coming to realize lately that my sense of humor, while witty is getting to be a negative trait. At least in some respects. I'll explain.
I'm someone who has a kind of wit/saracasm kind of thing going on. I'll make comments, reacting to situations or off of what others say. The problem is, I seem to take it too far, too often. It passes over into asshole-ness. The other part of it is people can't tell if I'm being serious or not quite often. I'm a little too good at being sarcastic sometimes I guess.
An example, with my recent now ex girlfriend, my sense of humor actually became an issue. Partly because she was an insecure person, but also because I would go to far and it would seem like I was being harsh or serious with her. She often didn't know if I was being serious and actually formed beliefs about me based on sarcastic remarks I'd make about myself/other stuff. She mentioned it even when we almost broke up early on.
This also happens with friends. Days ago I was with a couple of friends and I was being silly, and my friend actually ended up saying 'you're just irritating me now'.
I don't harp on things when I'm doing this. It's just the transition to lightheartedness to confusing people with my sarcasm or making the wrong kind of joke happens to quickly change. I was at a party and I said something and a friend said 'don't even joke about that'.
I sort of use acting as part of my sense of humor, I'll l pretend I'm someone I wouldn't ever be and then act them out I guess. Or say what I think they would say in a given situation.
I know I don't want to be like this. I don't even really like my sense of hunor myself. There's certain small parts I like but not a lot. I know me doing this kind of stuff comes a lot from my insecurities and using it to cover them up. I don't liek it because I know it's not the real me(or whatever) that is coming out, it's a facade. It's uncomfortable for me too.
Anything I can do to curtail this? It's actually interfering with good relationships. I like self improvement, I'm just not really sure what to do.
I'm someone who has a kind of wit/saracasm kind of thing going on. I'll make comments, reacting to situations or off of what others say. The problem is, I seem to take it too far, too often. It passes over into asshole-ness. The other part of it is people can't tell if I'm being serious or not quite often. I'm a little too good at being sarcastic sometimes I guess.
An example, with my recent now ex girlfriend, my sense of humor actually became an issue. Partly because she was an insecure person, but also because I would go to far and it would seem like I was being harsh or serious with her. She often didn't know if I was being serious and actually formed beliefs about me based on sarcastic remarks I'd make about myself/other stuff. She mentioned it even when we almost broke up early on.
This also happens with friends. Days ago I was with a couple of friends and I was being silly, and my friend actually ended up saying 'you're just irritating me now'.
I don't harp on things when I'm doing this. It's just the transition to lightheartedness to confusing people with my sarcasm or making the wrong kind of joke happens to quickly change. I was at a party and I said something and a friend said 'don't even joke about that'.
I sort of use acting as part of my sense of humor, I'll l pretend I'm someone I wouldn't ever be and then act them out I guess. Or say what I think they would say in a given situation.
I know I don't want to be like this. I don't even really like my sense of hunor myself. There's certain small parts I like but not a lot. I know me doing this kind of stuff comes a lot from my insecurities and using it to cover them up. I don't liek it because I know it's not the real me(or whatever) that is coming out, it's a facade. It's uncomfortable for me too.
Anything I can do to curtail this? It's actually interfering with good relationships. I like self improvement, I'm just not really sure what to do.
Lucid on
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First, that is so damn annoying. I hate it when people do that. It's almost always over-the-top, offensive, and just awkward.
Now onto the advice:
1. Be nice. It is possible to be witty and sarcastic without insulting someone. Don't make fun of your friends.
2. If you have to make fun of someone, make fun of yourself. But don't get carried away. A lighthearted comment here and there can be funny, just don't overdo it. No one likes an emo-kid.
3. Stop trying to be funny. People that try to be funny all the time tend to be funny none of the time. What I mean here is, use your wit sparingly. People will like you more if they don't expect every single damn word out of your mouth to be some smart-ass remark.
4. Try using your wit for good. Instead of making fun of somebody, be witty about how awesome they are. Example from my past:
A friend of mine was going to have a son. They decided to name him Luke Stone, because they wanted a good strong name for him. I laughed and said they should just go all out and name him Rock Steel. I could have made fun of them (PROTIP: Don't make fun of someone's kids. It's never funny. Ever.) but instead I started joking about how Rock Steel wouldn't be born, but unleashed. And he would use the umbilical cord to rappel out of the birth canal, and instead of playing with toys he would fight ninjas, and all kinds of other intensely awesome and extreme things.
The take here is that it was silly, and I was making jokes, but the father got to joke with me and feel good about it. What father is going to resist the idea of his future son being a kick-ass baby action hero?
TL/DR: Be nice, be subtle, be friendly. Don't beat people over the head with your amazing wit. Say things that everyone can laugh at, not just yourself.
Like denda said, it gets out of hand alot. What I suggest you do is assume that people are judging you as if what you are saying is authentic. If what your saying sarcastically could go over fairly smoothly as a non sarcastic comment, you at least know you aren't going to critically harm a relationship. The differences between "grill cheese sandwiches are stupid" and "You shouldn't talk because you're a woman" are staggering. You aren't a stand up comedian, so don't do routines. They are almost always going to get less funny overtime, especially if they are at someones expense. If you need to just not make jokes and be nice, its better than destroying relationships in mass.
If you keep it in your head that you are offending people you love, you should want to keep your mouth shut.
Don't bring people down with wit, put a smile on their face instead. This isn't something you can do overnight, but try to catch yourself and eventually you'll change your sarcasm's focus.
Another thing to remember is that if you're joking around and you're the only person joking around, you're probably not being nearly as funny as you think. They are probably just laughing politely and waiting for you to stop talking. You generally shouldn't make more than one or two jokes about any given situation/topic if nobody else is joining in on it, unless it's very obvious that you are slaying them.
If you actually want practical advice, well, pledge to only tell the truth. Obviously this makes it hard to be sarcastic. Any time you say something, first say to yourself "is this the truth?" You'll say less stuff but it'll keep the sarcasm in check and frankly being funny is just about the only good use for lying anyways.
Breaking down funny quotes and analyzing can be pretty productive
Yeah, I know, some people are against drunk driving, and I call those people "the cops." But you know, sometimes, you've just got no choice; those kids gotta get to school
After going through four years of highschool with a certain group of friends, I realize now just before I am about to leave that one of them is simply too much of a sarcastic dick too much of the time to be worth staying in touch with. And he was one of my best friends.
A little sarcasm here and there is appreciated. Turning every single little mistake into a joke is just plain annoying.
To summarize: All things in moderation.
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edit: also, it's actually a good idea to change, its a part of growing up, especially when you're getting responses like that to something that you think is funny.
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The most important thing is that people realize that you can also be serious. Try to watch some shows from comedians, a lot of them also have some serious bits in their shows like songs or rants against something or just an honest story. In my opinion it's that contrast that makes them worth watching for more than a few minutes.
What I'm trying to say is that if you're witty you can also use that wit for things other than sarcastic remarks. You don't have to say the first thing on your mind, be still some times to think of something better to say or say nothing at all. It can be very hard and it won't work if you don't put your heart into it.
I think the main thing is knowing people's limits, which are different for everyone, which makes it very hard for people you've just met. So toning it down might help. To be honest, if you tried to stop entirely, you could become quite miserable as it tends to also be an outlet.
Sarcasm CAN be funny when used to make light of something, relieve tension, or when the joke is appreciated because it's cleverly constructed as opposed to heavy-handedly thrown around.
Normal people can use sarcasm and it's fine. SARCASTIC PEOPLE using sarcasm all the time are a goddamn ball-ache to be around. It gets tiring and old very quickly and there is nothing more sad than someone desperately trying to be funny all the time.
So. With that off my chest...
The way to approach it is to ask yourself, "who will find this funny?"
If the purpose of the humour you are about to employ is to be negative when the mood of the group is positive; or to mock something which everyone else is praising; or to generally be an unfunny pain-in-the-fucking-arse - don't do it!
People like humour when it is inclusive and they feel like they are sharing the joke, and not the butt of it. If someone does have to be the butt of the joke, make it yourself.
Also, you don't actually have to be funny to be a nice person to hang out with; just be positive. The next time you're with someone and you're at a point where you'd try and do one of your 'acts', or mock someone, throw them a compliment instead.
Just a simple thing like, "Hey man, sweet jacket, it really suits you dude. Where's it from?" will do so much more than an attempted joke.
I am fairly sarcastic, however - I read something on the BBC that made me think about why it might go down well. Apparently, people like self-depreciating humour.
Maybe turn it round on yourself a bit... Just be careful, bucause again, if you overdo it - its just annoying and people will think you're too insecure.
Try to limit your remarks, and like others said, think about how funny you think it'd be if someon you thought was annoying said what you are about to say. Not to say you are an annoying person, but it will help you realise where to go and where not to tread.
My friends think i'm a compulsive liar but i'm not, that's just the way I am :x I can lie about anything with a straight face.
You're probably coming off as an incredibly negative person. You know how you figured that you're being sarcastic to cover up your insecurities? This is probably not news to anyone who knows you, and generally, Issues on Parade types don't tend to make good friends. Focus on saying positive things — you can make these funny, like Denada beautifully demonstrated, or just be sincere — and don't play-act. Your friends want to be around a Lucid who likes himself, enjoys their company, and has fun with the world around him, not Sarcastic-and-Negative Lucid or Pretend-Character Lucid.
I generally get my friends to laugh, without pissing people off, simply by making sure I'm listening to what they're saying. If they're saying something that's making fun of themselves, like "I was making breakfast and then had to run upstairs and then had to check my email and totally forgot about the eggs!" and you say "ha, way to go man" with a smile, it's funny.
You can also do it by being more obvious or over-the-top. When I'm having a "silly debate" with friends, I usually emphasize that I'm not being serious and being goofy by purposefully using bad falacies and slippery slopes. Like we're talking politics, and we're all liberals, and I'll say "but McCain wants to give everyone a kitten rebate -- you don't hate kittens, do you?"
But there's definitely a fine line between being an asshole and just being goofy. A lot of people use "being goofy" to cover up for being an asshole, even if they don't realize that they're doing it. I'm not calling you an asshole, mind, but your friends seem to think that you cross some lines so you're doing something that's coming across as you just picking on people.
I often use my recent experience with games (video, board, sport) and playing with friends to emphasize the difference between being an asshole and just having fun. When you're playing with friends, and you win, rub it in. If you're always winning, stop rubbing it in. And if you lose, don't call your friends cheaters. That way, they'll want to play games with you in the future, and not just in order to kick your ass.
I know I do have some good parts to my sense of humor. I do get friends genuinely laughing at some things I'm silly at. Even my ex before I went too far would laugh quite a lot at things I would say. I believe I did use self deprecation more then too. I think part of why I did this kind of stuff was that whole "let's see how far I can go" attitude. I do realize though that is actually pretty self destructive. Not just regarding senses of humor, but other walks of life. I've actually been that way in other aspects of my life earlier on. Perhaps this is sort of the left over outlet I didn't think of when I adjusted with other areas of my life.
the other piece of advice i have is that if you're going to push the envelope with a joke, it's important to really push it. be ridiculous. if you're going to make a joke by being ironically offensive, make it completely absurd. the point of this kind of joke is to make fun of the attitude you're mimicking, not to make the other person unsure of your stance. sure, that can be funny, but it's also something you should never do with people you don't know or people who might take it the wrong way. being ridiculous is the best way to say otherwise offensive things.
there is a fine line between satirizing or parodying offensive behaviour, and subtly reinforcing it.
If you're funny, yes, but if his problem is that people are having trouble realizing that he's being sarcastic, it means he's not very funny. Sarcasm is only funny when it's pretty clear you're joking, otherwise people don't know if they're supposed to laugh or not and they get uncomfortable.
Also it is all about work, my jokes come from a sarcastic almost angry place but you have to make it funny, you can imitate and poke fun of things but you have to make it funny.
a) I toned it right the fuck down
b) When I'd make fun of someone, it'd be myself, or it'd be in a non-threatening way
Suddenly, stable friendships abounded.
lots of good advice here just want to tack on a few common sense things.
1. Since your sense of humor seems to be broken, until you've got it fixed, stop using it.
2. If you find yourself using it and inevitably make a dick of yourself, promptly apologize for your dickish behavior and stop being a dick.
"Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit, but the highest form of intelligence."
If the people around you are stupid, it is not your problem. I agree with Space Satan wholeheartedly, as you are you, and why should you change because the world can't deal with you? What annoys me, more about the world, are half-wits who try and tell you that you are insecure. Like this is a riposte to your viewpoint and it's witty and clever and rad. Newsflash we are all insecure, whether its because we view ourselves as a whale, or our teeth make us look like Rodger Rabbit. Hell he was boning that hot redhead cartoon chick, and you could park cars against his teeth!! All this does is make the person over calculate what could actually be wrong with themselves, try and over compensate, and end up on antidepressants when they make a mountain out of a molehill.
As long as a level of mutual respect is taken and upheld between friends; you know have a tight knit group, that would die to save you; who really cares what the rest of the world sees you as?
The question you have to ask yourself is this, would I piss on that person if they were on fire? if the the answer is no then grab a chair and some popcorn because people on fire are funny.
This is my 10 cents, as my 2 cents are free.
It's more like the world doesn't want to deal with you. There's no "mutual level of respect" when one person is being an unfunny sarcastic goose.
Also, making comparisons with cartoon characters doesn't quite work in this situation.
Note: My friends generally consider me to be an asshole, yet they always keep coming back for more. They secretely love it when it's someone else who gets burned.
PROTIP: Dial it way down when dealing with women you'd like to fuck. - they tend to only like the positive boring sense of humor. You know, the kind of jokes your parents like; recycled boring non-edgy niceness.
I knew someone who did this. It was annoying and phony. Stop setting yourself up as a goofball and engage people earnestly. Everything doesn't have to be a joke, and when you try to make everything a joke, most of them will be eyerollingly unfunny.
That is to say:
If you'd like some good friends around who don't just merely put up with you because they're somehow even lower on the social totem.
@sneakert: you sound a real fun person to be around, really.
What it boils down to, is know your audience. I have friends with whom i can crack the most sarcastic jokes. And they'll love me for it. The friends that do not appreciate that? Hey guess what, with them around, i don't make that joke. It's that easy.
Ugh, stop being so balanced and reasonable!
Man i was like you for way too long.
It didn't get me anywhere.
Then i wised up and stopped being a jackass.
That's great, but why are you browsing posts from 3 years ago?
A great question, but now that we're here, I kinda want an update. @Lucid, are you still being a goose?
God dammit. Usually I'm the first person to notice this shit. I was duped.
It's been happening fairly frequently and I wonder the same thing.
This is seriously strange. There's been a ton of first post necros from years past lately. Are the forums showing up in new search engines in some weird way?