The new forums will be named Coin Return (based on the most recent vote)! You can check on the status and timeline of the transition to the new forums here.
The Guiding Principles and New Rules document is now in effect.
Thought I'd join in on the fun (Girl Thread)
Matt_S
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
Situation: I met this girl - we'll call her Mandy, even though that isn't her name - in my Nutrition class two years ago this September. We become firm friends, start hanging out a lot, but I never really think of her right now as anything more than just a friend until just this Winter when I started to form a bit of a crush on her and really start to like her more than a friend. However, Mandy tells me this semester that she's going off to Europe for Fall Semester. "OK, that kinda sucks," I think as I am liking her more. I decide that, since she won't be here during the Summer, not to pursue any sort of relationship because I didn't want to deal with anything long distance. See, she will return to the States right after I graduate and leave college here and go back home (which is six hours away). I figure that if I start to go after a relationship with her, it would be a good year until we could spend any substantial time together, if you don't count Spring Break.
Within the last two weeks of Spring semester, it becomes fairly obvious to me that she likes me too. Really obvious at my birthday celebration, in which she was very acting very affectionate to me (all of my female friends were asking about whether we were dating) but I still kind of hold firm and decide not to go after her.
So this summer I found out she's liked me at least since the beginning of last Fall Semester (and I missed all the signs!...stupid me) from a mutual friend of ours and that she used to talk about me all the time. Nothing really changes in regards to my feelings towards her until last weekend...
Present Day: Mandy was asking all summer if I would be coming home before she left (which will be in late September). I finally come home last weekend to visit her and family. Last weekend is when my feelings for her suddenly changed.
We hang out practically all of Sunday and all of Monday. I pick her up and we both go to my cousin's tattoo shop where I get a new tattoo and she got hers touched up. We then go out to a bar with my cousin and his girlfriend, after which we go back to my cousin's apartment and decide to crash there. Mandy and I both sleep on the floor together during which we cuddle most of the night. I woke up the next morning (I only got about an hours sleep...turns out I can't sleep on floors) and see her staring in my eyes, smile, and say "Good morning." We cuddled a little bit more for a few more hours in which we both doze in and out of sleep. At about eight, we go back to her parent's house where we drink tea, eat toast and freshen up a little bit, before we go to hit up a music festival for the rest of the day until about 11 PM that night.
It becomes obvious that a feeling of not only sadness, but awkwardness, passes between us during the bus trip to my car, and the car ride back to her house. On the way back, I tell her that I was going to miss her like hell while she was in Europe, I told her that I turned down a lot of other friends just so I can spend as much time as I could with her that weekend and that she really meant a lot to me. She was sniffling and I could see a few tears coming from her eyes during that trip back. We get to her house and we both hug. I tell her to keep in touch, and she tells me to stop bringing up the fact that she was leaving because she wasn't very good at goodbyes. I drive back home and start to get emotional as well. The next day (Tuesday), I woke up early and drove back to university.
The Problem: I feel like shit, and have felt like shit since last weekend. I feel like I've blown this opportunity to go out with this awesome woman who I've known for two years. Even after she gets back from Europe, I won't be able to see her very much at all since she'll be six hours east of me and I'll be working full time (I hope).
I'm torn about what to do now. Should I message her over Facebook, or give her a phone call, and just let her know about my feelings towards her, apologize for bringing this up right before she leaves for Europe and ask her how she feels about it? Talk to her about it while she's in Europe? Wait until she gets back before Christmas and bring it up to her in person? Or should i not bring it up at all, realize that I blew this opportunity and pussied out, and take it as a lesson not to fuck it up in the future? I have feelings for her, but what would she think if I called her up: "Oh yeah, just so you know, I like you a lot - like more than a friend - and I was wondering if you wanted to kick our relationship up a notch or go out on a date sometime. You know, nineteen days before you leave for Europe." I've been thinking that waiting until after Mandy got back from Europe - right around Christmastime, when I'll be home and before she goes back to start Spring Semester - would be the best thing to do. Take her out to dinner or ballet (she loves it) and bring it up then, in person. "I just need to say that I have really missed you over the past few months, and I really am lucky to have such a great friend like you. But I would be happier - and I hope you would be happier - if we started dating. I know we'll be more than a few miles away from each other, but I'm willing to work with it. What do you think?"
Any input would be welcome. I'm relatively inexperienced to even the concept of a girl liking me (I had a weight problem/self-esteem issues back in high school that set me back. Thankfully, I'm a lot stronger and not nearly as fat as I used to be) so if any of this seems amateur-ish or even not very logical...well, there ya go. I'm still getting used to this whole thing about girls being attracted to me. And thanks for listening, too. I've had this weighing on me a little bit and I needed to get it off my chest.
TL;DR: Girl who likes me is leaving for Europe soon. I just recently started to like her a whole lot more, but I don't know how to proceed - should I tell her how I feel about her before she leaves, while she's away, when she gets back, or realize I fucked it up and take it as a lesson?
Within the last two weeks of Spring semester, it becomes fairly obvious to me that she likes me too. Really obvious at my birthday celebration, in which she was very acting very affectionate to me (all of my female friends were asking about whether we were dating) but I still kind of hold firm and decide not to go after her.
So this summer I found out she's liked me at least since the beginning of last Fall Semester (and I missed all the signs!...stupid me) from a mutual friend of ours and that she used to talk about me all the time. Nothing really changes in regards to my feelings towards her until last weekend...
Present Day: Mandy was asking all summer if I would be coming home before she left (which will be in late September). I finally come home last weekend to visit her and family. Last weekend is when my feelings for her suddenly changed.
We hang out practically all of Sunday and all of Monday. I pick her up and we both go to my cousin's tattoo shop where I get a new tattoo and she got hers touched up. We then go out to a bar with my cousin and his girlfriend, after which we go back to my cousin's apartment and decide to crash there. Mandy and I both sleep on the floor together during which we cuddle most of the night. I woke up the next morning (I only got about an hours sleep...turns out I can't sleep on floors) and see her staring in my eyes, smile, and say "Good morning." We cuddled a little bit more for a few more hours in which we both doze in and out of sleep. At about eight, we go back to her parent's house where we drink tea, eat toast and freshen up a little bit, before we go to hit up a music festival for the rest of the day until about 11 PM that night.
It becomes obvious that a feeling of not only sadness, but awkwardness, passes between us during the bus trip to my car, and the car ride back to her house. On the way back, I tell her that I was going to miss her like hell while she was in Europe, I told her that I turned down a lot of other friends just so I can spend as much time as I could with her that weekend and that she really meant a lot to me. She was sniffling and I could see a few tears coming from her eyes during that trip back. We get to her house and we both hug. I tell her to keep in touch, and she tells me to stop bringing up the fact that she was leaving because she wasn't very good at goodbyes. I drive back home and start to get emotional as well. The next day (Tuesday), I woke up early and drove back to university.
The Problem: I feel like shit, and have felt like shit since last weekend. I feel like I've blown this opportunity to go out with this awesome woman who I've known for two years. Even after she gets back from Europe, I won't be able to see her very much at all since she'll be six hours east of me and I'll be working full time (I hope).
I'm torn about what to do now. Should I message her over Facebook, or give her a phone call, and just let her know about my feelings towards her, apologize for bringing this up right before she leaves for Europe and ask her how she feels about it? Talk to her about it while she's in Europe? Wait until she gets back before Christmas and bring it up to her in person? Or should i not bring it up at all, realize that I blew this opportunity and pussied out, and take it as a lesson not to fuck it up in the future? I have feelings for her, but what would she think if I called her up: "Oh yeah, just so you know, I like you a lot - like more than a friend - and I was wondering if you wanted to kick our relationship up a notch or go out on a date sometime. You know, nineteen days before you leave for Europe." I've been thinking that waiting until after Mandy got back from Europe - right around Christmastime, when I'll be home and before she goes back to start Spring Semester - would be the best thing to do. Take her out to dinner or ballet (she loves it) and bring it up then, in person. "I just need to say that I have really missed you over the past few months, and I really am lucky to have such a great friend like you. But I would be happier - and I hope you would be happier - if we started dating. I know we'll be more than a few miles away from each other, but I'm willing to work with it. What do you think?"
Any input would be welcome. I'm relatively inexperienced to even the concept of a girl liking me (I had a weight problem/self-esteem issues back in high school that set me back. Thankfully, I'm a lot stronger and not nearly as fat as I used to be) so if any of this seems amateur-ish or even not very logical...well, there ya go. I'm still getting used to this whole thing about girls being attracted to me. And thanks for listening, too. I've had this weighing on me a little bit and I needed to get it off my chest.
TL;DR: Girl who likes me is leaving for Europe soon. I just recently started to like her a whole lot more, but I don't know how to proceed - should I tell her how I feel about her before she leaves, while she's away, when she gets back, or realize I fucked it up and take it as a lesson?
Matt_S on
0
Posts
But yes, the main lesson here is don't just sit on your feelings. You always regret the things you didn't do a hell of a lot more than the things you did.
I mean, look, in the grand scheme, the worst that could happen is she meets someone over there, comes back without them, gets over it, and you can pick it up where you left it. Best case scenario, she's crazy for you and comes back hungry.
OOorrrrrr you could do the Harold & Kumar number, follow her, and then both of you get high in Amsterdam. Win-win.
She does have a four hour layover in Amsterdam...:winky:
I think I might play it cool these next few months and stay in contact with her while she's in Europe, and see how I feel about everything after she gets back. Until then, take the lesson and try not to fuck up again with any other opportunities which may present themselves.
Thanks again for the advice!