As was foretold, we've added advertisements to the forums! If you have questions, or if you encounter any bugs, please visit this thread: https://forums.penny-arcade.com/discussion/240191/forum-advertisement-faq-and-reports-thread/

Terrible Sex

1495052545564

Posts

  • Auntie ShibbyAuntie Shibby Registered User, ClubPA regular
    edited September 2008
    Iskander wrote: »
    i have never had angry sex before
    It's hard and rough. Just getting out all your anger at that person. With each slam is a word.
    SLAM
    You
    SLAM
    fucking
    SLAM
    bitch
    SLAM

    Auntie Shibby on
    clowninthewoods.png
  • NickleNickle Registered User regular
    edited September 2008
    Janson wrote: »
    Man

    Ear/neck nibbles are awesome

    Chewing and licking my ears quickly reduces me to a paralysed blob. It's one of the best things.

    Yeah, this is one of my major weaknesses, too.


    Also, I have fallen asleep while jackin it.

    It's a horrible feeling. Man, I AM boring.

    Nickle on
    Xbox/PSN/NNID/Steam: NickleDL | 3DS: 0731-4750-6906
  • <3<3 Registered User regular
    edited September 2008
    damn, did i miss anything good?

    <3 on
  • WrenWren Registered User regular
    edited September 2008
    I like to lick peoples eyes and nipple on their tongues

    Wren on
    tf2sig.jpg
    TF2 - Wren BF3: Wren-fu
  • FandyienFandyien But Otto, what about us? Registered User regular
    edited September 2008
    I can't comprehend how you could fall asleep mid-jerkin' it

    maybe if you're just screwing around there, but once you're committed, it's not like "hurrrrrrrrrrghwhatever"

    Fandyien on
    reposig.jpg
  • OrikaeshigitaeOrikaeshigitae Registered User, ClubPA regular
    edited September 2008
    Janson wrote: »
    Man

    Ear/neck nibbles are awesome

    Chewing and licking my ears quickly reduces me to a paralysed blob. It's one of the best things.

    hell fucking yes. it's the one thing that actually makes me weak in the knees

    Orikaeshigitae on
  • RankenphileRankenphile Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood.Registered User, Moderator mod
    edited September 2008
    beavotron wrote: »
    how are people grossed out by these stories

    am i just an inhuman monster or what

    yeah me too
    i have some pretty funny ass poop stories
    but i guarantee if i tell them people are going to be like "beav you are the grossest female on the forum" then i'll get an award for it.

    hahaha, you should have been in my room at pax on saturday night

    between rank's ass gauging story and bwandon, it was a funny fucking night
    oh thanks, that's not the sort of out-of-context remark that will come back to haunt me at all

    Rankenphile on
    8406wWN.png
  • OrikaeshigitaeOrikaeshigitae Registered User, ClubPA regular
    edited September 2008
    beavotron wrote: »
    how are people grossed out by these stories

    am i just an inhuman monster or what

    yeah me too
    i have some pretty funny ass poop stories
    but i guarantee if i tell them people are going to be like "beav you are the grossest female on the forum" then i'll get an award for it.

    hahaha, you should have been in my room at pax on saturday night

    between rank's ass gauging story and bwandon, it was a funny fucking night
    oh thanks, that's not the sort of out-of-context remark that will come back to haunt me at all

    i was trying to explain hated to my girlfriend and i decided that i'm just going to show it to her

    Orikaeshigitae on
  • bowenbowen How you doin'? Registered User regular
    edited September 2008
    bowen wrote: »
    www.neutrogenawave.com

    The discreet vibrator disguised as a facial exfoliater?
    Any back massager or something that vibrates is a discreet vibrator.

    Yeah but not usually marketed at teenage girls. I'm not normally dirty minded or going "sex sex sex" all day long. The first thing I thought of when that commercial first aired was "hm, a vibrator marketed towards teenage girls".

    bowen on
    not a doctor, not a lawyer, examples I use may not be fully researched so don't take out of context plz, don't @ me
  • BergyBergy Registered User regular
    edited September 2008
    Fandyien wrote: »
    I can't comprehend how you could fall asleep mid-jerkin' it

    maybe if you're just screwing around there, but once you're committed, it's not like "hurrrrrrrrrrghwhatever"

    Mine is always when I'm really drunk.

    Bergy on
    ChicagoBulls01.jpg
    I've been trying to reach you, but your extension cord doesn't reach that far.
  • IskanderIskander Registered User regular
    edited September 2008
    Iskander wrote: »
    i have never had angry sex before
    It's hard and rough. Just getting out all your anger at that person. With each slam is a word.
    SLAM
    You
    SLAM
    fucking
    SLAM
    bitch
    SLAM

    Yes but when I am angry at a person I don't want to fuck them. Because I'm angry, see.

    Iskander on
  • NickleNickle Registered User regular
    edited September 2008
    Sometimes you're just tired, like you just got off of work, but you want to rub one out to relax. Next thing you know it's 8pm and you wake up with your limp dick in your hand.

    And your roomate won't talk to you anymore.

    Nickle on
    Xbox/PSN/NNID/Steam: NickleDL | 3DS: 0731-4750-6906
  • potatoepotatoe Registered User regular
    edited September 2008
    basically

    potatoe on
  • BalefuegoBalefuego Registered User regular
    edited September 2008
    I've never fallen asleep while jerking it

    Balefuego on
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
  • BalefuegoBalefuego Registered User regular
    edited September 2008
    I have fallen asleep with a hard on because I was too tired and/or lazy to jerk it though

    Balefuego on
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
  • IskanderIskander Registered User regular
    edited September 2008
    all this talk of jerking it makes me want to jerk it

    Iskander on
  • crwthcrwth THAT'S IT Registered User regular
    edited September 2008
    i'm in class so if i start jerkin' it i fear the professor will ask me how jerkin' it relates to antitrust laws

    and i just don't think that i can answer that

    crwth on
    EzUAYcn.png
  • Auntie ShibbyAuntie Shibby Registered User, ClubPA regular
    edited September 2008
    Iskander wrote: »
    Iskander wrote: »
    i have never had angry sex before
    It's hard and rough. Just getting out all your anger at that person. With each slam is a word.
    SLAM
    You
    SLAM
    fucking
    SLAM
    bitch
    SLAM

    Yes but when I am angry at a person I don't want to fuck them. Because I'm angry, see.
    Anger gives me a boner that I want to punish someone with.

    Auntie Shibby on
    clowninthewoods.png
  • coldbird.coldbird. Registered User
    edited September 2008
    so i work at a book store

    yesterday the creepiest looking mother asks me for some guide/book about mr. skin.

    coldbird. on
  • EriosErios Registered User regular
    edited September 2008
    crwth wrote: »
    i'm in class so if i start jerkin' it i fear the professor will ask me how jerkin' it relates to antitrust laws

    and i just don't think that i can answer that

    Just give a wink and say it's pareto inefficient to have a monopoly on your wangtime.

    This may only work if your professor is hot.

    Erios on
    Steam: erios23, Live: Coconut Flavor, Origin: erios2386.
  • NickleNickle Registered User regular
    edited September 2008
    crwth wrote: »
    i'm in class so if i start jerkin' it i fear the professor will ask me how jerkin' it relates to antitrust laws

    and i just don't think that i can answer that

    Oh, I'm sorry, I was monopolizing my dick.

    I welcome competition in my field.

    Nickle on
    Xbox/PSN/NNID/Steam: NickleDL | 3DS: 0731-4750-6906
  • SeptusSeptus Registered User regular
    edited September 2008
    I'm always jerking it in a chair, watching the computer, and it's not the kind of chair that one falls asleep in.

    Although I can't imagine falling asleep even if I was on the bed, unless I've just started and decide that I'm not that into it.

    Septus on
    PSN: Kurahoshi1
  • crwthcrwth THAT'S IT Registered User regular
    edited September 2008
    Erios wrote: »
    crwth wrote: »
    i'm in class so if i start jerkin' it i fear the professor will ask me how jerkin' it relates to antitrust laws

    and i just don't think that i can answer that

    Just give a wink and say it's pareto inefficient to have a monopoly on your wangtime.

    This may only work if your professor is hot.

    he is a dude with a combover

    suffice to say, smokin' hot

    crwth on
    EzUAYcn.png
  • TossrockTossrock too weird to live too rare to dieRegistered User regular
    edited September 2008
    Janson wrote: »
    Man

    Ear/neck nibbles are awesome

    Chewing and licking my ears quickly reduces me to a paralysed blob. It's one of the best things.

    hell fucking yes. it's the one thing that actually makes me weak in the knees

    It's pretty great

    Tossrock on
    sig.png
  • SeptusSeptus Registered User regular
    edited September 2008
    Tossrock wrote: »
    Janson wrote: »
    Man

    Ear/neck nibbles are awesome

    Chewing and licking my ears quickly reduces me to a paralysed blob. It's one of the best things.

    hell fucking yes. it's the one thing that actually makes me weak in the knees

    It's pretty great

    Fingers going through my hair is pretty great.

    Septus on
    PSN: Kurahoshi1
  • TheLawinatorTheLawinator Registered User regular
    edited September 2008
    crwth wrote: »
    i'm in class so if i start jerkin' it i fear the professor will ask me how jerkin' it relates to antitrust laws

    and i just don't think that i can answer that

    Well right then you would have a monopoly on your boner, so if there were an anti-trust law you would have to compete for the boner and other people could jerk it?

    TheLawinator on
    My SteamID Gamertag and PSN: TheLawinator
  • crwthcrwth THAT'S IT Registered User regular
    edited September 2008
    Septus wrote: »
    Tossrock wrote: »
    Janson wrote: »
    Man

    Ear/neck nibbles are awesome

    Chewing and licking my ears quickly reduces me to a paralysed blob. It's one of the best things.

    hell fucking yes. it's the one thing that actually makes me weak in the knees

    It's pretty great

    Fingers going through my hair is pretty great.

    this. i will basically turn to putty when a chick starts slowly scratching my head.

    she could probably ask me to kill a dude and i'd do it as long as it meant more head scratchings

    crwth on
    EzUAYcn.png
  • EriosErios Registered User regular
    edited September 2008
    crwth wrote: »
    Septus wrote: »
    Tossrock wrote: »
    Janson wrote: »
    Man

    Ear/neck nibbles are awesome

    Chewing and licking my ears quickly reduces me to a paralysed blob. It's one of the best things.

    hell fucking yes. it's the one thing that actually makes me weak in the knees

    It's pretty great

    Fingers going through my hair is pretty great.

    this. i will basically turn to putty when a chick starts slowly scratching my head.

    she could probably ask me to kill a dude and i'd do it as long as it meant more head scratchings

    Just make sure you don't shoot any 8 year-olds on the way out. We all know how THAT turns out.

    Erios on
    Steam: erios23, Live: Coconut Flavor, Origin: erios2386.
  • Canada_jezusCanada_jezus Registered User regular
    edited September 2008
    Speaking of horrible sex. Teeth is a pretty good film you guys

    Canada_jezus on
  • EinEin CaliforniaRegistered User regular
    edited September 2008
    crwth wrote: »
    i'm in class so if i start jerkin' it i fear the professor will ask me how jerkin' it relates to antitrust laws

    and i just don't think that i can answer that

    Well right then you would have a monopoly on your boner, so if there were an anti-trust law you would have to compete for the boner and other people could jerk it?

    Nickle did this better. :P

    Ein on
  • EriosErios Registered User regular
    edited September 2008
    Ein wrote: »
    crwth wrote: »
    i'm in class so if i start jerkin' it i fear the professor will ask me how jerkin' it relates to antitrust laws

    and i just don't think that i can answer that

    Well right then you would have a monopoly on your boner, so if there were an anti-trust law you would have to compete for the boner and other people could jerk it?

    Nickle did this better. :P

    No me. And hai Ein. Any cool new ork conversions lately?

    Erios on
    Steam: erios23, Live: Coconut Flavor, Origin: erios2386.
  • EinEin CaliforniaRegistered User regular
    edited September 2008
    Erios wrote: »
    Ein wrote: »
    crwth wrote: »
    i'm in class so if i start jerkin' it i fear the professor will ask me how jerkin' it relates to antitrust laws

    and i just don't think that i can answer that

    Well right then you would have a monopoly on your boner, so if there were an anti-trust law you would have to compete for the boner and other people could jerk it?

    Nickle did this better. :P

    No me. And hai Ein. Any cool new ork conversions lately?

    Totally, but nothing to jerk it over, so I'll keep it out of this thread. :P

    Ein on
  • EriosErios Registered User regular
    edited September 2008
    Ein wrote: »
    Erios wrote: »
    Ein wrote: »
    crwth wrote: »
    i'm in class so if i start jerkin' it i fear the professor will ask me how jerkin' it relates to antitrust laws

    and i just don't think that i can answer that

    Well right then you would have a monopoly on your boner, so if there were an anti-trust law you would have to compete for the boner and other people could jerk it?

    Nickle did this better. :P

    No me. And hai Ein. Any cool new ork conversions lately?

    Totally, but nothing to jerk it over, so I'll keep it out of this thread. :P

    I should mosey over to CF at some point and check it out. Man, the shit you did was incredible.

    Relating this back to sex? Don't finger a girl after you've been assembling minis all day. Fucking Zap-A-Gap crusts in some SHARP ways.

    Oh 16, so ignorant.

    Erios on
    Steam: erios23, Live: Coconut Flavor, Origin: erios2386.
  • EinEin CaliforniaRegistered User regular
    edited September 2008
    Erios wrote: »
    Ein wrote: »
    Erios wrote: »
    Ein wrote: »
    crwth wrote: »
    i'm in class so if i start jerkin' it i fear the professor will ask me how jerkin' it relates to antitrust laws

    and i just don't think that i can answer that

    Well right then you would have a monopoly on your boner, so if there were an anti-trust law you would have to compete for the boner and other people could jerk it?

    Nickle did this better. :P

    No me. And hai Ein. Any cool new ork conversions lately?

    Totally, but nothing to jerk it over, so I'll keep it out of this thread. :P

    I should mosey over to CF at some point and check it out. Man, the shit you did was incredible.

    Relating this back to sex? Don't finger a girl after you've been assembling minis all day. Fucking Zap-A-Gap crusts in some SHARP ways.

    Oh 16, so ignorant.

    I totally remember when I only saw my girlfriend (now fiance) once a month or so (long distance relationship) so when I knew I was going to see her I'd stop working on my miniature stuff for like a few days beforehand so that my hands weren't permanently encrusted in glue and carelessly sliced open with the liberal use of xacto knives.

    I've since become much more adept at using the tools of the trade (barring my biannual 'holy fuck is that bone?' incidents) but I remember how funny it was because I was like 'I WANNA MAKE LITTLE PLASTIC DUDES BUT... SEX!'

    Ein on
  • RankenphileRankenphile Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood.Registered User, Moderator mod
    edited September 2008
    beavotron wrote: »
    how are people grossed out by these stories

    am i just an inhuman monster or what

    yeah me too
    i have some pretty funny ass poop stories
    but i guarantee if i tell them people are going to be like "beav you are the grossest female on the forum" then i'll get an award for it.

    hahaha, you should have been in my room at pax on saturday night

    between rank's ass gauging story and bwandon, it was a funny fucking night
    oh thanks, that's not the sort of out-of-context remark that will come back to haunt me at all

    i was trying to explain hated to my girlfriend and i decided that i'm just going to show it to her
    oh sweet, I get to break up a relationship by proxy

    man, I need to get you a copy of heavy metal parking lot, I'm so bummed it wasn't on that disk

    Rankenphile on
    8406wWN.png
  • HorseraddishHorseraddish Registered User
    edited September 2008
    Ein wrote: »
    Erios wrote: »
    Ein wrote: »
    Erios wrote: »
    Ein wrote: »
    crwth wrote: »
    i'm in class so if i start jerkin' it i fear the professor will ask me how jerkin' it relates to antitrust laws

    and i just don't think that i can answer that

    Well right then you would have a monopoly on your boner, so if there were an anti-trust law you would have to compete for the boner and other people could jerk it?

    Nickle did this better. :P

    No me. And hai Ein. Any cool new ork conversions lately?

    Totally, but nothing to jerk it over, so I'll keep it out of this thread. :P

    I should mosey over to CF at some point and check it out. Man, the shit you did was incredible.

    Relating this back to sex? Don't finger a girl after you've been assembling minis all day. Fucking Zap-A-Gap crusts in some SHARP ways.

    Oh 16, so ignorant.

    I totally remember when I only saw my girlfriend (now fiance) once a month or so (long distance relationship) so when I knew I was going to see her I'd stop working on my miniature stuff for like a few days beforehand so that my hands weren't permanently encrusted in glue and carelessly sliced open with the liberal use of xacto knives.

    I've since become much more adept at using the tools of the trade (barring my biannual 'holy fuck is that bone?' incidents) but I remember how funny it was because I was like 'I WANNA MAKE LITTLE PLASTIC DUDES BUT... SEX!'

    I'd toss tools I wasn't using on the bed next to my desk, so we'd be rolling on the bed together and someone would get stabbed with pliers.

    Horseraddish on
    If you're gonna punch someone in the face, aim for the back of the head.
  • OrikaeshigitaeOrikaeshigitae Registered User, ClubPA regular
    edited September 2008
    it's not? that's lame

    Orikaeshigitae on
  • FizFiz Registered User regular
    edited September 2008
    Tossrock wrote: »
    Janson wrote: »
    Man

    Ear/neck nibbles are awesome

    Chewing and licking my ears quickly reduces me to a paralysed blob. It's one of the best things.

    hell fucking yes. it's the one thing that actually makes me weak in the knees

    It's pretty great

    Noted

    Question for Synth, since he seems the most likely to know.

    You know those retards who stretch out their earlobes? Have you ever tried having them take out those plug things and then nibbling on their dangling lobes? It seems like that would be less romantic than a person with god-fearing ears

    Fiz on
    juggcat.jpg
  • RankenphileRankenphile Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood.Registered User, Moderator mod
    edited September 2008
    it's not? that's lame
    I told you that like Friday

    you must have been busy ranting about fucking america

    I'll get it to you, don't worry. It's a must-see

    Rankenphile on
    8406wWN.png
  • OrikaeshigitaeOrikaeshigitae Registered User, ClubPA regular
    edited September 2008
    it's not? that's lame
    I told you that like Friday

    you must have been busy ranting about fucking america

    I'll get it to you, don't worry. It's a must-see

    actually i remember now

    rockin', i can't wait

    Orikaeshigitae on
This discussion has been closed.