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weird things happen to me a lot
Whippy
Moderator, Admin Emeritus Admin Emeritus
Moderator, Admin Emeritus Admin Emeritus
''Is this candy?''
One of my favorite types of candy is this generic, strawberry flavored one. I don't know who the hell makes it, sells it, or where you can get it, but everyone knows what it is. It's a tiny piece of hard candy, kind of like a Werther's, except the wrapper looks like a strawberry. It's tied at the top in green, and the body is red with black dots, kind of just like the fruit. On the inside, the piece of candy itself, is again wrapped in this flimsy, white tissue. Does everyone know what candy I'm talking about? It's hard, it's red, but on the inside is this even-more-flavored strawberry goop, that, added with the crunchy shards of the suck-on-me candy shell, just makes the consistency and experience divine.
So, this candy. It's delicious.
My girlfriend came home today from school with a pocketful of it. She says a classmate of hers brought it in today, a mixed bag of things, which was gotten from who knows where. Knowing that I liked this type, she picks out all she can find, and pockets them to bring home for me later.
She's a good lady.
So I have this pile of things-that-are-delicious in front of me. Things That Are Delicious. I eat two of them and save more for later. I'm a girl who likes to savor experiences.
Cut to Later. It's been a day for me. I've gone out, I've bought comics. Pizza was for dinner. And after dinner, yes. Yes, I will have some candy.
I eat one piece of candy. And it is delicious.
I unwrap a second piece of candy.
Here is where shit goes pear shaped.
Under this doubly-wrapped confection, I find, not red and delicious like I was expecting, but a piece of hard ''candy'' that is kind of clear. Kind of white. Looks exactly like what it's supposed to, except for this particular difference.
I think to myself, maybe it's pineapple. Maybe it's lime. That Is A Thing That Could Happen.
So I put it in my mouth.
Thinking this could be good.
This could be an experience.
Do you want to know what thought hit my brain, as this piece hit my tongue.
''This is not candy.''
''In fact, this is a cough drop.''
Let me clear that up for you.
It was not candy.
It was a cough drop.
This is the shit your mother warns you about when you go trick-or-treating. This is the needle in the coke can. This is the pubes on the sandwich. This is the finger in the chili. This is the screw in the tuna.
I take it out of my mouth. I show it to my girlfriend. I show it to my roommate. I get to use the phrase ''I know this has been in my mouth, but smell it. Smell this thing that has been in my mouth.''
They smelled it. They corroborated.
Instead of a piece of candy, in this all too normal candy wrapper, there was a cough drop.
I calmly throw it away, sit down, take another piece off the pile, and before opening and eating, I stop myself in a way I never imagined would happen.
''Is this going to be candy?''
''What am I about to put in my mouth?''
The answer is: yes. It was candy.
And: yes. It was delicious.
One of my favorite types of candy is this generic, strawberry flavored one. I don't know who the hell makes it, sells it, or where you can get it, but everyone knows what it is. It's a tiny piece of hard candy, kind of like a Werther's, except the wrapper looks like a strawberry. It's tied at the top in green, and the body is red with black dots, kind of just like the fruit. On the inside, the piece of candy itself, is again wrapped in this flimsy, white tissue. Does everyone know what candy I'm talking about? It's hard, it's red, but on the inside is this even-more-flavored strawberry goop, that, added with the crunchy shards of the suck-on-me candy shell, just makes the consistency and experience divine.
So, this candy. It's delicious.
My girlfriend came home today from school with a pocketful of it. She says a classmate of hers brought it in today, a mixed bag of things, which was gotten from who knows where. Knowing that I liked this type, she picks out all she can find, and pockets them to bring home for me later.
She's a good lady.
So I have this pile of things-that-are-delicious in front of me. Things That Are Delicious. I eat two of them and save more for later. I'm a girl who likes to savor experiences.
Cut to Later. It's been a day for me. I've gone out, I've bought comics. Pizza was for dinner. And after dinner, yes. Yes, I will have some candy.
I eat one piece of candy. And it is delicious.
I unwrap a second piece of candy.
Here is where shit goes pear shaped.
Under this doubly-wrapped confection, I find, not red and delicious like I was expecting, but a piece of hard ''candy'' that is kind of clear. Kind of white. Looks exactly like what it's supposed to, except for this particular difference.
I think to myself, maybe it's pineapple. Maybe it's lime. That Is A Thing That Could Happen.
So I put it in my mouth.
Thinking this could be good.
This could be an experience.
Do you want to know what thought hit my brain, as this piece hit my tongue.
''This is not candy.''
''In fact, this is a cough drop.''
Let me clear that up for you.
It was not candy.
It was a cough drop.
This is the shit your mother warns you about when you go trick-or-treating. This is the needle in the coke can. This is the pubes on the sandwich. This is the finger in the chili. This is the screw in the tuna.
I take it out of my mouth. I show it to my girlfriend. I show it to my roommate. I get to use the phrase ''I know this has been in my mouth, but smell it. Smell this thing that has been in my mouth.''
They smelled it. They corroborated.
Instead of a piece of candy, in this all too normal candy wrapper, there was a cough drop.
I calmly throw it away, sit down, take another piece off the pile, and before opening and eating, I stop myself in a way I never imagined would happen.
''Is this going to be candy?''
''What am I about to put in my mouth?''
The answer is: yes. It was candy.
And: yes. It was delicious.
Whippy on
0
Posts
Satans..... hints.....
Edit: not sarcasm, though it kind of looks that way.
http://www.amazon.com/gp/registry/wishlist/TY5DML75RJ18
Your life sure is a hell hole man.
Ricola is the only non-terrible coughdrop.
I made a TD for iphone and windows phone!
http://www.amazon.com/gp/registry/wishlist/TY5DML75RJ18
But then I drank and Powerade and laid on the floor for most of my shift. Moral of the story: I don't call out, because I'm not a pussy.
what about your cough
haven't had one in years
who the fuck makes those
http://www.amazon.com/gp/registry/wishlist/TY5DML75RJ18
Makes sense to me.
Rock Band DLC | GW:OttW - arrcd | WLD - Thortar
I made a TD for iphone and windows phone!
when I kiss the boys they tell me I'm sweet
I giggle because their mouth has just kissed a mouth that has also kissed their penis
Earlier in the day, my dog was having digestive tract trouble in the kitchen.
where are you even drawing these conclusions
my life is awesome
awesome-possum
What? How could that happen?
http://www.amazon.com/gp/registry/wishlist/TY5DML75RJ18
looking on my mighty works and despairing as they chew on their penny toffees and caramel barrels
peasants
Have any of you guys ever gotten a black-and-white comic?
Rock Band DLC | GW:OttW - arrcd | WLD - Thortar
I like comics and candy and pizza
Whippy: business as usual, 1999
Oh man strawberry creams are the best!
Fortunately I don't have to immediately steal them. My friends hate strawberry creams (?!) and my family isn't overly keen on them. Mmm I remember twice being handed a Roses tin full of all the leftover strawberry creams by penny toffee and caramel barrel aficionados.
I was trying to respond to this but the guy in your signature makes me want to vomit tears.
I hate you, wesley
Rock Band DLC | GW:OttW - arrcd | WLD - Thortar