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drunken friend
Ethan Smith
Origin name: Beart4toArlington, VARegistered User regular
Origin name: Beart4toArlington, VARegistered User regular
background-
So I've been partying weekly with my friends. These friends consist of a bunch of women (who, though amazing, are unimportant to the story with the exception of stating that all of us are friends and really don't want to go any farther, which I guess may or may not be important), Sam, and I.
Now, Sam is a year older than me and he's been my best friend for 12-13 years. We've pretty much been at each others side since the age of 4 and at all points in time besides during the school year (he goes to a private school) most summers (in which his parents rent their house out) and this year (when he went to a college in Iowa). Though we've been best friends all this time, besides during this summer, we've avoided partying with each other before--mostly hanging out with guys from our schools.
But during this summer, we got together with the girls, who we've similarly known for 10+ years, and hung out a lot. He's bummed around town while his house is rented out, living with Kari (one of the gals), Amanda (another one of the gals) or I most of the time. We've established a tradition of having pirate parties--IE, we go to the beach, set a fire up, drink a lot of rum and usually go swimming or something before we leave. The previous 'pirate parties' have been amazing. This isn't about those night.
The thing about those nights though is that Sam never got drunk during them. With the exception of Kari (who passed out once after going through half a handle), none of us ever got like drunk DRUNK during any of these parties, just drunk enough to be in the realm anywhere in between "tipsy" and "whicked toasty".
But on Sunday, we all got together as normal, and since most of the people would only be around at like 10, we pregamed a slight and drank probably a cup of wine each. When we got to the beach and set up a fire, Sam and I started drinking some of the rum.
Now, I was pretty much completely inexperienced with alcohol before this year. Most of the time last year I got high (a habit I've cut down on), but Sam, since he came back, has spent a lot a lot of time talking about how high his tolerance is (which I've accepted-he does have a tendency to boast, and I accept this. However, I did kinda take his talking in to some degree--I expected him to have a significantly higher tolerance than I.
We'd gone through about 8 shots (my flask) all together when Sam starts tackling and fighting the various males in the group. After around lets say an hour of this (during which I'm pretty sure he kept drinking), Kari and I took him aside. Around this time, he started speaking in a scottish accent and jumping into the water like an estranged mermaid. Grabbing him out of the water (ignoring the cries of "fook ya coonts"), we put him down on a bench. It took 3 hours of cursing, vomitting, dry heaving, and eventually passing out (he became a 180 pound dead weight after that), we got him back to the fire. He was shivering after that.
Apparently he woke up 12 hours after that, and apparently this is what happens every time he drinks a lot.
Firstly I'm scared because his phone isn't responding (I haven't heard what happened after we dropped him off at Kari's, and he's gone to his parent's place an hours drive away, or at least him and his Quogue friend were gone by the time I checked on them), because I was never told this piece of information from him, and because I'm worried that besides being a terrible drunk, that when we talk about the night, I'll have to bring up how he should probably not be drinking, like, ever.
Any thoughts?
So I've been partying weekly with my friends. These friends consist of a bunch of women (who, though amazing, are unimportant to the story with the exception of stating that all of us are friends and really don't want to go any farther, which I guess may or may not be important), Sam, and I.
Now, Sam is a year older than me and he's been my best friend for 12-13 years. We've pretty much been at each others side since the age of 4 and at all points in time besides during the school year (he goes to a private school) most summers (in which his parents rent their house out) and this year (when he went to a college in Iowa). Though we've been best friends all this time, besides during this summer, we've avoided partying with each other before--mostly hanging out with guys from our schools.
But during this summer, we got together with the girls, who we've similarly known for 10+ years, and hung out a lot. He's bummed around town while his house is rented out, living with Kari (one of the gals), Amanda (another one of the gals) or I most of the time. We've established a tradition of having pirate parties--IE, we go to the beach, set a fire up, drink a lot of rum and usually go swimming or something before we leave. The previous 'pirate parties' have been amazing. This isn't about those night.
The thing about those nights though is that Sam never got drunk during them. With the exception of Kari (who passed out once after going through half a handle), none of us ever got like drunk DRUNK during any of these parties, just drunk enough to be in the realm anywhere in between "tipsy" and "whicked toasty".
But on Sunday, we all got together as normal, and since most of the people would only be around at like 10, we pregamed a slight and drank probably a cup of wine each. When we got to the beach and set up a fire, Sam and I started drinking some of the rum.
Now, I was pretty much completely inexperienced with alcohol before this year. Most of the time last year I got high (a habit I've cut down on), but Sam, since he came back, has spent a lot a lot of time talking about how high his tolerance is (which I've accepted-he does have a tendency to boast, and I accept this. However, I did kinda take his talking in to some degree--I expected him to have a significantly higher tolerance than I.
We'd gone through about 8 shots (my flask) all together when Sam starts tackling and fighting the various males in the group. After around lets say an hour of this (during which I'm pretty sure he kept drinking), Kari and I took him aside. Around this time, he started speaking in a scottish accent and jumping into the water like an estranged mermaid. Grabbing him out of the water (ignoring the cries of "fook ya coonts"), we put him down on a bench. It took 3 hours of cursing, vomitting, dry heaving, and eventually passing out (he became a 180 pound dead weight after that), we got him back to the fire. He was shivering after that.
Apparently he woke up 12 hours after that, and apparently this is what happens every time he drinks a lot.
Firstly I'm scared because his phone isn't responding (I haven't heard what happened after we dropped him off at Kari's, and he's gone to his parent's place an hours drive away, or at least him and his Quogue friend were gone by the time I checked on them), because I was never told this piece of information from him, and because I'm worried that besides being a terrible drunk, that when we talk about the night, I'll have to bring up how he should probably not be drinking, like, ever.
Any thoughts?
Ethan Smith on
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The end.
Yeah, he just doesn't need to get so drunk. This seems pretty standard.
If incidents like this doesn't happen often, I wouldn't be too concerned about it. Most people have those rare nights where they get way too drunk and act like an ass.
water spirals the wrong way out the sink
This is probably all that bothered me in your post. What do you mean by tackling and fighting? The last thing you want is a 180 pound male fighting people and provoking other drunk people.
You've drank with him and now you see what he does when he gets drunk. If it bothers you, you'll have to start stepping and stopping him from drinking too much so he doesn't get belligerent.
But, him being him, I doubt I'll be able to convince him that, hey, blacking out isn't cool, at least for a short while longer.
So though this problem hasn't been solved, it's probably been delayed until the next time I can talk to him face to face (since he's leaving for college, probably November then).
Or he could just be a real dickhead drunk, the kind that cause heaps of trouble and gets you into fights all the time
...But it isn't a one off.
Like I said, from hearing Sam and from hearing Kari, this happens all the time.
I agree with the rest of your post, I'm just pissed that people aren't getting this part of it.
And also, tolerances, aside from boasting, can change. I've gone up and down from 16 shots of assorted WTF to have a night, to being plastered on three shots of jaeger, which is almost nothing. I don't change much when I drink though, if anything I'm nicer and your problems mean the world to me. Counter to that, a friend in college who would be fine on beer, but go off his nut when he drank whiskey. Usually a fun and friendly guy, but an absolute rager on grain alchohol.
Anyways, a nice out I've found, is to say, hey, maybe you should lay off the X and try Y instead, because X makes you act like a retarded moonchild. Allow them to save face while bringing home the point.
Besides, drinks effect different people differently, so experimentation can be fun. Once a person finds their 'drink', a substance they can both stand and predict the effects of successfully, things tend to peak at fun, and stay there longer before someone (and a group always has someone) goes over.
You're kidding, right? Jaeger is made from Satan's tears. I can drink most of my friends under the table, but I have one shot of Jaeger and I'm done for like an hour.
he's clearly at the age where he's ready to consume alcohol, and sadly very few people learn to do it responsibly without having a few embarrasing benders on the way. just try to make sure you're with him as much as possible to keep him in line, make sure it's not happening too often, and don't nag him into stopping altogether or he'll just go out hard to prove a point
Blacking out really isn't as big of a deal as some people make it out to be. Of course it's a bad thing, but blacking out, simply on its own, isn't such a horrible nightmare that some people think it is. For some people, it's the Holy Grail for why you don't drink too much, for other people, it's something that happens when you drink a lot.
The real concern should be his rowdy behavior and the fact that he was near requiring hospitalization on this night. If you continue to be around him when he's drinking and he continues to act like an asshole and make himself sick (who cares about blacking out), then approach him and say, hey, I don't like it when you act this way, and you'll have specific examples to back it up. If you come on some holier than thou, I know better than you, listen to me because I'm trying to save your life horseshit, he's probably going to get pissed, resent you, and continue drinking just as much if not more.
Making yourself sick, even among hardcore drunks, is going too far. Starting fights, even among hardcore drunks, is (generally) going too far. Wait and see what happens, be patient, and hope for the best. Being supportive of the positive things will be more helpful than being admonishing.
1. He did pass the point of no return even among hardcore drunks. As a few people said before me it's not all ways how much you drink but what you drink. Tequila does not sit well with me and I have had the same reaction with a few shots as your friend, but I can drink a case of beer with no problem. So if he wants to drink he you might want to tell him he is an ass on rum and suggest some thing else.
2. You do need to bring it up what an ass he was when he was drinking. From personal experence I know he will be pissed at first, but the message will sink in. It is much better coming from a long time friend then some one you only known for a few months.
3. If it happen more often, than take the extream step by not drinking with him. Some lessons have to be learned the hard way.
And tell him not to mix drinks like that. If you start with wine, stick with wine. Likewise with rum.
While I myslef hate getting really drunk, what my friends have told me what I become when I'm really drunk made me really stop dinking to hard and to fast now since I feel ashamed.
Truth except for this 'mixing drinks' myth. That part's all in your head.
The guy needs some kind of intervention, and fast.
now you say he had 4 shots and a glass of wine? Are you guys underage or something? If you are, maybe you should consider a different hobby. . .
I know a 5'2" girl who weighs like, 120 pounds max who can drink more than that before going nuts. . .
well anyway, you should probably convince him to stop drinking so much
Actually, blacking out is a huge issue.
Especially if he's doing it regularly. Blacking out once in a blue moon...sure, that might not be the biggest problem, but from was described, this is an early sign of alcoholism.
Talk to any counseler, AA members or addiction specialists and they'll tell you the same thing.
I do agree that going after him in a 'holier-than-thou' manner is going to probably garner you a whole lot of resentment and get you nowhere. However, if he's blacking out regularly when he drinks...he has a problem and he needs help.
While I've never had repeat blackouts, me and my friends have had discussions when one of us has gone over the edge when it comes to drinking. We've all taken turns; I can't tell you how many times I've cleaned up their puke, or had to essentially carry them somewhere, or how many times I've found myself hugging the toilet bowl.
Talk to your friend, and express your concerns. Be honest. In the past, I've found the best way to approach the subject is approaching it in a joking manner, but slowly coming into the fact that they need to calm themselves down. He'll have to learn on his own how much is too much, but showing some concern will definitely help. I'm sure in college, nobody has sat him down and told him to chill, which is why he sees no problem with his behavior.
That and applying to his materialistic side by saying "hey, I'll get you an awesome flask for Christmas if you promise to use it and only drain it once every couple of nights."
Because I spoke to him the other day, and pretty much his reaction was "Yeah, I don't know what you're talkign about with the tackling. But oh, Scottish accent? AWESOME. Hey, I'm gonna go play some TF2."
So clearly going in directly won't work.