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Terrible Sex

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Posts

  • GravesGraves Registered User regular
    edited August 2008
    ok so i'm gonna go play some GTA with satan, hit up Prof G if you want to join up.

    It'll be sexy, baby.

    Terribly sexy.

    Graves on
  • PoorochondriacPoorochondriac Ah, man Ah, jeezRegistered User regular
    edited August 2008
    HOW MUCH?
    A BLT AND A 12-PACK OF SURGE

    Poorochondriac on
  • DarkPrimusDarkPrimus Registered User regular
    edited August 2008
    MAN THEY DON'T EVEN MAKE SURGE NO MORE.

    DarkPrimus on
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    Gamertag: PrimusD | Rock Band DLC | GW:OttW - arrcd | WLD - Thortar
  • PoorochondriacPoorochondriac Ah, man Ah, jeezRegistered User regular
    edited August 2008
    DarkPrimus wrote: »
    MAN THEY DON'T EVEN MAKE SURGE NO MORE.
    GUESS HE'S GOT HIS WORK CUT OUT FOR HIM.

    Poorochondriac on
  • PoorochondriacPoorochondriac Ah, man Ah, jeezRegistered User regular
    edited August 2008
    I THINK THE MOST DIFFICULT PART ABOUT A POORO THREAD WOULD BE A SUBJECT LINE.

    Poorochondriac on
  • The Black HunterThe Black Hunter The key is a minimum of compromise, and a simple, unimpeachable reason to existRegistered User regular
    edited August 2008
    "I DRINK YOUR MILKSHAKE IN CAPS"

    The Black Hunter on
  • nateknatek unh unh Registered User regular
    edited August 2008
    in caps?

    or IN CAPS?

    natek on
  • IzualIzual Registered User regular
    edited August 2008
    this post sucks.

    e: i had a story, but the post sucked

    Izual on
  • AceFantasticAceFantastic Registered User regular
    edited August 2008
    The worst sex I've had was with a fat chick named Sylvia Pittston. I had to pry her legs open, unholster one of my guns, and ram it forward. All the while she was rasping, "No! No! No!". Fucking bitch.

    AceFantastic on
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  • Synthetic OrangeSynthetic Orange Registered User regular
    edited August 2008
    There was this guy who took "Slowly, easy..." to mean "FULL STEAM AHEAD CAPTAIN!".

    That's the night I screamed and bled like a girl.

    Synthetic Orange on
  • Bendery It Like BeckhamBendery It Like Beckham Hopeless Registered User regular
    edited August 2008
    There was this guy who took "Slowly, easy..." to mean "FULL STEAM AHEAD CAPTAIN!".

    That's the night I screamed and bled like a girl.

    i hope you ripped his dick off afterwards.

    Bendery It Like Beckham on
  • YaYaYaYa Decent. Registered User regular
    edited August 2008
    POORO CAN I MAKE A THREAD ABOUT YOU

    OH GOD IT'S SPREADING

    YaYa on
  • PoorochondriacPoorochondriac Ah, man Ah, jeezRegistered User regular
    edited August 2008
    YaYa wrote: »
    POORO CAN I MAKE A THREAD ABOUT YOU

    OH GOD IT'S SPREADING
    AHHHHHH

    IT'S AN EPIDEMIC

    Poorochondriac on
  • YaYaYaYa Decent. Registered User regular
    edited August 2008
    GUYS I'M DOING A HISTORY ESSAY

    STALIN WAS A DICK I TELL YOU WHAT

    YaYa on
  • geckonidaegeckonidae Registered User regular
    edited August 2008
    The worst sex I've had was with a fat chick named Sylvia Pittston. I had to pry her legs open, unholster one of my guns, and ram it forward. All the while she was rasping, "No! No! No!". Fucking bitch.

    Thanks, Steven King

    geckonidae on
  • ZombotZombot Registered User regular
    edited August 2008
    Ever peel the panties off a girl and shudder?
    Yeah, always terrible.

    Zombot on
  • TankHammerTankHammer Atlanta Ghostbuster Atlanta, GARegistered User regular
    edited August 2008
    I love preforming oral. I'm proficient at it (as is probably anyone who pays attention in anatomy class) and love the feeling of a girl squirming all around while I hold her thighs to keep her from bucking me in the nose. It makes a man feel good to know his ladyfriend is enjoying herself.

    One of the most-awkward moments, however, was the first time I had to tell my ex that she smelled really bad, like sour milk with anchovies in it, and that I couldn't continue until she washed. Thankfully she took it well and apologized rather than break down crying or becoming really offended as was her usual reaction to criticism.

    TankHammer on
  • Rear Admiral ChocoRear Admiral Choco I wanna be an owl, Jerry! Owl York CityRegistered User regular
    edited August 2008
    So the other day I was giving my girlfriend oral. We're both getting into it at first, and her excitement drives mine up.

    All of a sudden, she just sharply yells "OUT. NOW."

    I have no idea what I'm doing wrong, she was definitel--BLAAAAAAAAAP

    It goes right into my nose and hits me like a brick. I nearly fall off the bed.

    "I warned you!"

    Rear Admiral Choco on
  • beavotronbeavotron Registered User regular
    edited August 2008
    Zombot wrote: »
    Ever peel the panties off a girl and shudder?
    Yeah, always terrible.


    hahahahha
    please do explain

    p.s. this thread is so fucking golden, HILARITY EVERYWHERE!

    beavotron on
  • arod_77arod_77 __BANNED USERS regular
    edited August 2008
    I don't have a problem with girls who don't wax or shave everything.

    I have a problem with girls who need to.

    arod_77 on
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  • ZombotZombot Registered User regular
    edited August 2008
    beavotron wrote: »
    Zombot wrote: »
    Ever peel the panties off a girl and shudder?
    Yeah, always terrible.


    hahahahha
    please do explain

    p.s. this thread is so fucking golden, HILARITY EVERYWHERE!

    i.e. she has and afro.



    Seriously, this is to all the women.
    If you are going out for the night and sex might be a possibility, trim!

    Zombot on
  • Dogbone33Dogbone33 I bleed Red and Gold! State of ConfusionRegistered User regular
    edited August 2008
    So the other day I was giving my girlfriend oral. We're both getting into it at first, and her excitement drives mine up.

    All of a sudden, she just sharply yells "OUT. NOW."

    I have no idea what I'm doing wrong, she was definitel--BLAAAAAAAAAP

    It goes right into my nose and hits me like a brick. I nearly fall off the bed.

    "I warned you!"

    Bwuahahaha. I only laugh cause I've had that happen too.

    This thread is full of deliciousness.

    Dogbone33 on
    Play Diablo 3 RoS with me. PSN-Dogbone19

    Play Fanduel. One Day Fantasy Leagues use my referral

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  • WrenWren ninja_bird Registered User regular
    edited August 2008
    if porn is an indicator, shaved pubes are in this decade. ladies better get with the times

    Wren on
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    TF2 - Wren BF3: Wren-fu
  • beavotronbeavotron Registered User regular
    edited August 2008
    arod_77 wrote: »
    I don't have a problem with girls who don't wax or shave everything.

    I have a problem with girls who need to.

    my friend once gave me a really interesting "would you rather"

    i present it to you, dearest se++

    would you rather have an unwaxable, unshaveable, untrimmable mane that went down the entirety of your back
    or would you rather have an unwaxable, unshaveable, untrimmable pair of pube shorts.

    not that i needed to know, as i already knew my answer, but i had to ask, how long are these pube shorts? we talkin' short shorts or bermuda?
    short shorts
    but i still chose mane, that would be kinda neat i think, i'd be like a ferocious lion

    so pube shorts or mane, se++? choose wisely as you cannot be rid of either

    beavotron on
  • DruhimDruhim Registered User, ClubPA regular
    edited August 2008
    although I certainly don't mind a woman who's completely shaved, I do prefer the putting green to completely smooth

    but dear god, when they don't trim at all
    just terrible

    I call it, the bayou

    Druhim on
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  • arod_77arod_77 __BANNED USERS regular
    edited August 2008
    Not two weeks ago there was a young lady worthy of a nightmare out of Conrad's Heart of Darkness


    I, like Kurtz, could not pierce through the dense and impenetrable veil.

    arod_77 on
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  • WrenWren ninja_bird Registered User regular
    edited August 2008
    a mane would obviously be much cooler

    Wren on
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    TF2 - Wren BF3: Wren-fu
  • DruhimDruhim Registered User, ClubPA regular
    edited August 2008
    should have brought a machete to clear out the underbrush

    Druhim on
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  • beavotronbeavotron Registered User regular
    edited August 2008
    arod_77 wrote: »
    Not two weeks ago there was a young lady worthy of a nightmare out of Conrad's Heart of Darkness


    I, like Kurtz, could not pierce through the dense and impenetrable veil.

    i read this in a sean connery voice
    and oh did i laugh

    beavotron on
  • arod_77arod_77 __BANNED USERS regular
    edited August 2008
    I could venture only so far before the madness took my guides.

    Quipteth, my black man, caught a spear to the chest and all was lost as the pack animals were drowned in the labial morass.

    I felt an insoluble terror--and yet I was compelled to continue my journey up the Congo.


    White Man's burden and all.

    arod_77 on
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  • WrenWren ninja_bird Registered User regular
    edited August 2008
    you had me at venture

    Wren on
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    TF2 - Wren BF3: Wren-fu
  • Auntie ShibbyAuntie Shibby Horrible Visalia, CARegistered User, ClubPA regular
    edited August 2008
    You guys are a bunch of nillys. Oh this girl is willing to have sex with me, I'm so disgusted with her vaginal pubes

    Auntie Shibby on
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  • beavotronbeavotron Registered User regular
    edited August 2008
    such beautiful prose

    arod, do me on a riverbank in a forest!

    beavotron on
  • arod_77arod_77 __BANNED USERS regular
    edited August 2008
    You guys are a bunch of nillys. Oh this girl is willing to have sex with me, I'm so disgusted with her vaginal pubes

    Aren't you that faggot who shits on people or something

    arod_77 on
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  • ZombotZombot Registered User regular
    edited August 2008
    You guys are a bunch of nillys. Oh this girl is willing to have sex with me, I'm so disgusted with her vaginal pubes

    Some of us have standards.

    Zombot on
  • Auntie ShibbyAuntie Shibby Horrible Visalia, CARegistered User, ClubPA regular
    edited August 2008
    I mean, I fucked a girl with some massive back hair once. We just never did it doggy style after the first time.

    Auntie Shibby on
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  • ZzuluZzulu Registered User regular
    edited August 2008
    I am eating the best grapes I have ever had ever right now


    nom nom nom

    So good

    Zzulu on
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  • WrenWren ninja_bird Registered User regular
    edited August 2008
    us guys are pretty much getting ladies clamoring all over us, 24/7. we have every right to be picky.

    Wren on
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    TF2 - Wren BF3: Wren-fu
  • Auntie ShibbyAuntie Shibby Horrible Visalia, CARegistered User, ClubPA regular
    edited August 2008
    arod_77 wrote: »
    You guys are a bunch of nillys. Oh this girl is willing to have sex with me, I'm so disgusted with her vaginal pubes

    Aren't you that faggot who shits on people or something
    no?

    Auntie Shibby on
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  • Auntie ShibbyAuntie Shibby Horrible Visalia, CARegistered User, ClubPA regular
    edited August 2008
    Zombot wrote: »
    You guys are a bunch of nillys. Oh this girl is willing to have sex with me, I'm so disgusted with her vaginal pubes

    Some of us have standards.
    There are hardly any standards when your dick is getting wet.

    Auntie Shibby on
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This discussion has been closed.