I am mightily pissed off. I have addressed this to Owen, Amanda and Ben because I don't know who i am supposed to be pissed off with (i'm assuming owen, but i filed to amanda and ben so it's only fair), and also to Tony, who wasn't here - if he had been I'm guessing it wouldn't have happened.
I don't really like people tinkering with my copy for the sake of tinkering. I do not enjoy the suggestion that you have a better ear or eye for how I want my words to read than I do. Owen, we discussed your turning three of my long sentences into six short ones in a single piece, and how that wasn't going to happen anymore, so I'm really hoping it wasn't you that fucked up my review on saturday.
It was the final sentence. Final sentences are very, very important. A piece builds to them, they are the little jingle that the reader takes with him into the weekend.
There is no length issue. This is someone thinking "I'll just remove this indefinite article because Coren is an illiterate pcunt and i know best".
Well, you fucking don't.
This was shit, shit sub-editing for three reasons.
1) 'Nosh', as I'm sure you fluent Yiddish speakers know, is a noun formed from a bastardisation of the German 'naschen'. It is a verb, and can be construed into two distinct nouns. One, 'nosh', means simply 'food'. You have decided that this is what i meant and removed the 'a'. I am insulted enough that you think you have a better ear for English than me. But a better ear for Yiddish? I doubt it. Because the other noun, 'nosh' means "a session of eating" - in this sense you might think of its dual valency as being similar to that of 'scoff'. you can go for a scoff. or you can buy some scoff. the sentence you left me with is shit, and is not what i meant. Why would you change a sentnece aso that it meant something i didn't mean? I don't know, but you risk doing it every time you change something. And the way you avoid this kind of fuck up is by not changing a word of my copy without asking me, okay? it's easy. Not. A. Word. Ever.
2) I will now explain why your error is even more shit than it looks. You see, i was making a joke. I do that sometimes. I have set up the street as "sexually-charged". I have described the shenanigans across the road at G.A.Y.. I have used the word 'gaily' as a gentle nudge. And "looking for a nosh" has a secondary meaning of looking for a blowjob. Not specifically gay, for this is soho, and there are plenty of girls there who take money for noshing boys. "looking for nosh" does not have that ambiguity. the joke is gone. I only wrote that sodding paragraph to make that joke. And you've fucking stripped it out like a pissed Irish plasterer restoring a renaissance fresco and thinking jesus looks shit with a bear so plastering over it. You might as well have removed the whole paragraph. I mean, fucking christ, don't you read the copy?
3) And worst of all. Dumbest, deafest, shittest of all, you have removed the unstressed 'a' so that the stress that should have fallen on "nosh" is lost, and my piece ends on an unstressed syllable. When you're winding up a piece of prose, metre is crucial. Can't you hear? Can't you hear that it is wrong? It's not fucking rocket science. It's fucking pre-GCSE scansion. I have written 350 restaurant reviews for The Times and i have never ended on an unstressed syllable. Wankers. Fucking, fucking, cunts.
I am sorry if this looks petty (last time i mailed a Times sub about the change of a single word i got in all sorts of trouble) but i care deeply about my work and i hate to have it fucked up by shit subbing.
I want to murder this ponce
To be fair, editors are assholes and deserve all the shit they get when they fuck around with a writers work. I've known some right pricks who honestly thought they were doing me a favour by rewriting everything then getting fired 6 months later for being ungodly shit at even that.
There was the hot scene in a portrait of dorian gray where he masturbates to his own portrait
meta incest
Psh. Like you've never fired one off to a picture of yourself. Like that picture from your senior photos where you've got your letterman jacket over the back of the chair with your young, strong arms folded on it.
So coy.
So I'll, uh...I'll be right back.
Jedoc on
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FandyienBut Otto, what about us? Registered Userregular
edited August 2008
I mean, I'd be lying if I didn't say that little fuzzy hint of a moustache didn't rev my engine
Is it incest or just extreme narcisissm to masturbate to yourself
Fandyien on
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StraightziHere we may reign secure, and in my choice,To reign is worth ambition though in HellRegistered Userregular
Donovan PuppyfuckerA dagger in the dark isworth a thousand swords in the morningRegistered Userregular
edited August 2008
I find it interesting that these C-grade celebrities have come to the conclusion that it was a good idea to publicise their murder fantasies, irrespective of whether they actually carried them out or not. Why the hell would anyone ever think that was a good idea?
I find it interesting that these C-grade celebrities have come to the conclusion that it was a good idea to publicise their murder fantasies, irrespective of whether they actually carried them out or not. Why the hell would anyone ever think that was a good idea?
cash monies
Ivar on
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JedocIn the scupperswith the staggers and jagsRegistered Userregular
edited August 2008
I'm pretty sure that if you end up being a person like Bill O'Reilly, good decision-making is not your strongest skill.
Jedoc on
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Donovan PuppyfuckerA dagger in the dark isworth a thousand swords in the morningRegistered Userregular
The sex scenes in Laura Joh Rowland's Sano Ichiro series. They aren't necessarily bad, it's just difficult to believe that everyone in Edo period Japan is obsessed with kinky sex. Well, maybe slightly believeable, but even the rarely introduced "foreigner" characters have BDSM fetishes.
Granted, but every single character with more than a few paragraphs of development has a kink, and generally (excepting her protagonists) its S&M related.
I guess, yeah. They do last names first over there though so I get 'em mixed up now and then when I'm talking about people.
Like Hikaru Utada or Utada Hikaru or something. I think her last name is Utada, right? I don't even know anymore because of their goddamn last-name-first thing.
JAPANESE NAME CONVENTIONS HARGLE BARGLE BLAH BLAH BLAH
Oh, Hi there, Sam; didn't see you there. How's tricks?
Whoa, blast from the past. What it be, dude?
I'm hangin' out on my deck, bored because I don't have a job and school hasn't started. I wish I were doing something to make money or at least, I dunno, improve myself intellectually.
scarlet st. on
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JedocIn the scupperswith the staggers and jagsRegistered Userregular
edited August 2008
So I'm watching Mary Reilly, and oh my god Julia Roberts is doing the worst Irish accent I've ever heard. If it weren't for the fact that John Malkovich is the coolest Dr. Jekyll ever, I'd have given up five minutes in.
Whoa, blast from the past. What it be, dude?
I'm hangin' out on my deck, bored because I don't have a job and school hasn't started. I wish I were doing something to make money or at least, I dunno, improve myself intellectually.
Intellectual bankruptcy must be avoided at all costs; quickly, young one, find some string theory and bat it around with your cat!
Yeah, I'm in between jobs myself and it blows ass; on the plus side, I do have scads of time to play with myself. And by "play with myself" I mean jerking off and playing video games.
So I'm watching Mary Reilly, and oh my god Julia Roberts is doing the worst Irish accent I've ever heard. If it weren't for the fact that John Malkovich is the coolest Dr. Jekyll ever, I'd have given up five minutes in.
You think that's bad, watch her in Michael Collins next.
Posts
a time of barbarism
I just want to be clear on this. We CAN'T beat women now?
no, not right now. we'll have to beat them later
To be fair, editors are assholes and deserve all the shit they get when they fuck around with a writers work. I've known some right pricks who honestly thought they were doing me a favour by rewriting everything then getting fired 6 months later for being ungodly shit at even that.
EVERYTHING AND NOTHING, MAN
EVERYTHING AND NOTHING
YOU CAN'T HANDLE IT
*sci-fi sex scene*
meta incest
You won't find that in Superfudge!
Psh. Like you've never fired one off to a picture of yourself. Like that picture from your senior photos where you've got your letterman jacket over the back of the chair with your young, strong arms folded on it.
So coy.
So I'll, uh...I'll be right back.
Is it incest or just extreme narcisissm to masturbate to yourself
Kaltropophilia is mirrors I believe
Does he have a special, plastic, coal-black condom?
unlit, of course
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/If_I_Did_It
Just sayin', some similarities between the two mindsets.
has anyone had sex
OK
cash monies
And isn't it Haruki Murakami?
the more uptight a society is, the kinkier the people's sex life usually is.
Edit: I should say very often it's S&M related.
I guess, yeah. They do last names first over there though so I get 'em mixed up now and then when I'm talking about people.
Like Hikaru Utada or Utada Hikaru or something. I think her last name is Utada, right? I don't even know anymore because of their goddamn last-name-first thing.
Oh, Hi there, Sam; didn't see you there. How's tricks?
Whoa, blast from the past. What it be, dude?
I'm hangin' out on my deck, bored because I don't have a job and school hasn't started. I wish I were doing something to make money or at least, I dunno, improve myself intellectually.
Intellectual bankruptcy must be avoided at all costs; quickly, young one, find some string theory and bat it around with your cat!
Yeah, I'm in between jobs myself and it blows ass; on the plus side, I do have scads of time to play with myself. And by "play with myself" I mean jerking off and playing video games.
It's a great two-for-one combo.
You think that's bad, watch her in Michael Collins next.