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Striking out on my own(kinda)

noir_bloodnoir_blood Registered User regular
edited August 2008 in Help / Advice Forum
If anyone read my last thread, I had asked about the idea of moving in with my gf. So we have decided to go for it, under the idea that we each will have a separate bedroom(we're both weird about our privacy) and more importantly, this is a roommate situation first, not a preclude to getting married or anything like that.

So with that say, I come to the collective wisdom that is penny arcade for advice on A)living on your own for the first time and B) Living with a roommate/gf. What mistakes did you make that I shouldn't? What little stuff should I buy that won't cross my mind until I needed?

Part of the living arrangement is that I'll be doing the cleaning, as she'll be paying a considerate amount more of the rent than I, so cleaning products you recommend, etc would be good. Also, cooking- Right now living with my aunt, I just let her buy all the groceries and I pay her at the end of the month and use whatever there is to cook. That has to change. Good, quick, cheap and healthy recipes would be appreciated.

noir_blood on

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    ImprovoloneImprovolone Registered User regular
    edited August 2008
    Trading chores has never worked out well for me. After doing one thing for a long time, you get sick of it. Taking care of your own shit is the best way to go about it (imho) and to help out when you can. Say you're washing dishes, do all of them. Say you're washing clothes, wash all of them (if this is okay, I always fuck up my girlfriends clothes so now I can't even touch mine).

    Buy things when you need them, don't think you need to stock up before hand. Unless you live like thirty miles from a Target or something, it generally leaves you with more stuff and less space.

    Improvolone on
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    DeathwingDeathwing Registered User regular
    edited August 2008
    A)living on your own for the first time

    You'll find out pretty quickly what you need on a daily basis - as Improvolone said, there's not a whole lot you need to stock up on beforehand....Just keep in mind what you're about to run out of whenever you go shopping, pick it up as you need it.

    Also going to second the opinion that trading chores doesn't work very well - as long as it doesn't end up with one person doing *everything*....if you see something that needs doing, do it. Letting things sit undone and/or dirty while arguing over whose turn it is will inevitably lead to trouble.

    Being that you're staying in an ExtendedStay and not a "real" apartment, I don't think you have to worry about utilities and such? Something to keep in mind eventually though.

    Also, find out if and for how much your possessions are covered in case of fire/flood/theft etc. If needed, get a renter's insurance policy started ASAP.
    B) Living with a roommate/gf

    Besides the trading chores issue above, I think a lot of this was discussed in your first thread.
    under the idea that we each will have a separate bedroom(we're both weird about our privacy)

    Do what you need to at the beginning, if sharing a bedroom really makes you both very uncomfortable - but either you or your gf are going to have to get past the whole separate bedrooms and sleeping habits/time thing, if you plan for your relationship to be of any serious length.
    and more importantly, this is a roommate situation first, not a preclude to getting married or anything like that.

    Combined with the above and what you mentioned in your first thread, this is rather confusing....She's your girlfriend, but the whole situation doesn't seem to show many romantic overtones at all, especially that you both feel you're going to have to "get away" from each other strongly enough to maintain separate bedrooms.

    EDIT: Also confused why you're moving in with her at all, if (from what you said earlier) you're just going to more or less turn around and move in with your brother relatively soon. As Trowzilla mentioned below, if your gf doesn't already know this, you need to tell her ASAP.
    Good, quick, cheap and healthy recipes would be appreciated.

    Several past threads on this board covering that subject. Also - www.foodnetwork.com. TONS of recipes and advice there.
    wash all of them (if this is okay, I always fuck up my girlfriends clothes so now I can't even touch mine).

    Heh, this makes me feel a bit better - I accidentally (badly) shrunk some pieces of clothing back when I first started living with my wife, so i'm not allowed to do the laundry sorting and starting the machine anymore :):P

    Deathwing on
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    ImprovoloneImprovolone Registered User regular
    edited August 2008
    I can top that, I accidently added fabric softer straight into the machine thinking it was detergent. Hellooooo destroyed clothes.

    Improvolone on
    Voice actor for hire. My time is free if your project is!
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    IrukaIruka Registered User, Moderator mod
    edited August 2008
    My big recommendation is to unpack thoroughly. Give your self a goal for doing it and the stuff that has no where to go can probably hit the bin. If you leave stuff in boxes for weeks, its likely to stay there for way longer than you planned. We have shit in out storage rooms that we, over 4 years have never moved or needed.

    If you take the extra steps to remove clutter, it will make cleaning easier over time.

    Iruka on
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    ToefooToefoo Los Angeles, CARegistered User regular
    edited August 2008
    Don't ever do any "joint purchases"...unless its maybe a vacuum or something you don't care much about. When it comes time to move out, or (god forbid) something happens and you break up, it is NOT fun trying to figure out who gets what. I've made this mistake twice, and I lost a XBox and 2 GameCubes because of it *facepalm*.

    Also, no matter how much you love this girl, just be prepared to have your patience put to the ultimate test.

    Toefoo on
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    QuirkyQueueQuirkyQueue Registered User regular
    edited August 2008
    If you've not moved out yet then this is the time for the planning stages. It'll sound quirky but for at least 3 days in a row wake up in the morning with a pen and paper at the ready. As you use something try to write it down. Sure you'll end up writing down "tooth brush" a few times but its better to have too much information than none at all. Writing that list will remind you of the items you use daily but may not have once you've moved out on your own. A few things to consider is that you don't need to "stock up" on every item but there are a few essentials that its okay to get plenty of. These are light bulbs, toilet paper, and tooth paste. You need to be able to see while you wipe your ass and if you have stinky breath then you won't be getting loving even if she's a few feet away. The rest can be picked up on a weekly outing to the local target, walmart, store of choice. Things to keep in mind for purchase

    1. Vaccum cleaner if you have carpet
    2. Mop / Broom
    3. Microwave unless this place already has one.
    4. Iron
    5. Pots and Pans. They sell sets of these for like 30 bucks and includes most of what you need to cook. If thats too much out of your budget then you can stop by local dollar stores or thrift stores to buy what you need.
    6. Toaster
    7. Blender
    8. Hangers
    9. Shower Caddies (1 for yours and 1 for hers)
    10. Hangers
    11. Dishes. Same advice as on the pots/pans
    12. Towels and linens. One towel won't do :)
    12. Tupperware
    13. Coffee Maker
    14. Notepad to leave notes on the fridge for each other. "I wuv you snookums"
    15. First Aid Kit

    When it comes to cleaning supplies: Clorox wipes or a roll of paper towels and a bottle of cleaner, clothes detergent, dish washing detergent, toilet bowl cleaner, and febreeze are items you should have one you first move in. The rest you'll know what you need as they come.

    QuirkyQueue on
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    TrowizillaTrowizilla Registered User regular
    edited August 2008
    Does your girlfriend know you're planning on only living with her until your brother comes to town? Because that should probably come up ASAP.

    Trowizilla on
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    noir_bloodnoir_blood Registered User regular
    edited August 2008
    Trowizilla wrote: »
    Does your girlfriend know you're planning on only living with her until your brother comes to town? Because that should probably come up ASAP.

    Fully aware of it.

    noir_blood on
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    HevachHevach Registered User regular
    edited August 2008
    15. First Aid Kit

    This bears repeating.

    You can probably get away skipping some of the stuff on there, but even if you're used to working around a kitchen, it's only a matter of time before you reach into dishwater and find a knife where you didn't expect it or grab a hot dish without thinking. My first experience cooking for myself without supervision ended in the emergency room because my first aid kit was two small bandaids and an empty tube of neosporin.

    Hevach on
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    TrowizillaTrowizilla Registered User regular
    edited August 2008
    noir_blood wrote: »
    Trowizilla wrote: »
    Does your girlfriend know you're planning on only living with her until your brother comes to town? Because that should probably come up ASAP.

    Fully aware of it.

    Be ready for that to possibly cause problems. Living together either pulls people closer or pushes them apart, and if she gets closer while you're getting ready to leave, she's likely to feel rather hurt by it.

    Trowizilla on
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    ceresceres When the last moon is cast over the last star of morning And the future has past without even a last desperate warningRegistered User, Moderator mod
    edited August 2008
    For roommate situations in general: Get the food thing sorted early on, by which I mean 'decide how you want to handle food sharing and purchasing.' This is your gf, so it might not come up.

    It's probably best for you two to clean up your own messes, but it does mean you both have to actually do it. One person leaving papers or clothes or whatever around once can spiral pretty quickly, so if you each have your own living space and you tend to be a little disorganized, you might want to try to keep messes confined to your area.. because believe me, two people who are messy are not necessarily messy in the same way, and that can get really ugly really fast.

    ceres on
    And it seems like all is dying, and would leave the world to mourn
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